I'm With Stupid

Aimless. Denizen of Master. Newly-minted Destron. ugh. Headmasters Aimless associated with New Crystal City RP

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

"I don’t know…" he admitted. It was possible that he was just imagining things because of his fear to be deathly ill. He really couldn’t tell anymore at this point. But he actually managed to take a deep breath, a little bit soothed by the realization that even if he had fallen sick, they would hopefully be able to get help soon.

"Yeah, I think so. Maybe two days…maybe three." He hoped that a couple of days wouldn’t be too late.

[eimuresu]

"There you go, then. Just wait. If you're not sick, then you have nothing to be worried about. If you are sick, then we'll just have to hope that you can hold on until we find help at port. If we do." He gives a long-suffering sigh. "The worst that can happens is you die. Or we die. I'm not really sure what will happen if one of us dies and one of us doesn't." 

This statement doesn't carry even the faintest prickling of alarm with it. "But you seem lively enough, so I don't think that's very likely. Isn't that other Destron a medic, too? He can probably keep you alive."

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

Misfire gave a kind of sad sigh. “Thought so” he mumbled. Of course it was his job. And of course he had missed out on it.

"I- I think I might be sick…I feel really dizzy and stuff….it eats you fromt he inside and everything, really pretty awful….I guess."

What baffled Misfire the most about the turn this conversation had taken was the fact that instead of spreading his agitation, he had received the other mech’s emotions instead.

What should have happened was that they both would have ended up panicking due to Misfire’s greater influence on the bond, but somehow…the exact opposite had happened. Well, he was glad that it had in this case, but it was still odd and he wasn’t sure if he was alright and comfortable with it.

[eimuresu]

Aimless has not yet consciously noticed what is happening between them. He has initially assumed that Misfire, for once, is taking his good advice to heart. "Are you sure you are not just panicking? Because I can feel you panicking, Misfire. Try and calm down first, then see how you feel." 

The notion that Misfire could be suffering from a wasting condition that consumes the host from the inside fails to alarm Aimless. He finds it distressing, in a detached sort of way, but that'sit. "We should probably take you both to a doctor, though. We'll be arriving on that planet soon, won't we?"

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

It took another couple of seconds of mental flailing until Misfire’s churning emotions had fallen into the indifferent void that was Aimless’ end of the bond. And it felt…weird.

"…the minibot" he eventually said, and it sounded like he himself had only now realized that this was the subject of their conversation. "He’s sick and maybe we are too because we touched him and because no one decontaminated him.”

The last sentence’s purpose was entirely to rile himself up again, if only on a subconscious level.

[eimuresu]

Aimless vented deeply, and let it out in one slow breath. The insidious influence of the bond crept forward in both directions, pulling Aimless out of his indifference enough to focus while it tried to calm the panic in Misfire's spark. "Pipes? No. I didn't really have that much to do with him until you let him out of the closet. He's your prisoner, after all. Sixshot gave him to you." 

He considers the matter for a moment longer before he shrugs. "Is it very serious, or just something minor? Because I feel perfectly fine. Do you feel sick?"

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

In his panicky state, Misfire kind of misinterpreted the question he was asked in return. He failed to realize that just because the circumstances were crystal clear to him, it didn’t mean that it was the same for his partner. His reply, therefore, probably wasn’t the most helpful.

"Decontaminate him!" he repeated, "Did you??"

[eimuresu]

Aimless blinks, his brow furrowing slightly. Misfire's desperate questions are quite confusing, and Aimless can feel his panic hammering through the bond. The emotion passes through Aimless without ever once touching his spark, swallowed by the apathy that the bond has drilled deep into his brain. The lack of feeling has been a cause of distress for him for a while (back when he still cared enough about it), but it's about to become useful for the first time.

"Calm down," he replies flatly. His apathy is a blockade in the bond, a gathering calmness that prepares to impose equilibrium on the two joined sparks once more. "I don't know what you're talking about, or who. Who needs to be decontaminated?"

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

The opposite of well is well-meant.

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

Misfire returns a gloomy “I don’t know either”, and all things considered he really doesn’t. There are no rational reasons for them to get along, since it isn’t even like they profited from any supposed advantages that their bond should have provided in theory - and a lot of their problems could have been solved by just acting towards each other like the strangers they basically are.

