the blinking cursor |

pipeline of my thoughts |

[edehlah]

the ocean takes me into watch you shaking, watch you weigh your powers, tempt with hours of pleasure, take me one more time, take me one more wave, take me for one last ride, i'm out of my head

sextape by deftones

[edehlah]

never opened myself this way, life is ours, we live it our way, all these words I don't just say, and nothing else matters

nothing else matters by metallica

[edehlah]

always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much

by oscar wilde

[edehlah]

it is necessary; therefore, it is possible

by giuseppe antonio borgese

[edehlah]

alone, oh i know you're lost and trying to find your way, you have been led astray, anger stirs inside and tearing you apart, beating you from this cold and broken heart

iron will by iced earth

[edehlah]

what have we done with innocence, it disappeared with time, it never made much sense, adolescent resident, wasting another night on planning my revenge

monkey wrench by foo fighters

[edehlah]

getting hooked up on this

[edehlah]

invisibly invincible |

it has been so long since i wrote something here. kinda lost for words lately. word-fatigue if that word exists. anyways here i am. home in my bed, still wide awake. still awake in my sleep. i don’t think i’m disturbed. but when my mind is clogged up, here i am unplugged and pouring out. i’ve been delaying my writings for so long. writer’s block. more like bollocks to me. last i wrote here was march, was it? oh well.

while driving the other day, a thought crossed my mind. reincarnation. i remember watching this movie and i had a profound experience watching it. what dreams may come with robin williams as the main character. i love that it's romantic that he'd go through all that to meet his wife and a chance to bring her to heaven with him. and meeting his kids, one of them was reincarnated to someone else. i remember watching it with then girlfriend. she asked if i believe in reincarnation. i was like should i?

i feel that on some levels i do believe in it. but i do think that i am in the driver seat of what i want it to be. not like the next life, i'd be a cat or something. like from my past experiences have left me crushed, hollowed and parts of me died along with it. my reawakening makes me feel a bit different but not much have changed. i do understand the concept of it, you got to be full on dead! but yeah it made me think again. if i die and wake up being me again knowing i'd go down this path? i'd do it all over again. i do have regrets but they made me who i am.

and it's funny that i do feel better these days. but i feel like something is missing. like why do i feel happy? i've been saturated with all this anger and hatred, it feel weird to feel it subside. it used to be dominant and so empowering. like before this every heartbeat, i'd feel it in my veins, breathing fire and ashes. i enjoy being that. weird to say, i know. like what is this feeling within my skin? i miss being that angry. yeah emo! but perhaps it was the superficial feeling of how can i feel disappointment if i already am? you can't make it worse. so it's safer. yup. a big emotion wall. emo!

i did buy me a punching bag with gloves and all that. having a blast doing it since i just couldn't find time to go to the driving range. so yup. punching bag for the time being and i'm working on getting usb-midi cable to hook up my drums to pc. trying to get addictive drums from xlnaudio.com getting bored of the sounds from the module. have to do more wiring to link it all up. think the only thing missing from my room is a pantry. i'll deal with that over the weekend. just need to buy few cable adapters / converters and move more shit around.

[edehlah]

i should have known better, than to let you go alone, it's time like these, i can't make it on my own, wasted days, and sleepless nights, and i can't wait to see you again

is this love by whitesnake

[edehlah]

a little distraction

[edehlah]

the nightmare unfolds before my eyes, i will resist until the end of time, a spirit born free has to break these chains, we're lost, we must find our way, we must find our way, we'll find our way

dystopia by iced earth

[edehlah]

strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard, their shadows searching in the night, streetlights people, living just to find emotion, hiding, somewhere in the night

don't stop believing by journey

[edehlah]

it blows away weakness, it blows away detachment, it blows away the depression inside, it blows away the mental withdrawal, it blows that shit away

i can't hide by pantera

[edehlah]

all i say that will survive, we know what's true, we know what's right, we're going through this till the end, and i know you're not my friend

cut-throat by sepultura

[edehlah]

sidewalk

[edehlah]

quiet night

[edehlah]

illuminate