Nebularomanticism is Wonderful!

nebularomanticism - being unable to differentiate the feeling of a strong platonic bond from a romantic one, especially due to ASD or neurodivergency.

[dyingstarripblog]

Hello!

You all can call me Mikey, and welcome to my nebularomantic blog! It is dedicated to those who are nebularomantic and want a place to share their experiences, those who are questioning if they are nebularomantic, or anyone else who relates!

It's just me running this blog, so if I begin falling behind, I apologize. That said, it is a sort of lesser-known label, so I don't expect to be all that busy... But I hope to find some people out there like me!

If anybody has any need for clarification, I would be very happy to help. Thank you!

[dyingstarripblog]

Nebularomantic culture is recognizing the problems in the aro community and wanting to address the fact that traditionally aromantic people tend to undermine and exclude arospec microlabels but being too afraid to talk about it.

Nebularomantic culture is knowing that a lot of the attitudes perpetuated in the aro community actually reinforce amatonormativity rather than deconstructing it.

Arospec microlabel culture is being told that it’s wrong to interpret or depict aromantic characters as having our identity. It’s being invalidated by both sides of the isle. It’s frustrating. And it’s lonely.

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[kyoosoup]

dude I was trying to come up with a list of things that could ONLY be romantic and not platonic (sexual things don't count) and it was super hard to come up with stuff. I can justify a lot of generally deemed "romantic" acts such as handholding, kissing, and even marriage under platonic terms.

I enlisted my brother to help me try to come up with stuff and one of the only things we thought of was unironically sharing the same spaghetti noodle, lady and the tramp style. and even that doesn't have me convinced.

help. what do romantic feelings actually look like. I feel like I've experienced them but I can barely tell the distinction. Do you only have romantic feelings if you decide to yourself that it's romantic?? Or does it actually feel different. butterflies in my stomach is just anxiety and blushing is just shyness. so what should I be looking for???

[dyingstarripblog]

its actually quite simple to tell the difference!

first you, uh,

well, you....

well.....

youve gotta, uhm.

hm. maybe it's not so simple. but hey! love is love. and i love my friends!

[dyingstarripblog]

....Are you allowed to identify as Nebularomantic if you don't have ASD?

I still am Neurodivergent, though it is just ADHD, and I likely do not have ASD

But I still struggle to identify my attraction and I have a feeling it has something to do with my Neurodivergence / ADHD

IDK may just be slight internalized ableism telling me no (I often don't feel Neurodivergent enough)

yup! it's not a label for just autistic people. anybody with any neurodivergency can use it.

especially with how some conditions (for lack of a better term, sorry) are treated, it's easy to feel like it's not a "real problem." I mean how people say they're "so OCD" for wanting to be neat and "have ADHD" when they get distracted or whatnot.... ADHD and OCD can be and are real problems for a lot of people (and Id say the majority of people with those disorders). there's no such thing as "not neurodivergent enough," of course!

and hey! there's no shame in changing your mind.

thank you!

[dyingstarripblog]

Just nebularomantic things (for me) is loving someone a whole lot, but not being sure you love them platonically or romantically so you get closer to them to see which one it is but then it becomes more like you have a hyperfixation over those specific people :/ (Currently what's happening with me and my two best friends :'])

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[dyingstarripblog]

im so sorry i haven't been on tumblr in a long time! I have two asks i haven't submitted from about a month ago, but unfortunately the site isn't letting me answer them.... I'll get them out as soon as I can!

thank you for your patience!

[dyingstarripblog]

Hey I'm the asker who had a bunch of questions just wanted to add that I really love your response very kind and I really appreciate it :)) /genuine (just in case because sometimes I can't tell if what I'm saying sounds sarcastic or not) Love the blog too btw I need to look through it more eventually. Seeing anyone writing about being nebularomantic is rare or at least I don't see many people talking about their experiences. I think it's important to have those personally because it's easier for me to understand an identity label when people talk about their experiences and such

Also on an unrelated note if there's anything you want me to do to make communication clearer like adding more punctuation or tone tags or anything you need really I can do that

Of course!!!

The way you type is fine, I think I got it. I appreciate it.

Of course, I try to be as kind as possible. Sometimes, figuring stuff out is... hard. There's not very much on experiences like ours. Usually people push to simple "figure it out" and categorize the feeling as platonic or romantic. But... I am happy just calling it love. Love for my very close friends, who I would do anything for. Of course I want to take them on a date to the movies, or the park, or a spot to eat, why wouldn't I? They are my friends! It's interesting how some actions are simply platonic, and some are romantic. I've never been able to get it, really. Just another part of... not quite getting social norms, I suppose.

