VICTORIA: -It was a beautiful Summer day at last and the ---- Jeez, who cares about that, when I was in the gym currently drooling all over the shiny tiled floor. Just when I thought Iād reached all levels of being attracted to Zsadist he goes and body slams with me a bonus level no one knew about. I inhaled...and did it again, felt how warm and sticky the air was, god, I was hot.. Sweating in fact, sweating harder than I just had on my 10 mile run out in that lovely Summer weather I couldnāt give a frick about right now. Because Zsadist, obsession of my life, giver of most of my orgasms and tormentor to my underwear was laid out on one of the many black padded benches, lifting a big-ass dumbbell that looked to weigh around the size of me over his head, back down to his chest, and repeated. Ā The motion stretched out his rib cage until I could count each bone, his breath steady, like it was nothing to lift a car over his head. Maaaaan, he was gorgeous personified, a true masculine beauty. Ā On and on the chest curls went. He switched arms now and then, but the motion never changed.
One day you'll fall for a man. He'll touch all the space inside you you never knew you had. More importantly you'll stand in a doorway, quiet and still and watch him while he does the most sexy chest curls you've ever seen. This was my day. That was my man.
As I looked ( perved ) Ā at my husband, the only thing I see is love. The only thing I feel is absolute love. It disables my speech and motor skills often. God. Look at him, pushing himself to his athletic limits, defining his already perfect muscles. He was my ice cream on a summer's day. He was the Captain Cold kind of perfection. My mind adores Z for all his intricate complications, my head is completely besotted in that vampire, no ifs buts, exceptions or ands. Ā My heart loves Zsadist like no one before. I didn't know true powerful love until him. Ā My body loves Zsadist until I sometimes I think it's a real possibility that one day I'll just combust leaving behind just a scorched 'Vic was here' mark on the carpet and a pair of smoking empty Valentinoās. Ā He's the warmth in my blood that he loves to drink, and the roar of my pulse when it hammers out of control. It never ended, that frisson of love, it's never waned, if anything, I loved my warrior more now than I did on the day(s) I married him. Give me a hundred years with him and I'd still beg for more. There was no comparison to a greedy bonded shellan in this world.
Air left my lungs and I got that nice glaze to my vision and the heat began to gather at speed. The kind when a woman is in planning mode. Serious shit. Ā With his workout pants and a bare chest, was it any wonder my thoughts descended into a whore-house full of pervertedness. The dumbbell went back and forth, up and back like it weighed nothing and all the while my eyes catalogued each and every muscle that was highlighted on his arms, his chest, his shoulders, down to the tightly ribbed abs. Ā Oh boy, those abs made my teeth ache to graze over all of them for about ten weeks. I had a serious case of lust whenever I looked at Zsadist, but add in glistening sweat and his grunted exhales.. Just call me pregnant already. He spoke to my hormones in the most primal of ways. Seriously, I was pregnant with twins.
