The ballad of me and my brain @earthtojessa - Tumblr Blog

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Dumaan na naman yung Valentines Day. And i'm still single. It has been 6 years since i've been in a relationship. Almost 2 years since i've dated someone. I just want to love and be love. And I have no idea where and how will I able to find a guy.

I haven't posted a blog lately. I had a job interview in a great company a week ago. I'm really looking forward that i'd be able to get this job. There are 3 position opened and I really want that job yet I haven't heard anything. I badly want that job. I'm still hoping. Nothing in my life is okay right now but i'm trying to be okay.

Band Appreciation. The 1975 from Manchester. The first song I heard from this band was Sex and this was played thru All Time Low's podcast while I was on my home from school. I still remember Vic Fuentes was a guest in that episode and this was his song request. From that day on I started listening to this band. Until I googled everything about them. During 2014, they came to Manila for a mall show. I knew a relative who works in mall events so my friends and I did not have to pay or buy anything. Then I fell in love even more when I saw them live. They came back right away during 2015 and they played a bigger venue which was the Moa Arena. I was a college student back then so I don't have enough money to buy the expensive ticket, so we bought the cheapest one. Luckily, the band was not that big yet so they let us stayed int the Lower box section. It was surreal. And they released a new album in 2016, as promised by Matty they went back straight away here in Manila. Bought the tickets on the day of the show, I don't even know how to describe the experience. I would probably be supporting this band even if i'm in my 40s. If ever they will no longer be a band 20 yrs from now, I would still be listening to them. They helped me a lot thru their music. How being different is okay. How expressing what you actually feel is okay. Thank you lads.

This just happened today. The Maine is coming back to Manila and State Champs is coming for the first time and we’ve waited for so long for this. I got really excited because The Maine just dropped a new single called Bad Behavior and will release the whole album on April 7th. I love The Maine so much. I met them back in 2015 and they were the nicest band. I’m just really excited to see and meet this bands on June. AAAAHHHHH

2:52am January 20,2017 OKAY I CAN'T SLEEP SEND HELP??? UGH Anyway, The Maine just released a new song!!! I'm crying right now because I love this band so much and yes it's on repeat. I remember the first time I saw them and met them as well back in August 12,2015. They're nicest band i've ever known. I LOVE THE MAINE I LOVE THE MAINE I LOVE THE MAINE THIS IS SONG IS SO GOOD BAHDJAJSVKSLA I LOVE THE MAINE CAN'T WAY FOR THE WHOLE ALBUM KBYE I'LL TO GET SOME SLEEP

Bucket List (kinda) - [ ] Get a job & be regularized - [ ] Stay at that job for 2 or 3 yrs - [ ] Get promoted - [ ] Buy a Fujifilm camera - [ ] Buy a car (Audi 😍) - [ ] Travel to Korea & Japan - [ ] Travel to El Nido Palawan - [ ] Get a boyfriend - [ ] Dinner dates in Tagaytay - [ ] Weekend getaway with bf - [ ] Date in EK - [ ] Couple ring - [ ] Photo booth with bf - [ ] Have sex (shower sex too) - [ ] Mountain Climbing - [ ] Masters/Law School - [ ] Learn to speak & write korean - [ ] Go to concerts & meet my fav bands - [ ] Get fit (abs & collarbones) To check and edit soon.

1:35am January 19,2017 Gago here I am again on my thoughts that just won't shut up. I want to sleep but fucking mind won't let me. Anyway, I went to my dearest Alma Mater in college to get my diploma also i went to the dentist and she just told me that na kailangan na kong bunutan ng ngipin (i havent experienced that so im fucking scared) okay so i wento feu with my 2 friends also they're couple (tang ina how long will i still be a thirdwheel of my friends). We were all feeling nostalgic since it's been a while we've visited feu after graduation. God i miss college. I miss spending my entire life inside and outside the campus. Despite the stressful academics, college was a lot of fun. I miss spending my entire day with my friends goofing around and dying because of laughing too much. Fucking miss it all. This is a special shake for me. It's only 10 pesos. (Bobo ko sa spelling sorry) There's a story behind why i love this despite it's really good. My long time crush in college (since 2nd yr 1st sem & he was a junior) we got pretty close in our entire stay in feu because of my friends. But he was already graduating that time so he barely goes to school. He went to school that time and asked me out. I mean he wanted to see me since he was visiting. He was actually the one who loved this. And I'll never discover it if not for him. Also he bought me an ice cream that time. There's this mall near our school called ever & there was DQ. After we went back and sat on the bench near the admin bldg. That was the time he talked about the girl he courted (my heart was breaking that time but we were cool) But we talked a lot and laughed that day. It really was an unforgettable day for me. Hi John! Also I was dying of kilig that time you have no idea how much i liked that guy Here's no ordinary sisig. This was actually our favorite food. Sisig ni Bro. We always eat here so we get free iced tea all the time. There was this one time, we were like 20 so they set up a table near the street just for us. We were that special if you asked. It was surreal to eating this once again. My college memories are still fresh from my mind. I miss it. I miss them. I miss everything.

Stop worrying jess. This too shall pass. Smile and be positive.

