I am here.

I have one scumbag brain that can't think rationally and one scumbag heart that mostly betrays me.

[ecstactic]

Finish!

So finally, we're at this finish line of 31 Hari Menulis. I never skipped a day and it feels awesome! The hardest part of doing this challenge was keeping the mood to write. And of course, it's so hard to find a topic. When I read about my post for this past 31 days, most of them are on how to keeping up with the broken heart which I had several years ago. If you ask why maybe it's because of how I handled it pretty back and I wanted to revisit and make the closure.

I did this challenge before and now I did it again, yet succeeded at it again. By writing every day, it makes me think that I missed going to college with all of the assignments and critical thinking of writing. Somehow, in the future, I want to chase my dream to be at school again because I actually love school. 

And as you know, we're in this difficult time of the pandemic. This challenge is one of the ways to cope with the situation that we're currently at. A lot of bad things happened so far until this middle of the year. Losing some of the important people, WWIII almost broke out, the pandemic, and now we're dealing with racism. With writing, at lease (for me) I can get rid of the negative mind of my head.

The other thing that I am currently doing is learning how to speak Spanish. I am doing it using Duolingo. I found that speaking Spanish and pronounced it sound sexy. And as now I am trilingual, I want to try to be four linguals. And that's how I am coping with the situation that really makes me tired nowadays.

So the last day and we make it! Maybe I will start the 31 Hari Menulis again soon or make it annually. Or maybe I will start a different project, or going to school again. So thank you the 31 Hari Menulis admin, for making this project and force me to write once again. 

Stay safe everyone!

[ecstactic]

What If

What if you are the one that the shooting stars granted my wish. What if you are the one that the wind started to listen my wish. What if I feel this way for the rest of my life. Whatever it is, you'll be my favorite what if.

[ecstactic]

Loving in Silence

I found you. I found myself so into you. I found happiness. I found something new that you introduced to me. Yet you seem so distant. As distant as the horizon in the ocean. Oh, how I love chasing the sun in the ocean. Swimming and drowning in the deep. But my feet never meant to be there. I didn’t belong to the ocean. I am getting tired of swimming. I need the ground. My feet meant to run in the grass. Never been to swimming so long in the ocean. But sometimes, I found myself on the shore again. Getting tired of swimming and chasing the horizon. It’s you the one I can’t have. I’ll just keep this feeling of you here alone. I’ll just see you from afar, admiring the beauty. The beautiful feeling that I never have. The feeling that I just can see, but I can’t touch. I’ll just love you in silence

[ecstactic]

What Johnny Depp said?

What Johnny Depp said about? I remember one quote that I really love from him, thou then I also found it on my sis blog.

If you love two persons at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really love the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second

Well, apa yang kamu pikirkan?

Sedangkan menurut saya, itu tidak semudah yang ditulis. Bayangkan saja, selingkuh itu tidak melulu tentang cinta. Saya sendiri sering berkelakar “lo pilih mana, laki lo selingkuh pake otak atau cuma pake otot?” Dan hampir semua teman saya menjawab, “jelaslah pake otot, kayanya kalo cuma begitu masih bisa dimaafkan lah”.

SALAH!! Dua-duanya tetap tidak enak dan tetap menyakitkan. Menurut saya (lagi), if you slept with someone, you must be have (maybe a supertiny one) a heart or feeling for him/her. It’s digusting if you shared your body liquid with random person right? RIGHT?????

Tapi ada sih beberapa pria yang kemudian tertangkap selingkuh dan bilang iseng atau apalah yang intinya ga pake feeling. Well you are indeed the worst. Tipe yang seperti itu aku yakin, ngeliat kambing pakai g-string juga pasti udah dihajar.

But then the women, what makes you so low sleeping anywhere and anytime with any man you can find. Saya sampai saat ini gak habis pikir sama wanita yang memutuskan tetap mempertahankan hubungannya ketika sang pria sudah beristri atau masih pacaran. Saya tau dan sadar perbandingan pria dan wanita ini jauh sekali berbeda tapi please deh. Are you that low?

Dan prinsip saya ketika saya berhadapan dengan masalah seperti ini, saya tidak akan mengejar sang wanita untuk saya cakar atau bakar (kecuali she deserved it dan emang perlu), tapi saya akan lebih mendiskusikan apa yang terjadi, mengapa dan bagimana selanjutnya.