Oh god. Another good five minutes of eye-fucking and I was actually having a heart attack. Maybe an aneurysm. Or just several strong orgasms all at once. Ā I was not ashamed in how I watched his workout routine take shape, he did far more reps than was humanly possible and still barely breathed heavily. Oh yes, vampire strength was the sexiest thing Iād ever seen. I had to make my presence known then or die like a dirty dog over by the door. If his leering smirk was testament to knowing exactly what Iād been doing, his hand reached out when I was near enough and yanked me to him, growling- āShellan mineā -I instantly kissed him, had to, tasting the strength of him as his tongue stroked against mine in the most carnal way. I moaned, clamping both hands around his neck. Since the weird run-in with Xcor a few days back heād been his own kind of warrior besotted and insisted I stayed home, that couldnāt last for long, but heād found inventive ways to keep me busy. His back went to the bench, he pulled me atop of him, mouths still locked, I was already ten steps ahead of Z, I should let him catch up really..- Ā
Jesus..babyā¦ Lock the door with your mind thingy, Zsadist, do it now, Iām going to fuck you until we die, or we go blind, Ā who needs to see anyway, itās usually only Rhage in his baggy butt pants, nobody got time for that -he was laughing against my mouth, told me plainly there was no lock on the gym door, but his hands went down to my butt in no way trying to stop me. God, I loved that dirty part about him, he didnāt give a fuck where I molested him, as long as he was inside his shellan. Lotto wife right here. Ā No wonder we were a match made in dirty heaven- fuck the fucking door just fuck me already, Iām dying for you, Z -I moaned languidly, hands going all over him, each bump and hard plain got some special wife attention, his skin was like silk, warm beautiful and addicting. I wanted to bite all that silk, mark him like I was a vampire. Scraping my teeth up his abs, I counted eight. EIGHTā¦ and continued upwards. Ā He radiates a vitality that's always drawn me like a magnet, I liked to call it his warrior mojo, the same mojo those thirsty Glymera females all saw and panted for, too. Ā You snooze you lose, Princesses. Besides, I licked it so itās mine. I donāt make the universal rules, just the dungeon ones. With my arms banded around his neck, my mouth next to his ear, every time he pushed deep inside me I groaned, each time he pulled free I moaned. I was a chorus of sexual noises and boy, that grunt of his, the one that said he was feeling me in the pit of his belly, the same noise that when he slid harder like he couldn't get deep enough to satisfy, that was my whipped topping on a banana sundae. Complete arousal. God that noise of Z's could so easily shove me over the edge. it was rough and raw. We all needed an addiction and he would always be mine.
I have a thousand pictures of Zsadist, but none are like this. The face I see right now isnāt for my camera phone, Ā itās for nobody to see. There is pure, organic, unfiltered emotion etched across his features, roiling in his eyes. The look makes me shiver and to dive right back into him, no holds barred, sex-to-the-death. Itās the look a mate gives his shellan.
Long story short, I banged Zās brains out on the gym work out bench and he took it like a champ until he was a mere shadow of his former vampire self. And then again on the floor. And once more when Iād began to hastily pull my clothes back on and Z decided pressing me to the lockers, knocking my legs wider to make room for him, was a much better idea. I loved him there, skin to wet skin.. I had to soooo agree with him. Hunger beget hunger, and me and my warrior always had an appetite for each other. Ā At some point I had to let Z get back to his work-out and then to teach his class. Today he was showing the younger trainees how to disable explosives. Fun for my man. So after a lengthy kiss goodbye in the underground tunnels I left him there to go up to our rooms to do my own work, the life of an underpaid educator was never-ending. That didnāt happen though, I met Phury as I emerged from under the stairs. He was going to steer clear, I saw it clearly- Come and sit with me for a minute, Iām avoiding working on exam papers. Howāve you been? I think Z is going to come and see you after heās done with his class.. -silence stretched out between us and then out of nowhere as if heād been thinking it for a long timeā¦ -
"His love for you, Victoria, is more real than anything else in his world, I hope you know that. Did you know back in the beginning, when I first began to know he had a female, I resented you?" -Phury's smile was sad as he dipped his head, hair falling to touch his clasped fingers. I wasn't angry at his confession, Ā nor surprised, how could I be, we'd all come this far, and he hadnāt known me then, a human in among the vampires, it was the taboo, no one expected Z to bring a girl home, let alone a human girl. Ā I sat at his side silently and waited for him to continue, unsure where this was coming from, but he was talking, more than heād done in weeks-
