Eiri Takara

Devout of Suzaku | Androgynous | Doman | Genin Ninja | Guitarist | Balmung/Mateus | No information is to be used without writer's consent.

[yrotagrup-deactivated20240321]

[eiritakara]

Time to Say Goodbye

Sejad  had made his decision and announced it over the linkpearl...and as much as they protested it wasn’t their choice. No matter how much they wanted their words to change the man’s mind...they didn’t. They weren’t going to. And to a point...they understood. But that didn’t make it any easier to accept! That didn’t change the anger and sadness that was boiling beneath the surface and wanting to erupt in a fury of vengeance...of tears.

What would happen to the Kafe? The Spiderlily? The Seadog Sway? What about all of the friends that they didn’t know about? What about former ties? Would the sirens continue searching for Izzy even after he’d departed to his new life? Why? Why?? WHY?!? It wasn’t fair. They were tired of losing people. Friends...family... why was life so damn fleeting?!

With a sigh they paced the floor of their office, heels hitting the floor as they moved about rapidly, struggling with their thoughts. With their feelings. They didn’t want to say goodbye...they wanted to keep their friend. Izzy had always been someone they could go to when they needed...quite comfort. Like the big brother A’mauro had never been. Izzy had always been there! Sure, he’d hide vegetables in the food and think that they didn’t notice...but...that’s because he cared about their health and didn’t want to upset them. Sure Izzy was confrontational at times when they let their temper flare up...but he was never mean, he was never hurtful...just blunt.

Eiri sighed again, letting out an aggravated sound as they stopped pacing, turning to gaze upon the door to the front of the office...the one that led to the hallway. And just down the hall was the infirmary...and that’s where Izzy was...still sleeping. They could wake him up...couldn’t they? Eiri was no healer...no doctor...and they didn’t want to risk actually doing harm and destroying what Sejad had planned. Was it really the best option? It was the only option now.

Gathering up their  mettle they left the office and made the forever walk down the corridor... it just seemed to take much longer than it should.. What was maybe a two minute walk felt like eternity. And then time came speeding back to catch up with them as they placed their hand on the door to the infirmary and pushed it open. A hand raised to Aiouxdaux, sitting in his chair...reading something-- a book? Maybe a magazine. They didn’t care, nor did they ask, instead they just proceeded to walk. The doctor said something but they didn’t really hear him, or register the actual words. No. They just walked to where Izzy was laying and paused outside the curtains.

What if they didn’t want to say goodbye? Maybe...if they didn’t-- No. It wouldn’t change anything, and they’d already lost too many people without a proper goodbye. Izzy deserved that much if they couldn’t give him anything else. Stepping into the small closed off bed space they stopped, taking in the space quietly-- lots of white and blue...flowers on the table, a chair nearby with pillows and a blanket folded neatly sitting on it. Unused. Probably from Sejad when he had been staying here.

It took a minute, because part of them didn’t want to look, part of them wanted to turn around and leave without doing what they set out to do. But... approaching the bed they looked over Izzy’s sleeping form. Was it considered sleeping? Maybe...but they didn’t know, and it wasn’t something they were going to spend too long pondering over.

“Ah...” Great start. “I...do not know if you can hear me, Izzy. But...it’s Eiri...Fier...whatever you recognize easier.” They stammered the words out; words had always been difficult for them...now especially. “I...am so sorry.” Their voice cracked some as they spoke, eyes looking away as they continued to search for the words they were so unfamiliar with. “Sejad is going to send you to a new life...one without us, without all of your previous pain and hardships. As much as I want you to stay...I’m jealous of your opportunity. I want you to have the best second chance, full of all the things your first chance didn’t have.” 

Eiri’s hands shook as they stood there, gently clasping them together to try and stop the nerves..or whatever it was that was making them shake. “It’s...it’s too late to ask now...but...we were going to ask you to cater our wedding.” A faint laugh that was cut off by a fairly ugly sobbing sound. “But...don’t worry, I’ll buckle down and find someone who might come close to the amazing things you were able to do. So...just rest and don’t worry about it, hai?” An attempt at humor...they were never good at jokes.

