Growing up with a father who sufferes from mental illness, (most of which is his delusions of grandeur), my family and I heard a LOT of crazy stories from him about his life and experiences that we knew couldn't possibly be true. On the same note, he would often give "dad" advice to my sisters and I that I would later come to realize was just absolute nonsense that he spouted out whenever he needed to make himself feel useful or important.
The first example that comes to mind was when I was about 17 and Dad was attempting to show me how to change the oil in my car, (a subject that he knew little about, but he wouldn't admit to it). He says to me, "Sarah, did you know that at one time I was one of the best mechanics in the whole state of Wisconsin?" I, knowing full well he'd never worked on a car his entire life, let alone was a practicing mechanic, decided WTH, I'd just go with it. I replied, "Oh yeah? You never told me that." He goes on to tell me that he became known as "one of the greats" by helping glue an engine back together with just the items from his lunchbox. "Yeah the guys at the shop were lifting up an engine from this big ol' pickup truck using those pulleys like they do when all the sudden, WHAM!! The pulley broke and the engine fell right on the concrete and I'll be damned if the thing didn't just bust apart all over the floor! The other guys were shaking their heads, not a clue of what to do or how to do it. I was was pretty dumbstruck myself until I remembered what I had in my lunchbox... Needless to say that when I pulled out my bottle of mustard the guys were laughing pretty hard saying no man could glue an engine back together with a bottle of Heinz. But I went away at it anyhow, ignoring all the the heehawin' in the background. Anywho, when they started seeing it come back together piece by piece, their faces went from chuckling to their jaw dropped silence". By this point in the story I'm just staring at him blankly, not sure if I should burst into laughter or call him out on this scientifically impossible tale. After a few seconds I simply ask, "Are you saying that you put a shattered truck engine back together using only a bottle of mustard?" "That's exactly what I'm saying, and it's as true at the sky is blue above you my dear! I'm tellin' ya mustard is the most powerful adhesive on the planet, but not many know about it. When it sets it sets in like concrete and you'd damn near have to use a jackhammer to break it apart!" I started to crack up, not able to hold in the laughter anymore. "Now this ain't something to be laughin' at, I'm serious as a heart attack about that mustard!" He snapped. "It's stronger than any super glue man has ever made!" "Oh I know, Dad, I believe you're serious." I manage through the tears and gafawing. "Then what's so funny?" His expression softening and a little smile emerging on face now. "I... I'm just appreciating all the incredibly useful information you give me." I replied through the squeals of hysterical laughter. Dad paused a moment at that and looked pretty deep in thought. After a few seconds he finally shrugged and said, "Well, at least someone is grateful for my advice. I guess that makes you a pretty lucky gal". "Yeah, Dad, I guess that does."