"I'd tried for over a hundred years to bring Zsadist back. I searched for longer than that to find my twin and when I did, he was a shadow of himself. The things done to him.. We were no longer mirrors, yet I felt it in my heart and despaired he no longer did. I did everything for him that he asked of me, though we hated what he asked, I did it. And then there you were. So lovely and understanding, and tough on him when he needed it the most, facing his demons head on. Oh, that first time we all heard you yelling at him clean across the mansion, and Zsadist listening.. I do not know who was more shocked. Ā Whereas I had been a coward and giving in to Z's demands, I shielded him when I should have been making him confront his darkness, all those terrible haunting memories that would wake him screaming. I was a coward and you were not, Victoria"
-yellow eyes lifted and met mine. Beautiful eyes like buttercups. Ā I could only reach across and lay a hand over his fists, a lump of emotion forming in my throat-
"I resented that you reached him so easily...what I thought was easy. I couldn't save mine twin, but you did. I'm sorry. I am so sorry, sister in law, for being so selfish that I wanted it to be me when I should have been jubilant he was saved after all. I don't ask you forgive me"
-again his head dropped and that's when I wanted to thunk him on the forehead. Of all the idiotic notions these men had from time to time, that had to be the most stupid- there is nothing to forgive, Phury -I told him, nudging his shoulder, before threading my arm through his- There you were, crossing oceans, searching high and low for your brother, long before you were even grown enough to shoulder that kind of responsibility, you should have been having a life of your own, not burdened with the impossible. But you found him in the harshest conditions, risking your own life, not to mention your sacrifice, Ā you brought him home kicking and screaming against all the odds, damn, do you know how freaking heroic that is, Phury, never forget that, you were there for Zsadist long before I came along. We both love him. We both helped him, don't ever doubt that you are significant in his life. You are MY hero, without you I wouldnāt have met Z. Ā -Hoping he was taking everything in and believing it I went on- I couldn't have loved Zsadist as fierce as a serial killer if you hadn't brought him home. You and I are a chain, Phury. Linked forever, god help us both, cause we know that man is not easy most of the time
-I grinned bumping his shoulder again in a familiar gesture. God. Please let something I say penetrate Phury- Your girl is worried about you -He stiffened and rubbed his face roughly as if he could eradicate even hearing he was causing his shellan distress. No one gave you a PhD when you mated, you didn't have all the answers, and all of us often fucked up. The epic fights Z and I have had over the years, we knew what we were talking about now. If you didn't communicate with your better half you might as well sign those divorce papers. Phury was running from everything, including himself. That couldn't last long before he lost everything. The sadness coming from him was catching and I found myself sighing- Let us help you, Phury. Whatever it is, I promise it's not as bad as you think it is. Do you remember that week Z and I split up, and he wouldn't talk to anyone?
-I'd spent the week stewing and plotting his murder over at Xhex's cabin. Those were the days my Z was less than smart... lucky for him he had me to get him back on the right path- Zsadist was epically stupid back then -Phury snickered. See, even brother in law knew the truth- and was making all the decisions for us because he thought were right. You're doing the same. Talk to your shellan, let her help you. She misses you. Zsadist misses you. Whatever you think, you are his mirror still and always.
We all see the pain you're in, Phury. But suffering is a choice. Don't fucking choose this, whatever it is, you've come too far. Whatever this is, you fight it. Or step aside and let your fucking family do it. -I realized the moment Phury lifted his yellow eyes and laughed that I'd swore- "that's the most I've ever heard you curse.. besides when you and Z are going at it like cats and dogs. Now I see how you get him to do the impossible. My smart sister in law, I knew it the moment I saw you" -Maybe he had heard me because gods above he went on.. -
"The .... " -He seemed to inhale, until his chest expanded, his hands shook. I just wanted to hug his burden away. If it was drugs again we could deal with that, he'd fought that demon addiction before-
"The wizard.. the voice inside my head, he's back. He's not real, I know that, before you think I'm crazy. God. I wish I was, Victoria, I really do. How do I battle something that is me? berating me for all my failings, every time I let those down I love the most? hell, I even know the brotherhood could function without me. What do I do beside add to the numbers. Do you know they only took me in because Zsadist begged them to when I fell ill. If not for Zsadist I wouldnāt be in the brotherhood. I'm not a marksman like Tohr, I don't have V's brains, Wrath, when he was an active fighter, could take out scores of slayers with barely any eyesight, Mehnace has forgotten more about firearms than I even know, and my twin.."
