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@ebonynoire
Can someone tell me what their own faith feels like and what they believe in?
About me: I was raised religious (Christian). I never really questioned my faith, and my father actively lived out Christianity for me. For a while, I even helped organize children’s church in our congregation. Because of that, I find it hard to clearly say what I actually want to express maybe partly out of fear.
The point is: religion doesn’t make sense to me. On the contrary, it sometimes feels very wrong to me. I think that to make this discussion a bit more precise, we need to look at the concept of belief independently from organized religion.
For me, belief means the idea of something greater in everything and nothing, and the notion that this “force” exists. I believe in this idea of a force call it God, the universe, nothingness, it doesn’t really matter. I also believe that language itself is a limiting factor that makes it harder to describe this more precisely.
However, the idea of God as a man who judges me, and the way religion is lived and practiced by many people often to further divide people into groups feels very, very wrong to me. The idea that God can only exist in the one form that religions usually describe, and cannot be anything else, also feels very foreign to me.
My main points where I’m asking for your experiences, opinions, or thoughts are roughly these:
1. Am I intellectualizing the topic too much? And if so, is there a way to counteract that?
2. What is the origin of your own belief, and how did it come about? (Maybe I just haven’t figured out yet what belief means for me.)
3. One could say that it’s fine to simply believe what I already believe—but part of the conflict for me is that I would like to remain religious. Ideally, I would just want it to feel sincere and authentic again, if that makes sense. Basically, if there is a chance to continue being religious, I would choose that.
Thanks in advance for all the input may the right people find this!
Thank you 2024 for being a friend, a teacher, a lover, a hater, an ugly ass cunt, the rebirth of my soul and the beginning of a completely new era!!!!
A man treats you exactly how much you're worth in his eyes.
Facts but not only man are that way basically everyone. If they actually like you, you don’t have to ask yourself if they do.
26th of November
The truth of the matter is in order to not accept the truth right in front of us we’re willing to hurt us even more by blindsiding and betraying our intuition and ability to think critically.
It’s just like the moment in the morning when our alarm goes off and slowly we hear that noise in the most beautiful and peaceful dream. Hoping for just one more moment in that dream we keep lying to ourselves that the thing we clearly hear isn’t what we know it is. But in the end frustration creeps in and the unwillingness to let go of something that wasn’t meant for us leaves us with a feeling of emptiness and sorrow….
I once tried to keep everything together and held onto so many things that were simply not meant for me but I now wanna release everything that’s not meant for me because I know everything that is will find its own way to me without my interference or me clinging on it 🫰🏽
Thank you for being here,
for loving me so deeply,
for lifting me higher than I ever thought I could stand,
and for being my loudest, fiercest cheerleader.
Thank you for believing in my passions,
for fueling my fire when I felt it flicker,
for hyping me up and reminding me who I am when I forget.
Because you believe so much in me, I’ve learned to believe in myself, too.
Just because of you, I picked up music again today—after so many years of silence.
And for the first time in what feels like forever, I felt alive.
You are the purest form of love:
unwavering, radiant, and true.
Thank you Ruho, for everything.
My eyes will always reflect the raw beauty and shine your entire being embody because of you I feel complete and because of you I am who I am today. my love will never go away because…
My soul is where you are 🫰🏽
14th of November
I cried sooo much today… it was actually a normal day and I didn’t even felt like it but today when I was sitting down eating my dinner I just realized how much love people especially my parents have for me.
It’s never been that way tbh like unfortunately I wasn’t brought up in a household where the type of person I am was celebrated. Most of my life I was suffering in silence. As a queer child with a religious Russian x African family I had to survive and surviving meant to blend in as good as possible as a result I really disconnected to the depth of my soul and became a walking memory of the joy I once felt as a kid. But luckily god blessed me with very good friends even though we might be very different and from time to time I wanna kill them they are my chosen family. The love didn’t stop there god blessed me with a platonic life long partner I can proudly and confidently call my twin flame. A connection I can’t compare to anything I’ve ever experienced. And right when I thought I would always have to live a secret second life to have the chance to experience more of my queerness god paved the way for me to be able to be loved by my own family. This journey wasn’t as happy and easy as it sounds but at the end of the day I can’t and will never deny the privilege I have to experience so much love. I’m not telling my story to brag about all the wealth and fortune I have. I’m telling my story because today I realized how long I was truly suffering because I was seeking for a place that embraces who I am and loves me for me just to realize that right in front of my eyes god provided me with everything I’ve ever wanted. So thank you for because for a long long time I believed you forgot me and didn’t care just for me to forget myself and don’t care while you were trying your hardest to let me know that in the end it will be okay….
