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𝗌𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗋 (𝗆𝖾𝗀𝖺𝗇 𝗌𝗄𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗂𝖾𝗅 𝗑 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋) [ʀᴇ-ᴜᴘʟᴏᴀᴅ]

"𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮. 𝘪𝘧 𝘪 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯' 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦."

𝗌𝗒𝗇𝗈𝗉𝗌𝗂𝗌: 𝗂𝗇 𝖺 𝗎𝗇𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗌𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝖻𝗈𝗋𝗇 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗅𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾'𝗌 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗌 𝗈𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝗄𝗂𝗇, 𝗂𝗍 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇'𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖾𝗇𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗉 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝖺𝗒. 𝗆𝖾𝗀𝖺𝗇 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗅𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗏𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿 𝗂𝗇 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝗎𝗁 𝗒𝗎𝗇𝗃𝗂𝗇. 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗍 𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝖺𝗒? 𝗍𝖺𝗀𝗌: 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍, 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿, 𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗅𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾!𝖺𝗎, 𝗂𝖽𝗈𝗅!𝗆𝖾𝗀𝖺𝗇 𝗑 𝗎𝗇𝗂 𝗌𝗍𝗎𝖽𝖾𝗇𝗍!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗑 𝗎𝗇𝗂 𝗌𝗍𝗎𝖽𝖾𝗇𝗍!𝗒𝗎𝗇𝗃𝗂𝗇, 𝗉𝗍. 𝟤 𝗍𝗈 '𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝗒 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝖽' 𝖺𝗇: 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖺 𝖱𝖤𝖠𝖫 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗒𝖺𝗅 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝖾𝗈𝗉𝗅𝖾 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝗂𝖼. 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗉𝗎𝗋𝗉𝗈𝗌𝖾𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒. CW: 𝗌𝗐𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗀𝖾𝖽 𝖽𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝖼: 𝟣𝟦𝗄 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲

▷ sᴘʀɪɴɢ ɪɴᴛᴏ sᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ - ʟɪᴢᴢʏ ᴍᴄᴀʟᴘɪɴᴇ

maybe it was your impulsivity that brought you here.

or, perhaps, it was your overwhelming desire to understand why the universe decided to bite you in the ass.

whatever led you to your decision, you’re starting to regret it, just a little bit.

after the events that occurred a little over a month ago, you decided the only way to cope with it was to find something to do. you were desperate for anything to keep yourself from falling apart, researching for jobs during winter break that would be enough to keep you occupied for the remainder of your senior year.

that’s when you found the TA position on campus.

your university was offering ‘soulmate theory 110’ for the winter quarter, and the professor was urgently looking for a TA to help him coordinate the class.

chaewon told you it was a stupid idea, keeho said to go for it, and yunjin jokingly asked if this was your way to figure out if you two belonged together.

deep down, yunjin’s statement motivated your choice even more.

you knew if you wanted to avoid the precarious situation you were currently in, then a class like soulmate theory shouldn’t even be in consideration. yet, you still went to the humanities building that day to speak to the professor. it was dr. lee, a kind man, who taught your soulmate theory class during freshman year. to your surprise, he remembered you and lit up at the prospect of having you as his TA.

he explained what the position would entail, what knowledge you would need for the class, if any. at the end of his spiel, he asked if you were up for the task, and at that point, you really couldn’t say no.

before leaving, he asked if you had met your soulmate yet.

the confusion on his face was evident when you replied, “i think so.”

huh yunjin feels safe.

you find yourself in yunjin’s apartment after she had asked you to come over to listen to a song she had been writing, and you were out the door within minutes.

and, it’s these quiet moments with yunjin that make you believe it really is meant to be her.

it was almost impossible to find quiet time with megan. when you’d come over to visit, even in the seclusion of her room, the distant laughter and the familiar rattle of an object falling could be heard through the walls. she’d sometimes take you along to parties that always made you feel nervous.

they weren’t the usual house parties you’d attend with friends, always smelling of cheap beer and the speakers booming with lame house music. those parties with megan always felt intimidating, like every influencer in los angeles was watching you. it’s as if they knew you were just a random person megan found on the street.

dating megan sometimes took a toll on you, but you were happy. and the universe said this was meant to be.

but, as you continue watching yunjin strum her guitar, humming to herself, pausing every once in a while to write something down in her journal, it feels more right like this.

quiet, collected– normal, even.

you stand up from her desk chair and decide to sit with her on the bed. she glances at you and smiles gently, bumping her shoulder with yours before going back to doing her task at hand. your head rests on her shoulder, and you close your eyes, just listening to her.

allowing her to continue being her.

a week goes by, and you’re humming yunjin’s song under your breath as you turn the page of a story you’re engrossed in.

“i feel like you pay more attention to this class as a TA than when you were a student, y/n.” dr. lee walks up to you after his lecture with a smile on his face. he crosses his arms, but the way his shoulders slouch slightly tells you he isn’t actually mad– more curious.

you look up at him sheepishly, setting down the textbook. the unit the class is currently covering is interesting to you, much more interesting now that you aren’t a student of his.

it’s all about how soulmates appear in literature. the way generations before yours have depicted the idea of soulmates and its impact on various forms of art, including poetry, novels, and more recently, film and music. they all tell the same story: finding your other half, what it feels like, and the aftermath.

you’ve tried to find a story just like yours, wondering if the impossible is truly possible. but, it’s all a fairytale. there’s always a happy ending, and nothing ever goes wrong.

you purse your lips at the repetitiveness of it all. before everything that occurred with megan, your perception of the stories would have been much different. there would be a smile on your face, sweet thoughts of the chinese girl consuming you with every story you go through.

now, since that night, since you walked away from megan, you’ve realized that these are, in fact, just fairytales. they’re meant to make people excited to meet their one, to hear the words on their arm fall from someone’s mouth so that they, too, can live happily ever after.

if you were to write your own story about your experience, you wonder if it would be a bestseller.

you look at dr. lee and take a sharp breath. in one single breath, you reply, “is there a story that doesn’t have a happy ending?” you look down at the textbook in front of you and frown. “i mean… i don’t know. something more realistic, i guess.”

he raises an eyebrow at your question, uncrossing his arms. he places his palms on the desk and leans over to look at the textbook. he tilts his head and replies, “you don’t believe these stories are realistic?”

“they’re all just about how happy everyone is once they find their other half,” you sigh, leaning back against your chair. you shrug your shoulders and look at him, trying to mask the pain that’s inside your eyes.

“like, i don’t know, is that really how it should be? we find our person, and suddenly it’s sunshine and rainbows?” he laughs at your words and shakes his head. for a moment, he’s silent, his eyes now trained on his palms on the desk.

he looks deep in thought, removing his hands from the desk to cross his arms over his chest once more. dr. lee stretches his arm out to you, pointing at the textbook. “let me flip through that real quick, i think i have something similar to what you’re looking for.”

you slide it toward him and watch as he grabs it, straightening out the glasses on his face before opening the textbook. he flips through it, his eyes skimming over the words of each page as if he had read it all before, front to back.

dr. lee remains quiet, and you want to fill the silence in the lecture hall, but no other words spill from your lips. you feel as though you’ve said enough; your negative outlook on the theory of soulmates can be quite draining. your eyes dart around the room, feeling awkward as he continues to find a story that matches your current interests.

as you look around, you start to eye the objects on his desk. one in particular is a framed photo of him and another man, their arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders, with fireworks going off in the background. you notice how much younger dr. lee looks in the photo, and you wonder if this was when he was a student at the university.

“if you’re wondering, that is my soulmate,” he tells you without looking up from the textbook, still flipping through the pages with meticulous intent. “he’s quite a character, my best friend at first, because i didn’t want to admit to him that he said the words on my arm. i always wore long sleeves around him because i didn’t want him to find out. but he wore his birthmark proudly, showing to everyone and anyone that would ask.”

you sit up straighter in the seat, curious. “why’d you hide it from him?”

dr. lee clicks his tongue, grabbing a random post-it note from his desk to mark the page of the story he had been looking for. he closes the textbook gently before handing it back to you.

