Walk The Red Carpet
So this is my first fanfic! So please be kind as I was so nervous to upload this. I havenāt seen any fanfiction that represented us disabled gals so I took the job on as a disabled gal myself. Iām by no means a writer and this is probably terrible. Also I do have dyslexia so I might have missed out a word here or there.Ā
Thereās a bit of swearing in this and mentions of a panic attack but apart from that itās pure fluff! Enjoy!
Today was one of those days, one where your mind was so chaotic and busy with pointless thoughts. One where your mind was frantically telling you the same unhelpful things constantly. That you were never enough and youāll never be enough, this was all thanks to your mother because from a young age you were always the last thought, the inconvenience and the girl who fault it was for everything.. you just werenāt enough. Youād been through therapy and counselling multiple times, and it seemed to help calm those intrusive thoughts and you started to become an independent woman who didnāt need no one else.
But the reality was you were a young woman with multiple disabilities which meant you needed more help than youād actually admit, your dreams had been dashed when your consultant said you were too ill to continue with education. This meant that you spend a lot of time at home with your dysfunctional family constantly checking on you, blood pressure checks, medication to be taken at certain times, physiotherapy to complete and regular hospital and doctors appointments to attend.Ā
Also being a full time wheelchair user meant all your friends ditched you, because you ācouldnāt be funā as you always had to plan ahead. As somehow not every location is wheelchair accessible, this did piss you off but it not like you chose this life so you just accepted it. Basically you were alone in this world, however you found solace in filming videos and uploading them to YouTube weekly, because it was something you had complete control over and meant you could share your experiences to others.Ā
You also had gotten to a point in your life where you wanted to start dating again after a 3 year break because up until then the guys youād talked to took one look at the wheelchair, and either started acting distant or ran a million miles. You couldnāt keep count of how many times a guy had asked you if you could have sex and after that shit show experience you decided to quit the dating game, believing youād never find your āPrince Charmingā.
But you thought surely not all guys were pricks, so you started hanging out in bars again to see if Mr Right would walk in. Then if by luck after 3 months of waiting for a miracle, he did.Ā
It was his ocean blue eyes you saw first glancing at you, that made you blush because he was quite possibly the most beautiful man you had ever seen. Within seconds, he was besides you. āWhatās a beautiful girl like you doing alone in a place like thisā he said grinning like the Cheshire Cat. āoh you know just waiting for my prince charmingā you replied with a hint of sarcasm in your voice. He held out his (rather large) hand for you to shake āWell my nameās Henry and I hope Iāll do for nowā
That was 2 years ago, now youāre in the middle of a global pandemic with the love of your life in a cottage in the English countryside. Youād both been together 24/7 for the past 4 months and it had been bliss, waking up together in the morning, baking together, watching Henry play his favourite games and snuggling on the sofa in the evening. However you knew it would come to an end eventually, today was that day.
Henry had been called back to work on the Witcher, youād visit the set occasionally but you didnāt want to get in the way too much. So you stayed at home and made yourself busy. However this was when your anxiety took over and that one thought crept in your mind again.Ā
āYouāll never be enough for himāĀ
Tears started to escape your eyes and your breathing started to quicken. A panic attack. You didnāt want to bother Henry on his first day back so you got on the bed and curled in a ball and let the panic attack take over your body, until you heard the front door close and a familiar deep voice āhello darling Iām homeāĀ
Henry looked everywhere for you and called you several times but he got no response, he knew something was wrong instantly. Once he made it to the bedroom door and saw you on the bed, curled up and shaking.Ā
āOh sweetheart whatās happened?ā He realised straightaway that you were having a panic attack and he also knew exactly what you needed. He laid on the bed next to you moving your head onto his chest and securing you into tight embrace. He learnt from previous attacks that you needed to feel safe and protected, also having seen many of your panic attacks over the last 2 years, he also understood the implications they had on your health. āDarling I need you to steady your breathing or youāre going to pass out on meāĀ
After 10 minutes your breathing became calmer and slower so you could finally tell him what happened. āIām so sorry Hen, Iām such a mess. I donāt know what you see in me? Surely you want more than thisā¦ more than meā You gestured down your body whilst trying to stop tears falling from your eyes.
He pulled away from you so he could look into your eyes. āI see the most beautiful, intelligent, strong and caring woman I ever met. I watch the way you deal with pain everyday, without complaining and it astonishes me. I see how strong you are by getting out of bed everyday when somedays your body really doesnāt want you too or how you get on with your day making sure everyone else is ok and forgetting about your own needs.āĀ
You process his words for a minute feeling how they warm your heart but your brain takes over again. āBut donāt you want a woman that can actually walk the red carpet with you without all the pity looks and stares. How can I ever be enough for you, āthe great actor Henry Cavillā, you see what they write about me, they act as if you need a medal because you decided to love someone whoās disabledāĀ
He seems generally hurt by your words and you can instantly tell youāve hit a nerve āIām not the one needing a medal, you are! You are so inspirational to me, I honestly feel ashamed for all the times I moaned when I pulled a muscle when I know you deal with far worst pain than me everyday.āĀ He pauses for a moment, thinking of the best way to say his next sentence.
āPlus I decided to love you not because youāre disabled but because you wanted to know the real Henry, the man away from the cameras. You fell in love with me as a person not as an actor and you have made me feel love like I have never felt before, I love waking up to your beautiful face every morning knowing that you chose to love meā¦ so if anyone needs the medal itās youā
āAlso just because your legs donāt work properly doesnāt make you any less of a woman to me. Anyone who decides to defines you by your chair, the thing gets you around is shallow and isnāt worth worrying about so let them write what they like, because all that matters is that we love one anotherā¦ in sickness and in health. Anyway, Iād rather have you by my side on that carpet in your wheelchair with all the looks and stares than some woman who can walk and doesnāt love me and support me like you. Theyāre only staring because youāre so damn beautiful and theyāre jealous that you chose me as your dateā You stare at him in awe wondering how you got so lucky.
āThatās how you see me? You know Iām not as strong as you make out right? I love you so much because youāre the first man to see me as person and not as my disability.āĀ
āPlus what do I need a medal for, loving you is easy, I mean one look at you and two no one has made me feel the love you do. With you I feel ānormalā and like I could conquer the world. You know I love supporting you, walking that carpet with you knowing my boyfriend is so talented at what he does, but I just worry, I sometimes take the spotlight because the tabloids seem to focus on āHenry Cavillās disabled girlfriendā. Thatās why I thought maybe youād like to have someone that could actually walkā You look down as your eyes well up again. You can feel your anxiety bubbling up inside you. Henry places his finger under your chin to lift your head up.
āI mean I think walking can be a bit over-rated anyways. Plus as I said most of the women Iāve been with who could walk donāt have your massive heart and kindness, so I think Iād rather show you off as my girlfriendā You both chuckle as he wipes your tears away. You grab his hand bringing it to your lips as you look into those ocean blue eyes you fell in love with.
āYou really think the world of me donāt you and that makes you the most amazing man Iāve met. Iām glad I met you in that bar 2 years ago because youāre the best thing to happen to meāĀ
āYes I do because to me you are ENOUGHāĀ
Insomnia
