Walk The Red Carpet
So this is my first fanfic! So please be kind as I was so nervous to upload this. I haven’t seen any fanfiction that represented us disabled gals so I took the job on as a disabled gal myself. I’m by no means a writer and this is probably terrible. Also I do have dyslexia so I might have missed out a word here or there.
There’s a bit of swearing in this and mentions of a panic attack but apart from that it’s pure fluff! Enjoy!
Today was one of those days, one where your mind was so chaotic and busy with pointless thoughts. One where your mind was frantically telling you the same unhelpful things constantly. That you were never enough and you’ll never be enough, this was all thanks to your mother because from a young age you were always the last thought, the inconvenience and the girl who fault it was for everything.. you just weren’t enough. You’d been through therapy and counselling multiple times, and it seemed to help calm those intrusive thoughts and you started to become an independent woman who didn’t need no one else.
But the reality was you were a young woman with multiple disabilities which meant you needed more help than you’d actually admit, your dreams had been dashed when your consultant said you were too ill to continue with education. This meant that you spend a lot of time at home with your dysfunctional family constantly checking on you, blood pressure checks, medication to be taken at certain times, physiotherapy to complete and regular hospital and doctors appointments to attend.
Also being a full time wheelchair user meant all your friends ditched you, because you ‘couldn’t be fun’ as you always had to plan ahead. As somehow not every location is wheelchair accessible, this did piss you off but it not like you chose this life so you just accepted it. Basically you were alone in this world, however you found solace in filming videos and uploading them to YouTube weekly, because it was something you had complete control over and meant you could share your experiences to others.
You also had gotten to a point in your life where you wanted to start dating again after a 3 year break because up until then the guys you’d talked to took one look at the wheelchair, and either started acting distant or ran a million miles. You couldn’t keep count of how many times a guy had asked you if you could have sex and after that shit show experience you decided to quit the dating game, believing you’d never find your ‘Prince Charming’.
But you thought surely not all guys were pricks, so you started hanging out in bars again to see if Mr Right would walk in. Then if by luck after 3 months of waiting for a miracle, he did.
It was his ocean blue eyes you saw first glancing at you, that made you blush because he was quite possibly the most beautiful man you had ever seen. Within seconds, he was besides you. “What’s a beautiful girl like you doing alone in a place like this” he said grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “oh you know just waiting for my prince charming” you replied with a hint of sarcasm in your voice. He held out his (rather large) hand for you to shake “Well my name’s Henry and I hope I’ll do for now”
That was 2 years ago, now you’re in the middle of a global pandemic with the love of your life in a cottage in the English countryside. You’d both been together 24/7 for the past 4 months and it had been bliss, waking up together in the morning, baking together, watching Henry play his favourite games and snuggling on the sofa in the evening. However you knew it would come to an end eventually, today was that day.
Henry had been called back to work on the Witcher, you’d visit the set occasionally but you didn’t want to get in the way too much. So you stayed at home and made yourself busy. However this was when your anxiety took over and that one thought crept in your mind again.
‘You’ll never be enough for him’
Tears started to escape your eyes and your breathing started to quicken. A panic attack. You didn’t want to bother Henry on his first day back so you got on the bed and curled in a ball and let the panic attack take over your body, until you heard the front door close and a familiar deep voice “hello darling I’m home”
Henry looked everywhere for you and called you several times but he got no response, he knew something was wrong instantly. Once he made it to the bedroom door and saw you on the bed, curled up and shaking.
“Oh sweetheart what’s happened?” He realised straightaway that you were having a panic attack and he also knew exactly what you needed. He laid on the bed next to you moving your head onto his chest and securing you into tight embrace. He learnt from previous attacks that you needed to feel safe and protected, also having seen many of your panic attacks over the last 2 years, he also understood the implications they had on your health. “Darling I need you to steady your breathing or you’re going to pass out on me”
After 10 minutes your breathing became calmer and slower so you could finally tell him what happened. “I’m so sorry Hen, I’m such a mess. I don’t know what you see in me? Surely you want more than this… more than me” You gestured down your body whilst trying to stop tears falling from your eyes.
He pulled away from you so he could look into your eyes. “I see the most beautiful, intelligent, strong and caring woman I ever met. I watch the way you deal with pain everyday, without complaining and it astonishes me. I see how strong you are by getting out of bed everyday when somedays your body really doesn’t want you too or how you get on with your day making sure everyone else is ok and forgetting about your own needs.”
You process his words for a minute feeling how they warm your heart but your brain takes over again. “But don’t you want a woman that can actually walk the red carpet with you without all the pity looks and stares. How can I ever be enough for you, ‘the great actor Henry Cavill’, you see what they write about me, they act as if you need a medal because you decided to love someone who’s disabled”
He seems generally hurt by your words and you can instantly tell you’ve hit a nerve “I’m not the one needing a medal, you are! You are so inspirational to me, I honestly feel ashamed for all the times I moaned when I pulled a muscle when I know you deal with far worst pain than me everyday.” He pauses for a moment, thinking of the best way to say his next sentence.
“Plus I decided to love you not because you’re disabled but because you wanted to know the real Henry, the man away from the cameras. You fell in love with me as a person not as an actor and you have made me feel love like I have never felt before, I love waking up to your beautiful face every morning knowing that you chose to love me… so if anyone needs the medal it’s you”
“Also just because your legs don’t work properly doesn’t make you any less of a woman to me. Anyone who decides to defines you by your chair, the thing gets you around is shallow and isn’t worth worrying about so let them write what they like, because all that matters is that we love one another… in sickness and in health. Anyway, I’d rather have you by my side on that carpet in your wheelchair with all the looks and stares than some woman who can walk and doesn’t love me and support me like you. They’re only staring because you’re so damn beautiful and they’re jealous that you chose me as your date” You stare at him in awe wondering how you got so lucky.
“That’s how you see me? You know I’m not as strong as you make out right? I love you so much because you’re the first man to see me as person and not as my disability.”
“Plus what do I need a medal for, loving you is easy, I mean one look at you and two no one has made me feel the love you do. With you I feel ‘normal’ and like I could conquer the world. You know I love supporting you, walking that carpet with you knowing my boyfriend is so talented at what he does, but I just worry, I sometimes take the spotlight because the tabloids seem to focus on ‘Henry Cavill’s disabled girlfriend’. That’s why I thought maybe you’d like to have someone that could actually walk” You look down as your eyes well up again. You can feel your anxiety bubbling up inside you. Henry places his finger under your chin to lift your head up.
“I mean I think walking can be a bit over-rated anyways. Plus as I said most of the women I’ve been with who could walk don’t have your massive heart and kindness, so I think I’d rather show you off as my girlfriend” You both chuckle as he wipes your tears away. You grab his hand bringing it to your lips as you look into those ocean blue eyes you fell in love with.
“You really think the world of me don’t you and that makes you the most amazing man I’ve met. I’m glad I met you in that bar 2 years ago because you’re the best thing to happen to me”
“Yes I do because to me you are ENOUGH”
Insomnia
