Hi! This is gonna be my blog where i post all my selfship stuff. Daydreams, fantasies, stuff like that
Please send asks and requests!!!!
THIS IS AN RPF BLOG. If you don’t like that, please just scroll. You don’t have to send hate. Yes I know it’s parasocial, i don’t care. It brings me comfort and it makes me happy so I’m not going to stop. There will be occasional NSFW content on this blog. If you’re not comfortable with that, just don’t look at it I guess.
No, i am not delusional. I understand that i’m not in a relationship with a celebrity, and i understand that he does not know me and never will. The purpose of this blog is not to speculate about his personal life/ what he’s like as a person. It’s just my thoughts and feelings, completely separate from him irl. If it makes sense, i’m not posting about him, i’m posting about my idea/version of him
If you don’t like seeing posts about gore and violence, noncon, fauxcest, problematic age gaps, and other trauma related subjects, i wouldn’t recommend you scroll my blog
If you like this blog, follow my girlfriend @verybloodofyou
masterlist
About my selfship :3
I ship with Hozier (i guess it’s called a c\o? I wouldn’t know i’m generally new to the community), and i have for a few months now. My ship is both platonic (paternal) and romantic, it fluctuates depending on the day, but i’ll usually tag my posts so you’ll be able to tell :)
I formed an attachment to him early this year when i was struggling a lot mentally, and he became a source of comfort for me. Writing this stuff and posting about it genuinely makes me happy and helps me cope and regulate my feelings, so please do not send hate to this blog. Hate anons will be deleted, and you will be blocked. But, if you’re curious about anything and willing to be respectful, my asks are open!
More stuff
Platonic: adoptive father, tied to agere/ abuse comfort
He’s very sweet and caring, loves cuddles and babying me
Platonic ship posts will always be sfw
Romantic: we’re married and live together :3
He’s very clingy. A lot of PDA, kissing, and cuddling
He’s very protective and a little overbearing at times. We both prefer to be together rather than doing things independently, though he does still make time for work and stuff
We love watching movies and tv together and have lots of at home movie dates
My tags
Will be updated as more are added. All mentioned tags are on this post for easy searching
#fawnsposts- original posts by me
#fawnsreblogs - reblogged posts
#/platonic - platonic posts
#/romantic - romantic posts
#andy - various postings about andrew. Pics, moodboards, etc. mostly irl stuff
#fawnsfantasies - daydream/fantasy posts and fics
#fawnsheadcanons - headcanon posts!
#dadzier - familial posts/ fantasies about him being my dad :3
And none of my friends know, surely none of my colleagues
A/n: this post includes themes of active suicidal ideation and self harm/what could be seen as an attempt again i dont usually tw but please don’t read if these things trigger you
“Andrew?”
You hadn’t heard from him all day. Work had been eating you alive, so you hadn’t had time to call him on your breaks like you usually would.
He hadn’t been doing well lately. Even if he wouldn’t talk about it, you could tell. He had been distant, he hadn’t been as attentive as usual. It seemed like he only talked to you if he absolutely had to. He spent most of his time locked in his office, working himself to death.
You dropped your keys and bag on the counter on your way to the small studio office upstairs. You tried the door first, but it didn’t open. You knocked, and he didn’t answer. You knocked again.
“Andy, just open the door for a second. So i know you’re not dead or something.”
When you were met with more silence, you sighed, quickly walking to your bedroom and digging through his nightstand drawer for the spare key.
Your heart stopped cold as you opened the door. His head shot up to look at you. He was slouched over his desk, blood dripping down his arm and into a puddle on the dark stained wood.
He had his headphones on. That’s why he hadn’t answered. He just hadn’t heard you arrive home.
It felt like the world was tuned out as you ran to the bathroom for the first aid kit. Andrew tried to tell you he was fine, that he hadn’t wanted you to see it in the first place. He was bleeding so badly though. Seeing the layers of skin and flesh pulled back on his forearm made your stomach turn.