“soulmates didn’t interest me at the time; i was more than happy with just having fun, you know?” you take the textbook from him, nodding your head slowly. it surprises you to hear him speak this way– especially since he is the head of the soulmate studies program at the university.

“did he freak out when you finally told him?” he laughs, throwing his head back as if he were reliving the memory all over again.

dr. lee runs a hand through his graying hair and smiles. “of course he did. he didn’t speak to me for weeks.” he shakes his head at himself, looking down at his feet. “it ended up being okay… we got married in the end. to this day, though, i regret not telling him sooner.”

you eye him with a hint of amusement, tilting your head. “you guys got married, though, at least you got your happy ending after all.”

dr. lee looks at you with an unreadable expression. suddenly, he smiles slightly, nodding in agreement. he then clears his throat before pointing at the textbook again. “you might like that one, it’s still a happy ending, but it holds that realism you’re probably looking for.” before you can open the book to take a look, he starts speaking again, “so, what are they like?”

you pause, looking up at dr. lee with furrowed brows. “what?”

“what’s your soulmate like?” he asks again, much clearer. you look down at the textbook, your cheeks turning a tint of pink as you feel as though you’ve been caught. you bite your lip as you think about your response.

since that night with megan, she has vowed to show you that you two were soulmates.

she has begun non-stop texting, calling, and showing up at your door just to see if you're okay. at first, you found it incredibly annoying. you told megan to continue her life without you by her side, to live her life the way it was meant to be, just how she liked it. it bothered you that it took the risk of losing you for her to realize her mistakes, to come crawling back as if it were that easy.

but what bothered you more is that it is that easy.

the way megan wants to prove herself to you, continually being there at your side or waiting at your door despite her ever-growing busy schedule, fills you with a desire to take her back, no questions asked.

but then there’s huh yunjin.

whatever it is that you may feel for the korean girl continues to build with every moment spent with her. it grows every time she holds your hand in public, every time she tells you about a new song she found while she was on her morning walk.

all you ever wanted was to find your soulmate; you thought it was the be-all, end-all of your life. however, it has now become a disaster, and you still want to continue blaming megan for everything. you’ve found, though, that it won’t make your life easier, and it certainly wouldn’t make the answer any clearer.

“there are two girls who have said the words on my arm, and it’s been hell trying to figure it out,” you tell dr. lee in a defeated tone. your eyes avoid his, letting them fall to your lap as you fidget with the rings on your fingers.

he doesn’t say anything, letting his silence linger. a feeling of dread begins to consume you– the thought that even a man who has studied soulmates his entire life couldn’t even process the words you just said.

finally, he responds, his voice gentle as if to avoid breaking you apart further, “as cliche as it may sound, the universe really does work in mysterious ways.”

an accidental scoff escapes your lips at his words, and your hand flies to your mouth, looking up at him with apologetic eyes. dr. lee looks back at you, his soft demeanor remaining despite the small show of disrespect you gave him. he continues, crossing his arms. “but the thing about the theory of soulmates is that deep down, you know who it is."

you roll your eyes internally as you reply, “what if i’m wrong, though?”

he leans forward, raises an eyebrow, and asks “what’s the number one thing to remember when it comes to the soulmate theory?”

“that… the soul will always know. even before you know their name.” you murmur, looking up at the ceiling, feeling worse somehow. from the corner of your eye, you watch dr. lee grab a notepad from his desk and a pen.

he begins to write something down. “i hope you read that story because you just gave me an idea for a lesson to give the class.” he clicks the pen when he’s done, placing the notepad and pen back down onto the desk.

you open your mouth to reply, but he raises his hand, cutting you off. “i’ll see you tomorrow, y/n.” he grabs his messenger bag from the floor and hangs it over his shoulder.

“read the story. i think it might help you with your situation.” he waves you goodbye, leaving you with a sympathetic smile. you watch as he walks out of the lecture hall, and as soon as you’re sure he is down the hallway, you let out a loud, frustrated groan, letting your head hit the desk with a thud.

huh yunjin is also loud.

she’s loud and talks your ear off about things that don’t quite make sense to you. she uses big words sometimes that sound like they come from the SATs. her idea of spending time with you is exploring an artist’s pop-up exhibit downtown, stopping to take pictures of the sunset, and sharing with you her own analysis of a book she recently read.

the korean girl has noticed you’ve been stressed lately. she has seen you overwork yourself to the point where you end up pulling all-nighters. today, after allowing you to sleep in until 1 pm, she wakes you up with a phone call, asking if you would like to accompany her to the new exhibit that has just opened at the art museum she loves to frequent.

amidst your drowsiness, you manage to accept her invitation. once you’ve changed into more appropriate attire that isn’t an oversized t-shirt and your spiderman boxers, it dawns on you that this outing with yunjin could be described as a date.

and suddenly, there’s a nauseating feeling in the pit of your stomach that you desperately try to push away.

after paying your admission fee, you slowly walk around, wandering through the different galleries to find yunjin. after a few minutes of looking, a lightbulb goes off above your head. you turn one of the corners, remembering the path to one of her favorite areas of the museum.

as you navigate your way around, you find yourself at the entrance of a long hallway, decorated with paintings and sculptures from past students who attended the local university.

at the end of it is yunjin.

she wears a white, flowy dress with her favorite tan cardigan hanging off her shoulders. her ginger hair is down, tucked behind her ear as she stares at what you assume to be her favorite painting amongst the others.

your legs guide you toward her, every step feeling heavier than the last. you’re not sure why you’re so nervous, but the korean girl has that effect on you sometimes. as you get closer, you watch the corner of her lip turn upward. she doesn’t look at you, but she knows you’re coming, and it makes your heart beat even faster.

finally, you stand beside yunjin, but she continues to stare at the painting. you look at it, observing how the mixture of orange and blues creates an abstract work of art that your brain can’t quite make sense of. it’s silent between you both as you continue to stare at the canvas. you’re unable to focus as the scent of yunjin’s perfume begins to overwhelm your senses.

she then speaks, so softly it surprises you, “the artist is korean.” you glance at her and notice a twinkle in her eyes as she looks at the painting. she continues, “he dedicated this painting to his soulmate who passed away two months before he got to finish it.”

she tilts her head, a sad smile on her face as she stares at it. “it’s one of my favorites here… the title always makes me tear up when i see it.” at the mention of it, you turn your attention to the plaque. in bold, black letters, it reads: ‘your love exists somewhere.’

your eyes soften as you read it over and over again. there’s a pang in your chest, a sense of empathy for the artist. before you could respond to yunjin’s words, her hand brushes against yours, causing you to freeze. the small physical contact leaves you speechless, and the ability to speak becomes lost on you. you feel it– her hand lingering next to yours.

she speaks again, but her eyes remain away from you. “i wonder what you do after that, you know? when you lose your soulmate…” her hand brushes against yours again, but this time it feels purposeful, as if testing the waters. “where does all that love go?”

there’s a lump in your throat. you’re not sure if she’s asking you or some other force of nature that may have all the answers. if that were real, all of your questions would have been answered by now.

you remain silent as you lace your fingers with hers. the way it feels to be this close to her, shoulders touching and her hand fitting perfectly with yours, it’s a feeling you can’t describe. you take a glance at her, a smile finding its way onto your lips when you see she’s already looking up at you.

huh yunjin is loud, unashamed, and looks at you as though there is nothing else worth looking at.

“come on, let’s check out that exhibit you were talking about.” yunjin nods at your words, squeezing your hand before tugging on it gently, leading you toward your next destination.

a few days later, you’re back inside the lecture hall, straining your eyes to keep reading the essays in front of you.

while grading them, you receive a phone call. at first, you ignore it, not wanting to be distracted from your task. however, it rings again, and you can’t help but groan, grabbing your phone from your book bag in slight agitation. your heart begins to race when you see who it is.

it’s megan.

embarrassingly, you answer the phone quickly, your voice is gentle as you greet the girl, “hey… what’s up?”