But still, all of that is easier said than done.

He finally manages to lift his head a little, just enough to look at Aimless as the smaller mech goes on. It’s not at all what Misfire expected to hear. If anything, he would have assumed that Aimless would once again tell him how pointless it is to struggle against something they simply can’t change, and how there is no way to make their situation any more bearable. But the opposite seems to be the case. Maybe not the complete opposite, but still some kind of opposite, and that’s more than Misfire would have dared to hope for right now.

"R-Really?" he asks tentatively, "I mean-…yeah, it…is supposed to mean something, I guess."

Finally able to pick himself up again somewhat, he sits up and puts his hands in his lap, wings fanning out slowly as he tries his best to gauge his partner’s mood and if it has changed at all. It’s difficult.

[eimuresu]

Misfire won't find much of a reaction in Aimless's face. The little mech seems less gravely apathetic than he did a moment ago, with a touch of something like wry exasperation just faintly flickering through the bond, as weak as a candle in the wind. Aimless looks up at him for a moment before he turns away and crosses over to his berth, sitting on the edge. 

"I don't know what you want me to tell you. I don't know what to do. I'm... I'm lost. I have nowhere to go from here. I can't say I'll try to be happy, because I know I won't. But if you just came here to see me and to make sure I still existed, then you did it." This is delivered in a rather flat, matter-of-fact way, and fails to indicate in any way that Aimless is pleased by this at all. For a moment longer he holds Misfire's gaze, his own blank, inscrutable. 

Finally something in his expression softens and he gives a short nod. "And I guess that's a start." 

[eimuresu]

DID YOU DECONTAMINATE HIM??

Aimless opens his mouth, but shuts it, utterly unable to think of an immediate reply. There are so many interesting mysteries to solve first after all. Who was Misfire talking about? Why did he need to be decontaminated? Had Aimless somehow neglected a duty he'd been trusted with? 

He settled with  a simple, flat, "What." The statement was too apathetic to merit even a question mark.

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

The opposite of well is well-meant.

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

That courage Misfire felt only a moment ago? Well, it’s gone now. He opens his mouth to respond, but before anything could come out, he closes it again. Another attempt. He wants to rephrase and say that he didn’t want Aimless to react like this - he obviously hoped to inspire his partner somehow, a little at least. To show him that things aren’t even as hopeless as he makes them out to be.

Which failed, as Misfire can easily tell. He’s left without anything worthwhile to say, again.

Feeling incredibly discouraged, he sits still and stares at the floor again. Should he try another approach? It’s probably going to fail as well. It seems like no matter what he will say, Aimless would just dismiss it as meaningless: while being so damn indifferent about it.

Well, he doesn’t know. He simply doesn’t know what to do or what to say anymore. Admitting to himself that the endeavor was most likely doomed from the start, he just surrenders completely and face plants on the edge of the other’s berth, emitting a low, whined “Aimless….!” as he does so.

[eimuresu]

For the first time, something like a proper expression crosses Aimless's face. He cocks a brow, looking somewhat puzzled by Misfire's behavior. It isn't as if this sort of thing surprises him anymore, not really, but even so, it's not quite what he was expecting. "I don't know," he concludes, "what it is you want from me." 

He remains where he's sitting for a moment before he vents in deeply and unfolds his legs, swinging off his perch and trotting across the floor. "Get up, oyabun. Get up." His voice is still mostly flat, but there's the barest hint of a chiding edge to it. "I don't know why that upsets you so much. If I can accept it you can, too." 

He stands by his berth, his arms loosely crossed as he stares at Misfire. Through the numbness, Aimless is aware that his partner is upset, and it's not as if it's hard to see the larger mech was trying to make things better somehow. Eventually, the firearm relents and says, "But... I'm glad. That you don't want to pretend like I don't exist. Even if you only do it because you have to, it's... it's nice to know that someone cares." If Aimless feels any happiness from those words, they don't leak through the bond. 

"For you to say that after all the fighting we've done does mean something. I promise."

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

The opposite of well is well-meant.

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

The exact same area of the floor Misfire has spent so much time staring at during the conversation suddenly seems to develop an even stronger pulling force, and in the end the flier gives in and lets himself slide down against the wall. Back to his specialty: Slumping and looking really defeated.