Well, I must be already meet my second one because even if he cheated like hell, I still can’t think any person in mind.

Wrap it all, do love your man/woman right. If you meet another person, just remember what you loved about your man/woman in the first place. And repeat all over again. Don’t ever forget why you choose him/her to fallen with

.

That’s my mantra and it always works until now.

[ecstactic]

Compromise

Compensate. make up for (something unwelcome or unpleasant) by exerting an opposite force or effect.

Compromise. an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.

Ketika dua orang memutuskan untuk berpasangan, dan timbul perselisihan, hal berikutnya yang akan terjadi biasanya (dan normalnya) adalah berkompromi. Jika terjadi kesepakatan, kemudian mereka akan membuat kompensasi. Atau bubar. Sounds like bussiness right? But hell it’s true

Contohnya, the grown up couple tends to make a simple mistake that more about a habit that the other part doesn’t find it comfortable. Then they will compromise and compensate, until their rest of time.

And how people compensate and compromise each other depends on their problem pov. Some peeps tend to yell and throw all the things near them. Some peeps do the self distruct like hurting themselves and also drunk like out of mind. Believe me I’ve been there, but believe me once again, that’s not gonna solve your problem

As I grow and met lots of people, I tried to be more compensate and compromise. Because words can kill a thousand times than a blade. And it’s not work only on your relationship, but also on your daily problem.

But for a cheating, it’s gonna be little hard to compensate and compromise, because you don’t know the damage result and also how deep they involved. As for me, cheating cannot be compensate. But still can be compromise, yang akhirnya adalah bubar

Or maybe the best way also you can also cheat. But that’s not gonna end your problem. Then you just end up with hurting each other. I can’t take no more lies and heartache. And I don’t want the karma finds me. Simple as that.

So when our compensate and compromise are falling. I bid a goodbye

[ecstactic]

Hujan

Ketika hatimu sedang jatuh cinta, hujan berarti syahdu. Setiap denting hujan yang terdengar menyapa bumi adalah syair yang mendongengkan cerita kasmaran. Yang setiap kamu mengingatnya, you can’t help it but smile.

Namun hujan mempuyai sisi lain. Ia adalah pemuja sendu. Hatimu yang sedang terluka akan dibuat beribu kali sakitnya. Hujan menghantarkan kepingan kenangan demi kenangan yang sangat ingin kamu lupakan. Seperti tau, hujan enggan berhenti dan terus menyiksamu untuk mengingat.

Apa arti hujan hari ini untuk saya? Hari ini hujan masih mengantar saya untuk merasa. Perasaan bersalah yang masih tidak kunjung berhenti. Berpikir lagi apakah saya sudah mengambil langkah yang tepat. Lalu berpikir dan berandai lagi ending yang lain.

Hujan hari ini membawa saya mengingat kembali pada saat saya sudah siap melepas kenangan. Ketika masa terberat, masa dimana saya merasa sendirian, dan masa dimana saya merasa dunia hanya menertawakan saya. Itu adalah masa dimana saya dipersiapkan untuk berjalan lagi meninggalkan semua. Yang kemudian saya diperjuangkan kembali untuk bisa memulai.

Hujan hari ini mengingatkan saya untuk tidak menyakiti. Ia juga mengajarkan untuk memaafkan. Ketika saya sudah lulus ujian bersabar dan bersadar, ia mengingatkan lagi bahwa hati mudah untuk disakiti. Ia mengingatkan sakit saat saya melihat, mendengar dan merasakan. Saat terlintas di pikiran saya untuk membalas, hujan lalu berkata untuk apa? Saya berterima kasih, karena entah saya akan merasa bersalah seperti apa jika saya membalas.

Hujan hari ini menyadarkan dan mengingatkan saya kembali bahwa hati seperti rumah. Bagaimanapun saya lari atau berjalan. Kemanapun saya bersiap untuk pergi, pada akhirnya saya selalu pulang. Hujan juga berpesan pada saya untuk kembali percaya pada rumah, walaupun sederhana namun ia selalu menawarkan kehangatan. Hujan memberikan saya nasehat, bahwa ketidakpercayaan bisa membuat rumah itu rusak.