“You know... everyone is going to miss you. But you’ll be better off without all the problems that come with being associated with us. Wisp was right when he said that... You’ll be free to go on adventures on your own terms...free to do whatever you want, come and go as you please. I wish I could ask you to come by and at least say hello but...you won’t remember us. But...we’ll remember you Izzy...ah...we’ll remember everything you’ve done for us. And...I’m sorry we couldn’t do more.”

A slow breath left them as they stared, hands still clasped together so tightly at their midsection. This didn’t help...this didn’t make them feel better at all. It only made them feel worse. “...Thanks for everything Izzy. You’ll be missed and celebrated.”

[eiritakara]

Everything felt wrong...bad...heavy. Why was everything so heavy on their shoulders suddenly? Maybe not suddenly..maybe it just became heavier over time and they were starting to feel it? Did that mean...whatever this was wasn't at its full capacity yet?

All of their friends could see it, no one was oblivious and that meant everyone was trying to fix it. How do you fix something you can't explain? Something you don't fully understand. Sejad suggested a healer, Tetsuro offered to talk, Scilla gave them flowers, Raulin and Akai wanted to talk, to try and figure out whatever it was, they just wanted them to smile again. Everyone was worried.

And it was their fault.

Eiri sat there staring at their reflection, how long had they been staring at nothing and just contemplating? They didn't know ..a few minutes? Bringing the cloth to their face they began the process of cleaning off the layers of makeup. Normally this helped calm them, it was therapeutic... But not recently. Recently putting makeup on was a hassle. When was the last time they'd bathed?? Another answer they didn't have. A glance to their right towards where the bathroom was.

Maybe they should get on that.

Swipes of warm soapy water against their face, gentle circles and swirls before cleansing their face of the soap. They wore a haggard type of expression, in their eyes...always well hidden by the makeup. With their face clean they grabbed for a hair clip, twisting the long hair and then pinning it to the back of their head. Good enough, right? A quick glance to the normally organized vanity...brushes scattered and uncleaned, makeup palettes left open, lipstick sprawled out of its normal holding place.... It almost looked like Mochi had had the run of their makeup...except she hadn't. They could clean it up...they should clean it up.

A sigh sounded as they moved, grabbing their robe and pulling it tight around them, tying it tightly before they folded their arms across their chest and spared another glance at their reflection in the mirror. It didn't feel like they were looking at a reflection...more like a husk...

[howifeltabouthim]

“The heaviest burdens are those you bear alone.”

— Alix E. Harrow, from A Spindle Splintered

[dog-teeth]

[rokachan]

Momento mori ~ (Eiri)

Of all the events that Roka had missed while locked away in voidal slumber perhaps one of the worst was learning of a friend's death. It was entirely an accident that she learned, whisking herself off to surprise her long-time friend with her presence, thinking perhaps Eiri might be one of the few she could share her awful secrets with. One who had been in her brain for a spell and pulled her strings like a puppet master.

By all logical rights, she should never have gone and attached herself to Eiri once those strings were cut, but she had, and her loyalty to a friend was ever-steadfast.

Even after she learned what happened to her friend, the little catte did the only thing she could think of to be close to the Doman once more.

Every moon she made a trip. Every moon she sat beside the grave with offerings of tea, brushed her tail until the fur shone like gold, wove ribbons and perfumed flowers throughout. Cleaned the stone. Adorned it with the same ribbons and flowers. Poured them each tea and she would sit. Talk. Tell Eiri's memory all the things she couldn't tell anyone else.

Moon after moon, turn after turn.

A simple ritual with an unspoken promise that she would never forget and the gentle attentions of a friend to ensure his place of rest would never fall to disrepair so long as she lived. Eiri

[hy-d-ra]

[littlewickedthings]

Fated fingers by Lucz- on Flickr.

[eiritakara]

As the sliding door opened, Eiri's eyes shifted, watching the samurai for a moment before looking back down, expression blank...eyes distant. Then the door closed... No more, they hated the distance that had grown. Sakura barely came home any more, the promises were all broken by now. They'd let themselves fade from his heart and now it was time to let Sakura fade from theirs.

Easier said than done.

They'd sent Raulin and the children out, took the time to get the samurai's things together and packed away before calling him to come talk. Eiri barely even remembered the talk, it had been as quick as they could make it, their tone even and their expression neutral.

