Domestic Terrorist To Star In New Reality Show (Satire)
Chicken Noodle News
A South San Francisco Building Department building was blown to pieces in a domestic terror attack this past tuesday. Though no lives were lost, the builders that occupied the building are now forced to build a new workspace.
The perpetrator, Bill Sachs is currently out on bail. The 39 year old guidance counselor was known by his friends and family to be fame hungry, as he often injected his screenplay into topical conversations.
“He’s been working on it for a few years now,” a neighbor told this Chicken Noodle News correspondent.
In addition to screenplays, Sachs was interested in reality television. Studying the likes of Danielle Bregoli from Dr. Phil, as well as Nancy from The Bachelor. Minestrone University psychologist Elmo Lieberman suspects that this type of content had a negative influence on Sachs’ psyche.
“Who in their right mind would watch such programing?” Lieberman continued, “This all could have been averted, had a parental block been placed on Sachs’ television set.”
Amid his trail, sources close to Sachs have indicate he has signed a reality television show contract with VH1. The working title of the show is My Life As A Domestic Terrorist. We reached out to VH1 for comment.
A representative for the network explained, “The mass are just so fascinated with these people! I mean, did you even see the ratings on CNN last week?”
VH1 expects the show to sweep this fall's primetime lineup. Though, the former occupants of the now demolished building aren’t too happy.
“This guy does something horrible, and now everyone wants to pay attention to him! What about us?” one of the builders yelled into a deep well.
The show will include an extensive backstory detailing all of Sachs’ achievements and conquests in life. Professional media whore Mark Wahlberg will co-star as Sach’s stunt double, joining the already all star cast.
“We’re going to be filthy rich,” said the VH1 representative, popping champagne in Sachs’ studio apartment. They would have gone out to celebrate, unfortunately, Sachs is under house arrest, as per his bail conditions.