“hi.. sorry, i um. i just wanted to hear your voice.” you bite your lip to suppress the smile that wants to spread across your cheeks. you don't respond right away, causing her to speak again, “i can go if you’re busy… i know this was out of nowhere,” her voice is quiet with slight disappointment dripping in her tone.

you shake your head as if she could see you from the other side. “no, i’m just… working on stuff for school, i could take a break right about now.” an awkward chuckle escapes your lips as you move aside one of the papers you were working on. you prop your elbows onto the desk as you continue, “how’s… rehearsals?”

“exhausting. but, we’re feeling pretty good about our shows coming up.” you nod again, reaching over to grab a notepad and pen from dr. lee’s organizer. she tells you about the music festival they’re performing at soon, their upcoming tour, and how lara keeps asking about a friend of yours that she saw with you in one of your instagram posts.

you continue mindlessly scribbling nonsense onto the notepad. “does lara wanna crack or what?” a small smile spreads across your lips as you hear megan laugh on the other end. it’s the laugh that’s always followed by a giggle or two as she plays with the ends of her hair. you can’t see her, but you know her dyed pink tips are twirling around her finger.

“lara keeps saying no! but, she definitely wants you to set something up for them to meet…” you raise an eyebrow, drawing a stick figure on the notepad. you add a top hat onto his head but scribble it out, clicking your tongue.

“i can definitely try… she’s kind of hard to figure out, though, so lara should watch out for that.” you imagine megan rolling her eyes at that, her lips pursed.

“perfect. sounds like lara’s type.” it’s your turn to laugh, leaning back in your chair as you throw your head back. you stare up at the ceiling with a grin on your face, forgetting for a moment that megan broke up with you. as you ask her questions about how the rest of her day went, your guard continues to fall piece by piece.

you find yourself telling her the awful joke keeho made earlier in your group chat, how being a TA is probably the worst decision you’ve ever made.

she tells you about the nonsense manon and lara put her through at the airport last weekend.

you tell her about professor lee’s class and how you believe 85% of the class might fail.

(“are you serious? you’re the one grading their work, though.” “yeah, that’s the point.” “damn. you suck.”)

amidst the laughter, the smooth flow of conversation, when you begin telling her about the exhibit you and yunjin went to, a visible tension begins to form in the room. you don’t notice it at first when you tell her about it, but the silence on the other end begins to feel heavier.

you look down at your lap when megan doesn’t reply. reality begins to settle back into place, and you are reminded once again that she probably isn’t your soulmate. a weight in your chest returns at the thought, and you almost hang up the phone, not wanting to continue putting yourself through unnecessary stress.

“can i come over later and grab something from your dorm?” megan suddenly asks. the lighthearted tone she had earlier is now gone, and you can’t help but miss it, even if you had just heard it only moments ago.

you look up from your lap to stare out the window that’s right next to dr. lee’s desk. the sunlight kisses your skin, and you reach out, pressing your fingertips against the glass. despite the warmth the sun provides, you know it’s freezing outside. the window being cold to the touch provides testament to that. you look up at the sky, thinking about a day that looked just like this with megan.

you were both walking to her favorite cafe to grab a hot chocolate. she had been begging for one since you both woke up in each other’s arms that morning, and you could never say no to megan skiendiel. she stole a hoodie from your closet and ran out the door with you in tow.

the walk is only ten minutes, but with megan, it takes twenty. she always insisted on taking the “scenic” route. her arms were wrapped around yours, and she talked about her plans for the break she was finally going to have now that the holidays were around the corner.

before walking inside the cafe, she stopped you, getting on her tiptoes to kiss you gently. when she pulled away, she looked at you with a gleam in her eyes– a look you could never forget.

“come with me and my family to hawaii,” she said to you breathlessly.

before you could reply, she kissed you again. it was deeper this time, and you could feel her hands cold against your cheeks. she pulled away again and pressed her forehead against yours, giggling when your noses bumped into each other. you looked into her eyes, and she looked back with a sincere look. she whispered, “my soulmate should see where i grew up, you know?”

winter showed its true colors as the wind began to pick up around you, but as you wrapped your arms around megan, nodding your head with an excited grin, it might as well have been spring.

“y/n?” megan says over the phone, pulling you back to the present. you look away from the window, your eyes back on the stack of papers you have to get through before the week ends.

you nod, reaching out for them again to continue what you were doing. “yeah, i’ll be back at my dorm around 6ish…”

when you get home that night, megan stands at your front door, holding what appears to be a bag of take-out. you notice how she wears one of your university hoodies, so oversized that it falls a bit above her knees. her hair is tied back in a ponytail, and her pink bangs are sticking out a bit, with wisps of them sticking to her forehead, likely due to her just getting done with rehearsal for the day. you melt at the sight of her wearing her glasses– an achilles heel that she knows you have.

megan is effortlessly beautiful, and it kills you that, despite what happened, you still want to run into her arms. and if you did, it would feel like home.

you hold yourself back, though, not wanting your guard to fall again. unfortunately, megan leaves again for another music festival in two weeks, and it’s another gentle reminder that you and the girl are in two different places in life.

a part of you is still scared that this would all be for nothing again, and it truly is huh yunjin, that the universe intended for you.

but as you walk closer to megan, seeing her eyes light up at the sight of you, her whiskered smile growing wider with every step you take, you feel the walls you’ve built begin to crumble all over again.

once you’re only two feet away, megan holds up the take-out bag with a grin. “i know i said i only wanted to come by to grab something, but… i went to that one sushi place you really like.” she shakes the bag with emphasis, giggling nervously. “i thought we could hang out– just hang out! i swear!”

you glance at the bag and then at her. your stomach grumbles at the thought of finally having dinner, and there are a million reasons why you should say no, to turn megan away. but you could never do that, not when she wears your hoodie and smiles at you as if nothing bad ever happened.

the way keeho glares at you makes you sigh. “stop looking at me like that…”

it’s the day after you and megan hung out in your dorm, and your best friends are not pleased at all with that fact.

keeho scoffs and looks away from you, looking back down at his textbook. he thrums his fingers against the table loudly as if to emphasize his growing agitation toward you. you know he’s trying to bite his tongue, not wanting to make you upset, but chaewon doesn’t care to beat around the bush.

she goes straight to the point without any hesitation, “even after everything that happened, you’re still giving her a chance?”

her incredulous tone makes you wince. you avoid looking in her direction, knowing her eyes would be full of disappointment and, even worse, pity. your best friends haven’t been the biggest megan skiendiel fans for the last two months, and you should have prepared yourself for their reactions.

you look down at the stack of papers on the table in front of you, ignoring how chaewon continues to look at you with expectancy. “of course i am, she could be my soulmate, after all…”

“key word: could be,” keeho chimes in, which earns him a glare from you.

“we haven’t even met the other girl yet, and it seems like she’s a better fit for you than megan,” chaewon suddenly adds, not looking away from her laptop to pay any attention to the pout on your lips. she continues to type, “it sounds like this yunjin knows what she wants.”

“i second that– who even told you it was a good idea to start dating a celebrity anyway?” keeho asks incredulously, his hands gesturing to you. you glare at him again, and you can feel your jaw tightening slightly.

“mind you, megan and i met at a party you invited me to,” you tell him through gritted teeth. keeho only shrugs, swiftly closing his textbook and pushing it away. he stretches his arms and yawns, indicating he is ready for a break. or, more specifically, ready to be done with schoolwork for the day.

unfortunately, there’s still a stack of papers for you to go through, and then you have your own paper to write. being a TA is becoming overwhelming, but your pride is too big for you to admit it out loud. keeho and chaewon are already up your ass about your soulmate dilemma; you can’t imagine giving them another form of ammunition to use against you.

“tomato, po-tah-to, i’m gonna go get a coffee.” he gets up, pushes his chair in, and walks away from the table. you chuckle when you see him stumble over his feet a bit, almost falling onto his ass. he looks back at you with a panicked expression, silently telling, “you didn’t see anything.”

you shake your head, looking back down at the papers you have to go through. as your eyes skim through the next essay, chaewon decides to speak up again, “how come we haven’t met yunjin yet, anyway?”

