Tinderella
Near enough everyone has heard of or is on Tinder (even people that probably shouldn’t be!) but for those of you that have a life/partner/dignity it’s an app where you find people in the area you’re in, you swipe left if you don’t like the look of them and right if you do, if they swipe right for you too then you match and you can chat. Inevitably people meet up for ‘dates’ but let’s not beat around the bush here, mainly people meet up for sex. I’m not sure if girls actually think they will meet their soul mate this way but I know for most guys it increases their chances of getting laid dramatically.
I joined the app 2 weeks ago now and thought I’d follow my exploits as I’m an alright looking girl (without sounding too big headed, it’s never really okay to say it but yeah I went there) with a boy brain. Which is dangerous since it’s SO easy for girls to have sex when they want it. Some may call it slutty and I’m not gonna come out with that ‘I’m a strong independent, liberated woman’ shit because I don’t class it as anything, just my lifestyle choice. DOES WHAT SHE WANTS!
Anyway my Tinder virginity is still intact, not even a date. But with opening lines like;
‘You want the D?’
‘What underwear you wearing?’
‘Wanna come around for a snuggle?’
  I’m not surprised it’s still intact. I’m by no means innocent, and I have no problem with sex with a stranger, but my girl brain kicks in at the start. I like a little random conversation before I agree to meet someone; I can’t have sex with someone that is gonna piss me off… Sober anyway! One guy half way through arranging to meet was like, ‘Oh yeah I forgot to mention my girlfriend.’ Pardon? I mean I’ve slept with people with girlfriends before, mainly out of just not asking the question and once or twice I’ve just been drunk and been a dick. I’ve heard about married people on this app also, I have no idea how they get away with it because their partner is going to have at least one friend on Tinder!
My favourite conversation starter so far has been, ‘If we had a Pokemon battle and I used Pikachu what Pokemon would you use?’ I absolutely smashed the reply, ‘Onyx obviously because he’s a ground type and Pikachu would be useless against him!’ My main aim with Tinder is to go on a few dates, maybe have sex when I feel like it and find a perfect part time boyfriend. Basically a fuck buddy, who I can go out with to random places and do fun stuff with when we’re bored. So far I’ve been unsuccessful. I’ve matched with some straight 10s, but then they’ve had NO chat or been a bit too seedy for me, some have been fit enough to be able to get away with it but I’ve still refrained. I have been messaging one guy a lot who’s a bit skinny but he’s been the only one I’ve had an ongoing conversation with so far. I’m a bit scared he’s gonna be shorter than me, awkward, suppose it doesn’t matter when you’re lying down.
To be honest I think I’m using it wrong, a lot of the people I’ve spoken to I already know and matched because I thought it would be funny when you’re both like ‘Oi oi what you doing on here!?’ I’ve found people I’ve already slept with, an ex boyfriend, random guys from school/college and someone I know and really wanted to bang but he has definitely swiped left haha! Wounded…
I’ve realised how picky I am with guys when I don’t know anything about them, even if they’re decent I’ll decline if they are in too many group photos and I can’t be arsed to work out who it is, if they have a pretentious/annoying bio, if they’re a dancer, they have no pics not wearing sunglasses, too many pics with their dog, have a child, are pouting, or just generally look douchy. I’ve also noticed my two types are polar opposites; there’s the massive muscular rugby player with tattoos, and then there’s the kinda geeky guy with glasses and a bit of an edgy cunt. Dark or ginger hair and nice eyes for both though. In fact ideally, ginger rugby player with tattoos, wears glasses (obviously not whilst playing rugby) and can hold a decent and amusing conversation. Ah, and MINT in bed! If I find him I’ll propose.
Famous last words, watch me end up getting a boyfriend through Tinder now…Â















