Jewell

You’re invited to my mind palace

[eccentricflow]

48 hours done so far fasting. I’ve only had an Alani and it was 10 calories. That and my vape lmao.

[eccentricflow]

Mind Shift

Methodic interlude

Outer thoughts subsiding

Heretic heretic heretic

Precision based actions

Liar underneath

[eccentricflow]

3:03

I’ve spent my whole life learning how to build my walls.

I mastered creating an empire of guard around me.

I was too focused on putting everything up that I never anticipated remembering the way out.

I’m stuck in my self created maze. I don’t know if there is a way out anymore.

[eccentricflow]

2:39

No one is coming to save me.

No one is going to rescue me.

No one is coming.

No one is going to.

[eccentricflow]

2:00

Why did you do that

You said you could never walk away from me

And I did

I didn’t walk away… I ran

[eccentricflow]

1:28

A mind whose only substrate is conflict

Is acclimation possible if the brain doesn’t perceive the shift in environment

[eccentricflow]

1:02

The ambush of change.

Instruments play only notes.

Whispering voices cease their scream.

Nature no longer heeds forewarnings.

To be in a boat that no longer sways.

Am I numb? Is this the end?

To be alive but not to feel.

Is this a release or a punishment?

[stable-as-the-weather]

I don't exist

[eccentricflow]

.x.

[eccentricflow]

When no one is awake and everything is quiet. I genuinely feel my emotions. Not on purpose but they invite themselves in. I’m scared and alone. I want to be held but not touched.

.x. 2:09am

[thoughtkick]

“Sleep tries to seduce me by promising a more reasonable tomorrow.”

— Elizabeth Smart, By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept

[eccentricflow]

.x.

[eccentricflow]

The deep pit feeling that I feel all the way through my achy bones knowing that I will never experience or have someone truly unconditionally love me in a romantic way hits me in random portions of the day. What did I do to not deserve that kind of love. Maybe I’m just meant to give and not receive. Maybe people are just either or. Maybe it has nothing to do with me and all to do with bad chances I suppose.

[lost-cherryy-deactivated2024012]

[eccentricflow]

.x.

[eccentricflow]

I’ve been crying everyday at random moments my chest is heavy and I’m aware of my breathing. I feel so alone.

[eccentricflow]

Breakfast and dinner I’ve been really good about logging everything into MyFitnessPal lately.

[eccentricflow]

I’m going to start posting what I eat in a day to keep myself accountable. Also I decided that veganism is something that aligns with the type of lifestyle and goals and like morality I want so I’m a vegan now (I started at the beginning of this month and it’s been okay since I don’t really cook meals for myself anymore anyways so I’m accidentally doing the whole raw vegan thing)🥂✨

[deadcamera-deactivated20190920]

[eccentricflow]

.x.

[xavieralopez]

Feathers

[eccentricflow]

.x.