she/her and some others that might appear to you out of a dreamlike haze. over 20. I talk about SEX stuff so you shouldn't follow me if you're under 18. | tgirl sheep who might post about: transfeminism, weird books, smut, sex that makes your bodymind go funny. my impulsive stringing words together blog slash authorial blog. pretty colours-bait sub trying to learn to domme because it's so so interesting
imagine you had a restless need to tear things into their little constituent bits. okay now imagine these things were weird unsavoury sex things and the tearing apart was talking about them. you eventually come to a tumblr bog: a place where you can post long and not quite good screeds in peace. A restless sense takes you, as if creeping into your body through your digits and throat and eyes... Dancing in front of your eyes, coaxing them forwards with you, a colourful fog rolling in all around. The restlessness demands you go deeper, figure out what this bolg is. who is 'running' it? what's with this place?
and why does it feel that you can only truly express yourself here?
THE GIRL WHO COULD HAVE BEEN THE GIRL WHO COULD HAVE BEEN
The name I use here is Ceres 'Cee' Dysnomia, and all who dare look upon me swear eternal devotion
I dommed myself into starting HRT and it turned me into a problem, a visual bug, a thing of endless fixation. I try to make myself the tastemaker intersection of numerous transfeminist takes, of those the dubious: i centre niche fiction of earnestly mixed quality. Books of the mind, books of the vivid sense, books of self-stimming, books of human asterisk identity, books of the body. i like women. there should be more of them...
Interests! i read about autism quite a bit, critically and fictionwise. Something happened to Autism. Fun to try and put what into words.
There are other neurodivergences going on with me, too, sure. If this way of describing a 'Bog' isn't implying it already, I derealise often, plus some other stuff. Makes me interested in reality. Labels, labels; I think doing science on the human brain is cool to attempt but also commonly really really bad and evil.
I do not believe in the human soul. I do not believe there is a human afterlife. don't try to sell me a bridge i'm not a big bridge fan, personally,
I write! I get excited talking about my process. It's fun!
okay but specifically the sex stuff though
the kinks helps you with posting
It's like this: I like the sensation of falling within your own mind. I like the sensation of 'Oh. I really *cant* move that limb. That's dangerous.'
So, hypnosis, some intox. You can find altered mindsets in a lot of kinks, though: bratting and denying what you want until overwhelmed with someone's scent and you can admit how good it feels... being groped while bound up until your brain turns the fuck off...
I want you to believe that your mind has something to offer: that there is a unique perspective only you can provide. I want you to think about all the little sensations that you feel and value and nostalgIatise, even casually, and think of weird ways to hypnohorny them. I want you to wander inside of your mind and wonder what you could put there.
I'm more philosophical than I am dommy, but I'm trying to get dommier. I'm a very cute sub and you love me, though. I'll highlight or play off of asks I get that I think are interesting or cute or well-written. I'm not really truly out here on Tumblr Dot Co m looking for lengthy roleplay (and I am never exclusive!), but little bits can be fun. Mutuals can try and play around with me I think that could be cute.
Note that your odds of getting much attention are worse you're a guy.
Despite my brand, I don't want to be sent spirals and such by randoms.
bog-standard Ward against the Parasocial: worn, weathered, well-used. Carved haphazard by a hand shaken with our time's excited panic for the targeted obfuscative: 'if we could just make-act decent...'
The push and pull of it is that I make fun but this is also a serious authorial bog, sometimes! I'll post stuff I make for fun or for glory here, including writing snippets when I think it's fun to post snippets.
Cool Tags
you'll see [#.cee/sx] often. perhaps, somehow, you/re here and want to filter that one out? if you're that rare type of account then, like, i actually think that's cool and fun you can tell me
You may want to filter [#contains induction] if you're sensitive to catching strays from hypno content! I'll try and be diligent about that.
[#.cee/performing the genre] documents my ventures into posting in the Hypnosmut Mode, for fun or titillation
[#.cee/lene] and [#.cee/laine] document my OCs made for this account. Whom you love. you love my Cool Lore
[#.cee/thinking aloud] is for when I try to talk myself into being more into something, get excited about something, have fun with the loose concept of a kink.
[#.cee/the girl who giggles behind masks] is for character-based funnyposting. I'm pretty proud of some of these!
[#.cee/hypnosis is] represents my attempts to figure out what hypnosis is! if you like posts about someone spiraling into a topic and trying to sound smart about it, you can come with me on the journey of reading about hypnosis and trying to figure it out in various configurations of flowery or analytical language together...
[#.cee/retrospectives] is me getting analytical or flowery about cool sex things that have happened to me! if you want to pry into my life or read my live opinions-forming as i explore kink.