Pada akhirnya, saya mendengarkan hujan untuk masuk kembali ke dalam rumah. Saya berpesan kepada hujan, tetaplah datang silih berganti dengan terang. Rumah sederhana ini butuh sedikit rumput hijau yang akan memberi warna lagi pada kehidupan kami.

Saya sedikit berbisik kepada hujan untuk menitipkan maaf dan doa, kepada yang telah bersalah dan mendendam.

[ecstactic]

Ingatan

Aku masih jelas mengingatnya. Bahkan perasaan waktu itu juga masih terasa sampai sekarang.

Sudah beberapa hari aku memikirkan dia. Tidak ada berita, tiba-tiba aku menemukan beberapa gambar yang membuatku bertanya, ini siapa?

Hari berlalu, aku makin bertanya ketika gambar itu mulai semakin membuatku resah. Kita memang sudah tidak bersama, tapi secepat itukah? Bahkan musim belum berlalu.

Lalu aku bersiap untuk pergi, ketika dia datang lagi. Persis seperti malam ini, dengan satu kata, sejuta cerita, maksud dan makna terungkap. Aku lantas tidak tertidur hingga pagi.

Bedanya, saat itu kita merangkum 7 tahun dengan cerita nostalgia. Hari ini kita merangkum 7 tahun dengan kenyataan.

Hari yang sama-sama aku sesali. Hari dimana seharusnya aku diam. Hari itu, beberap bulan yang lalu, hari dimana harusnya aku berhenti dan sadar bahwa semua tidak akan pernah sama. Bahwa akan ada yang terluka.

Egoku terlalu kuat. Rinduku sudah tidak terbendung. Itu adalah hari dimana seluruh rasa seakan meluruh dan bumi mendengar doaku. Namun juga menjadi hari yang saat ini ku andaikan tidak pernah terjadi.

Pasti akan menjadi cerita yang lain.

Apa yang bisa diperbaiki atas segala yang sudah terucap.

Aku selalu berusaha pergi. Ketika dia menyuruhku pergi, saat itu aku tau cerita kita sudah berakhir. Namun siapa yang menyangka dia datang memberi harapan.

Harapan yang membunuh semua hati. Tidak hanya satu perasaan yang dipertaruhkan. Bahkan harapan itu merupakan judi terbesarku.

Aku membakar jembatan yang menghubungkanku dengan realitas. Sudah tidak ada jalan kembali untukku selain maju. Pertaruhanku terlalu besar akan harapan.

Sekarang setelah tau apa maksud dibalik itu, aku baru sadar aku terlambat. Mungkin ini saatnya untuk pertaruhan terakhir dengan segala daya yang masih kupunya.

Jembatanku sudah kubakar. Satu jalan terakhir. Semoga semesta mendukung perasaan yang sama.

[ecstactic]

Memaknai Lebaran

Lebaran kali ini sungguh terasa berbeda bagi sebagian besar orang. Biasanya, semua berkumpul di rumah, saling mengunjungi keluarga, dan bersilaturahmi. Aku memutuskan untuk tidak pulang kali ini. Bukan karena keinginanku, namun karena suasana dan keadaan yang tidak memungkinkan. Tahun ini, ku habiskan Lebaran jauh dari rumah dengan suasana yang sama sekali berbeda. 

Aku berasal dari daerah dimana kaum mayoritas tinggal dan aku adalah salah satu mayoritas itu. Sejak pindah ke Bali dan menjadi minoritas, hampir semua keadaan berubah. Dan salah satu yang paling kurasakan adalah ketikan Ramadhan dan Idul Fitri. Tidak terdengar saut-sautan takbir dari masjid ke masjid. Tidak ada derai canda dan tawa anak-anak ketika sahur atau seusai tarawih. Dan tidak ada buka bersama yang biasanya dilakukan bersama teman-teman.

Sejak beberapa hari yang lalu, aku sudah merasa khawatir akan hari Lebaran kali ini karena tidak bisa di rayakan bersama keluarga. Aku mencoba menghubungi beberapa teman dan merencanakan halal bihalal kecil-kecilan tidak lebih dari 5 orang. 