You made him hold a towel against his arm while you dialed 112. He wanted to argue with you, but he was forced to give in as he felt himself growing lightheaded.
Your hands became stained with blood as you pressed another towel over the first one. You were crying, your eyes blurry, but you couldn’t wipe the tears away.
“Why did you do this?” You finally spoke to him. He just looked at you with this terrifying, blank stare.
“I don’t know.” He seemed almost… irritated. “I wanted to, i guess. I’m seriously fine. You didn’t have to call anyone.”
“Andrew, it’s really bad.”
He didn’t respond.
You held the towels over his arm until emergency services arrived.
I just finished writing a request and tumblr decided to just delete it and not upload so uhm. Thats irritating. Ill try again later i guess vampire smut coming when i decide i want to rewrite it
A/n: Thank you for the ask! I love any opportunity i get to write something weird and gross ;3
I def want to write more medplay if anyone has any specific scenarios in mind pleaseee let me know. Also dentist sequels are coming i promise
It was an adverse interest. Something he only did in private, that he kept to himself, that he would never let anyone find out about.
Anyone but you, of course. His perfect little patient.
It had been a long and stressful day. Andrew had been itching to go home as soon as the meetings had started. It seemed like his whole life had been work lately, and there was only once thing he knew for sure would calm him down.
You were lying down on the bed, the pristine white sheets crumpled beneath you. Your arms and legs were strapped down. You could hardly move at all, but you didn’t mind.
The blade in his hand was sharp. Dangerously so. It was one of his favorites, though. Something he would only use on you. He kept it put up with the rest of his supplies, hidden away in the closet in a spot only he could find.
You tried to stay still as his hand brushed against your arm. As his fingers traced down your wrist, examining your skin.
“You’ll be good for me, won’t you?” He asked softly. He was still in his work clothes, the dark fabric of his jacket stark against his pale skin. You nodded, looking away from the spot where his skin met yours.
The knife dug into your arm. He dragged it through your flesh slow, and watched as the blood began to pour steadily onto the bed, staining the white sheets. He quickly grabbed a cloth to dab up the blood, trying to keep it manageable while he cleaned the wound. He laid a thick layer of gauze over the cut before wrapping it in tape. Only then did he move on.
He wasn’t sure why he enjoyed this so much. Why he enjoyed cutting into you just to patch you up and tend to your wounds. Maybe it was the fact that he had control over the scars that covered your body. Maybe he just liked feeling like he could fix something, like he could heal you, even if he hurt you.
He stopped when you began to grow restless. When the restraints became more anxiety inducing than comforting. He was gentle as he unbound you, holding you close to him and keeping a steady hand on your back. Your blood stained the cuffs of his jacket, barely noticeable against the dark fabric. Still there, though. It would be a pain to get the stains out.
“You did so well,” he whispered. “I learn so much from you, you know? Every time i get better at knowing where to cut. How to help you heal.”
He kissed the too of your head. You felt dizzy. It was normal, though. Your body wasn’t used to being subjected to so much pain at once.
He held you there on your bed, letting you relax into him as the sting of your injuries dulled to a soft ache under your bandages.