At least he’s not mad anymore, he thinks, but in the face of the feeling of hopelessness weighing down on him, it feels insignificant and not at all like an achievement to Misfire as well.

"I guess…I’ll just stay then" he mumbles. Somewhere beyond the thickening layers of apathy he feels disappointment that he wants to give up on this already, but the chances of somehow fixing something instead of just messing their relationship up further seem very slim to him at the moment.

…but he has to try anyway. It might turn out to be a futile (and really stupid) attempt in the end, and he doesn’t really have an idea where to start; but he needs to give it one last try at least. He shuffles over to Aimless’ berth, getting more intent on fighting what has taken hold of them by the second. Of course the right words just refuse to form in his mind the way he’d like them to, and so it takes him quite a while to finally start speaking.

"You know I…I don’t really want it to be like this…I don’t want to pretend that you don’t exist." More quietly, he adds, "…and I don’t want you to pretend I’m not there either." He falls silent again for a moment, obviously unsure how to continue.

"Remember when you told me that you don’t want to be an accessory? Because if you’d transform and we’d put you in a locker right now, no one would even notice-…" Just in time before he could say ‘that you’re not a real gun’ he sensibly stops himself and quickly improvises.

”-…the difference.”

[eimuresu]

Aimless regards Misfire blankly as he talks. He doesn't interrupt his partner, and even remains silent for a few moments afterwards, turning over his thoughts before he speaks. "I don't want that, either," he finally says, "but it doesn't matter what I want. It hasn't mattered for a while now."

He goes on, "I'm not even an accessory. I'm not even a useful thing. I'm a terrible gun. We both know that, Misfire. I can't be a good weapon, and I can't be a good Destron. I can't go home, either. So I'm just... I'm here, but I'm not really good for much of anything. If we weren't bonded, you and I, you wouldn't even try to make me feel better." 

His tone isn't accusatory as he speaks, merely flat and matter-of-fact. "You do all of these things because you have to. Not because you think I'm worth it in any way. You probably never have. That doesn't bother me." He falls silent for a moment, and then shrugs. "Now, I just understand it, too. That's the only thing that's changed."

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

Aimless’ confused reaction makes Misfire realize that he probably went a little overboard with his concern there. “I mean-….” he mumbles, suddenly a lot less agitated and trying to come up with an explanation for his initial panic during the following short silence. “Uh…they…I mean, they have bad personalities anyway. I mean, like, all of them. T-They lie a lot. Better don’t believe a word they say! Like, every word they say is probably wrong, but then again I can’t really know since….I don’t have anything to do with them, usually.” Yeah, well. That was bad. He might as well go on. “It would probably be best not to talk to them at all….and stuff.”

[eimuresu]

The firearm shrugs noncommittally. He's aware that Misfire is acting distinctly odd, but he can't really muster the energy to care. If his partner becomes absolutely adamant about preventing him from interacting with any Autobot minibots, he will eventually give up. Even so, he is intrigued. 

"I'll be careful if I talk to them. I'm not gullible, you know." He tilts his head, a slight smile barely touching his features. "And they have such wonderful alt-modes..."

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

The opposite of well is well-meant.

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

That definite resignation is something Misfire simply doesn’t know how to react to. He’s seen it a few times and never really knew, and this time isn’t different. Misfire was never really good at motivating other people, or making big inspirational speeches, the only thing he is quite good at is looking away from the problem if it turns out to be too complicated.

But does he really want to look away from Aimless like this? The question answers itself as he finds himself still staring intensely at the floor.

"You’re probably right," he says quietly, admitting defeat on his part as well. Even though he wishes he could make Aimless more happy somehow even if it’s partly for Misfire’s own sake, in the end it’s probably only something his partner can achieve by himself, and if he prefers not to…then Misfire will have to accept it.

"You don’t have to do things with us, or be around, if you don’t want to. If it makes us get along better, it can’t be a bad thing, I guess." The words sound weird to him as he says them, something seeming off about the logic, and he can’t quite explain to himself what thought process formed them - maybe Aimless was right and it’s just the bond doing its work.

After all, isn’t there rejection that he should feel? At least a little bit? Reaching into their bond tentatively, he doesn’t even know anymore if the hazy void he finds is as discomforting as he believed it was.

