tomi going insane

losing my mind over gay ships or listening to music. choose your fighter!

[you-didnt-have-to]

akhdjargjakaejdkahauyegaj

[peanut-says-stuff-deactivated20]

SO HAS MIKE OML IM CRYING

[basilosu]

college byler

[theupsidedownsprincess]

me talking to the duffer brothers after watching the finale 💕

[dunjodun]

hi i'm writing a byler fanfic set in summer '87 (the 18 months gap). any tips or ideas for them pining and to introduce the love they have for each other !?!!!! #pls

[aconiteandausten]

somehow haven't seen anyone point this one out yet??

[dunjodun]

situationship (? i think that's it?) is being distant and avoidant and I understand because i also get distant and avoidant but uhm it hurts and i dont know how to tell him because im reminded of how my last relationship ended up (really bad) and i dont want that again i really really dont want that so idk what to do

[dunjodun]

I am transgender

And i need other transgender people for advice, for help, to talk to.

Five years ago I realized there was something wrong with the body I was born with. It hurt in my heart, deep and sharp and for way longer than I anticipated. I understood my identity and named myself Tomas, started using masculine pronouns but only came out to my friends. I never started my transition. Never. I never knew how. Three years ago I met a guy that basically ended up ruining me and tried to "fix me". I stopped wearing the clothes that made me happy. I stopped correcting misgendering. I started misgendering myself. But then I left him, I understood I left myself behind and he was not worth it, so I left him.

Ever since then (july 2024) I have reconnected with my identity, and my dysphoria has only grown bigger. I've always hated my body, and when I was with that dude I had an eating disorder. Now I'm better. I recovered, I go to therapy (two years now). The problem is, I have depression and anxiety, and the dysphoria ain't getting me nowhere. I feel as if my body is not my own. As if I'm standing in a shell of lies. I don't even feel real. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am, I am real, I am here, this is happening. I gotta stay present. But it's hard, y'know? I need help. I have no one to talk to.

I dont feel comfortable talking about my identity with my friends or my therapist, let alone my family who are most definitely transphobic and will hate me when they realise what I've done.

I feel dirty. I feel nasty. I feel guilty. Is it normal? Is it just me? Does anyone understand me? Can anybody hear me out?

Anyways. Normally I just dump stuff on tumblr and I never expect people to answer but I really hope so. If I dont answer, you can find me on twitter by dunjodun. Please. I really do need to talk to someone.

Take care. xoxo

Eng/spa he/him ftm

[dunjodun]

it may be worth staying.

im eating sweet bread with some diet coke while listening to radiohead and reading fanfiction.

i think life was meant to be lived full of cringy explosive emotions.

you know those "happy seizures" you get while reading that shipp you love with your whole heart? i get them so much and its the only form of happiness i find. kinda lame but hey! at least im alive!

the point is; where i live its starting to get cold, im starting college and scared as fuck, i also have one loyal friend and another one on the brinck of leaving me. but none of that matters, cause i have the things i like.

ive got these crazy dudes (twenty one pilots) that have saved my life over and over, i have my loyal incredible friend, i have my brother and my pets. i have my yaoi fanfiction or manga or manhwa, i got my anime and my niche avant guarde art, my classic romcom films, my soap operas and ive got myself.

so hey, even when you think the darkest of the things, and you do the worst of the things to yourself. theres still hope. reach out. talk to me or anyone. youre not alone.

stay alive | - /

[dunjodun]

I made a drive with regional at best and how to put it in spotify... yeah... https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1KsI7H6k43fwWv0QcuG5hX4HxxH21w6n8?usp=sharing n e ways i hope this doesnt get me banned

[dunjodun]

HEYY Y'ALL

I added No Phun Intended!!! so if you want you can go check!! the tutorial is in the drive!!! good luck and stay alive frens <3

[dunjodun]

days are passing by rapidly. faster than id like. soon is my birthday. i am afraid. time is consuming itself like a forest fire.

[dunjodun]

I made a drive with regional at best and how to put it in spotify... yeah... https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1KsI7H6k43fwWv0QcuG5hX4HxxH21w6n8?usp=sharing n e ways i hope this doesnt get me banned

[dunjodun]

[dunjodun]

Le rindo mi dolor a aquella alma tan apuñalada que con sangre me manchó y poco a poco me pudrió.

[dunjodun]

first love late spring

[dunjodun]

pagaré con lineas blancas y rojas aquella vivencia

colores navidad para tu dolencia

lo vale si se que pagará en mi conciencia

aquel daño que causó mi presencia

[dunjodun]

Te han hecho creer que el sentir como sentís es sentir mal, que cada sentimiento que provoques es, fue y será por y para siempre veneno. Te enseñaron que amar como amas es amar mal, te enseñaron que todo lo que te compone como ser humano es la manera incorrecta.

No hay tal cosa como bueno o malo, correcto o incorrecto. Vivimos a través de una perspectiva que nos lleva a armar esta construcción, podemos, por recursos cercanos, ampliar la vista, aquella cosa que llamamos empatía. Preguntar, comunicar y aprender. Si bien hay mal, según lo que decidimos saber y según lo que decidimos a través de ello que sabemos, no siempre será así. Condenar aquel pensamiento sin conocer la historia detrás de su procedimiento es igual a aquel que nos hirió.

[dunjodun]

You were happy in the voicemail. You sounded happy. Or slightly sardonic or glibly nihilistic, or however you describe the feeling you get that's the closest to the emotion normal people call happiness.

And you were clearly intoxicated and you were talking about swimming. "I'm going swimming," you said "Since nothing matters anyway and nobody cares about me, I might as well go swimming, right?"

"Call me back if you don't want me to go swimming. Otherwise, I'm just gonna assume you don't care"