id love some headcannons (mostly smut but whatever youd like to do)!!!! ;)))))
Yayy i love headcanon requests :3
Thank you for the ask! I would definitely like more headcanon asks this post turned out kind of vague but its easier for me to write if i get a specific theme
He uses sex as a kind of like outlet a lot of the time, sometimes when he’s just upset or when he’s have trouble with himself mentally. It helps him decompress and process and stuff
Aftercare is his favorite though. He likes taking care of people, it makes him feel important and like he has a purpose or something
He’s always very gentle. With others more than himself. It’s easy for him to push himself too far, but with someone else he’s very careful with boundaries
It would take him a while to open up about his own interests. He would be willing to try anything, but it’s hard for him to suggest what he wants to do until he really trusts someone, especially with his more abnormal fantasies
He definitely has a more violent side, though he rarely likes to show it. It makes him feel gross, or like there’s something wrong with him. But when he does feel comfortable with it, he really shows it
He has a lot of more abstract sexual interests. He can be vanilla when he wants to be, but sex is just so personal to him that it’s hard for him to do it just because
His favorites are probably anything that has to do with a control dynamic, no matter what side he’s on. He likes dipping into darker themes without the guilt of feeling like he’s actually hurting someone
He’s a soft dom for sure. He can be mean, but you can always tell that he doesn’t mean it. He can sound the part, but he can never force his face to look hard the way he wants it to
He would never intentionally try to push you past your boundaries, but he does like to test the limit. Just going little bits further and seeing how you react
Part of him likes feeling like he’s in control of something helpless. Tying you up and being in complete control, getting to do whatever he wants to you
He likes the dynamic the other way too, though. Getting to give up control of a situation and not have to make any decisions is cathartic in a way
He would be hesitant to go into doing anything n that involved actual pain (impact play, blood play, basically anything that could actually cause damage) but once you get him over that initial fear he’s all for it
I know i don’t usually put trigger or content warnings but this post centers active self harm. Please don’t read if this topic is not for you
It had become a sort of ritual for you both. You never spoke about it. You never even spoke during it. Andrew was humming to himself, though you couldn’t hear it through the music playing through your own headphones.
You were both sitting on the bathroom floor. You were cross legged, and Andrew had his legs pushed put in front of him, the soles of his feet hitting the opposite wall.
You always looked away when you cut. When you watched yourself do it, it made you too nauseous to continue. Andrew liked to watch it, though. He even watched you sometimes.
There was a bag sitting between you both. An old backpack of his. Inside was a collection of gauze and tape, as well as a wide variety of bandages. You dipped your hand into the bag and pulled out a small orange container. You pushed one of the razor blades out, gently peeling off half of the protective paper wrapping. You set the corner of the blade against your thigh, looked away, and dragged it across your flesh.
When you looked back, you saw the gaping wound, the light pink flesh of your thigh exposed to the bathroom air before the blood began to pool. You did it again, and a third time for good measure, before your blood began to drip onto the bathroom tile.
Your hands shook as you reached into the bag for the gauze wrap, tearing off a piece and folding it into a thick slab, pressing it against your thigh. Andrew helped you wrap the medical tape tightly around it. You could see his own blood from the shallow cuts on his wrist, bubbling and dripping down his arm.
The dull ache only came once you were dressed again and lying in bed beside him. His back was facing you. You had tried for his attention, but he had ignored it. You guessed you couldn’t blame him.
You sat up, pressing your hand against your thigh through the thick fabric of your pajama pants. You pushed hard, hoping the bleeding wasn’t too bad. You knew it wasn’t. The cuts weren’t too deep. Just deep enough for you to feel satisfied with yourself, like you had really done something.
You sat there for a while, hands pressed against your thigh while Andrew hummed beside you.
A/N: monthly appearance from me :3 i’m working on requests just very slowly… but i wanted to write more serial killer andy
“Would you like to go out with me today?”
You looked up from your pillow as the door creaked open. Andrew stood in the doorway, dimly illuminated by the light from the rest of the warehouse behind him. It was early—too early for the sun to even be up yet.
At his question, you perked up. He stepped further into the room, slender hands gently unlocking the cuffs around your wrist, freeing you from the chains on the wall.
“I think you need some light. Fresh air too. You look sick.” He helped you stand up, dressing you in one of the newer outfits he’d gotten for you.
He never really waited for an answer to his question. He left the room for a moment before returning with a small box. He set it down in front of you, nodding for you to open it.
Inside was a dark red pair of mary janes.
“I figured you might like some new shoes. Yours are all dirty and… i guess i just wanted to get you something nice.”
