KIROKAZE
š
I'd rather be in outer space šø
Misplaced Lens Cap
ellievsbear
if i look back, i am lost
hello vonnie
macklin celebrini has autism
titsay
ojovivo
Origami Around
#extradirty
taylor price
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Keni
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
YOU ARE THE REASON
d e v o n
gracie abrams
@theartofmadeline
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@dunnohername
I'm really not okay with how August it is (alt title: Ambivalent Girloser August)
And if I seem to be afraidTo live the life that I have made in songItās just that Iāve been losingSo long Future-me note: I wrote this post a few weeks ago (give or take), so the opening sentiments may be a tad bit dramatic for how Iām feeling right now. There is a smidge of truth in it, though, seeing as how my mood has not improved since then, but then again, I can always blame it on theā¦
A brief history of things occurring lately (bed shopping, birthday trips, proximities to coolness, and confluences)
Let me just offmychest some stuff real quick in a Temu Eve Babitz way, because god knows that everything going on has been marinating like hell inside this stupid brain. I actually started conceptualizing this post last Holy Week, Black Saturday to be exact, when I was sitting in a coffee shop with my fuckass gel pen and āeverythingā notebook. I was, in a way, making the most out of myā¦
Some stuff to get off my chest/homecoming 2025
(Normally Iād say something punny like, idk, āEtivac, Mon Amour,ā but someone on my feed already beat me to it. So yeah.) You know whatās funny? This is actually the first Christmas that made me feel like myself. Turns out I just needed toā¦not attend any gatherings at all. And go home. And not be forced to do religious things. I donāt know. Itās a weird time. Anyway, Iāve talked about how goingā¦
Saturday Night Pain Event
Last weekend, December 13-14 to be exact, I was having quite a terrible time somewhere Iām probably not supposed to be in. This was also the weekend of John Cenaās wrestling retirement, which probably contributed to my crisis of faith, but itās mostly my heightened sense of displacement and dissonance that led toā¦whatever it is Iām feeling right now. General summary: got dragged to an event (rapā¦
My month of missing out, my year of caving in
ā¦and drinking a lot, so it seems. I believe it was my buddy Ernest Hemingway who said that one should write drunk and edit sober. My surface-level research says the guy never even said this, but letās pretend that he did. What Iām trying to say is that itās the complete opposite of what Iām doing now. Iām writing something stupid, and Iām buzzed as fuuuuuuuck. Come to think of it, maybe all theā¦
Fuck it, October (parking lot confessionals, collated sidequest diary entries, sidewalk grief, etc.)
Itās the first of November, and itās me and my fucked-up sleep schedule against the world. I am, however, writing this as the morning sun comes up, which is to say that Iām currently doing my unloading as the world tries to make amends by having the sunlight land on my face. Which is to say that Iām both doing okay andā¦not quite there yet. I know everyone chronically online has an opinion onā¦
Wilco Is Trying To Break My Heart (Song Overanalysis Hour)
Note from the author: TWO consecutive blog posts in a week??? Wow, who is she???? Lol who am I kidding, I just needed to yap about this song. As if my neighbors did not get enough of me yelling it all day accompanied by bad strumming. Letās forget about the tongue-tied lightning. If I could make a playlist of THE songs of all time, as in the kind of songs I would show to a group of aliensā¦
Angela Chase, Muted Angst, and Lifelong Teenage Thoughts
Present-me note: I had this essay in mind a couple of years ago when I started rewatching My So-Called Life, so please expect this to be a lot cringier than I hoped it wouldnāt be. But then again, whereās the authenticity in that? In August 1994, a few months after the death of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, the world was introduced to Angela Chase, the protagonist of the short-lived ABC teenā¦
Solange's 'Losing You' is the Party Breather We Don't Deserve
Alt title: maybe I will finally shut up about Solangeās āLosing You.ā Okay, real quick. As of this writing, I am probably a billion rotations deep into Solangeās āLosing You.ā The world is also in utter chaos, but Iām not going to talk about that since there are way more qualified people than me who could talk about that with such grace. I am just here to talk (yap) about my own chaos, set toā¦
Forgotten throwaway diary entries (alt title: one day I'll be more honest with myself)
I used to think that I only needed a good grasp of language to lay down my thoughts in the most incisive way possible. That was a pretty fucking stupid take. What I really needed was to stop lying to myself. I know I rant too much about not having a lot going on, but somehow it feels like Iāve lived too many lifetimes since I was last here. I donāt even feel like the same person anymore. I feelā¦
I'm done with comfort characters; it's time for my healing characters
I donāt know if itās just a me thing, but Iām starting to veer away from calling these fictional characters my ācomfort characters.ā I mean, of course, thereās nothing wrong with latching onto a character because you feel seen. Thereās also nothing wrong with deluding yourself into thinking that their journey parallels yours, so if they win, you too can win. I just take issue with the termā¦
Delayed diary entries '24-'25 (rotted thoughts, hospital thoughts, over-ibuprofen thoughts on everything that's happened so far sort of)
Present-me note: I may have lived through a hundred lifetimes since I started this draft. The seeds of this stupid diary entry were planted last year while I was vacationing in a certain northern partytown beachāor maybe after my reunion with a couple of friends from college, Iām not really sure. That mutated plant has since grown into a mess of tangled thoughtsācoagulated inner monologuesā¦
Some June thoughts because I am yet to afford meds and a good therapist
Iāve been holding my head up higherHoping that soon itāll takeSo far the weight isnāt any lighterMy lack of a backbone is ready to break [ Feels lazy quoting song lyrics in another one of my lame r/OffMyChest diary entries, but here we are. And itās Softcult. This song has been breaking my phone recently and idk Iām in my not-doing-so-okay era again in which I put my beloved songs on repeatā¦
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Litany for Turning 30
Turning 30 is likeā¦.whatever. I know it sounds like a very teenager thing to say, but I donāt think I ever stopped feeling like a teenager so all the feelings when I was 13 stayed the same now that Iām 30. Iām supposed to write this whole āturning 30 is life-changing!!!1ā essay by the sea like all the poets do but my body clock refused to cooperate so instead I penned this at a noisy beach barā¦
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Okay, maybe I'll talk about where I ran to
Load it up, know your trigger like the back of my hand. I donāt really know how to start this lol, I just had that damn Alex G song in my head for weeks. I guess you could say itās the song I currently revolve my personality around for some reason. Thatās my thing, overanalyzing dumbshit songs, probably because nobodyās ever written anything about me and Iām always the one doing the writingā¦
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Jusqu'ici, tout va bien (late October thoughts)
A few weeks ago (give or take; I have no idea how time works anymore), I finally watched La Haine (1995). And played Disco Elysium. Becauseā¦gritty. And French. Ish. I donāt know if thereās just something in my internal wiring thatās so beyond help, but thereās just something that draws me to stories about angsty non-conformists coming to terms with the visceral bitterness of reality and theirā¦
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Diary entries from the void (October)
In my buddy Guy Debordās seminal work, Society of the Spectacle, he says that the spectator ādoes not feel at home anywhere, because the spectacle is everywhere.ā As someone who sees absurdities in every waking moment and cannot look away, I guess that confirms Iām spiritually homeless. He says some other stuff about labor and capitalism, but I donāt have enough brain cells to flesh out whatā¦
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