He tries to snap out of it again, to remember if he wanted to say anything else, if there’s another point to make, but finds that now he feels like there is simply nothing left to discuss.

"Do you want me to leave now?" he asks eventually.

[eimuresu]

"I don't mind. I'll have to do some things with you; I can't stay on this ship and just hide in here forever. And who knows where we'll be a week from now?" He shrugs indifferently. "I'll be around. I'll just try not to get in the way. I get along with Sixshot well enough, anyway." This isn't meant to be a jab at Misfire's own personal failings; it's simply a fact. 

When the larger mech questions him again, Aimless looks over. "I don't mind if you stay, or if you go. I'm not angry at you or anything, I promise." He doesn't move from his spot, keeping his knees tucked against his chest. There's a part of him, a very small, dwindling part, that doesn't want to be alone right now; he feels a sense of foggy distress, as if he's being swallowed by some kind of outside force, but he can't muster the fear to be upset by the act. It doesn't filter through the bond. It just flickers once and dies out.

Even his desire for comfort, his homesickness, his resentment at the way his life has turned out feel small and insignificant in the face of that yawning void. Aimless falls silent, taking his gaze away from Misfire and staring into middle space again. He shifts slightly to curl himself into a tighter ball, but doesn't really do anything more.

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

The opposite of well is well-meant.

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

If Misfire’s wings could go any lower, they would. Even though he knows it’s not really his fault that Aimless is stuck with him, he feels responsible for the fact that it’s more difficult than necessary for the gunformer at least. 

So much for walking out of this unscathed. And probably the worst part about it is, he doesn’t even know if he’s genuinely upset about seeing Aimless so obviously unhappy or if he’s just worried that he won’t be able to enjoy his own happiness if his partner’s emotion is weighing on it from through the bond. And closing said bond off for extended amounts of time is out of question, of course.

Maybe this is the moment where Misfire is supposed to walk over to the other mech and comfort him, but the flier can’t quite bring himself to move. What if Aimless doesn’t even want to be comforted…by him? Not to mention that Misfire has no idea how he would go about it anyway. He rubs his shoulder, staring at a spot on the floor.

"It’s going to affect me too" he mumbles, "I…think it’s possible for you to be happy here, you just have to…try and find your niche, I guess. The sooner you come to terms with how things are, the sooner you’ll like them." It’s the best and basically the only advice Misfire can give; after all it’s what he’s been doing himself so far, and it always kind of worked.

[eimuresu]

Aimless shakes his head slowly, not looking at Misfire. "You can't force yourself to be happy. That's not how it works." He shifts his gaze down to his hands, slowly flexing his fingers as he does. "I think that... that this is the best I can really hope for. I've accepted everything that's happened. I accepted it a long time ago. Just because I didn't like the way you acted doesn't mean I didn't understand the bond was permanent. At least I'm not mad this way, or even particularly upset."

Apathy is not the ideal condition for any mech, but it's a step above the churning mix of anger and sadness that had dominated the firearm's days beforehand. It was better to remain neutral, he supposed, than to submit to the extreme ups and downs that holding onto hope that things could get better had given him.

He shrugs. "It's better than fighting, right? I can just stay out of the way. I don't really mind. I thought maybe I would but the more I think about it, I don't. I'm not sure if it's me thinking that or if it's the bond making me think that so we don't fight. But I don't mind that, either." The thought that the bond's insidious influence could be so deeply embedded in the machinations of his processor should be alarming, but it isn't, which, Aimless assumes, is probably the work of the bond itself. He slowly draws his knees up against his chest and shifts further back on the crate, resting his chin on them and blinking sedately into middle space.  

He's silent for a few moments before he concludes, "You'll get used to it."

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

Only casually listening in on what is going on on the various public channels while sipping on a cube of energon, Misfire almost chokes when he picks up the talk about obtaining Autobot twins.

"Nope, sorry" he quickly barges in, "Stealing twins is a bad idea, can’t be done. Sorry. Let’s not even think about that, haha, okay?" He still remembers the disaster he got himself into the last time he thought it was no big deal to just go and talk about his great plans to kidnap Rewind and his brother. And he’d rather not have that happen again.

