reply to this . @soldierworn
Thomas is quite uncomfortable given the current circumstances. He wants to be happy that Bucky is back, he wants to celebrate. But even before he saw this Bucky, he couldn't bring himself to. He hadn't changed in the same ways Bucky had, and maybe not as drastically, but he definitely hadn't gone up in the world or gotten any better. Maybe he had for a moment, as a hero under the guidance of Jim. But the disappearances of his friends, and the deaths of too many loved ones had wore him down to bone and he couldn't feel the dead nerves anymore. Just ghosts of pain wilting against the calcium within him.
He doesn't flinch at Bucky's response, he just.... stands there. And stares at Bucky for a long time. He wants to understand. He wants to reach out. But neither of them are the same anymore. The world wasn't the same anymore.
Thomas is silent and looks away for a moment. He pulls a pack of cigarettes, mostly empty, from his pocket and lights one. A habit he had picked back up since Bucky had vanished. He placed it in his mouth and lit the tip of his finger aflame and caught the end before taking a long drag. He let the smoke out through his nose before looking back at Bucky again.
His eyes weren't sad when they looked at Bucky. Yearning maybe, if you looked hard enough. But otherwise glassy and simple. Thomas wanted things to be simple. But of course they never were.
"Yeah I don't know you anymore, Bucky. Hell it's been how many years?" He sighs like he's tired and squeezes the back of his neck as if it aches but it doesn't. "And you don't know me anymore. But... I don't know, Bucky if..." He struggles for words and lets out a frustrated groan. He takes another puff of his cigarette hoping it'll help him focus but of course it doesn't. "If you... If you want to... If you want to learn each other again, I... I'd..." He looks away again, "I think I'd like that. At least to try. I know things aren't the same. Maybe it would be better if they were. But we're both here now. And... you may not be the Bucky I knew before. But maybe this Bucky," he motions to the other man with his hand holding the cigarette, "can get along with this Thomas." He motions to himself with the same hand.
He takes another puff and tucks his free hand into his pocket. "It's just an offer. You don't have to take it. But the offer won't go away if you don't take it. I'll still be here. You'll know where to find me." It's a promise, one he hopes sounds sincere. Thomas is trying to be sincere. Something he's perhaps lost the knack for in the years of isolation he accumulated. Why now? Why reach out now?
Because it was Bucky. It was Bucky. Not the same Bucky, but still Bucky. Someone Thomas thought he'd lost forever. And someone he hadn't had the courage to face again till recently. But he wanted to see Bucky again. The knowledge that Bucky was back had haunted him till he saw the man again. He couldn't believe it was true. And it wasn't true. This wasn't the Bucky he had loved known before. This was a new man, shaped by the things he'd seen. But inside Thomas... inside his heart there was a glimmer of a flame that was only being kept alive by the thought that maybe... maybe he could have a friend again.