Hari ini, saat Lebaran pertama kali jauh dari rumah, aku tetap merayakan dengan orang-orang tersayang dan keluarga. Bedanya, mereka adalah keluargaku disini. Di saat mereka pulang dan aku bebersih sendirian, aku berpikir tentang makna Lebaran yang sampai saat ini luput olehku karena aku selalu mempunyai kebiasaan yang sama di setiap Lebaran, yaitu berkumpul dengan keluarga inti.

Makna Lebaran bukanlah tentang baju baru, berkumpul dan basa basi, namun lebih menghabiskan waktu dengan orang terdekatmu dan bersyukur atas semua yang berkecukupan. Tidak perlu merayakan secara besar-besaran, pesta kecil sederhana sudah bisa mewakili makna Lebaran itu sendiri. Walaupun jauh dari keluarga inti, I have another family here. Dan momen dengan keluarga inti pun tetap terjaga dengan berbagai teknologi yang tersedia.

It is indeed a hard time for us all. Namun tidak berarti new normal ini menjadi pengahalan kita untuk tetap merayakan hari-hari baik dan menjada silaturahmi dengan orang terdekat. Happy Eid Mubarak everyone, stay safe and stay sane!

[ecstactic]

The Way

Currently, I am in a big city. A very big city when you walk in a blink of an eye you see a building and you're lost. It's so far away from I came from, a different world, and here's where he lives all this time leaving me. So I think to myself, this is the way he lives without me. His dream, the path that he chooses. What can I do after all beside pray for him? not even for us. Never on my life I've been so sure for one thing. It's him for the beginning.

As he sleeps, I silently crying while pour of my heart, wishing that someday he will read what's on my mind. As I can say that you can make it now, even it's without me, I am okay. I am so glad that I can make it through here. Now you're okay without me. Maybe someday baby, I will go and you will never know.

The way that we meet we fall in love, we have stories, we choose our own way and it's now okay if we arrive on a different path. It's my way to leave you and it's you away to be here.

Well baby, make your own story from now on. I'll be still here, watching, stand still, right at your heart.

Don't forget to smile, that's the best of you. Don't forget to sing, that's your life. Don't forget to pray, that leads you to your destination and guide you when you're lost. And forget me, I may slow the way.

:)

[ecstactic]

Jarak

Ketika kamu mempunyai seseorang yang setiap hari dengan senang hati bersamamu, memberikan semua yang pasti dia miliki, termasuk hati dan hidupnya. Dia yang saat kamu dalam keadaan apapun selalu ada. Memelukmu dan mencium keningmu sebelum kau tertidur. Selalu mencari tanganmu seakan takut akan kehilanganmu. Semua masalah yang ada di dunia seakan terlupa, seberat apapun masalah akhirnya akan terlupa pula, dan lagi. Kau tidak takut akan apapun. 

 Lalu dia menghilang, satu-satu semua berubah. Mulai dari jarak yang memisahkan. Kehilangan pegangan untuk hidup hingga kau tidak tau harus berbuat apa. Setiap nafas, detak jantung serta langkahmu terasa berat karena kau sudah tak mempunyai pegangan, lantas apa yang kaulakukan selain mencari ketenangan?

Awal mula jarak yang memisahkan, kita berusaha mencari cara untuk mencuranginya. Mulai dari kata-kata penenang, mulai dari mencari cara untuk bertemu, segala macam teks dan gambar yang terkirim hingga doa yang keluar dari setiap sujud, masih belum mampu meredam apa yang sebenarnya kita rasakan.

Lalu apakah kita akan terbunuh oleh jarak? Apakah kita akan menyerah? Sebagian dariku telah lelah. Aku seperti berhenti mengejar yang aku sendiri pun tak tau apa yang sedang ku kejar. Aku seperti berada dalam alam paralel antara realitas yang ada dan kenyataan yang aku coba untuk lari.

Aku menyerah akan kita. Aku yang akan menyerah karena aku terlalu lelah untuk berjuang sendiri. Dari mulutku aku pernah berkata aku akan bertahan dan berjuang sendiri walau kau tak mau. Maaf.

Jaraklah yang memisahkan kita, jaraklah yang telah membunuh kita berdua.

