when you want to stay in your comfort zone but also want to try new things and experiment. might as well just dye my hair blue okay.Ā This is going to be a bit long and probably a tad too honest but I need to get it off my chest once and for all.Ā My life revolved around drawing and creating for the past few years. And while other aspects of it werenāt always as good, this was going well. Art was my Thing.Ā But then life happened, both in a good and bad way and everything turned upside down. When I look back I think I was the most productive and creative when I wasnāt really very happy, or when I didnāt care to be. For a while I was just going with the flow and I didnāt bother to make my life better in any other way so I focused all my time and energy on improving my art. Apparently it worked. Okay but then you grow and change, you find happiness again, you get to know yourself a bit better, and you find more things that you get excited about so itās not just your art anymore. So what do you do then? How do I find the balance between working as a full-time artist, drawing for fun, actually improving my art skills, working on my portfolio and also doing other things that I love? How am I supposed to sit and draw for fun in the evening, when Iāve spent most of my day drawing for work? How do I keep that shitty little spark alive?Ā
Lately I discovered how much I actually love music and I want to do that too, I want it to be a part of my life. But I feel like the joy I get from playing the guitar has replaced the joy I used to get from drawing for myself, and Iām having mixed feelings about this. Iām not really enjoying art anymore. Thereās too much pressure and it became an obligation, so now whenever I get the chance to do something else - I do something else. I avoid art. I scroll through art on my FB feed so quickly. I donāt want to see it, I donāt want to think about it if itās not during my working hours. And not even then. But thatās not who I am really and I donāt know what to do about it. I feel like Iāve lost something along the way and I want to get it back but I also want to keep all these cool new things that came on its place. I want to be inspired and creative but I also want to be happy and do other stuff as well. I honestly feel as if Iām slowly losing myself or something, and like Iām not trying hard enough. I have no idea what Iām doing with my life. Guess Iām not the only one struggling with this but still, I really thought I had it figured out.Ā But I donāt know, maybe the thing I actually need to change is my mindset. Maybe itās okay not to draw 24/7 and maybe, just maybe the world wonāt fucking stop if I donāt devote 900% of my existence to art. Maybe itās not all about being crazy good at one thing and not doing anything else, but rather about actually enjoying the ride and stuff, I donāt know. Maybe thatās what they mean when they say itās not a competition. But then again youāre too young and stupid to accept the fact that you wonāt be the best at something, and that itās actually okay not to be. Because nobody gives a fuck really.Ā