“i don’t know… i’m still figuring it out. bringing her to you guys almost feels like a “meeting the parents” situation.” you shrug, flipping to the next page of the essay.

“is it that? or, is it because it would make it feel real?” chaewon’s words cause you to freeze. your eyes remain on the essay, but it’s hard to focus when it feels like the girl just figured you out. you grip the pen in your hand as you try to find a reply, considering a response that doesn’t make your best friend lecture you all over again.

knowing chaewon, though, you decide to be honest. “you meeting yunjin would mean i would have to face the truth, and i’m not ready to do that.” you prepare for chaewon to press you further, to dig even deeper into why you aren’t ready.

instead, she reaches over and places her hand over yours that grips the pen tightly. “you know keeho just wants the best for you, right?”

you roll your eyes, finally looking up from the essay to look at chaewon with a raised eyebrow. “yes, mom, i know that.” she scoffs in response, squeezing your hand gently.

“honestly though… you do seem happier now that yunjin is around.” you bite your lip and nod, her words putting a knife through your chest for some reason.

she continues, though, patting your hand before pulling away. “but, it’s not the same happiness you had when you were with megan.” you let out a sharp breath, looking back down at the work you have to do. you’re unsure of what to say as you try to focus on another student’s analysis of the most recent reading they had done for class.

you hear chaewon click her tongue. “someone is gonna be heartbroken no matter what you decide, so prepare yourself for that at the end of the day.”

another week goes by, and it’s another night of you sitting at your desk, going through the latest reading that professor lee assigned for his class. it’s the short story he told you to read a while ago, and as you try to stay focused, it becomes more difficult to ignore the drooping of your eyes. you desperately try to push yourself to keep going, not wanting to succumb to the exhaustion quite yet. it’s only 1 am— there had to be another hour or two left in you.

but at some point, the words on the paper started to jumble together, and you could have sworn the conclusion to the story was entirely in spanish. a sigh of defeat leaves your lips as you close the book shut, placing it back inside your book bag for it to only be taken out once more when you wake up.

you stretch your arms, letting out a soft groan as you release some of the tension you’ve kept in your shoulders. suddenly, there’s a knock at your door that causes you to jump slightly, nearly falling back in your chair. your head whips toward the door with wide eyes, staring at it to make sure it wasn't your imagination. however, the knock comes again.

three soft knocks, followed by two more.

it’s megan.

you stand up slowly from the chair, your brows furrowing in confusion as to why the girl decided to visit you so late. when you were dating, the latest she would ever come was 11 pm. you place your hand on the handle, taking a glance at the clock on your wall: 1:45 am.

is she crazy?

slowly, you open the door to reveal megan, who seems to still be in her practice clothes. her sweatpants hang low around her waist, and the strap of her tank top hangs loosely off her shoulder. you watch as her hands reach up to the end of her ponytail, her fingers fiddling with her hair as she begins to speak to you softly, “i… i couldn’t sleep.”

you raise an eyebrow, opening your mouth to reply, but she quickly continues, “well– okay. i didn’t even try to sleep. we had practice until 9 pm today because tomorrow morning, we leave for D.C. for the music festival, and after i left, i was gonna go home, but then our song came on, so i was like, okay, i’ll let this play. and then i let it play five more times. and then somehow, i ended up at the beach and i started thinking about us, like i always do, and suddenly it was like 12 am and i wondered if you were still a night owl so, i decided to come over and test it out and like, now i’m here and i didn’t really think about how you’d answer the door so i guess–”

a loud sigh escapes your lips as you grab megan’s wrist and pull her inside your dorm room, cutting off her rambling. it’s almost 2 am, and you know her members would tear her apart if she didn’t get up on time to make this flight. she stares at you with wide eyes, and you can tell she isn’t sure of what to do next. if you were being honest, you aren’t too sure either. you let go of megan’s wrist, stepping away from the girl.

“you need to get some sleep, and at this point, you’d be getting home at like, 3 am.” you point at your closet. “grab something to sleep in and you can crash here– the airport is only 10 minutes away anyway.”

megan beams at you, skipping toward your closet like she had done so many times before. a warmth creeps up your neck as you watch her sift through the closet like it's her own. you can’t help but stand awkwardly, waiting for her to finally find something to wear. she opts for one of your hoodies and shorts, and as if on instinct, she walks straight to your bathroom. megan stops in front of the door, though, turning toward you with an unsure smile.

“is this okay? if i use your shower?” you stare at her for a moment, suddenly feeling awkward by the question. it’s not that you don’t want her to (which, in theory, you should tell her no), but you’re hyperaware of the fact that the shampoo and conditioner she always used are still sitting there, untouched since the last time she used your bathroom.

there are parts of megan you’ve tried to hide away since the breakup, but for some reason, you couldn’t throw those away.

you nod in response, though, running a hand through your hair. “yeah, you’re kinda stinky.”

megan rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at you before disappearing inside the bathroom. you fall back into your desk chair, leaning your head back with a loud sigh. if there’s one thing about megan you know all too well, it's her impulsivity. whether that be a 3 am milkshake run or for you to stop the car because, “it’s so beautiful over here! we should explore!”

she always kept you on your toes, and being megan’s partner meant being prepared for anything and everything.

ever since the breakup, your life has become much quieter. you still find yourself struggling to get used to the routine of it all without someone asking you to go on a late-night drive just because the stars are pretty tonight.

once megan finishes her bedtime routine, she walks out of the bathroom in your shorts and hoodie and goes straight to your bed, climbing under the covers. you get up from your desk chair, suddenly realizing you either have to sleep on the floor or next to her.

the thought of sleeping beside megan again causes your hands to sweat, a heat creeping up your neck. you cautiously take a seat on the other side of the bed, trying to keep your composure as you look down at your ex.

when your eyes meet, you both suddenly smile at each other, as if for a second, you both have forgotten you were separated. there’s an elephant in the room, though. but neither of you has addressed it yet; instead, you're letting it loom in the corner silently, hoping no one acknowledges it.

megan pats the side next to her. “i won’t try anything, i promise. i know what you’re thinking, and i’d rather be the one to sleep on the floor if it really bothers you to sleep next to each other.”

you slowly lie down on your back next to her, still above the sheets. you shake your head at her. “you already got cozy, so i guess i have no other choice.”

“i’m sorry that you somehow have the comfiest bed ever. i was so excited to lie in it again,” she giggles, her whiskers forming slightly in her cheeks. you glance at her, and you can’t help but melt at the sight of her dimples.

there’s a bit of space between you two, a small gap that could easily be broken if either of you shifted the slightest bit. but then what would it mean to break that barrier? what would it mean to have her in your space again?

the bed shifts again as megan scoots closer to you. you quickly turn your gaze upward at your ceiling, trying to focus on the glow-in-the-dark stars in an attempt to ignore the chinese girl’s stare. after a few minutes, you hear megan speak, “can i ask you something?”

you glance at your clock and frown. it’s 3 am at this point, and the flight to D.C. is going to kick megan’s ass. but you nod with silent permission, regardless.

“what’s… what is she like?” megan’s voice is quiet, and you notice how it has become shaky.

you bite your lip, thinking about your response. you reply, “megan, i don’t really think we should–”

“i just wanna know,” she whispers. you feel her shift again, moving even closer to you. “i just wanna know how serious this is for you.”

finally, you take a deep breath and look at her. your breath hitches when your eyes meet, only millimeters apart. she looks at you expectantly, waiting for your answer. “what do you mean?”

“do you think you could fall in love with her?” you hold her gaze. despite the darkness, you can see her brown eyes shining. the way her lip trembles tells you she’s scared of what you might say– of the possibility that she may have been too late.

you shift onto your side to get a better look at megan, and you suddenly get deja vu, lying with her like this. there’s a heat in your cheeks, and you know she’s close enough to notice it. her question still lingers in the air, as if it’s the invisible barrier that separates you both. but, in some way, it does.

the love you have for megan is still alive; you can feel it in the way your heart skips a beat every time you see the girl– in person or in photos. the answer to megan’s question should be easy because there are a million reasons why you could fall in love with huh yunjin.

but as megan continues to stare at you, her eyes full of the same adoration she had for you at the beginning of your relationship, you aren’t sure what the honest answer would be.

suddenly, she turns onto her other side, no longer facing you. the breath you’ve been holding is finally released as you watch the girl nestle deeper into your bed. it’s her silent way of telling you not to answer. perhaps, she didn’t want to hear the answer as much as you didn't want to give one.

when you think it’s finally time to go to sleep, megan asks another question that nearly makes you fall out of bed. “can you hold me?”

you furrow your brows at her back. “what?”