[ecstactic]

11:11

Jam menunjukkan angka 11:11 malam. Aku tidak bisa tertidur. Di luar, tak jauh dari kamarku terdengar suara katak yang saling bersahutan menyanyikan lagu hujan. Aku masih menunggu ia datang. Tak lama, suara kendaraan mendekat. Menandakan aku sudah tak sendirian. Namun entah mengapa aku masih merasa sedih. Aku tak sepantasnya bahagia. Belum. Masih ada urusan yang tertinggal. Aku melamun menunggu tidurku sambil melihat dia di depan komputernya. Semua tak lagi sama. Yang di bangun bertahun lamanya hancur di depan mata. Aku berusaha berjalan lagi sedikit demi sedikit menikmati sisa keruntuhan. Ada masa dimana riuh tak lagi ramai. Ada masa dimana sepi adalah gegap gempita. Selalu saja ketika aku merasa sudah di titik terendahku, aku bisa bangkit lagi. Aku cuma manusia biasa. Rasa sakit sudah pasti ada. Namun yang membedakanku adalah, aku selalu tau kapan harus berhenti, dan kapan harus melangkah walaupun sakit dan tertatih. Karena langkah kecil tersebut adalah langkah terpenting untuk maju. Aku melihat jam, dan sudah menunjukkan hampir tengah malam sebelum ku mulai tertidur. Ternyata memang pikiran yang akan membawa kita kemanapun, termasuk untuk bangkit dan maju.

[ecstactic]

This is why...

Hello you,

When you asked why I slept with you, I simply can't answer it yet back then. If you want to know the reason why just read...

I slept with you because I thought I could handle the sensation. That, even if nothing came of it, I’d get some experience. Have some fun. Inject a little excitement into my dull life. That I know you were trying to protect your heart, just like I was, by spilling falsities.

Things that I didn't expect, I didn’t think I’d lose complete control over my emotions. That I’d tumble deeper and deeper into the idea of being you. That I’d make it even harder for myself to deal with not having you. With being just another number to you.

Then it continues. I slept with you because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Because, if I couldn’t enter a real relationship with you, then sleeping with you was my best alternative. I wanted to be close to you. I wanted to touch you. To have you all to myself. Even if that meant I had to do it casually. Even if that meant I only owned you for the day.

I slept with you, even though you seemingly weren’t looking for something serious but your actions said otherwise. Your actions said you were ready. That you wanted me. That I was going to be something, even if it took a little time for me to earn it.

I slept with you because you led me on with mixed signals. You never told anything, but then you texted me and cuddled with me and whispered secrets into my ear. How could I believe I meant nothing to you after all that? How could I keep telling myself that I was just a sex object, something for you to play around with when your actions said otherwise? Your actions convinced me you liked me as much as I liked you.

I slept with you because I was crazy about you and I hoped that the sex would make you crazy about me, too. Because it means something to me and I can’t understand how you could intertwine your naked body with mine without developing feelings for me. Because I thought sex would be the answer to my problems, that it would transform you to be more than a friend.

I ‘casually’ slept with you, because I thought I had a chance with you. And if it doesn't, please stop. As you said, it's going to hurt me.

[ecstactic]

Jealous

I got a taste of you and it felt like the nicest thing. It felt like I've known you all my life. Like time froze and every second meant nothing. Time measured with your smart mouth and corny jokes. With our silly arguments and with you insist on winning for no reason. It felt like an infinity because of the way I made friends with your past. Each precious story you told me about your history made the person you are at that moment so much clearer to me. Each dream, each endeavor, each heartbreak, each secret you shared with me made me love you even more. And I thank God all those little things that brought you to my life. Knew. That was in the past. And I miss you. I can't stop getting jealous. How lucky are those who get to stay in your life? How lucky are those who you don’t walk away from? How lucky are those who get to see you smile every day? How lucky are those who get friendly hugs and random high-fives from the warm hands that I used to memorize the texture of in mine? How lucky are those whose number you call after a bad day? How lucky are those who get to hear your smart mouth? How lucky are those who hear your name and don’t feel something sharp in their hearts? How lucky are they? I’ve never been more envious of people than I am now because all I got was a taste. I had the best time, also the worst. I had you. Perhaps that was enough time for you to learn from me and carry on. Perhaps you took a shortcut and ended our way before we were meant to break each other’s hearts. Perhaps we missed out on the best thing that could have ever happened to us because you couldn’t overcome your doubts. We'll never know. But the one thing I do know is that it was so wonderful that I can’t even be mad at you for letting go. The one thing I do know is that I’ll never regret giving you that part of my life. And that part will always be yours. So I’ll take a step back as our road splits into two. I’ll walk on always remembering how lovely it was to be with you, and, occasionally, I’ll look back and think about how lucky are those, who get to stay in your life.

