Ed’s Tumblr

[edbritton]

A “dog person” has a pet dog, a “cat person” has a pet cat. I’m really more of a “people person.”

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1327098864244027395

[edbritton]

Had to quit professional boxing because my last contract had an overly broad non-compete clause.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1326736476512546816

[edbritton]

Not wanting to be pessimistic or downbeat, but I can’t see any upside to gravity.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1326374091297677312

[edbritton]

If cakes which aren’t completely baked are called self-saucing, then I must be self-employed.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1326011703713095680

[edbritton]

Apparently we don’t know exactly how the Romans made such long-lasting concrete. Turns out the recipe isn’t set in stone.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1325649314086055936

[edbritton]

Supporting local business is important and the more local the better, which I why I’ve started charging my girlfriend for meals I cook.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1325286927658967041

[edbritton]

No matter how hard I try, I just can’t think of another word for synonym.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1324924538182889472

[edbritton]

If you want to keep an area completely clear of any people, just put it behind a paywall.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1324562152661929985

[edbritton]

The person who invented Morse Code was acting on impulses.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1324199762246176769

[edbritton]

There is a uniformed method for building rooms which are in a roof cavity. It’s very system-attick.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1323837375466930177

[edbritton]

If loose lips sink ships, stop putting lips on them.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1323474985617293312

[edbritton]

In order to make football more easy to play with social distancing, we will invert the number of players with the number of balls.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1323112599333064704

[edbritton]

If you’re not terrified by office stationary, you’ve not considered the proximity between the paper guillotine and the letterheads.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1322750212092370946

[edbritton]

If nothing existed before the Big Bang, then it can’t have been either big or small. As the only bang ever, it would be the yard-stick thereafter. It’s the the first bang.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1322387824792854528

[edbritton]

Unbeknownst to me there are a number of local gardeners in the area who are engaged in a turf war.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1322025435484590080

[edbritton]

Back in the 90s if your boss caught you playing games on your computer, they’d put you in solitaire confinement.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1321663047983878144

[edbritton]

Pencils aren’t great for writing novels. Don’t be fooled by photos, they’re for illustrative purposes only.

http://twitter.com/edbritton/status/1321300659086462988