All the pain and the suffering, my tears my silent cry for help, my anger, my wish to end everything you always listend and you cared enough to give me peace. In your name I pray for everyone who’s suffering in silence, everyone who’s looking for a place to be, a place of love, a place of belonging and comfort. A community that embraces, sees and hears them. So please god treat all your children regardless of their circumstances, beliefs or ages with the same grace and kindness you gave me 🫰🏽
Sometimes being loved for who we are isn’t a right but a privilege but at the end of every day each of us deserve to be heard, seen and loved.
In you precious name I say amen 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
12th of November
To Ruho, my eternal Sunshine,
In drunken haze, through dim-lit night,
I met her gaze, and all felt right.
Though words were few, a vow was born,
To seek her out at sober morn.
And as the world aligned our fates,
In time, I found her at those gates,
Bound not by chance, but by a thread
Of something vast, by spirit led.
Her beauty, rare and deep,
With tender lips, she stirs the sleep
Of sorrowed hearts, her laughter bright
Ignites the world in warm delight.
Her eyes, like dawn’s first gentle ray,
Bring spring’s renewal to my day.
Dark hair against her rosy skin,
As chocolate on sweet fruit akin.
But greater yet than all that’s seen
Is beauty veiled, in spirit keen—
Complex and soft, a fearless heart,
In jesting warmth she plays her part.
She faces fears with steady gaze,
In kindness fierce, her courage stays.
For even those who’ve done her wrong
Find mercy in her spirit strong.
Ruho, wise yet humbly so,
With roots in earth, yet high she’ll go.
She strides the world with pride, yet grace,
A light that ambles, finds its place.
In contrasts bold, her truth abides,
No contradictions—depths she hides.
She shines with strength, unseen by most,
Yet fills my soul, my pride, my boast.
She is my twin flame, soulmate true,
A ray of hope that cuts right through.
Her mere existence gives me might
To chase a future bold and bright.
In her, I find a home, a peace,
Where restless doubts and shadows cease.
She is the joy that fills my days,
The one my heart, in lifetimes, sways.
For this sweet fate, this sacred chance,
I thank the gods for our brief dance—
That here and now, we’ve both been led,
No fear, no shame, just truth instead.
To love her is to hear, to see—
And she, my love, sees all of me.
Her soul shines through the darkness bright,
Her being soft, warm, loving, a light.
Fills me up with joy, love and happiness every time
Ruho de Lujo my eternal sunshine ☀️
8th of November
„Flame and Shadows“
There are mornings I rise, brimming with hope,
Strength courses through me, a river unchained,
My soul ablaze, untouched, its fire aglow,
A light that guides, undimmed, unfeigned.
Yet sometimes, shadows creep in the night,
Whispers of doubt weave through my mind,
My eyes lose their gleam, laughter fades from sight,
And I wonder if love is something I’ll find.
Will anyone dare to look beyond,
To see the warmth, the glow within?
Or will I fade, my voice unsung,
A touch unfelt, a kiss unseen?
Am I but here to soothe and mend,
To cradle lost souls, then let them fly?
The poet’s pen, but never the verse—
A longing unheld beneath the sky.
To love without being loved in return,
Yes, it’s a gift—but I won’t deny,
How I yearn to be someone’s first thought,
Their morning sun, their lullaby.
I dream of being a heart’s pure thrill,
Their last embrace as slumber calls,
The spark that can move mountains still,
A love so deep, no shadow falls.
At times I feel like the moon on high,
Who lives to shine in the sun’s embrace,
Yet wonder, if her glow withdrew,
Could I alone illuminate space?
Do I seek love from another heart,
Or envy my own depths untold?
In the end, one truth remains—
I love, and forever, will cherish love’s hold.
6th of November
About Love,
So much can be said about love, yet nothing I could say hasn’t already been spoken by others—and that only makes it more beautiful. Love is something we are often willing to spend a lifetime searching for. It’s something that moves us, inspires us, strengthens us, and, at the same time, it lays us bare, makes us vulnerable, and demands courage.
Love can be strong, overwhelming, intense, yet also soft, warm, and light. It takes so many shapes, speaks in so many ways, and still, we all agree that it is the source of life’s beauty.
Love is like a seed with origins unknown. We plant it with hope that it will grow and flourish, following certain rules to create a space where it can thrive. Yet, whether it truly has everything it needs to grow lies beyond our control. When, against the odds, it does begin to grow, it can seem fragile and unassuming; we may quickly forget under what conditions it was able to sprout. Places that appear barren and impenetrable can sometimes turn out to be the perfect ground where love breaks through and blooms.