[ecstactic]

Menstrual Cup

So I will share my experience with a menstrual cup. Currently, I am using the "Diva Cup" as my menstrual cup. You can easily find it on the Tokopedia or any e-commerce.

It's been almost 3 years since I use the menstrual cup. I got the product from my former roommate when she was visiting her husband in the US. At first, I was thinking about how to use it or how to "insert" it since you need to insert the cup into your vagina on your periods. I need 3 cycles of menstrual until I get used to it. And now, I cannot let this menstrual cup go. It has been life-changing for me to move from pad to menstrual cup. Here's why:

It's so clean!

So if you use the menstrual cup, you don't need to wash your pad. You won't feel those pads and get irritated because of the pad on your skin. You just need to insert the menstrual cup and clean it up every 3 hours.

We live in Indonesia where you can find water almost everywhere. So it's so easy to clean it up. You only need to detach the cup, pour the blood, and re-insert it. And that's it!

No more stinky pad!

And... you don't have any waste left! You won't waste any plastics from your pad and it's so environmentally friendly. Imagine how many plastics can you save once you change it into a menstrual cup!

It's economical

You can use your menstrual cup for 9-10 years on average. So you don't need to buy tampons or pads for years. So it'll be saving up a lot of money. The initial buying will be a little bit expensive, but it'll be saving since you can use it for years.

Healthier and fun!

Remember about those articles about how bad is the pads? Well, since I use the menstrual cup, I don't have to be worried about it. It's cleaner and healthier since you don't have to carry your blood inside the pad. You also don't need those skin irritation because of the pad.

And it makes you healthier because you can just do anything. From swimming, hiking, or just doing your favorite morning run. It'll stay inside and won't leak unless it's full.

So ladies, change your life with me and choose your menstrual cup!

[ecstactic]

Broken

Hi, ever heard a quote saying "Once you've broken glass, you can try to fix it, but it won't be the same anymore?", I took that seriously. It's like trust, once you've broken someone's trust, you try to fix it, but it won't be the same anymore. Want to know where these insecurities came from? I have so far 3 exes that once I devoted my life to, and they decided to cheat on me.

The first one, he cheated after I moved to JOG. It was a 6 years relationship. The second one, he even didn't bother to wait until one year, 6 months and he cheated on me. They are both now married to the girls they cheated with. And the last one, he cheated in front of my eyes after 7 years relationship.

The stupidest thing is, I was trying to fix it. It ended up hurts me the most. It's too broken to be fixed. Funny thing is, they always gave me the same old reason. "You're too good for me, I am not deserved you, please search for a better man",  that was the lamest idea I ever heard.

Listen, if you ever feel that way, you should prove that you are the man that can make you girl happy, instead of being a coward. So what now? Maybe I am just afraid of being in love again, for now. It's like I do fear falling so deeply for someone, and investing my life to theirs only to discover that they don't feel the same. And they're ended up cheating. And that's like dying while breathing, and it's hard to recover.

The scariest part is you never know if you're falling with the right person. Well, at least I am trying now. To walk, and run again. For myself. Cheers!

[ecstactic]

Cats!!

Before I moved to Denpasar, I used to live with 5 cats alone in the house. Formerly, they are my housemate cats. But since she moved to the west coast with her husband, I take care of all of them and be their sole human for almost 4 months. I used to live with them for almost 1.5 years and that's enough time for me to realize that they mean the world to me.

Having a pet means that you have a new family. They're not a toy. They're not supposed to be tortured. They have feelings. They are a pure soul. And the hard truth that hit me is. The animal never betrays. They'll stand by you, depend on you all the time. You need them as they need you vise versa.

For me right now, if you are a person that neglects your pets, or torture an animal, you are worse than a murderer and I wish that you root in hell. Why? If you kill a human, they're still able to fight back no matter what. An animal is a trustworthy kind of spirit. They have no intention to hurt you and they trust you. They have no defense and only have hope that you'll love them.

