Lamenting My Anguish Online

Nature and Bad Brain Feels™

[ddu-archived]

PLURALITY SURVEY -- NOW OPEN!

It's finally done!! I've finally finished it!

The Plurality survey is finished! This survey is an extensive questionnaire for any system/plural to answer, and will be used to help me develop a document on the origins/history of the phenomena that is non-traumagenic plurality.

The survey is 20 questions long, and is broken up into 3 sections. (Technically it's less than that since the last section is mostly bullshit questions I was thinking of, but I digress.) Feel free to share this survey with anybody you know, I'd ADORE to get to know everybody's opinions! Feel free as well to leave any critiques on the survey.

This survey is entire anonymous -- I cannot see anybeings information, I can only see whether or not it's been filled out and what answers are provided.

(Additionally -- PLEASE REBLOG, LEAVE QUESTIONS, WHATEVER YOU'D LIKE HERE!! This post is open for ANY stance/origin to comment, send asks on, etc. BE RESPECTFUL TO OTHERS HERE. Any harassment, degrading, demeaning, etc. from ANY side will be deleted and blocked.) Link to the survey

Taglist (ignore) ;; @shadykingsalad

[dweom]

Very fun little survey. I was not familiar with several of the specialty terms used (I gather they are related to "syscourse" in some way), but context clues were very straightforward.

However, I am still unclear on what "collective identity" means in particular.

[ddu-archived]

Collective identity kinda varies system to system, but for the most part its like

When someone interacts with you for the first time, what do you introduce yourself with?

For many on the survey it tends to be the host's identity used as a collective, but for others its just shared (so like, for example with us! Our collective identity is Fern, and we collectively use He/Hymn pronouns. If you don't know who's fronting or there are too many people fronting for us to be able to reliably tell you what we prefer, that can be what's resorted to!)

[dweom]

Ah, thank you for explaining! I believe my answer in the survey was accurate in this case, but I will double check.

We simply use the identity of the main "fronter" for introductory purposes, and don't have any "shared persona" for moving through the world as a system, as we don't... acknowledge that fact outside of very private spaces and this blog. It's very similar to being closeted in other ways.

I suppose in a sense our legal name would serve as a collective, but that doesn't feel in keeping with the spirit of what you mean. It's just a name we all suffer through using with equal discomfort.

[ddu-archived]

PLURALITY SURVEY -- NOW OPEN!

It's finally done!! I've finally finished it!

The Plurality survey is finished! This survey is an extensive questionnaire for any system/plural to answer, and will be used to help me develop a document on the origins/history of the phenomena that is non-traumagenic plurality.

The survey is 20 questions long, and is broken up into 3 sections. (Technically it's less than that since the last section is mostly bullshit questions I was thinking of, but I digress.) Feel free to share this survey with anybody you know, I'd ADORE to get to know everybody's opinions! Feel free as well to leave any critiques on the survey.

This survey is entire anonymous -- I cannot see anybeings information, I can only see whether or not it's been filled out and what answers are provided.

(Additionally -- PLEASE REBLOG, LEAVE QUESTIONS, WHATEVER YOU'D LIKE HERE!! This post is open for ANY stance/origin to comment, send asks on, etc. BE RESPECTFUL TO OTHERS HERE. Any harassment, degrading, demeaning, etc. from ANY side will be deleted and blocked.) Link to the survey

Taglist (ignore) ;; @shadykingsalad

[dweom]

Very fun little survey. I was not familiar with several of the specialty terms used (I gather they are related to "syscourse" in some way), but context clues were very straightforward.

However, I am still unclear on what "collective identity" means in particular.

[clown-avian]

Something that deitykins, ghostkins or anyone who didn’t have a physical form originally don’t tell you is how clumsy we become due to not being used to having a body.

I currently have bruised knees because of tripping on my own feet or over nothing at all,,

It hurts,,

[dweom]

Truly, there are few places online quite so pettily toxic as tumblr plural spaces. More toxic, certainly. I do know about the nazis after all. But the sheer hatred for ourselves on display.