[eimuresu]

Aimless is slightly puzzled by Misfire's reaction, but not enough, it seems, to question him on it. The little mech might have at one point cantankerously interrogated Misfire over the subject, but he still seems quite subdued.

He switches to Master. "I wouldn't want to do that to any Autobots, anyway." After all, it hadn't worked out so well for him.

[eimuresu]

Well maybe if you're a good gun Misfire'll get you those autobot twins...( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Aimless gives a soft snort. "I do not expect Misfire to do anything for me." These words are delivered without maliciousness, but rather as a simple statement of fact.

"But I would be very happy to have a chance to get, mmm, acquainted with such lovely firearms," he finishes, grinning lazily.

[eimuresu]

Hey Aimless heard you like guns....

Well how about some Autobot gun twins? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"Oh, what lovely alt modes! But then again, I am probably partial to double-barreled designs, as I am one myself." Aimless chuckles. "Mm, the Autobot part might make things difficult but yes, this I like. I like very much."

[eimuresu]

Have you ever met Megatron?

"Hm? No, I do not know who Megatron is. The name, it sounds somewhat familiar, though--perhaps I have talked to him on the communication network?"

Megatron has long since been dead in Aimless's time. He and his fellow refugees had left Master early enough to to be terribly familiar with the infamous warlord, and had come into contact with Cybertronians again only recently. 

Galvatron is the face of Decepticon leadership, as far as he's concerned. 

[transformersaltmodes]

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

The opposite of well is well-meant.

[justmisfire-blog-deactivated201]

To his own confusion, Misfire finds himself agreeing partly to what his partner said. It’s true that some things in his life went terribly wrong, but in the end he has always been a Decepticon for as long as he remembers, and while it was simply something out of his control at first, with all the things that happened in the meantime it has become a very conscious decision.

A decision that he sincerely hopes Aimless is going to share one day.

"Yes, I mean…I mean, I know it wasn’t a nice thing to say. But I didn’t think when I said it and I’m sorry…!" He feels the bond slipping from his grasp, but can’t really bring himself to try and stop it from happening. Aimless pretty much saw through him either way, so he might as well try honesty. Not to mention that he much prefers to be able to feel their connection if he has a choice.

"And you’re right, I don’t need you to survive or anything….I probably don’t need need you in the way that…I should, i guess. But what does that change? It’s not like I could just…just go and put you back where I found you! I know I’m an awful partner, so you can stay mad at me and we can keep not talking to each other if that’s what you want but I don’t think that’s how being bonded is supposed to be…”

Somewhere in between of his rant he has to admit to himself that he actually has no idea anymore where he’s even trying to go with this, other than a desperate attempt to change the other mech’s mind. He shakes his head and tries to get his train of thought back on track.

"I’m not even expecting that we won’t have any other arguments anymore if you forgive me now, but can’t we just try to pretend to get along for a bit while we’re both somewhat not angry…?"

[eimuresu]

"It's not what I want," Aimless replies with a sigh. "And it's not how it's supposed to be, either." 

Aimless remains quiet for a little while. What's left of his anger is slowly withering in the face of the all-consuming apathy that's slowly been seeping into his mind, into his spark. "I don't care enough to be angry anymore. What would be the point? We'd just be even more miserable than we would be now. At least this way at least one of us is happy. You're right: I can't go back. So there's no use in fighting about where I am, or where I'm going."

Aimless knows the last thing he can expect from Misfire is sympathy. It's strange to think that this mech shares a closeness with him that he'll probably never experience with anyone else. Their very minds are intertwined, but Aimless feels wholly and bleakly alone. The best he can expect is for Misfire not to be angry, or not to hurt him, and it's time he's accepted that. If they argue, even if Aimless knows he's right, then he'll be right all by himself, and it's honestly not worth the struggle. "So, you win, I guess." He shrugs. "I won't get mad if you get Sixshot to make you a better gun. Even before you said it, I knew I wasn't--I know that I'm... I'm not..."

He looks out across the room, staring into middle space, not quite able to finish his sentence. If Misfire opens his end of the bond and examines the humming link between their sparks, he'll find that Aimless is telling the truth. There's no undercurrent of anger, there's no whirring static of furious, half-secret thoughts: there's just a quiet sort of emptiness.