12:58am January 17, 2016 Here's me trying to get some sleep after watching kdrama the entire day. I miss the good old days. College was stressful and yes I don't know what was going on. All I thought about was to graduate and have a lot of fun with my friends. I kinda regret that I did not study well. College indeed was fun and easier than the life I have right now. But life will never be easy, I have to get thru a lot of things to survive. I thought 2017 will help me get thru of my anxiety and depression. I guess thru watching kdrama and not to care about anything is just an escape. An escape for all thoughts. An escape from reality. I'm currently unemployed. I haven't seen my friends. All I do is stay in my room and watch kdrama. I told myself that i'll be better but I don't know how and where will I start. I sleep at 3am and wake up around 12nn doing the same thing everyday at home. I've been telling my mom not to worry about me not having a job. Tbh, i'm really scared if I will have a job again. I messed up really bad in my previous interview and I don't think i'll get the job. I've been applying to many companies yet I still hear nothing. God help me get thru this. Help me to tell myself that "This too shall pass." Stay positive. There's better to come. Help me to be better. Help me and guide me Lord. I'm sorry if I doubted you but i'm always thankful and grateful.

Rainy Tuesday

Today is the 10th of January 2017. It’s brand new year. I also turned 21 last December.

I’m 21 years old and I still don’t know where my life is going. First things first, I’m currently unemployed. And I haven’t called for interviews that much so far. All I do is stay in my room and binge watch some Kdrama. You know how sad that is? I barely talk to anyone besides my mom. I haven’t seen my friends a while either. I don’t any money to go out and hang out with them so I guess my night is not young. I stay up until 3am to watch Kdrama and wake up in the afternoon to eat and then spend my entire day in my bed. I told myself to jog today but it’s raining.

I’ve been contemplating about life lately. A lot if you ask. I think about a lot of things. I think about life for me. For some reason I was having a really hard time last December. I even thought about killing myself and what should I tell to the people around me. I even made a letter to them. I was really having a hard time and yes some friends where asking me about it but apparently they also have a lot of things going thru with. I end up comforting them instead of helping myself first. To tell you, whenever I’m sad they are also sad. If i’m going thru something they tell me that they are going thru with something as well. Like seriously does have everyone has problems? Well I guess so. We all go thru a lot of things in life. However, the 1st of January 2017 made me realize about things. I have a brand new beginning with my life once again, an opportunity to make myself better. Despite all the things i’ve been dealing with, I’ve realized that I can get thru it. I’m a strong, independent and smart woman. This too shall pass.

I’ll talk about more but for now I need to take bath. Lol

I don't know where i'm going if i'm going anywhere at all. But I know i'll take the leap if it's worth the fall.

Puta I need a break from everything.

What life has been after graduation

It's been 4 months since I've graduated from college. I got a job as an Operations Analyst in DKS here in Manila. It takes me almost 4 hours to work and 2 hours on my home. I don't even know how I survive that every day. I spent 6 hours of my day on the road and 9 hours in office. A total of 15 hours. Can you imagine? I actually like my job. Of course there are those one-of-those-days, a stressful day at work. I can still manage the stress so far. I'm happy with the people I work with. They are actually nice people. They would help you out. They would answer your questions. There's nothing more. I'm blessed to have a job.

One night stand

For some reason I’ve been thinking about this guy lately. I met him before but we never talked. It was my friends birthday so of course we drink until the sun rises. He was a common friend. I found him cute already that night but nothing came to my mind that this guy would come near me even. He was really funny and all. So it just happened. We were all too drunk, for some reason we slept together. He just kissed and hugged me all night. I was too drunk that I can’t think about what’s happening. Everything was happening too fast. It was my first time and all of sudden it was just done just like that. I don’t know how and why it happened. Wanna hear the fun part? He was in a relationship already. That douchebag. “Kapag may alak may balak” But it felt good. Why do I don’t feel any guilt about it? Hahaha I haven’t been touched for a long time. I mean like kissing and hugging. So I kinda missed having a guy around. I miss dating. I miss the hook ups. Life is just too boring without it.

To J.E:

Wanna move on, but I'm scared of losing you I can't seem to master the art of letting you go.

-jess

I actually don’t know what to say here. When I read that message I actually don’t what I felt. Was he really that hard on me or I just can’t accept the ugly truth? But who knows. It still hurts a lot. He never said sorry as well. All he did was to sent me a bunch of gifs. Like man what have I done wrong? I was really nice to him all I did was tell random shits to him and I actually thought he was cool with that. We’ve been like this for a long time now everything has changed.

I'm too good for you. You take my love for granted. And I don't understand it. if growing up, being mature or being adult is to become a real jerk then no thank you. Thanks anyway for being there somehow.

June 4, 2016- June 5, 2016 Cagbalete Island Mauban, Quezon

It was one of the greatest trips I had with my the whole fam. It was a long travel but totally worth it. Before the trip, three of my friends and I went to a bar to drink and have fun. Then we went to our friend’s house to take shower because we have to leave at 4am. It took us 5 hours to reach Lucena, Quezon and an hour and a half trip to mauban. It really felt like the province because it was incredibly hot and the open-air mini bus was crowded. There were a lot of passengers. And then we arrived at the port and took a 45 minutes boat ride. It was a fun trip.

It was really fun and was a really great adventure. I CAN’T WAIT FOR MORE.

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The ballad of me and my brain