The constant bickering about who is real enough to be a real person is, setting aside the fact that all personhood is a delusion of consistency anyway, actively worsening my ability to function as human in the daily world.

And I barely skim the edges out of curiousity.

Were I a teenager desperately looking for advice on what adulthood could look like for me?

I would simply and without reserve have killed myself.

This community undoubtedly has a death toll on its hands, and most of the guilt lies with the "DNI if you aren't exactly like me in every way you nasty lying freak" types that seem to dominate every conversation.

At least the anti-recovery types that populate the Borderline tags are still willing to acknowledge the existence of other Borderlines.

[totalley]

leather jacket

please let me thrift a leather jacket. I want one so badly. everyone else has thrifted one. everyone but me. please, let me thrift a leather jacket...

[dweom]

I believe in you, kid. You're gonna get that jacket!

[scarabies-real]

Funniest part of being a system and having a job is just the most unlikely system members end up doing work. Yeah Cinderpelt from Thunderclan is doing data entry using Microsoft Excel what about it.

[snowyapricity]

plural culture is constantly having to avoid saying “we” when talking to someone you’re not out as plural to

[snowyapricity]

on a completely unrelated note, earlier today i ended up saying to someone “we’re leaving now. we being, uh, me and my waterbottle”

[dzamie]

"Sorry, We- *I* have been reading about the British monarchy and it's starting to affect Our words- MY words, dammit!"

[dweom]

Once got fired for Union Organizing because I kept saying we in meetings with other dept heads which is I guess proof I'm a commie speaking for My People (the 50ish folks in my dept)

(I am a commie, but that is unrelated; I hadn't planned to unionize the place for at least another few months)

[collectivecorie-deactivated2024]

just curious.. does anyone else not care about alter ages that much PFFT. i understand wanting to seperate littles from more mature alters i just don't see a point in having exact ages and displaying that. like idk man maybe i'm in my late teens maybe i'm in my early 20s i literally do not see a point in getting it EXACT i am just a GUY

[todayisdeadinside-deactivated20]

we don't really care about specific ages. some alters are particularly attached to their exact number age and they have it listed, but otherwise we group people by rough maturity levels. 1 is littles, 2 is mostly everyone whos somewhere around the body age, 3 is anyone who feels particularly older than the body by a signifigant amount.

[dweom]

IMO no one should be putting any kind of ages up on the internet anyway. At best people MAYBE need to know if you're an adult vs, say, a young teen who they're going to be talking to about particularly violent or sexual subjects, so the speaker can moderate their tone correctly.

In practice, no one needs to know your ages, period, until you are close friends with whom you share private information.

If you wouldn't tell them your legal name, you shouldn't be telling them your age either.

And I do think this applies to alters too. The danger with people knowing you're underage is that they know you're an easy target for abuse. That danger doesn't go away for systems. If anything, it's MORE severe, because we're already in such a socially vulnerable position.

I do "care about" ages, in that I care about getting people to stop fucking posting them at all.

[museofdeity]

being a system is going through years and years of abuse and torment. being a system is sitting in the shower sobbing because you don’t know who or where you are. being a system is losing year-long friends because they refuse to believe you. being a system is looking the worst parts of you in the face and going “i think we can change”. being a system is holding a child version of yourself and repeating “i love you” over and over again.

being a system is hugging yourself and saying, “hey, we’re gonna be okay.”

[dweom]

Being a system is years of refuge with the people you can always trust: yourselves. Being a system is giggling in the bathtub because your oldest friend made a shitty pun about ducks. Being a system is learning who outside yourself can be trusted with the truth and cherishing them. Being a system is looking in a mirror at a pretty cool stranger and wishing them well. Being a system is holding that child you once were, that teen, that 20 something, and promising they are going to be okay, because you're from the future and you know there is still joy.