-who needed an imaginary wizard when Phury was doing a perfect job of hating himself. God, my heart hurt. I took his hand, squeezed it, letting him finish, he needed to say it all- "He walked alongside death night after night, hating that he lived, and yet his fighting instinct wouldn't allow it. He is the best male I know, the strongestā
You give your demons a voice, that's all it is, Phury. Self doubt is a bitch, but itās not worth destroying yourself over.
"You think I don't know that!" -He burst out, his voice going high, deep, vocally pissed off as his yellow eyes flashed at me, before he scraped both hands through all that gloriously tamed hair- "Jesus Christ... I'm sorry, forgive me" -I told him there was nothing to forgive, if only he would speak his mind like that more often. Not sure he heard me, his eyes were trained off into the distance.
- "la la laaaa... look at you, matey, so angry and so calm at the same time, we trained you well. She pities you, see how she looks at you, not as a man, me old pal, Ā she feels sorry for you like a mangy mutt in the gutter, Ā you're sorry you didn't tup that first before your brother got his grubby mitts all over the little English lassie, arentcha? not good enough for your shellan, not good enough for anyone are ya? all you need is to reach out, I'm here for you, matey, always here for you, let's get a drink and a red smoke, you'd like that wouldn't you, ahhhhh feel the burn in your lungs, how we miss that don't we? such good times we had. We can again. Let's spark up and go hunting and show everyone what an utter failure you are, we donāt need no stinkinā NA meetings anymore, weāre currred!"
The personal demon of Phury's indeed was vocal in his usual dark musical voice, as the wizard always was, always had been, if only for a moment Phury had been able to stifle his own fears and enjoy life carefree, only to welcome them back ten fold in a weak moment, now he was trapped again in that same second that wouldn't tick over to the next. He wanted to tell the wizard to shut up, none of it was true. His fear was paralyzing. Ā His inner voice reaching into the darkness to show him things he'd rather forget, if only. Phury rubbed at his prosthetic leg above the knee where it had been aching for weeks now, phantom pain from when he still had the limb, after all this time he still thought it was there seconds after waking, he was due for a new refit. He stood abruptly, he needed out of the mansion just as soon as the shutters rose for the evening. Until then he'd lock himself away, though his skin ached to be near his shellan, his only calming center, she was his light and his moon, the very essence of his soul and yet he feared he was destroying them little by little while the wizard urged him back to the life of drugs and detached indifference. But that was never the case. As his twin told him, he cared too much. What had Zsadist said to him once, get down off the cross, someone else needs the wood. Phury had thought about leaving it all, just taking off like Tohr had, giving his family some peace after all from worrying over him, but even that he couldnāt do right
āShoulda woulda didnāt, my favorite disappointment matey, , letās toke up! You know how good it feels when it hits your lungs and everything just floats away, then weāll slice up some slayers, bathe in their blood. Youāre a true man when you kill, you know that? Ahhh you make me proud! You might be slower than a turtle in turd, but you got the sodding killer instincts, Blimey, Ā maybe one day your twin might even be proud of you. He just thinks youāre a waste of air right now, aint that so?ā
As if Phury needed more to think about, the wizard cackled and began marching in his minds-eye to music only his imaginary voice could hear. Wasnāt that just a step up to crazy, he thought and exhaled hard, turning his gaze on his sister in law, she had stood while he was lost in his musings, and was now closer and looking up at him, he hated seeing that worry in her eyes. He failed at everything including saving his twin. Oh he might have rescued Zās physical body, but it took this female to rescue Zās mind, and thank scribe she had. There was no greater joy to a vampire male than that of his own bonded soulmate-
