ring master of the shit show

I get emotional about plants. I simultaneously want to be a hermit and get endless attention.

[jacaylsdcbhsdhk-deactivated2020]

your vibes based on your sign

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Give yourself enough space to improvise but not enough space to beat yourself up over small mistakes. Dumbass.

Taurus: Routine is how you optimize mental energy use, make sure you can focus on the things that matter, like conducting that elephant poaching sting you’ve had on your mind.

Gemini: When it comes to personalities, strong flavors require other strong flavors for balance. Get this weak shit out of here.

Cancer: While winning through pure spirit and willpower is dramatic, its unreliable. Steal some vibes from Sun Tzu, and fight only when victory is assured. 

Leo: Self-deprecation is a great way to blame yourself for a failure that was not yours. 

Virgo: Your brain requires a balanced mental diet. It is actually healthy to spend several hours lost in a cornfield staring at the sky and pondering.

Libra: Feeling frustrated? Like you’re out of control? Construct several thousand wooden statues of bears. 

Scorpio: Fair warning, some things may resemble other things that they are not. Keep an eye out.

Ophiuchus: Prepare to learn that you are immune to poison in the post erotic way possible.

Sagittarius: Desserts are half off today in the large ditch out by the river that used to be a landfill. Do with this what you will. Use it as an exercise in decision making.

Capricorn: Affordable fungal infection for the whole family.

Aquarius: Today, dear Aquarius, everything will be 150% juicier. Use this abundance of juice for good. Bounty is the measure of a good heart.

Pisces: Your ability and desire to anger jewelers will actually cause no significant consequences. What are they gonna do? Polish rocks at you?

[luisonte]

[ceevee5]

For the love of God, sound on.

[myrandomstuffpage]

Ma! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[batwizard]

anyone else live under the assumption that they’re constantly doing something wrong

[tiptoe39]

How about the assumption that everyone’s just being polite and any minute now they’re going to snap and let you know how awful you are

[andalusiapunk]

Everyone who reblogs this post, please read about the psychological phenomena of Childhood Emotional Neglect.

[loki-cat2]

if you think shrek 3 sucks think again

[thatdisheveledbitch]

I think about this moment all the time

[queensnarf]

Bards really be like that

[larkfeather1153]

This was on the same level as that opera scene in the fifth element

[feministism]

[radmenace]

this is what happens when fetuses are given legal personhood– women lose their’s.

[lookingattheedgeoftime]

[panspanther]

Gan Eden

[rumade]

I want to hug that fat little tree so badly it makes my heart ache

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[rlckrolled-blog]

Panic! In front of the cute boy

[everythingfox]

“Get out of the way”

(via)

[ke-ray92-deactivated20201217]

Before January ends, I’m going to magically and extremely be blessed by the universe.

[introvertbard]

not gonna risk scrolling past this

[anxietyproblem]

[teneral]

good fucking morning *levitates towards you with ill intent*

[vulvva-deactivated20200910]

customers approaching store employees

[sixpenceee]

A sheep died in a bog. The top of the sheep’s back was not submerged and rotted away. The submerged parts remained perfectly preserved.

[dave-pen]

so the photographer just stood there taking a picture instead of helping. everything that is wrong with modern society

[uncle-beanbag]

The city boy is thick on this one ^

[pangur-and-grim]

in case it’s unclear: her eel-like writhing propelled her off the chair in the last pic (imagine a soft THUNK)

[aestheticacadema]

[aestheticacadema]

(18+)

[blackqueerblog]

straight men really are on something else

[illegitimatetenenbaum]

Does this guy think that…women don’t have knees?

[sodomymcscurvylegs]