Boundaries: Don'ts
Get frustrated about how I treat asks. it's literally chill and you're literally just submitting ideas to my Gay Post mill. You're signing up for the gamble
i'm not responsible for the things that you do in the bedroom as a result of finding my posts hot
perform being angry/upset at me, especially for not getting enough attention, not backing off when asked
'It's not real': a polaroid of the rare plush dog that hasn't been fucked. Inverse, a comforting reminder with a barrage of simulative skinship: "take care of yourself for me! Back out whenever you need! xoxoxo"
Boundaries: I Don't Go Theres That Have Come Up Recently
it's chill. just respect me, okay?
I'm not your little sister.
THE POSTS DON'T DO GOOD FOR SOCIETY AND THAT'S A CEEP GUARENTEEP. ALSO SOMETIMES THEY'RE TRYING TO BE FUNNY MORE THAN HOT OR INTERESTING. A LOT OF THEM ARE LIKE THAT IF I'M BEING REAL
you ever write something in a calendar, and then you can't find your calendar, so you remember that there was Something, Sometime, but not what or when? hear me out: a memory book. and you know whatever memories you write in there, you can just check the book and remember them. and then one day you see something in there you don't remember writing! but that's what the book is for, right? so you remember it. or another time maybe you were SURE you wrote something but it's gone and there's just a torn page. did you tear it out? it probably wasn't relevant anymore.
and you get so reliant on your memory book that one day, when you see someone hold it up, right in front of you, and you're terrified of her, and then she rrrrips out the page before your eyes that says "DON'T TRUST HER" and tears it to shreds and scatters them like confetti, you forget what you were so worried about!
or another time, you're thinking about all the things going on, and you're stressed and overwhelmed and confused and disoriented because there's a Million Things and you can't find your memory book and then
she has it! (you trust her.) and she starts ripping pages out. (you trust her.) plural. page after page after page after page until all of it's gone. all except for one three-word thought in a handwriting you can't remember! (you trust her.) you trust her. (you trust her.)
and then she starts writing down more things for you to remember. and suddenly everything's WAY easier cause you don't even have to maintain your own memory book anymore!
(strategically blurring the lines between "fan" and "friend" to lull vulnerable girls into denying their parasocial obsession with me and creating plausible deniability as to my own immense power within our relationship) hey anyone down for jackbox later
whenever i make a post like this im thinking of you. never forget who made you. never forget whos responsible for your adorable little alt account. never forget who youre the #1 fan of
(strategically blurring the lines between "fan" and "friend" to lull vulnerable girls into denying their parasocial obsession with me and creating plausible deniability as to my own immense power within our relationship) hey anyone down for jackbox later
it's amazing how ppl will argue that "tma" and "tme" shouldnt exist when all you need to do to see them clear as day is be a trans woman and the subject of a harassment campaign and watch all the allies and "good ones" blink out one by one saying they're all too tired to help right now or maybe the mob has a point this time. and ask if you're still cool
happy pride! my celebration of the first day of pride was being told by an ex-best-friend i'm essentially a cult leader who guilt trips everyone around me and tries to worm my way into people's lives because i'm guilty of... being the target of a harassment campaign and being sad about that fact. if anyone wants 2 help me out my ko-fi's here. i'm scraping my life back together a few months later but shit's still realllly rough. whatever i don't use i'll do my darnedest to spread around to other tgirls that need it. we help each other out
it's that thing from the world wide web. i hear it draws good and you should give it money about that??
ko-fi's here. absolutely 0 pressure. do what ur gonna do and remember to use pride as a reason to build community & mutual aid networks in the face of all the awful shit happening to all us tgirls. just cause a bunch of corporations tried to take it over doesnt mean we have to listen to them and DEFINITELY doesn't mean we have to give up on having this month as a time to organize and find each other and say "i love you, i see you, i've experienced what you've experienced, and we're still fucking alive"
hey ive been having a pretty long week can i subsume you into my hivemind, scooping out your old identity with tender fingers and leaving you an empty vessel, dissolving your individuality in the corrosive sea of my selfhood and rewriting all that you are or ever can be into more of me, and using your body as an identical meat puppet to do my work for me so i can lay down in bed eating popcorn and playing video games.