“please?” her voice sounds so small, and it trembles with her plea. you continue to stare at megan’s form, fighting the urge to give in to her. but that familiar warmth comes back at the thought of having her in your arms again.

it’s the same feeling you had when you first met her, when she first spoke to you, saying the words that theoretically connect you both forever.

against all rational thought, you climb under the covers, scooting closer to Megan to wrap your arms around her. you feel her cuddle closer to your chest, her hands finding yours and lacing your fingers together. a feeling you haven’t felt in months starts to burn in your chest, and it’s almost unbearable as you hold Megan tighter in your arms. suddenly, it settles there, radiating warmly as you rest your head against her back, breathing her in.

it’s as if megan felt the same way because she speaks up again, “this is nice.”

you nod, swallowing a lump in your throat. “yeah… it is,” you whisper breathlessly.

there’s silence again between you two, and you feel your eyes start to become heavy, closing slowly before you hear her whisper, “i don't even know why i broke up with you.”

the words tumble out from your lips before you can stop them. “why did you, then?” you berate yourself silently, knowing your tone drips with a bit of bitterness. then again, after everything, you’re allowed to feel still angry toward your ex. it’s only natural for you to be so. but it’s not even anger at this point; you’re not really sure how you feel.

you feel the words on your skin burn, as if reminding you that they’re there, and they’re real, and that there’s still a part of you that believes they belong to megan. you close your eyes tightly as the tension in the room grows. you can hear the wheels in megan’s brain turning, trying to curate a response that could possibly help you understand clearly why she made that decision months ago.

“it felt easier to push you away,” she finally says after a while. you feel her shrug, tightening her hands around yours. she whispers, “i meant it when i said i wasn't ready to meet you.”

you feel tears forming in your eyes, but you breathe her in again, reminding yourself that she’s here right now, and she’s finally giving you a look into her head since the breakup.

megan continues, her voice trembling with every word, “when we met, i felt like a complete fucking mess.” she chuckles dryly and starts to play with your fingers. “at the time… it felt like no one really got me, you know? like, i was just the goofy ginger with dyslexia in katseye.”

you pull megan closer to you, remembering those rough days when she would come over to your dorm and pass off her low mood as just being exhausted. you knew the comments got to her, though; you knew how awful the internet was to her at the time.

she sighs and leans into your touch. “then we met, and i was so fucking excited that i finally got to meet you. and, for the first time in like, my entire life! i finally met someone who saw me for who i really was!” she closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.

“when all that stuff with ‘gnarly’ started, i was scared of it happening all over again, but then… it didn’t.” she smiles to herself, her eyes still closed. “people really started to notice me, y/n. they really loved me.”

suddenly, she turns over in your arms, facing you with tears in her eyes. your instincts tell you to wipe them away, but you feel frozen in place, looking at megan helplessly.

“everyone was starting to recognize how good i am. and it all happened so fast, and i just got so caught up in it all. all the love from everyone, celebrities starting to know my name, everything was too good to be true.” she shakes her head as her tears begin to fall onto your sheets. “but i was too fucking stupid to realize that i was losing you in the process.”

“megan–” you try to interrupt, but she buries her face into your chest, her arms wrapping around you tightly. her tears against your shirt silence you immediately.

“i kept thinking, “this is fine. they’ll be there because we’re soulmates,” megan tells you, her voice a bit muffled. “i'm so fucking stupid, y/n. i’m so fucking stupid, and i am so sorry,” her voice cracks as she grips the back of your shirt with her fists. “i regret it. and if it does end up not being me that the universe made for you, then i’m sorry to say it, but literally fuck destiny because it’s wrong.”

megan pulls away slightly to wipe her eyes with the sleeves of your hoodie and sniffles. “it’s wrong because i am never going to love someone as much as i love you,” she says hoarsely. you look at her, noticing your own tears have started to stream down your cheeks. she reaches out and gently wipes them away, a sad smile on her lips. “if i’m not your soulmate, then maybe my destiny is to love you from afar.”

“that’s not true, mei…” you whisper, leaning into her touch. she keeps her hand on your cheek and caresses your skin with the pad of her thumb.

she then shakes her head and looks at you as if she were falling in love with you all over again. “i'm always running back to you, y/n. that’s my destiny.”

when you wake up, it’s as if megan had never been there, and it was all a dream.

you try to push away the disappointment you feel when you realize she’s no longer in bed with you. there’s a longing inside of you, and you’re scared that feeling will always be for megan skiendiel. after allowing yourself a few minutes to feel empty inside, you finally sit up, knowing the day will continue despite how lost you are.

you blink a few times, trying to shake off the sleepiness in your eyes. when your eyes finally adjust to your surroundings, you notice how the shorts you allowed megan to borrow are now neatly folded and placed at the foot of your bed.

you look around, wondering if megan took the hoodie she wore with her to the airport.

then suddenly, your eyes fall onto your nightstand. sitting there is the picture of you and megan you hid away months ago at the bottom of your sock drawer. in front of it is a folded note that you end up grabbing and unfolding quickly to see its contents.

“i wanted a pair of socks, so i borrowed some.

sometimes, i think about going back to ginger. what do you think?

anyway. i come back in a week.

and i'll be running right to your doorstep.

always.

i love you.

-Mei.”

you place the note back onto your nightstand with a small smile. you angle the photo a bit, allowing it to face your bed before getting up to get ready for the day ahead.

you wonder what would happen when megan comes back from her trip.

you think about the note she left you on your nightstand two days ago, her words distracting you from the ones you should be paying attention to more at this point.

yunjin sits across from you at the coffee shop you two decided to study at, reading an article on her laptop for one of her classes as you continue playing catch-up with the classwork you’ve pushed aside the last few days to complete grading papers for dr. lee.

you find yourself shaking your head again, rereading the same paragraph for the nth time. you prop your chin up against your palm, sighing in irritation as you erase the work you’ve done so far. your eraser squeaks against your homework, and it causes yunjin to look at you with a raised brow. “are you okay?”

you wipe away the remnants of your eraser, sighing dramatically. “no, i’m so behind on one of my core classes.” you look at your laptop, trying to shovel the information from the article into your brain so you can finish at least one of your assignments. but the words begin to jumble together again, and you can feel your head spinning. yunjin reaches out and places her hand over yours, her thumb gently drawing circles against your skin.

“we can take a break if you want? i was starting to fall asleep…” yunjin giggles, and the sound makes you smile. you let out a sigh of relief at the opportunity to finally take a break, closing your laptop without any hesitation.

the korean girl suggests taking a stroll outside for a moment or two, telling you it could give you both the recharge you’re desperately needing. you agree with her words and follow her out the door, stretching your arms as the cool air hits your face. you’ve always been a big fan of the wintertime, but the change in seasons always meant one thing you dread the most: finals.

it’s been a tough quarter, probably the toughest you’ve had so far, and it didn’t help that your personal life was a mess the entire time. you let out a heavy sigh, taking a moment to relish in the bit of peace you’ve been craving for weeks now.

your eyes follow yunjin as she walks ahead of you, stopping suddenly to take a look at the sky. her soft smile, the way she cranes her neck to get a better view, sends your head into overdrive. she glances at you and her smile widens, her eyes crinkling at the sides. “you’re staring.”

you look away, your heart racing as you rub the back of your neck awkwardly. “so? what if i was?”

she smirks slightly, looking back up at the sky. “careful, y/n. i might start to think you see me as your real soulmate,” yunjin’s tone is light and teasing, but you sense something deeper in her words. she doesn’t show it, but you know it bothers her. this waiting game between you two– it must kill her.

you feel terrible for putting yunjin through this, unable to fully commit to her as her other half. for all you know, she is your soulmate, and you’re wasting the universe’s time. but that night with megan crosses your mind, and it has brought you back to square one. yunjin is perfect in every way possible, and, unfortunately, she has met you at an incredibly awful time.

you walk over to yunjin and stand beside her, looking at her with furrowed brows. “how are you so patient?”