Of course, I appreciate the questions, too. Please, don't stress if you have anything else to ask, or advice! (And that goes for any of my blog-goers...)

Again, thank you for stopping by! I hope to keep building a little bit of a community here, for anyone who needs it.

[dyingstarripblog]

Just nebularomantic thing is when all your loved ones are intensely important to you and there's no greater intensity, but sometimes you are reminded of the fact that most people...don't experience it that way and that you are literally something "lesser" to your loved ones simply because you aren't their romantic partner.

(aka experienced a harsh return to reality today when one of my loved ones mentioned that he makes a very strong distinction between his friends and the people he's romantically and sexually interested in and that his partner is his number 1 priority and that he's the only one he'd ever want to be "more than friends or more than friends with benefits" with)

(it's like what do you mean "more"??? How is a romantic relationship more??? I can't picture loving a romantic partner more than the people I have a platonic relationship with. It feels odd to me that most people love their friends less than they love their partner. Like I know I'm the weirdo but it just feels so...cruel?)

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[uberfluss]

first 5 faceless emojis are how your summers gonna go

[thesebonesbite]

Magnus Archives fan I see

[partywithponies]

THIS IS SO FUNNY I'M SORRY

[dyingstarripblog]

when I was a (very, very...) young autistic child, I was very restrictive in what I ate. I didn't even like French fries, which are typically a very common "safe" food (right?).

my favourite food, was crispy chicken. but not just crispy chicken. it had to be crispy chicken, with toothpicks to pick the little cut pieces with. I was very particular.

[dyingstarripblog]

This account is always open! I may not be very active on this account, as I have a main blog I use more frequently, but I am on the website often, if you have any questions. I'll always answer any DMs, too. I know I understand what it's like to be shy, but I'm here to be supportive!

[phantomhivestims]

Nebularomantic Stimboard

🪐- 🌌-🪐

🌙-🏳‍🌈-🌙

🪐-🌌-🪐

[dyingstarripblog]

So is nebularomantic unable to distinguish or can having a harder time or having a lot of confusion around it fit? Because I think I'm possibly aromantic and nebularomantic because I cannot distinguish what is romantic and what is platonic, but that results in me thinking I don't experience it in the first place because even though I can't distinguish it intuitively, from what people have told me I think that what I feel doesn't fit into romantic attraction. Although to be honest I'm still not completely sure I just don't think I've experienced a crush and that it was actually something like queerplatonic or alterous (or something that just can't be labeled) or hyperfixating on someone due to autism (and possibly adhd but I'm not diagnosed with that.)

(Okay I know I'm rambling, mainly asking because these labels can be so confusing for me to navigate and I'm just trying to clarify something, such as above question and also have you met or spoke anyone who identifies as being both aro and nebularomantic or any resources around that, because I read here that you didn't think it made sense and I am confused because that contradicts with my experience)

Nebularomantic can mean that you are unable to, or have difficulty differentiating between romantic and platonic attraction/love/affection due to any neurodivergency - and it sounds to me that you are experiencing that difficulty!

Sometimes it takes a long time of introspection to find out how you really feel. If at any point you figure out that, maybe you do make a meaningful 'split' between platonic affection and romantic attraction, (as in, you find there is some clear way to tell them apart), then, well, you can keep identifying as nebularomantic, or you could look for a label that make reflect your experiences more. But there's also the chance that, you never do find that distinction, and there's absolutely no shame in that.

Of course, I am not the total dictator over what labels you can call yourself! If you feel both aro and nebularomantic suit you, then go for it! I think a lot of people assume aromanticism is all about, just not experiencing romantic attraction - but I feel like it should be about, of course not experiencing and not needing that, but experiencing what *other people* (who are not aromantic) could consider romantic attraction in atypical or non-traditional ways, like queerplatonic relationships.

I created this blog, truthfully, to find other people who were like me, because I couldn't find much. I do not mind your rambling. It is always good to here about other people's experiences. If something I said contradicts *your* experience, pay it no mind. Your experience and how *you* feel is what's most important.

I hope my answer made enough sense! Thank you!

[dyingstarripblog]

One thing about my autism is that, I have a weird relationship with hunger. I don't realise I am hungry until my head starts hurting. However, I enjoy the feeling of being hungry / my stomach rumbling. Just something interesting. Does anyone else feel the same way?

