Ravishing The Wolf
Hi this is my new story, my nick on a03 is reinamarie
Pairings: Zev/Fenris/F hawke , mature
summary My debut M-rating piece. Kind of a drabble As Zevran& Fenris get hotly intimate, new memories of what really happened to Hawke start resurfacing in Fen’s mind. It has always been a burden of guilt.
A Quiet Night, just the two of them in Fen’s mansion
“Let’s see how well you handle this, my Wolf lover.” Zev says huskily, kissing the warrior passionately. Both their ears prick and Fenris gasps at first, his green eyes wide then he moans. The smaller elf pushes him against the wall and his fingers glide expertly over the pale hair and the scars at his neck. The other lets his hands explore Zev’s hips. When they feel the mutual heat, pupils dilate Fenris starts unbuckling Zev’s belt.
“Oh I’ve not done this for a very long time.” His voice is just above a whisper and the tattoos illuminate with the stimulation. Each piece of armor comes off, dropping unceremoniously around them. Zev is more tanned naked, dark trails of Crow marks from his chest circling around his abdomen. The other elf responds by kissing down his throat. “Don’t worry, you’re doing well in this.”
With a deep breath, Fenris leans back to control the lyrium. Zev gazes at him in concern, stroking down his chest which is beaded with sweat. Fenris closes his eyes and motions to the couch, somehow without letting go of each other, he tumbles with Zev below him. He smiles ferally and initiates the next bout of hot kisses. The tattoos flare again causing Fen to wince but he doesn’t want to stop.
“Wait, I don’t want you to hurt, querida. Does it hurt too much?” although reluctant and heady with desire, Zev sits up slowly as Fenris lies down arms hugging himself. Although he has not spoken of it before, he sees that something has affected him, from the trembling and Fenris grimace, rubbing his brow. He waits quietly, giving him time.
“No. It’s some flashbacks, my past without the fighting, then the ritual, blurred faces. I’m sorry.” Fenris urges him to lie down beside him and recalls internally the other pleasant flashbacks—how Hawke and him had sex, their fights in tandem. But those memories aren’t ready to be shared, because Hawke was his alone. He rides the wave of thrill, joy, then sorrow when she collapsed lifeless. His hands glowing, had he ripped her heart out? No blood, or wound only that she had suffered after effects of the flaring lyrium song. Fenris was screaming and shaking her, then the whiteness overtook the rest. Day of the wake, the friends had wondered why didn’t he go?
How can he face them? No one suspected he caused her death, thought it had just been the exhaustion of the final battle and a cardiac arrest. Zev sees the other’s beautiful eyes fill with crystalline tears, his heart aches.
The tightness around Fen’s chest loosens as he gives in to his raw emotions. He had wanted to confess, especially to Aveline who had been especially kind to him. Fenris just lost his voice and willpower as each year passed. It’s my burden to carry, and I will atone for that. How many times had I contemplated killing myself, to join her? But Varric, Donnic and all of them got so worried for me. Yes they never left him alone, scared that he’d self harm and do some rash act. Being a mercenary, then asked to be a regular soldier in the barracks eased the agony somewhat. But he didn’t want to date or be with others, women or men. At least he could be vigilant in her memory.
Fenris emerges from his reverie, also remembering he did blurt it out to the precious girl, under his wing. Because Sabriel had been confident his powers wouldn’t hurt friends, her fervent belief that he is a hero and defender of the weak. Guilty of that unspoken demise, or murder? His worry of them letting down their guard, of accidents happening, if the Fade were to possess his Will. I have to warn them, I may become a danger. That vishante man’s legacy condemning me to a ruthless existence of slaying—
Disobeying, sojourn and being stuck in the Dark hate swirling. But they pale off --- forming smiles, jokes and her small hand touching me assuring me not to worry, it won’t happen. My ledgers are run red and soaked, those can’t be redeemed, not what I did to the Fog Warriors and my dear Hawke. I can’t possibly let these remaining people down. Not when they continue to take care of and have faith in me. So I miss her badly, but I won’t take my life. I must see this through… And the inner turmoil stops churning.
Spent and dry of tears, Fenris rubs his face and sniffs. Zev gives him a cloth.
They cuddle and kiss. “It’s alright. I am here.” He strokes his trembling companion and waits for him to calm down. What happened inside?
The Tevinter Elf heaves a sigh, and looks up. Zevran can tell that he is not extremely afraid, disoriented or lost anymore. “Thank you. I can’t really talk about it, but they were not all nightmares. Good ones too. Next time…”
Fenris doesn’t finish the sentence and drifts off to sleep against Zev’s shoulder. Ah, I really did want to hear him, but--- perhaps another time. The night is getting cold, and they are undressed. Gingerly, Zev reached for a blanket to cover them both. Fenris stirs and murmurs in Tevene.