“do you know how many times i’ve heard someone say that stupid word on my arm?” she chuckles, shaking her head. “this is the first time something actually came out of it. i wanna see it all the way through…”

yunjin looks at you, her brown eyes gleaming with hope. her hand brushes against your own and laces your fingers together. “even if it ends up being like all the other times… this is the closest i've ever been to finding my soulmate.”

a pang of guilt resonates within you at her words. it’s sick that the universe would do something like this to yunjin, and it makes you feel worse knowing that at this point, it’s ultimately up to you how this ends. dr. lee told you how the soul just knows, but it can’t be that easy, not when yunjin looks at you like that.

not when megan lives in the back of your mind constantly.

you hold yunjin’s gaze, desperate for your soul to start screaming. you wish the words on your skin did more than just be present on your arm. at this point, you’d do anything for the universe to give you a sign so this can all be over with.

whatever the answer is, you hope the stories from dr. lee’s class aren’t just fairy tales. that, despite the chaos, everyone gets the ending they deserve.

“you okay?” yunjin asks, tilting her head. you shake your head, trying to get your head straight again.

you nod, forcing a smile. “yeah. i'm just stressed, i guess.”

she squeezes your hand in silent understanding. “there’s a party tonight that i'm going to… it’s at the frat house my friend is a part of. you should go with me, you know, relieve some stress.”

something deep inside you tells you not to go. you told megan you’d call her tonight to talk about her performance. but yunjin’s smile as she waits for your response feels magnetic.

“yeah. i can make it.”

every time you think about megan that night, you pour yourself a drink, hoping it’ll make it stop.

but you’re on drink number six, and at this point, keeho and chaewon would have stopped you. they aren’t here, though, and yunjin knows nothing of your alcohol tolerance.

you try to ignore the ringing in your pocket as you stumble toward the kitchen for another drink. you forgot to tell megan you weren’t going to call her tonight, and you felt it was only appropriate to get another drink as the realization dawned on you.

you murmur apologies as you bump into strangers on your way, one of them you recognize as a student of dr. lee’s. there’s a slight panic in their eyes, hoping you don’t rat them out for underaged drinking, but you’re no snitch, and also, you’re more mortified at the fact you’ve been spotted out in the wild.

your usually calm and poised demeanor in the classroom counters your current state significantly— a mess, a disaster, a person who wants to be loved at the end of the day.

when you finally reach the kitchen, the fluorescent lighting immediately gives you a headache. you wince, grabbing the edge of the countertop to steady yourself.

a memory of megan flickers in the back of your mind. she sat on top of her countertop as you stood in between her legs, looking up at her as she rambled on and on about something stupid an interviewer said. her ginger hair was in a ponytail, swinging wildly as she expressed her annoyance with passion.

at some point, she looked down at you and smiled. her shoulders relaxed and her ponytail stilled as you stared at each other; in love, soulmates, the universe dancing with joy because they created a perfect match.

the memory disappears quickly as you feel a gentle hand on your shoulder.

it’s yunjin.

you look down at the counter, your head spinning. “i think i'm fucked up right now.” your words elicit a loud laugh from the girl— loud and full of life.

she squeezes your shoulder, then lets go. for a rare moment, she’s silent. you’re about to comment on it, but suddenly, she snakes her arms around your torso, pressing herself close to your back. the act of affection causes you to freeze, but you don’t push her away, allowing her into your space. you feel her rest her cheek against your back as she tightens her arms around you.

“you’re thinking about your ex,” she whispers, and your breath hitches. you keep your eyes on the counter, trying to come up with a reply, but lies would only come out of your mouth.

you turn around in her arms, leaning against the counter. yunjin looks up at you and whispers again, “what do you need right now, y/n?” she reaches up to cup your cheek, and you notice how her eyes flicker to your lips.

your favorite memory of megan was when she first showed up at your dorm. you opened the door and she immediately extended her arms out to you, holding what seemed to be a flower she must have picked from one of the gardens on campus. she looked at you with stars in her eyes, and her lip was curled into a nervous smile.

that image of megan disappears the moment yunjin’s lips find yours.

keeho steps inside the bathroom cautiously, a nervous smile on his lips as he crouches next to you, placing his hand on your back and rubbing it awkwardly as you continue sobbing, hunched over a toilet. “hey… you okay…?”

his question for some reason causes you to sob harder, shaking your head furiously. “out of everybody, they sent you in here?!”

keeho stops rubbing your back, glaring at you. he sighs and pats your back, retracting his hand so he doesn’t irritate you further. “chae would probably call you stupid for crying, yunjin has no idea how to handle you when you’re drunk and sad, so i guess I’m your best option at this point.”

he grimaces at the way you lay your cheek against the toilet seat, knowing you’ll regret that much later– if you remember any of this happening, that is. you continue to cry, sniffling as you reply, “i don’t even know why i’m sad, kee!” you hiccup and shake your head. “yunjin kissed me!” keeho’s eyes widen when you start sobbing again, immediately throwing his arms around you to provide some sort of comfort.

he places his hand on top of your head and takes a deep breath. “yeah… after seeing yunjin in person, i don’t really understand why either,” he scoffs, tilting his head so he can have a better look at you. “this is your chance to just… let things go with megan.”

you remove your head from the toilet seat, letting it fall against keeho’s chest as he holds you. “remember when we took soulmate theory 110 together?”

he places his chin on top of your head and nods, chuckling softly. “yeah, i don’t think we learned much in that class.”

you sniffle again, using your sleeve to wipe your nose. your head spins as you try to express yourself coherently, “we didn’t… i sure didn’t because maybe, it would’ve made all of this easier to figure out and deal with.” you push yourself away from him and shake your head, closing your eyes tightly in an attempt to stop the tears that keep falling.

you lean back clumsily, your back hitting the wall behind you. keeho reaches out and grabs your shoulders with wide eyes, making sure you keep sitting straight. he pulls away and watches you worriedly, even as you try to wave him off. “but now that i’m a fucking TA for the class… i feel like i still don’t know anything…”

you let the back of your head hit the wall, opening your eyes only to be met with the bright light of the bathroom. you squint as you quietly continue, “dr. lee says you just know. the stupid theory is that you’re supposed to just know when you meet your person, but i don’t fucking know anything!”

you bang your head against the wall again, clearly frustrated. keeho’s hand finds your knee, warm and gentle as you try to piece together your thoughts again.

“tell me how it felt when you met megan…” he whispers, rubbing your knee.

you open one of your eyes to peek at him, a brow raised. “you’re anti-megan… why do you care?”

keeho rolls his eyes. “just tell me. i haven’t met my soulmate yet, so i wouldn’t know how it feels. so… what’s it like?”

both of your eyes open, staring at him with a dazed look. words come out of your mouth, ones you can’t quite comprehend, but they come out without another thought. “it feels like you’re on fire. it’s like this pain in your chest. and it doesn’t go away.”

keeho frowns at your words. “that sounds fucking awful.”

“it is awful, it’s really, really fucking awful!” you laugh, a small smile forming on your lips as you continue to remember that feeling. you raise your hand to your chest as if the burning were still there, gripping your shirt, willing it to come back somehow. “it does go away, though, believe it or not. and then you’re just left with this like, warm, sunshine-y feeling. i can’t describe it. it’s like… like…”

your eyes fall onto your lap as you whisper, “it’s like you’re finally home after being away for a while. which is weird because you literally just met them that day. but, you’re home, somehow.”

your smile remains as you think about that night again with megan. the way your birthmark burned, how your chest felt like it was going to explode when you first looked in her direction. and that warmth– the warmth only megan skiendiel could provide.