[dyingstarripblog]

Guess who just developed a new strong platonic bond? Guess who thinks he might be in love but isn't sure?

Happens every time.

❀

[dyingstarripblog]

Also really glad to see that your blog is cluster-B safe! Despite what I said in my other asks about me feeling hesitant to label myself as nebularomantic due to it falling under the aro umbrella and me not relating to aros at all (but also not relating to allos because most of them draw a very hard line between platonic and romantic love and their experience of it is very alien and foreign to me and has actually led to some very unpleasant social interactions in the past), I do relate to the experience very much and I am pretty sure it's caused by the combination of all my personality disorders.

I also have diagnosed ADHD and used to be considered autistic as well (that was later changed to a misdiagnosis and now I'm considered ADHD with a lot of autistic traits) but for me, the problems with differentiating between platonic and romantic love seems to be directly caused by my 3 diagnosed personality disorders specifically. I have Schizotypal, Borderline and Avoidant. And like if I had just one of them this wouldn't be happening, I think, and maybe even the killer combo itself wouldn't be that much of a problem but I also have a lot of symptoms of NPD. Which isn't that weird, cluster B disorders tend to kinda overlap and while most of my BPD friends don't show NPD traits, coincidentally my one friend with NPD does have a lot of BPD symptoms. But yeah I have a fair share of NPD traits as a cherry on the top of my BPD cake, and when that combines with my STPD and my AVPD, it creates this unholy concoction. Oh yeah and the asexuality was probably the last nail in the coffin because if I could feel sexual attraction I might be able to differentiate platonic and romantic based on my sexual feelings. But alas I am not sexually attracted to anyone at all, I just think that all bodies look cool as all hell and I am an admirer of the human form. People and the diversity of the human experience, both physical and psychical, always moves me to tears because people are just so beautiful and perfect aaaand sorry got carried away by the star bright perfection of humanity again.

your reasoning is exactly why nebularomanticism is not specifically an "autistic" label, but a neurodivergent one!

cluster b disorders are so unfairly demonized. this is totally a place where that will not be tolerated towards any personality disorders (or anyone at all.)

personally, mine is because of my autism- but I do have some NPD traits also (enough to make my life a more difficult, but not enough to be diagnosed.....) which may have something to do with it. i naturally don't have many friends, but if i do want a friend, it is strictly in the "acquaintance" category, and i just want the company, without the strong emotional connection. i've had friends who i care deeply about, but that same platonic love for those people..... could just as well be called romantic. if i were to date one of those people, my behaviour towards them wouldn't change- because it's the same feeling, with the same behaviors (TO ME). i don't understand the difference between taking a friend out to the movies, and taking your boyfriend on a date to the movies. that should be the same thing.... right? hahaha

it is interesting to me that some people do feel a real difference with those two types of "love."

thank you for sharing your experiences! i do agree a lack of sexual attraction may cause some difficulty in differentiating those feelings too. i can see what you mean.

humanity is beautiful! one of the reasons i made this blog was to have a place for all sorts of people to be able to share their feelings. it's been nice hearing from you!

[dyingstarripblog]

I don't really understand what anon from last month was on about since from my research, nebularomanticism is seen as a microlabel on the aro spectrum. Which is actually literally the reason for me being reluctant to call myself nebularomantic because as you yourself said I do experience romantic love, it's just indistinguishable from platonic love to me 99 % of the time.

I thought about possibly being aplatonic but it seems like most alloromantic aplatonic people have very few friends and experience romantic love in a very typical way. Whereas for me it's just like...either we're acquaintances (I care for my acquaintances but it's all cognitive and not emotional and most of all I'm stressed to hell and back when interacting with them) or I love you in the only way I can. Like it IS possible that maybe there is some sort of minor difference between platonic and romantic love to me but if so I don't perceive it. There is no visible difference to me.

yeah! i remember that anon, i hope i explained myself properly to them.......

i would describe my feelings similarly- there's acquaintances, and there's the Big Positive Feelings that could be romantic, or could be platonic, but it gets fuzzy. i fail to understand the difference in, like, media and stuff, between romance and platonic, (and sometimes when feelings are explicitly supposed to be platonic, it registers to me as just acquaintances....)

to me, those Big Feelings, regardless of whether they're platonic or romantic, i call "love" - but plenty of people don't. i think it's interesting that people give the same name to different feelings, or different names to the same feeling!