Being a system is hugging your past, and saying, "hey, we're okay now."

[kontextmaschine]

I love that I can jerk off about guys now. That's just so neat!

[sighinastorm]

Could you not before?

[kontextmaschine]

No, I was straight my whole life, I actually tried "bihacking" myself as a teen but while I succeeded in dispelling any aversion to m/m sexuality I ultimately had to accept I was just not into it. But in 2020 I caught Covid before vaccines existed, it spread to my brain and caused enough damage there that my existing personality was no longer viable, and after a period of depersonalization I generated a new one that is different in some major respects, including being bisexual.

[pluralpolls]

How long has your longest lasting headmate been around?

a month or less

2 months to a year

more than a year, less than five years

5 years to 10 years

more than 10 years up to 15 years

more than 15 years up to 20 years

more than 20 years

Voting ended onMar 13, 2023

[justinhubbell]

To those we love

To those we lost

And those of us

Whose paths have crossed.

- - -

About this: I’m in therapy. I am in recovery. I am healing.

This triptych is part of a book I’ve been working on.

I’ve been suicidal since the third grade. What I’ve learned over the years is, being suicidal is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not your fault. You’re not “broken” or “worthless” or any of that.

We have the power to change our relationship with anything. We can find balance within ourselves. It’s there.

If you were looking for, or needing a sign? Here it is.

If you needed permission? Take mine.

It might take you a few tries, yes, but there are many people who can help. It’s a slow process but you are worth it.  Don’t give up!

I love you and I’m proud of you!

-Justin

[mindwandering-and-attention]

Hi, I’m Emma, honours student at the University of Manitoba, and principal researcher of the “Mind wandering, inattention, and attentional control” study, which aims to investigate the cognitive mechanisms underlying mind wandering and its relation to Adult Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

We are currently seeking volunteers to participate in our online study. This study is intended for any adults, regardless of whether you have been diagnosed with, or suspect you have, ADHD.

In our study, you will complete a sustained attention task known as a go/no-go task. Periodically, the task will pause, and you will be asked to report on your thoughts and experiences just prior to the prompt. Following the sustained attention task you will complete brief questionnaires about your personality, prior experiences, and demographics.

The study will take approximately 30 minutes. You can complete the study anytime online at:

https://attentionandlearninglab.com/2023/HE2022-0321-COM/

This research has been approved by the Research Ethics Board at the University of Manitoba, Fort Garry campus, and is being completed under the supervision of Dr. Nicholaus Brosowsky.

Your participation is extremely important for the study, which we thank you in advance.

Kind regards,

Emma Fernando

Principal Investigator contact information:

Emma Fernando, Student

University of Manitoba

Email: [email protected]

Principal Investigator contact information:

Dr. Nick Brosowsky, Assistant Professor

University of Manitoba

Email: [email protected]

[virtuissimo]

hey before we get much further into this night vale discussion, can we remind everyone that if you are vulnerable to unreality or if you need unreality tagged, welcome to night vale is NOT safe for you.

it constantly explicitly says reality-bending things with the express purpose of making the listener doubt things they know to be true. They constantly blur the line between reality and fiction by rewriting historical events, in one episode they bring on number of real life celebrities talking as fictionalized but convincing versions of themselves, and in more than a few cases gaslight the listener into misremembering facts about the show. This is all done creatively and non-maliciously, but i think people deserve to know that before going into it

[fluffygif]

Snow scenery among flower

[internetfriend-moved]

sane people REALLY need to understand that most delusional people can understand when they're in a delusion. like we understand that what we're experiencing ISN'T real to u but in our reality it is an unshakeable and like , straight from the mouth of god real type of thing . get rid of the idea that delusional people don't know that their reality is different than other people's .

this is called double book keeping and it REALLY needs to be talked abt more.

[dweom]

I've been having a few people ask me about why/how I can "tell" my delusions "apart" from reality.

The simple answer is: two things can be true.