“yunjin is nice, and she is just perfect in every way…”

keeho cuts in before you could finish your sentence. “but she doesn’t feel like home.”

you raise your head slowly to look at him. without another word, you nod. he extends his arms out to you, beckoning for you to come closer. your lips tremble as you crawl into his embrace, falling into him once he wraps his arms around you. a quiet sob escapes you, a realization dawning on you.

the theory is true. you know exactly who it is at the end of the day.

yunjin leans against the bathroom door, exhaling sharply at the sound of you sobbing in the bathroom, which is, thankfully, muffled by the music that’s playing loudly downstairs.

she managed to find your phone and saw keeho’s contact first. within minutes, he arrived with chaewon in tow. she looks over at chaewon, who sits on the floor with her back against the wall. yunjin wonders if it’s a good idea to approach your best friend, scared that the brunette may blame her for the state you’re currently in.

however, yunjin walks over to chaewon without a second thought, an unfamiliar burning in her chest becoming harder to ignore. she stands in front of her, unsure of what to say or do, especially when the other girl looks up at yunjin with a sharp look. despite that, yunjin knows chaewon is just worried about you.

you’ve talked about the korean girl so many times, how she manages to be so level-headed but short-tempered at the same time. you once called chaewon an unpredictable individual, and as yunjin keeps her gaze, she’s starting to understand your words a bit more.

the silence between them must have irritated chaewon, prompting her to speak up, “yes?”

yunjin ignores how her chest burns painfully when she hears the three-letter word come out of chaewon’s mouth. her brain short-circuits slightly, and she finds herself responding in her native tongue, “여기 자리 있어요?”

yunjin gestures to the empty spot on the floor with a sheepish smile. however, her smile falls as she notices chaewon’s expression visibly darkens. yunjin feels like she's on fire, and it grows as she watches chaewon stand up from the floor, crossing her arms. “say that again.” yunjin’s eyes widen at the command.

“what–?” chaewon groans, rubbing her face with her hands. she gestures wildly to yunjin, which only makes the ginger girl much more confused than before.

“say what you said again! god!” chaewon repeats, a bit exasperated. suddenly, she looks down at her feet and waits for yunjin.

the other girl is a bit bewildered, but she can’t help but feel less intimidated by chaewon, noticing their very obvious height difference up close. her “outburst” reminds yunjin of a baby lion. it’s as if she’s trying to assert control over the situation, and yunjin isn’t sure why she would need to.

she repeats herself anyway, making sure to enunciate, “여기 자리 있어요… in english it’s—“

shaewon waves her off and extends her arm, displaying her birthmark. “yeah, i know that.”

yunjin reads the characters on chaewon’s arm. her cheeks redden in realization, the fire in her chest growing even larger. she looks back at the girl but chaewon avoids her eyes. yunjin quickly extends her own arm out to her, wanting to place the final piece to the puzzle that somehow connects them. but chaewon pushes her arm away, shaking her head with a loud sigh.

“wait, but–” yunjin tries to show her again, but chaewon turns away from her, keeping her head down to hide the way her cheeks have turned a dark shade of pink.

“i don’t– i don’t have the energy to think about this right now!” yunjin takes a step back away from chaewon, not wanting to upset her even further. she feels her lip tremble at the thought that, once again, she is not wanted by someone who she thought would be her soulmate.

with everything that came with you, and getting her hopes up over and over again when someone says that stupid word on her arm, she doesn’t know why she continues to try so hard just to be loved.

she often wonders why the universe gave her such a common word, while many others receive complete phrases— words put together that make sense, even if they're in different languages. why does she only get to have a “yes?”

yunjin feels tears starting to form in her eyes as that familiar feeling begins to creep up to her chest: rejection.

but then, without looking back, chaewon passes her phone to yunjin. she speaks over her shoulder, her tone softer this time, “let’s talk about it when things aren’t this… crazy.”

a laugh mixed with nervousness and relief leaves yunjin’s lips as she quickly wipes her eyes and takes chaewon’s phone. she looks down at it and smiles gently when she sees the screen to put in her contact information.

“i’m gonna check on them and i’ll be back.” yunjin looks up and sees chaewon already making her way toward the bathroom you and keeho are currently occupying. she bites her lip and looks back down at chaewon’s phone, a comfortable warmth resonating throughout her body as she types in her number.

you slouch down in the desk chair, mindlessly clicking through the slides professor lee reads off to the students in his class. you wait for the pause, the cue to move on to the next point he wants to make. he explains his expectations for finals, how he will be critiquing the writing portion much harshly than previous assignments.

you’re relieved that you won’t have to grade them for him, but unfortunately, for the actual exam part, he has asked you to be the class’s proctor.

pieces of last night are scattered in your mind, and even as you try to put them together, none of it makes sense. you remember yunjin kissing you, and you kissing her back. you remember how you ran to the bathroom immediately because you felt your phone ringing in your pocket. when you checked your phone, there were several missed calls from megan.

at some point, you texted megan, telling her how you kissed yunjin.

there was silence on her end. she read the message, but never replied.

that’s when you started crying, you think.

you manage to tear your eyes away from the computer as you grab your phone from your book bag, stealthily, checking it for a brief moment. a frown spreads across your lips when you see that none of the notifications were from the person you wanted to speak to.

they’re all messages from yunjin, chaewon, and keeho, probably wanting to check on you after the storm you unleashed on them. you grimace as you put your phone back into your bag, zipping it up so you can continue helping dr. lee with his presentation.

when you hear him stop talking again, you’re about to click the mouse once more, but he calls out to you. “y/n, let’s stop here for a moment.” you straighten up in the chair at his words, your head whipping toward him with wide eyes.

you nod, confused over the sudden change in the class’s routine. before every lecture, dr. lee sends you an email with an overview of the topics he will be discussing. today, however, the email never came, and you assume it’s due to final exam season approaching– even professors fall victim to the inevitable burnout.

he takes a glance at you before returning his attention to the front, straightening out his glasses before leaning against the whiteboard behind him. he puts his hands in his pockets as he begins to speak, “i want to circle back to one of the readings we did last week.”

he turns around and grabs one of the dry-erase markers, uncapping it. you watch as he writes down the title of one of the passages he assigned, squinting when you realize it’s the short story dr. lee recommended to you. he speaks again, his voice louder, “who can tell me a small summary about this passage?”

he looks back at the class and unsurprisingly, no one raises their hand. you always find this type of silence awkward, praying that someone would be brave enough to at least take a stab at answering his question.

after a while, dr. lee shakes his head, but his easy-going smile remains. “it’s only been a week, guys, come on. don’t be surprised if a question pops up on the exam about this story.” he then glances at you and points, nodding in your direction. “y/n, can you help the class out?”

a groan nearly escapes your lips, but you manage to keep it in. you look at the class, who all have a nervous look in their eyes. you turn your attention back to dr. lee, a sigh leaving your lips.

“it was a short story where, in an alternate universe, the birthmarks of soulmates don’t exist…” he nods in approval and allows you to continue, “these two people find each other, and one of them was dedicated to finding love, while the other couldn’t care less.”

you take a deep breath, suddenly very aware of everyone’s eyes on you. “the one who didn’t care tries so hard to push the other away, but that person just won’t give up. they’re so determined to show them that they belong together.” dr. lee remains silent, wanting you to finish the story.

you glance at his students, quickly averting your eyes due to how intensely they seem to be listening to you. “and throughout the story, this person doesn’t leave the other’s side. and, it’s confusing to that person because they feel like the other is just wasting their time…”

“so, what happens in the end?” dr. lee asks. you stare at him quietly, clearing your throat before looking back at his class.

“the person who didn’t care much about love tells the other that they’ve been right the entire time– that they are in love with them, and the person who did care tells them that’s why they never gave up in the first place… i guess.” dr. lee shakes his head at your words.

he motions with his hands for you to continue as he says, “what did that person specifically say at the end of the story?” you raise an eyebrow at him, unsure of what was said exactly. but then, after a moment of thought, you remember.

