It has been a substantial amount of time since I've written something here. As of recent it has only been empty musings of visual images, but I've finally conjured up the courage to write something meaningful and reflective to solidify my sporadic and wayward thoughts before this year closes.
2014 has been a trying year. A year filled with confusion, pain, anguish, anxiety and disruption. So much change and so much emotion. O how grieved I am over the various events of this year. O how much disruption has been brought in my life this year. Unrelentingly and unceasingly my heart aches for peace and my mind yearns for quietness.
Strangely but thankfully, the LORD God has given these two things - in seemingly odd and unexpected ways. Many a time I have selfishly departed from the truths of God, abandoned and cheapened the grace of God - blindly and carelessly. By the grace of God He has taught me much about myself this year and it is to His merciful sustenance and guidance that I am still walking with Him to this day. This year has been a profoundly humbling year. Praise be to God.
This is my prayer as this year comes to a close.
O LORD MY LORD,
I give you thanks for continually allowing me to approach your throne of grace, to lay down my worries, my wants and my desires. I am never worthy of your blessings and mercies for I am far from original righteousness. My depraved nature reveals itself in disobedience and rebellion. Time and time again, I drift, depart, lose sight and forget the great and comforting truths about you; truths that set me in your glorious path, truths that control my thoughts, truths that guide my emotions, truths that grow me in Christ-likeness. LORD I am prone to wander. In your mercy would you lovingly turn be back to your ways, would you realign my path, would you fix my eyes onto the unseen - that I might have proper sight in this dark and broken world.
Forgive me LORD for vain service, for serving you in sinful ways; by glorying in my own strength, relying on the gifts to which you have given me, forcing myself to minister through necessity rather than joy and passion, accepting the applause of others, by trusting in assumed grace; a faith that rests upon my hold on Christ rather than Himself alone. LORD all these things to which I am guilty of. I embrace the cross of Christ and cling to the forgiveness to which he brings. Help me to see that it is faith stirred by grace that does the deed. Help me to abhor myself in comparison to you, and keep me in a faith that works by love and serves by grace.
LORD as I reflect on the past 12 months this year - it has been an overwhelming year of self-realisation and self-examination.
I am reminded of the puritan prayer "Voyage":
O LORD OF THE OCEANS,
My little bark sails on a restless sea, Grant that Jesus may sit at the helm and steer me safely. Suffer no adverse currents to divert my heavenward course. Let not my faith be wrecked amid storms and shoals. Bring me to harbour with flying pennants, hull unbreached, cargo unspoiled. I venture on thee - wholly, fully, my wind, sunshine, anchor, defence. The voyage is long, the waves high, the storms pitiless - but my helm is held steady, thy Word secures safe passage, thy grace wafts me onward, my haven is guaranteed. Help me to live circumspectly, with skill to convert every care into prayer. Halo my path with gentleness and love, smooth every asperity of temper, let me not forget how easy it is to occasion grief, may I strive to bind up every wound, and pour oil on all troubled waters. Let my mast before me be the Saviour's cross, and every oncoming wave the fountain in His side. Help me, protect me in the moving sea, until I reach the shore of everlasting praise.
LORD God, 2014 has been a trying year - nevertheless a year to which you have reigned supreme and have carried out your glorious cause. LORD I am prone to wander. Realign my mind, heart and hands that they may walk with you until I reach the shore of everlasting praise.
Amen.
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