I wish youād talked to us, Phury. Let someone try to help. Is this because of Zsadist? I know you worry about him still. You donāt need to, heās never going to be truly normal, but heās stable, his mind is healthier than itās ever been, and continues to get better every day, Ā youāre over 200, isnāt it time you had your own life, Phury? You deserve it. Ā -Breakdowns, depression, anxiety.. I didnāt know vampires could suffer as humans did, they didnāt get our normal illnesses, but the brains and hearts were the same, we all felt the same on the inside. Being immortal didnāt let you off from those emotionally driven problems. Ā I took a chance and slipped the white rectangle of card Iād been carrying around with me for a while now unable to give it to Phury, he was just not in the right headspace to accept it. Maybe today..- Look. I know someone, Phury, sheās discreet, super nice, like really nice, and understanding. Itās her job to just listen. Maybe if weāre too close to help you, maybe she can -He looked at me then the card I offered, taking it finally. I watched as he read it. It simply said; Mary Madonna Luce. Counselor. And then her phone number and the address of her office- I met her a while ago, long story, we bonded over chocolate-chocolate chip waffle cones, of all things one late night - I smiled and was glad he hadnāt thrust the card back at me, or worse, tore it up. That was a good sign, right?- Ā Whatever you tell her she will keep it to herself. -Much like a priest, Mary was a saint in the making, if not a little lonely, Iād took from our conversations, she was terrific at her job, she put people at ease so simply. When Phury still hadnāt said anything I frowned- Give it some thought at least, talk it over with your shellan. Mary even does couples therapy -I knew that Ā because..wellā¦ that was a story for another dayā¦..I was enfolded in a tight hug before I could say anything else.
It had taken my by surprise, yet hugs in my opinion were one of lifeās greatest healers so I wrapped my arms around the warriorās back, squeezing his ribs until he drew away, shifted and rubbed a hand through his hair, his eyes only meeting mine briefly-
āMine twin is a lucky male, Victoriaā -While the wizard crooned his own version of lyrics to La BohĆØme doing a pliĆ©, Phury bent and kissed her cheek, seeing the fallen angel Lassiter off in his peripheral, those white eyes of his shrewdly trained on Phury made him feel uncomfortable as if the angel was seeing deep into his psyche. He gave the card a once over again, intending to give it back, there was no amount of counseling to help him.. But as the wizard began listing in numerical order all his weaknesses, cackling as he did, Phury decided enough was enough. āOnly a right sodding weak bastard needs that nonsense, mateā Heād talk to his shellan before he pussied out, tell her everything, and then.. His yellow eyes trained on the card, it felt as though it weighed a tonne in his fingertips.. He pushed it into his back pocket.. He couldnāt go back to drugs, and Phury hated what he did every night to quieten the maniacal Jiminy Cricket heād created for himself. Enough now. He was beyond tired. He would make an appointment to see this virgin Maryā¦. His voice lowered, almost cracking with the emotion inside his warrior chest, the craving for his shellan was evermore stronger, and he set his gaze up the grand staircase where she would be, probably playing with Aceās young. Heād known for some time now she yearned for their own children, another worry that weighted him down
āAll those snot-brained kids all of whom shall have the enduring joy of looking up to a father whose only accomplishment has been letting everyone around him down time and again, what a record, palā-
āThank you, sister in law.. I shallā¦ I shall see your friendā
-Relief stung my eyes as I watched Phury stride off and take the stairs three at a time. Please let him be telling the truth.. Oh, please. For his shellan, for his twin and for all the family who loved him. One step lead to another, and I hoped with all I had this was Phuryās first. I met Lassiterās gaze, he smiled with his wide shoulder braced in the billiards archway, and gave me the double thumbs up. I never knew if Lassiter had divine knowledge of the future, as if we were all on his very own chess board and heād foreseen every move we made. He had a certain look in his eyes sometimes, and I saw it now. Giving me a wink, he pranced back into the room, yelling at Qhuinn to rack up the balls, that he was in the mood to take his money. Grinning, I changed my direction from going up to my suite, and headed to the kitchen instead. If any luck Fritz would have restocked Rhageās ice cream fridge. There was never a dull moment in the mansion and now I was in the mood to raidā¦- Ā©Zsadist and Victoria
