i’m in that headspace where i feel like the relationship or whatever-beyond-friendship i’m in is ending and i’m feeling weird and apathetic about it but mostly exhausted. but i’m worried i’m fantasizing too much about whatever’s next and not enjoying whatever’s here enough. maybe i want to leave this country, maybe i don’t, i don’t know. it’s been years since i’ve thought about my life outside the context of a relationship. i might be in a weird night mood right now, things are so scarily different when the sun’s out and hormones aren’t raging
i’m thinking about how every time in my preteens/teens when i’d see a boy who i had stuff in common with i’d convince myself i had a crush on them and then try to follow thru but then we’d just end up talking about the stuff we liked and me trying to push it any further just seemed like an awkward non sequitur and embarrassing for everyone
like i guess i didn’t really want to date boys at all but i was pissed off at everyone else who was dating someone. actually i definitely wanted to kiss everyone but that seemed unrelated to the whole process of getting someone whose name you’d dress up in your AIM profile
god AIM profiles. those little fucking things we used to measure closeness. this tweet brought it all back up like a spicy bile burp. wtf. i’m not gonna be like “wow i’m fuckin old!!!” but how the hell are middle schoolers micromanaging friendships these days? what are the little nuances? what tabs are open when they’re on the phone with each other not saying anything for 7 hours. probably not that different, i’m getting ahead of myself.
anyway recently i’ve been enamored with the idea of making really nostalgic music. not for the sake of ~throwback y’all!~~ but because i want to make music that curates?conveys? what i feel when i listen to what i listened to back then. so probably some kind of weird metal music. but i get worried that it won’t resonate with the kids who are like me. that their feelings are somehow more advanced and accepted and everyone gets them more. but that’s totally wrong
my intentions are probably more selfish than i’m making them out to sound. see i’ve been writing “future eva” notes and emails for a long time; i’ve fantasized about meeting future eva for even longer than that. i think i want to put that to rest and start being an eva that past eva could look up to. i want to make something to gently guide my small self into the future. i’m so angry because i’ve felt weirdly alone and misunderstood for too much of my life -- and maybe it’s because i’ve been too busy worrying about what she’ll look like and not who she can be now. sounds corny af but this is my personal hell. corn hell
corn syrup is illegal in japan, you know? i’ve been making my bed every day, it only takes two seconds and makes everything so much nicer. this place is great for me. right now i’m listening to meshuggah and soon, probably after i finish writing this, it’s bedtime for me. right now is so important. but i’m so eager to be great...i want my home, my cats, my decorations and guitars... but future eva would want me to enjoy this relative peace and quiet so that’s what i gotta do.
This was meant to be a quick warm up, but it turned into a comic that I’ve wanted to draw for a while. This is something that is extremely important to me, and I appreciate it if you read it.
A while ago, I heard a story that broke my heart. A family went a cat shelter to adopt. The daughter fell in love with a 3-legged cat. The father straight up said “absolutely not”. Because he was missing a leg. That cat was that close to having a family that loved him, but the missing leg held him back. Why?!
Many people have the initial instinct of “nope” when they see an imperfect animal. I get it, but less-adoptable does NOT mean less loveable. 9 out of 10 people will choose a kitten over an adult cat. And those 10% that would get an adult cat often overlook “different” animals.
All I want people to do is be open to the idea of having a “different” pet in their lives. Choose the pet that you fall in love with, but at least give all of them a fair shot at winning your heart.
Don’t dismiss them, they deserve a loving home just as much as any other cat. They still purr, they still love a warm lap, they still play, they still love you. Trust me, next time you are in the market for a new kitty, just go over to that one cat that’s missing an eye and see what he’s all about!
a moon shaped pool is the best radiohead album but everyone’s wrong about it being a sad album or a breakup album or heartbreaking or whatever
it’s just about being sad and in love which is the most emotionally draining thing ever simply because you drain yourself dry after being filled up by beautiful things you feel guilty about not deserving or not being thankful enough for. and then there’s the question if the other person will get sick of your sadness, if they will give up and move on, even though they’re probably sad too and thinking they’re just as hard to love as you think you are, but at the same time you both love each other in the best way and find each other so easy to love; all the while worrying, if happiness comes to either one of you, will it be a different love? will it be the same love, will one surpass the other and move on? but being preoccupied with longevity can make you paranoid and not very good in the current moment that matters most, so you just exist cuddling and crying about how you’re both fucked but how you’re going to make it, neither of you will let the other give up, we believe in each other even if we don’t believe in ourselves and all those related moods we might be doomed to feel for a long long time
anyway you should listen to a moon shaped pool by radiohead 10/10
So Diplo did a concert in Islamabad for the richest most privileged Pakistani kids who could afford to pay upwards of 10 grand (in rupees) for one ticket and he’s acting like he did a charity concert. Not to mention Islamabad is a (violently) rich capital with high-rises, perfect roads, and perfect parks and the picture he chose to upload had a deceivingly ‘underdeveloped third-world country’ background.
“…At the end of the show everyone backstage gave me hugs and hi fives and told me it was a good time but it didn’t feel normal. I almost felt like crying because here we all were at the end of the show with our peace signs in the air at the end of the concert doing something that might be arbitrary for us … On any Saturday night.. We do it every weekend and we don’t realize it’s a privilege.. For these kids from Islamabad Lahore or Karachi or the countryside this is the first time they have ever done that and it might not happen again for a long time. But tonight everyone danced and sang together and wished for a better future and maybe it might make it easier for it to happen…”
Sorry to burst your bubble bud but there’s a rave (or two or three) in Lahore/Islamabad/Karachi literally every weekend. You’re not special. You catered to the richest of the rich in Pakistan and other than them no one would even give a shit about who you are.
And better yet, the white people in his comments section are acting like he’s saved dying kids:
“Wow makes me wanna cry. I feel your words making the picture in my mind how much you impacted them for giving them a moment of joy. Wow touched my heart. xoxo love you“
prguitarman
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
dededos
andulkaphoto
pixelskylines
gummygunk
