Chapter one
Eric or as his friends call him earlic woke up and he was moist Earlick was gingerally walking down the side walk so as not to step on any small insectoids when Redshirt ran up to earlick and said in bated breath "it happend" Earlick stopped short and looked down at his sexy large feet "it happend to me too," said him "I woke up moist." They continued walking to school. Earlick was a freshman in college; he wasn't really a fresh man. Earlick smelled bad and was constantly passing gas out of his ass. Earlick was a little hard of hearing so he talked like idiot or he was just an idiot so he talked like an idiot because he was one. Earlick had long greasy hair and it smelled like stale pot smoke and poo corn. Redshirt was Earlicks only real friend probably because Redshirt was just as repulsive. Redshirt was covered in pimples and usually had boogers and food covering his face. This one time Earlick thought he was a homosexual so he asked Redshirt to make out with him so he did because they are best friends, when Earlick came out of the boys bathroom with boogers and pimple puss all over his face everyone started calling him gay for Redshirt. It turns out Earlick wasn't gay for Redshirt infact he wasn't gay for any man, he was only having those thoughts becauae his mom was accidently giving him her pills instead of his. Earlick farted "ooooooh that smells great!" Redshirt replied to the gas excaping Earlicks ass. Redshirt was telling the truth, he liked Earlicks farts. They were walking past Norm out of the norm's house when Norm burst out screaming, naked and holding two tennis rackets (this was a joke they liked to play on eachother.) He was malnourished and he his teeth were rotted out from constant smoking of meth. Norm was a 40 year old brown man of unidentified origin. He smelled of burning spinich and vinegar. Little did Earlick know but Redshirt enjoyed kissing Earlick, and he really ejoyed watching Norm out of the norms wrinkly penis jump from side to side. Norms penis was surprisingly white for his lumpy brown body his testi's looked like an old rotten avocado skins. Once while norm was raising his flag to half mast, his neighbor commented on his pale flacid penis, norm proceeded to beat his neighbor to near death, the boys knew not to comment. "Hey Normy" Earlick said "sorry but we have no time for your games today we are running late for school and today is a very impo" fhhhhhhhhboooooopa more gas exscaped Earlicks ass Redshirt took in a deep breath "tant day today at school, today is the day we meet new friends!" After school the boys planned on going to the human zoo where they had all different kinds of unbathed homoceipiens that werent alowed to mate. The chinese is Earlicks favorite habitat. Norm bid them fare well and started to releave his blatter all over his leg. "Boy I hope Norm is alright" Redshirt said to Earlick after they got far enough away from Norm so he couldnt over hear them. They walked in and Trent was at his locker. His extremely long and thin nipples poked through his mesh basketball jersey. He said hi to Earlick but not to Redshirt because everyone called him gay for Redshirt as well as they did with earlick. The truth was that Redshirt had cut a hole in trents aud hep poster because trent loved to kiss it, he came running out of the changing room covered in boogers and pimple puss screaming " my poster kissed back" over and over again. Earlick turned to redshirt and exclaimed " not now nor shall i ever be the president of united states of america"