“they said… “i’ve known it was you since the very beginning.” dr. lee smiles at you, turning back to the whiteboard. he writes the quote down on the board quickly, yet his handwriting is still legible. you watch as he circles the quote as if it were the most important point in the entire passage.

he then turns back around to face his students, who are now fully engaged in the conversation. there’s a sparkle in all of their eyes, the distress in them almost forgotten.

“finding your soulmate isn’t all about the birthmark on your arm, truth be told…” he chuckles, shaking his head. “the birthmark just makes it easier, and we’re all lucky to live in a world where we don’t have to play a game of chase our entire lives.”

“but finding your soulmate doesn’t mean life becomes better. it’s not going to rid you of your burdens; it won’t pay your rent.” the class laughs at his words, and you can’t help but chuckle as well.

you lean against the chair, crossing your arms as you continue to listen to dr. lee’s words. “and it certainly won't make you happy forever. life will continue to prove itself difficult,” his voice becomes serious again, “amongst all that struggle though… all the worst times that will occur… there is now a person in your life you can share it with.”

“the unfortunate part of having a soulmate is the fact that we are only human. a soulmate isn’t supposed to be perfect. they will still take all the blankets in the middle of the night, they’ll fight with you, if you’re one of the lucky few, they’ll be your complete opposite–” he shrugs, “just because you find your soulmate doesn’t mean the work to be with them is over.”

you uncross your arms, scooting closer to the edge of your seat as you find yourself also lost in dr. lee’s words. every word he says makes your skin burn– for some reason, you start to feel somewhat alive again.

“and we have to remember another thing about being human: we’re all still so temporary on this planet, and it’s a curse from the universe that death does not stop for anybody, not even for those who get to find their other half in this lifetime.” you notice how his voice begins to shake.

your eyes trail off to the picture on his desk as you continue to listen to his lesson. “there’s a risk involved once you finally find your person, and i know that it’s terrifying. but, i cannot emphasize enough how much time we don’t have not to take that risk. in my personal opinion, it’s worth all that pain… all the emotions that come with love and loss.”

your breath hitches at his words. your fingers begin to trace the letters on your arm gently, as if missing the burn that used to follow.

dr. lee then leans closer, whispering to the class, “here’s a secret that the universe will never tell you…” he takes a dramatic pause before speaking again, his voice louder and firmer, “another theory about soulmates is that you will always choose that person, over and over again, in every lifetime, in any shape or form, even without your birthmarks.”

he then looks at you and smiles, his voice quiet as if he were speaking to you, and only you, “so, don’t ignore what the universe has given you. if it’s there, fight for it. if you have to look back, do it.”

you’re tired, you’re exhausted, and you just want to crawl into bed.

dr. lee’s words weigh on you with every step you take toward your dorm. the exhaustion is to the point where you considered sleeping inside your car, not knowing if you’d be able to make the trek. any trace of sleepiness, however, fades away when you see megan standing at your door.

you blink a few times, wondering if your tired mind is playing tricks on you. however, there she is, looking back at you, as if she had been waiting there for hours for your arrival.

before you can speak, she takes a few steps toward you. they’re cautious, but determined. megan continues to look at you as if she were to look away; you’d disappear. “you kissed her,” she says, speaking so quickly that you almost miss what she says. you take a step back, not liking where this conversation was going.

“meg, you’re supposed to be in D.C. right now…”

“if she’s the one, then i won’t stop you from making that decision,” she tries to keep her voice calm, but you can tell by the way her brows are furrowed that she is doing everything she can to keep herself from falling apart. she takes another step forward, this time with more confidence. “but i had to come back and see you so you can tell it to my face.”

megan takes a deep breath and looks into your eyes. “i couldn’t handle another day wondering if this is it for us.”

you feel a tug at your heart as you reply, “mei—“

“i know i fucked up.” megan takes another step. “but, i don’t care about the shows, or how many people know my name— i don’t care anymore.” you don’t move a muscle as you allow her into your space. you stare at her, that burning in your chest intensifying as she whispers, “because i'm in love with you and i’d give everything up if it meant you’d come back, too.”

suddenly, she steps away from you, and there’s that pain in your chest again. it’s as if something inside of you is trying to claw its way out. It longs for megan to come back; it’s as if it needs her to come closer, to rip it out of its cage before it’s too late. “if you made your choice, then fine, but something inside me is always going to end up here, and it’s going to keep fighting to stay.”

you continue to stay silent, feeling frozen in place. it isn’t until you see her try to turn away from you when you finally react, grabbing her arm with the words that belong to you. your birthmark begins to burn as you touch her, but this time, you realize, it doesn’t hurt to feel this way.

“it’s you,” you whisper, tears brimming in your eyes as you look at megan. it feels like you’re on fire, and the smile she gives you makes the feeling grow tenfold.

you let go of her arm, gently letting your fingers trace her skin until you reach her hand, lacing your fingers together. the burning begins to subside, calming down to a warmth that feels like you’ve just arrived home after months of being away.

“it’s you,” you whisper again, squeezing her hand. megan’s lip trembles as she smiles, displaying the whiskers in her cheeks and the crinkle in her eyes.

she tugs at your hand, pulling you into a tight embrace. megan wraps her arms around your neck and buries her face in the crook of your neck. although muffled, you still hear her whisper back,

“it’s me.”

the stars aligned after being out of place. the universe found its rhythm again and began to dance above your heads. the sun shines brightly, but its warmth could never compare to what it feels like to be in megan skiendiel’s arms– to be megan skiendiel’s soulmate.

it was a relief to hear that, in the end, no one ended up getting their heart broken.

after chaewon and yunjin reveal their discovery to you, it took you by surprise, but it made sense nonetheless. chaewon scolded you for being so stupid to let someone like yunjin go, but thanked you despite her 30-minute crash-out.

keeho finds it rather disgusting to see both of his best friends in love and happy with their soulmate, but as always, you continue to tease him, telling him to “just be brave!”

your response always leads to something being thrown at your head, maybe even a playful swat at your shoulder.

as you waited for megan to finish rehearsal for the day, you decided to take a trip to yunjin’s favorite art museum. while walking around, you found yourself in her favorite gallery, and as you searched for her favorite painting, you saw dr. lee standing in front of it.

you’re not sure why it called to you all of a sudden, but seeing your professor there made you even more curious.

you walk up to dr. lee, standing next to him as he continues to stare at the painting. there’s a slight smile on his face as he greets you, “y/n, i didn’t realize you were an art lover as well.”

a chuckle escapes your lips as you look at the plaque, rereading the title of the painting. your heart aches again as you reply, “not particularly… but i always somehow come back to this painting… it’s powerful.”

he nods in agreement, briefly glancing at you before looking back at the artwork. “it’s very powerful, indeed.”

you both continue to stand in silence. after a few minutes, you speak again, “you know, the other girl who i thought could be my real soulmate? she took me here a few times… and she always comes to this painting.” you tilt your head at the painting, as if trying to find a secret message inside of it. “but, the last time we went, she asked a question that i still haven’t been able to stop thinking about.”

you look up at dr. lee, who continues to stare at the painting. he seems lost in it, but you present yunjin’s question to him anyway. “she asked, “where does all that love go?” and… i don’t know, i’ve been wondering the same thing. like, what do you even do now if your soulmate is just… gone?”

dr. lee remains silent for a moment, and you watch as his smile falters slightly. however, he remains composed as he responds quietly, “nowhere. the love stays right where they left it. years could pass, and the love would remain.” he blinks a few times, a deep breath escaping him. “it stays just as it was, waiting for the day it would burn once more.”

you nod, not wanting to press him further. you turn your attention back to the painting, admiring it silently with a new perspective as dr. lee stands by your side. from the corner of your eye, you watch as he clutches at his chest, gripping the material of his button-down.

without even asking, you know he’s on fire.

an: pt. 2 finally posted! that means up next is re-uploading my soulmate headcanons for all the other kats :) lmk what u guys think! i rlly hope u enjoyed reading this again, and if it's new to you, i hope u like how this soulmate universe is turning out! <3 -rylee

part one

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