I can't always identify my delusions on my own, but once I know something is/isn't real, I can just... track that. Like I would track the plot information for a TV show I'm watching.

Actually, in a very real way, growing up "in fandom" did me a lot of favours for learning how to manage my delusions.

If you've ever had a moment of confusion seeing an actor from one show appear in another and then "remembered" (realized? Noticed?) that's an actor and this will be a different character, that sensation is pretty similar to what I go through each time I "remember" basic facts about reality that my perception doesn't necessarily agree with.

[euanthes-deactivated20230117]

I just realised something about end0s

I've never seen a single one of them have a bad experience with any of their alters. Never.

Could it just be a thing of them not wanting to post about it? Sure, not out of the possibility I wholeheartedly understand not wanting to share things like that.

But.. for an entire community to exist and there to be barely any stories of it just seems a bit odd. For an entire community to exist and for nobody to want to talk about them, it's.. weird.

It's like they all get along with each other at all times, no matter what.

You'll see people in every other mental health community speak on issues about their disorders/illnesses etc. but you'll barely see any of it within the end0 community.. I wonder why that is.

[sophieinwonderland]

Most endogenic systems don't claim to have DID or OSDD. Multiplicity predated the existence of those diagnoses and has often not been harmful.

I'm personally a tulpa, which essentially means I was intentionally created. (It’s a bit more nuanced than that but we'll leave it there for now.) We don't have a disorder. I wasn't created from trauma but from experimentation and mental conditioning. The psychological methods I was created through appear to be reproducible, based on the other systems I've seen formed this way. A lot of what I do on here, in fact, is link to guides and resources to help people seeking to create their own headmates.

One thing that helps is that I was developed later in life when my host was more mature and able to understand and properly support me.

That's not to say we don't have any conflict, but we can work through it together as mature adults and find compromises, where if I had been created during childhood, it's more likely my host would have tried to shut me out at some point (given the cultural stigma of voice hearing) and caused more internal conflict and hurt feelings.

There are cases of this turning bad... but most endogenic and tulpa systems can manage pretty well and have pretty healthy relationships.

Also, much of the drama between headmates is personal. It's not something we tend to air online, since that only would cause more hurt. (People in your head tend to be offended if you complain about them to outsiders.)

[themetafarers]

As a system that doesn't call itself any origin, uhhh... There's plenty of conflict in my system but, we actually try not to bitch about each other on social media? Like Sophie said that's only going to make resolving problems worse. Also, I don't have anything to prove to gatekeepers.

[sickened-things]

‘You’ll see people in every other mental health community speak on issues about their disorders/illnesses etc. but you’ll barely see any of it within the end0 community.‘

even as a system currently being assessed for a dissociative disorder, i don’t consider my interpersonal conflicts with other system members to be an ‘issue about my disorder’, strangely enough i consider them to be interpersonal conflicts, and frankly none of anyone else’s business. i might occasionally post little clashes that are funny in hindsight or weren’t really a ‘problem’ to begin with, but...

i don’t run around talking about the day-to-day conflicts i have with friends, my partner or family members here, either.

also, as someone who doesn’t get into massive arguments with any of those meatspace people on a regular basis either it seems weird that you’re pointing to people just managing to get along with each other as something to be suspicious about.

i share the literally most intimate space possible with these fuckers so yeah, we put a lot of effort into maintaining positive or at least neutral relationships with each other. and part of that, for us, involves not sharing each other’s private thoughts/conversations with the internet without consent. that doesn’t mean we don’t exist.

[dweom]

Lol imagine thinking not having knock down, drag out screaming matches with your roommates on tumblr means you actually live alone in a one room cabin.

Gee, I wonder why people who have extensive other methods of conflict resolution might not want to bare their vulnerable intimacies to a bunch of assholes who cheerfully call them delusional liars for describing their lives.

Yeah, real mystery why they might not tell you about any conflicts they might be having, pal.