And in that moment—after time and care—when the once-unknown seed finally flowers, revealing its true beauty, it doesn’t matter whether we had hoped for an apple tree or a rosebush. For love, when grown in honest soil where we are seen and heard, will always embody pure beauty, no matter its form or color.
Thank you, love, for your existence.
Because of you I planted a seed today, may it bloom and grow in whatever way you desire the most.
5th of November
Trying to love yourself means already loving yourself because you love yourself enough to be willing to try.
That’s why I love myself because I’m willing to try…
4th of November
My heart is beating so fast thinking of you. I kinda like the way my body tingles, I start to giggle and everything is getting warmer.
But then I realize what a fucking ugly ass cunt you are and that the love I have to offer is waaaaay more than you ever could imagine and suddenly I remember the fact that you’re actually not that cute and quite frankly I don’t like you that much like you ain’t never gonna be my man because you don’t fucking deserve me and I would never fight for one minute of your god damn boring ass embarrassing looking white fantasizing duck face need to have some filler ass lips stupid boy attention!!!!!!!!
Just to look at pictures of you and be happy like really really happy…. Also I like to add honestly you’re that cute and I would fight for your attention even to the point I’d embarrass myself without the chance of a redemption 😭
what do you call that?
27th of October
Today was a crying day. Tears mean a lot for me because even though I am a very sensitive and emotional person I don’t usually cry. There are many things that trigger my tears tho:
People on tv with a tragic and authentic backstory, good music with a deep meaning or a personal connection to my life, the love and support from people I admire or the realization when I’m not doing well.
Today was a day we’re seemingly most of those things happened and the reason why I think this is happening is because the universe is preparing me for a better future and it wants me to break with old habits, ways and traditions.
I do believe that our lives get harder and harder and feel much more uncomfortable when we resist the changes the universe wants us to take but I’m finally willing to let go and completely give myself to it. Trusting the universe like it’s the big strong sea to not swollen me alive but to carry my weight and bring me to new shore in safety.
Maktub !
26th of October
Tbh sometimes I don’t know why someone could ever fall in love with me. I believe because no one ever confessed their romantic feelings for me it’s something I sometimes believe will never happen.
But then i realize the strength and beauty my love has. If I could describe it than I would say my love feels like the warm rain droops on a summer evening. The sun is settling and the last sun rays turn the clouds and sky into a golden painting. I love to love because live gives me strength and joy. The warmth my soul exudes and the harmony my mind gets is unbelievable. Sometimes I do honestly wonder if I’m just alive to love and heal though my love.
25th of October
Sometimes I ask myself why I didn’t met my soulmate yet. And then one thought echoes deeply in my mind.
Maybe the reason I didn’t met him is because I didn’t start going to the gym yet…
Maybe the reason I didn’t met him is because I didn’t start my social media career yet…
Maybe the reason I didn’t met him is because I didn’t give myself the chance to tap into my soul yet…
Maybe the reason I didn’t met him is because I didn’t chose the job I feel like doing yet..
The reason I do believe that is that I do believe people or experience we really have to come across are waiting in places where our souls want us to be. With that being said I’m on my way to get my men’s 😂🫰🏽
24th of October
Dear universe please give me a second to listen to the words my heart has to share.
The world has changed, sometimes I ask myself why everything feels different. Moments of love and laughter feel shallow and empty. A sunny day seems grey and cloudy even though the sun shines bright and the sky is clear. My mind races at 180 PS without stopping once to breath. Days are passing by without any significance oder importance.
And yet I can’t stop thinking about a world where everything is possible. A time where we listen to each others hearts and souls without judgment. Guide us through the time of darkness and bring us closer to the light. I wanna feel the love again when I leave my home and I wanna exude love so people around me can feel the warmth and welcoming feeling they should feel at home. Let us all come closer together and create space for each other to thrive and live 🫰🏽
In your precious name I pray - amen
23th of October
I learned so much from past relationships. Be it a friend or a guy I thought I was dating and one thing I noticed is that I’m just getting anxious meeting new guys if it’s a love interest.
When I meet a new person with the intention of becoming friends I’m most of the time 100% and couldn’t care less about anything. Sometimes if I being honest I do wish I would just forget that something like a love interest is an option….
I have already found my person for life. She was the last piece of the puzzle I consisted of and brought so much clearness in my life. Nothing could ever be compared to Her and our type of relationship. So I know even a partnership will most likely not feel the same way. However I wanna love someone soooo deeply. From time to time I forget how much I truly crave a person I could uplift and shower with my love.
The moment I finally get over my fear of being loved and truly love and unlock the unconditional love I have stored in my heart for so many years I know I’ll be free.