You eagerly put them on before standing up. The thick leather was restricting around your feet, the black heeled soles grounding you against the floor. It felt nice.
Andrew held his hand out, and you took it. He walked with you out of the dark room you had been confined to for months now.
The warehouse wasn’t much better. A small section of it was nicely furnished, made up to be a makeshift apartment. The far side, though, was dark. There were no lights on there. You could see the faint color of blood staining the floor. You could see dark silhouettes marking out the shapes of -
“Come on, don’t look over there,” Andrew said softly. You quickly turned your head away, looking at the floor instead.
He took you out to his car, buckling you into the front seat, standing next to the open door for a moment.
“Do you promise not to run away if i take you with me?”
You look up at him, nodding frantically. He smiled.
“Good.”
The sun was barely coming up when you reached the small drug store on the outside of town. Andrew held your hand as you both walked in, his grip tight, ensuring you wouldn’t attempt to escape. He made his way to the furthest aisle, and you followed.
For a moment, Andrew let go of your hand to pull things from the shelves and drop them into the basket he held in his free hand. Bandages, gauze, medical tape, rubbing alcohol… anything you would usually find in a standard medical kit.
You followed him to the next aisle. He slid a handful of different pain relievers into the basket, as well as some numbing cream and spray. You recognized everything he grabbed. He had used it all on you before. The faint ache of the freshly bandaged wounds under your skirt started to make you itchy.
Suddenly, he grabbed your hand again, walking towards the front register. As you approached, he leaned down to whisper in your ear. “Just don’t say anything, okay? It’s early. You’re tired.”
Short answer yes. Long answer he enjoys it but he always feels a little bad, he doesn’t like hurting others. It’s followed by a lot of coddling and aftercare, and he’s always just a little too gentle. Unless he’s for some reason really riled up, then he gets rough
hihihi I was wondering what kinks andy particularly has and if he's open to trying new things? :)))
MORE WUESTIONS YYAAAAAYYY
He never really outright says he has a kink but its like pretty obvious when he does …
Mostly he just liked being dominant and feeling in control. Its not really because he likes having power over me per say but more so that he knows it makes me happy which makes him happy so hes doing it constantly. He wont say but he does like it a lot himself too. The feeling of control is cathartic
More specifically he has a really bad daddy kink, and just casual dominance in general. He’s extremely embarrassed about it. He loves it though. He likes taking care of me.
He also really enjoys anything that would normally be considered degrading i guess, but he doesn’t really do any of it to degrade me. His most favorites im pretty sure would be any kind of punishment.
He’s always open to trying nee stuff. He does pretty much whatever i say. He draws the line at drawing blood though. Unless he’s biting. But even then if he makes me bleed its on accident and he feels so bad after
As for stuff he likes done to him … he can be really submissive when i feel like doing that sort of thing. He LOVES being tied up and overstimulated, and just being humiliated in general. Occasionally i can get him into a collar
What do u think they smell like? Is that a particular cologne/perfume u think they wear regularly?
Oh my gah…. Question about andrew…… everyone follow this example
I do remember someone posting once about him smelling like trees or something which I agree with. I own a BUNCH o f woodsy scented things bc i think that would be his genre he sticks to. I dont have anything exact that i think he would wear, but anything line scented, or the occasional beach/ocean scents :3 he do love the ocean
I have stuff to post but you guys dont get it until i get at LEAST three questions for andy. He wants to be part of the blog maybe i should just make him his own atp
Safe space for anyone who likes my blog or hers! Even if you don’t fit into these communities, it’s still a fun place to make friends and chat :) its a new server so we’re working on getting more people… pls join to help with activity!!
It’s vampire themed AND has a lot of lore that she’s written AND a ton of fun channels
To whoever sent me an ask and said ‘totally fair if its not your cup of tea’ have you seen my blog. I write torture fics. I think at this point everything is my cup of tea