It's our job anyway as the highest intelligent thing on earth to keep them and be nice to the other things that live here.

So if you happened to have a pet, be kind to them like you're kind to your own family. Treat them as part of the family. It's a lifetime relationship until your end of time or theirs. Torture them means that you have no soul and a person full of hatred or violence.

So you hear me what I thought about pets? What about mine? Do you know that the hardest thing to make my decision to move is my cats?

I care about my friends but it's a different thing. They still can live without me and they still can visit me or vise versa. My friend can catch me up on any social media and they can say their feeling. But my cats can't. My biggest fear is to think about what my cat thinks about me after I leave them.

For a month and a half, I said to them every day that I won't betray them. I will make my way to still look after them even I am on Denpasar. And I will work so hard to bring them here.

Every night after I fed and took care of them, I hugged them and showered them with love in hope that they won't forget me and they'll understand and they'll forgive me. I promised them that they're gonna be here.

They seemed to understand. I knew that they understand. I cried so much with them and for them. I miss them. They are my biggest comfort zone and they never betray me. They're my biggest source of power when I am about to down.

Now I live with 4 cats. I brought 2 cats from Jogja and rescued 2 cats here. The first rescued cat named Taylor. I found him and his 3 brothers near my old apartment. I heard them crying at night, I thought it was the only couple of kittens who needed their mom. In the morning, I saw them from my balcony, 3 dogs were playing with the kittens inside a box. I ran from my room to rescued them. I brought them all to my room while crying. I only could save Taylor since they were too young when I saved them. And the second cat named Chirpy. He was crying on the roof when my boyfriend saved him.

Live with 4 cats are never boring since each of them has their own personalities like us, human. So if you’re happened feeling lonely, consider to have a cat, it’ll be fun!

[ecstactic]

The Foos(2)

So the 2nd-day post.

I arrived at the stadium at 3:00 pm. There's still not a lot of crowds. The thing was the Singapore National Stadium is huge and clean.

I had to wait for several hours before the concert started. In the meantime, I sneaked up to smoke, I re-printed my e-ticket so I can get a piece of solid evidence that I've ever to Foo Fighters concert, and I took a power nap in the queue.

The hype was so high when the time moves to 6:00 pm. The queue started to enter the building. I bought the festival ticket, which was a standing one and nearer the stage. I let my adrenaline took the best advantage of me. I didn't get tired for walking and standing for such a long time thanks to the hormone.

At 7:00 pm, the concert started. There was no opening band or something. They just came out of the side of the stage. I managed to sneak out to the front area and saw them. The first reaction when I saw them?

I cried.

I cried for a good two songs. I can't remember what they said, what they sing, or what they did. I just cried and starstruck by them. Then I started to realize that the crowd was getting wild. I was pushed here and there and lack of oxygen. I was so tired. I decided to move back and grab some drinks. For the entire concert, I danced along in the side area of the stage.

Don't ask me how was the feeling back then. It was one of the best moments of my life. My dream come true. Never I imagined in my life I can see them alive. I put a lot of belief and effort into my dream and it's happened. My next wish list? I want to see them again! Lol.

After the concert, all of my body was in pain. My hostel was near the stadium, it was only 30 minutes walk, but that's the heaviest walk I've ever had. Once I got back to the hostel, I couldn't think. I just had a shower then sleep. Lol.

The next morning I woke up was the best feeling in the world. I woke up and realize I just saw a Foo Fighters concert. I opened my phone and recall the memories and post some pictures on my social media.

And after that? I walked some more. Walked around the city, went to another island in the city, and went to the aquarium. and that's it. The 4th day I went back to JOG with a lot of memories.

During my time in Singapore, I was alone. I never thought that I was able to travel along in a foreign country and saw the concert alone. But that what made it special.

I learned that I am strong. I can depend on myself and with my curiosity I can survive.

But the biggest lesson learned was the one that I said before, dare to dream big! A dream so big, mean it, and the universe will help. When the universe seems to help you, don't take for granted. It's not that you can relax because it's going to happen anyway, you have to fight more to achieve it. Work hard and play hard. Try to achieve what others can and defeat your own self!

I still have so many bucket list that I want to thick. Until that time, I dream big. I work hard. And I let the universe help me.