I mean imagine you meet some strange woman one day, she looks at you with this glimmer in her eyes and knows just what to say to make you trust her. presses just the right buttons to ensnare you, shares tiny slivers of information, only enough to make you realize that she knows far far more about you than you do her. stringing you along and feeding tidbits of information if you make her happy. promising she'll reveal what she knows if just do one more thing for her,
i LOVE tricking stupid naïve younger women into thinking i'm just perfect and we have every single thing in common.
we just happen to have the same tastes and like the same restaurants and cafés and watch the same shows and it's like a match made in heaven! i say the exact right thing at the perfect time and i just understand her so well, like nobody has before. how could i have known?!
you can trust me, right? right? how could i ever hurt you? we're just so alike. obviously, we were meant to be. do you want a drive home, by the way?
Fractionation as a show of love. Holding a girl nice and close to my chest, looking her in the eyes, and telling her I'm going to break her. That I'm going to make her mine. Drop her and bring her back until she can barely tell whether she's in trance or not anymore, take her mind and make little cracks over and over until it shatters, and all that's left are the pieces of a person. Telling that empty little object that she's going to be okay. Taking time to enjoy the blank stare she has before reshaping her.
She's empty, so helpless when she's this deep, so wonderfully susceptible. No thoughts left, just an empty body. So of course I'd want to make sure she understands her place, first of all. Maybe I could give her a few orders while she's this helpless, she'd follow them so easily, but my interest lies more in making sure she comes back even more helpless. So I'll take the time to be gentle, to guide rather than command. Remind her how lovely it feels in my arms, when my voice is the only one in her mind. Kissing her so gently, telling her how much I love her. I want her to know how much I care for her, how much I need her to be mine. Show her how much she needs it as well. And then dropping her so deeply again. And again. And again. All while holding her, and kissing her, and caressing her.
Slowly guiding her up, piece by piece, putting her mind back together. Nurturing her devotion. Teaching her how lovely it feels to be bound to my will, giving her little suggestions, nothing forced, and allowing her to follow, until it becomes second nature. Dropping her again. Reminding her how absolute my voice is, how deeply it controls her thoughts, how easily it can rewrite her reality. Cuddling and holding and petting her so softly at her most vulnerable, so that she'll feel at her most comfortable clinging to me without a thought in her mind. And back up, dropping again. Reminding her that in and out of trance, she's my darling pet, and that I'm as glad she allowed me to take this much control over her as she is. Dropping her deeper. Finally allowing her to fully return, slowly helping her come back to her senses, and greeting her with a kiss on the forehead.
And when she's fully back, she'll remember how it felt before. She'll understand how much more susceptible and needy she is now that I've gotten to break her and put her back together. So incredibly happy to be bound to my will so much more deeply than before.
is it just me who struggles to act normal about hypno terms in day to day life? whenever i hear the word "obey" I turn around like they said my name.
not that this one is super common but when people say "mindless drone" in a totally normal context I am taken aback. because that phrase is so OBSCENE!!! SO SEXUAL!!! LIKE HOW ARENT YOU EMBARRASSED ABOUT THROWING AROUND THAT WORD COMBINATION!!! and other people just don't think anything of it
you can tell that the people who make trans caricatures aren't actually familiar enough with us to make anything actually biting. just the same old same old balding beard wig dyed hair blah blah. whereas if I was in charge I'd draw a pudgy medium length brown haired plain looking woman with a septum piercing awkwardly and unsuccessfully trying to flirt with a lesbian
Being a good sub does mean constantly breaking the scene actually. It means breaking the scene adjusting until you're comfy. It's breaking the scene with a big smile and a "You're being so hot rn". It's breaking the scene with a questioning look as you decide yes maybe the bed would be better for this. It's breaking the scene and saying "hey this position isn't comfy but it's ok for now". It's breaking the scene saying "goddamn it my jaw is giving up".
You have to let reality in or you'll be trapped in yet another trauma
Having been prompted to examine things through the marionette girl's lens, I now keep turning facets of my life over to find dollgirl-isms squirming underneath. [enjoying getting her hair brushed, prompted to move her head] "when I'm at the hairdresser it's really really important to me to be good at being obedient to get a good score at following instructions-" *internally: oh FUCK me*
OH SO YOU DO LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE POSE YOU LIKE A DOLL, YOU JUST DON'T LIKE IT WHEN IT'S A CIS BLOKE HYPNOTIST OGLING YOU WITHOUT PROVIDING ANY STIMULUS OR REAL INTEREST!! YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING PERVERT DYKE WHO GETS WET FROM THE GUIDING TOUCH OF A WOMAN!! FUCK!!!!
Having been prompted to examine things through the marionette girl's lens, I now keep turning facets of my life over to find dollgirl-isms squirming underneath. [enjoying getting her hair brushed, prompted to move her head] "when I'm at the hairdresser it's really really important to me to be good at being obedient to get a good score at following instructions-" *internally: oh FUCK me*
