ashlea

welcome

[nevver]

Flora and Fauna, Nicola Kloosterman

[arpeggia]

Larry Bell | More

[arpeggia]

Sand art by Jim Denevan

See more Jim Denevan posts here.

[noodlesinbroth]

Oh Hyuk by Peter Ash Lee - W Magazine 

[parasoli]

[389]

[bled]

Billions by Ward Roberts

‘how small and insufficient people can be made to feel’

[artfest]

NAM JUNE PAIK, TV Fish (detail), 1975–88,  three-channel video, 24 monitors and aquariums, live fish, 1158 × 147 × 99 cm. Courtesy Nam June Paik Art Center, Yongin.

[ieg]

green moodboard from my own archive cuz i thought it would look nice

[curiousmiscellanies-blog]

[jssthmssn]

[earth2ang3l]

Words are just words.

[earth2ang3l]

I purchased a notebook last Friday to start journaling again. I am excited to get my thoughts out on paper. Journaling is so grounding. When I neglect to take that extra time to remind myself of how I feel in certain moments, I lose touch with who I am and any progress I’ve made. Life just becomes a giant blob.

—

Yesterday was a lunar eclipse. I saw somewhere that this is a powerful time to release unwanted energy and feelings. My first initial thought was that I don’t have the energy to delve into those things right now and maybe I was a little scared to. However, I just sat in stillness and started thinking and trying to piece together all my scattered thoughts. And in doing so, everything just came flooding out. I had realizations that I’ve told myself before, but had forgotten. I let go of the last remnants of hate that I admittedly held for my dad and finally let myself empathize with how he might have felt in the past. I cried for him and not myself. I tried to analyze why I am the way I am and understand. It felt freeing.

—

However, I feel heavy hearted this morning. Due to the lack of follow through I have with making a morning routine for myself that will help me start off the day with not hating the day. I feel stuck in an economical stand point. I want to nurture myself, but I feel like I don’t have the time to or I get so tired to do so.

Working my 9 - 5. Which I am blessed with because I have an amazing boss, who sees me as a person and is so kind and humble no matter his successes. But I thrive on being creative and I need sunlight and to be outsideeee from time to time to be quite frank. I hate wasting my days away indoors. Maybe that plays a part in it. I go through waves of feeling like I’m drowning in all this and then I just distract myself for awhile and then the water resurfaces and I’m drowning again. I hate it and I hate the cycles I go through. I guess it’s normal though, but I want to shape my life into something I love. I want to be excited for life again and I want to see things through the eyes of my younger self.

[earth2ang3l]

[earth2ang3l]

I feel as if I have so much more soul searching to do. I struggle with believing in myself. I do often try to and I feel like an imposter. I want so much more for myself. I want to love myself, but deep down I feel like I can only love myself when I am no longer who I am now.

[earth2ang3l]

Trying to learn to be self-sufficient in as many ways possible.

[earth2ang3l]

Still practicing guitar! Been learning a lot of song by Umi. I love her music. She has such a beautiful soul and her growth in finding herself translates in her music. I look up to that. I also learned a couple Frank Sinatra songs. Still trying to learn to sing again and just let my voice flow. I always be stifling it and I want to work on that.

Still need to get into my sewing game. I really want to make some clothing with intention of the energy I want to put out into the world. The energy I want to exude when I wear that clothing or when others wear my clothing.

I have so many things, I want to try out but I should take it step by step, so I don’t get overwhelmed.

I honestly am interested in making all natural candles with essential oils etc. It just seems like such calming work and fulfilling work.

I wish I had my own space. I want an area that is my own, uncluttered by other people.

If I had my own place, I would rise early in the morning. Ground myself and strengthen who I am. Make my own daily rituals. Really take care of myself.

But waking up in a space that is not mine, so early. It just doesn’t feel right.

I don’t like to put too much pressure on other people but I hate empty promises. However, I think I am maybe just delflecting they responsibility I should take. If I want to do something, I shouldn’t wait for others. Even if them doing tasks like this would be beneficial for themselves.

Lead by example perhaps?

Channel my frustration into something postive.