TFLN Inspired (Most NSFW)
[text:] She deliberately backed into the homewrecker’s whoremobile and yelled “”FOR SPARTA!”
[text:] In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
[text:] I was about to google “rabies and sexual activity.” Then I realized I was at work.[
[text:] I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
[text:] I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
[text:] I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that’s a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I’m laughing so hard
[text:] Are we at that point yet where I can just say “I want you to sit on my face”? If not, want to go out for “drinks”?
[text:] Let’s get a hotel room this time. I really don’t want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
[text:] I’m 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
[text:] Take your time. I’m mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
[text:] 75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
[text:] Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
[text:] If he doesn’t give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he’s probably not worth it.
[text:] Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
[text:] You asked for his ID and then said “I am like a bouncer but for my vagina.”
[text:] If the sex wasn’t incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
[text:] Ah, but I don’t wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
[text:] She was yelling at the tater tots, “In five minutes, you’re going in my mouth!”
[text:] gay sex achievement: unlocked
[text:] Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
[text:] I need to sanitize my soul.
[text:] Whenever someone tells me they’ve never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
[text:] Holy shit I’ve found my last one night stand in my Gran’s knitting club
[text:] So last night was the first of “I got cut off before I walked in the bar”.
[text:] What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I’m here
[text:] Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
[text:] I’m still laying in bed cuz I don’t feel like adulting yet
[text:] I’ve never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
[text:] I’m done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
[text:] Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
[text:] Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
[text:] i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
[text:] Eating power bars and masterbating… That’s kinda my life right now
[text:] FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
[text:] I just remember yelling “BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS” while I was streaking
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