Your heart doesn't belong to me anymore, I want you to go. I want you to be happy...even if that happy is not with me. I'm not your prince, I'm nothing to you, and you are not mine anymore. Take your things and go.

They heard the door upstairs shut and they listened to Dango outside, barking happily. It would end as Sakura faded from sight, leaving the house for the last time. Eiri would need to tell Raulin...but they were sure he would understand, Raulin hadn't ever given up on them.

Hotaru would stay, Eiri wasn't going to allow him to be taken, not for any extended period of time. It wouldn't be fair to Mochi to not have her brother anymore, now would it be fair to Hotaru to not have his sister anymore.

A hand came up and wiped at their cheek, the hurt was setting in... Had it been the right choice? It didn't matter now, did it? Sakura was gone, off to where he was truly happy. If it didn't matter... why couldn't they stop crying, alone in their empty home.

[lionbrandyarn-blog]

How gorgeous is this umbrella!?

[totallycorrectffxivquotes]

Ardbert: the problem with becoming the kind of hero you needed yourself, is that it can’t change the fact that nobody came for you.

[recaption]

[eiritakara]

The garden was probably the most peaceful place, even as the layer of frost moved out over the grass and began to settle and turn everything cold and icy. It would go back to normal once they left the area and returned to their office. Everything was so cold right now, and it was mildly concerning, though not concerning enough to actually handle or deal with right this moment. Instead they found themselves a comfortable spot to sit, back against a pillar and the water next to them.

With their eyes closed they just...relaxed, letting themselves fall into that trance-like state, where they weren't really anywhere. Slipping between the veil and through the different worlds, just passing through in silence as they finally found the dreamscape. Doors. Everywhere they looked there were doors, appearing and disappearing, some fading away entirely-- they all led somewhere. But they were looking for...somewhere specific, and they would search until they found it.

However long they were there was unclear, did time even matter here? On the mortal plane...a day? Maybe half of a day had passed since they'd slipped away into the garden. There was an ice patch around them, the grass and dirt frozen and continuing to spread through the area-- the water beside them was solid, the koi inside going into a forced hibernation.

They found it though, passing by all the other doors they recognized and felt. There wasn't any time to stop by and visit the dreams of those they knew. Approaching the door they watched it, yellow eyes gazing over it before their clawed hand reached out, pushing the door open as they stepped inside... There was nothing here? No. Something but nothing to see...just the feeling of sadness...of loneliness. It was enough to make to Doman's eyes water and begin to tear up.

A soft ripple left them, head swiveling and looking around, they could find her here, right? In the darkness...she had to be there somewhere. This place was heart wrenching, it felt heavy-- another ripple, then another and another and another. Each one was more urgent than the next until they felt something back. It was a little nonsensical, but in a way they seemed to completely understand.

Mochi..

They felt their form changing from the shapeless mass it had taken since entering, it was...vaguely reminiscent of their normal body. Larger...so much larger, Eiri felt like a misshapen Roegadyn, with hair that went all over the place. Brightly colored makeup and their silk robe...though it wasn't quite silk, but...softer?

Without actually doing anything...they felt their arms get heavy and they pulled them in as close as they could. They knew she was in them without even having to look at her. But...Mochi had no sense of herself...so they couldn't see her. They felt her and that was good enough, that had to be good enough even though it wasn't.

Pulling her in close they just held her close, feeling the weight of the dream changing...it wasn't so heavy, it didn't hurt so much any more. The ripples that they sent out were calming...soft, meant to be soothing, like the songs and music they always played. She wouldn't understand anything they tried to say so for as long as she was asleep...they would make sure she was comforted, that she wasn't alone; that they'd be back again, as long as it took to find her.

When it finally happened...the Doman found themselves shut out of the dream...the door was shut. And the dreamscape felt so cold and their arms felt...empty once more.

[poems-and-word]

Poems & Words

[ohmikasaa]

“What is this place ? A dream ? Then ..when did it start?”

[eiritakara]

While everyone was gathered in Raul's lab...

Hotaru had started fussing, Eiri could hear him from where they were in the kitchen. The Doman sighed and took the two bottles from the fridge-- it was feeding time anyway, right? 

Raul and Sakura didn't leave Eiri with the babies often, but the babysitter had been unavailable. And Eiri didn't care much for Raulin's lab anyway. The machines made them uncomfortable, not to mention the wall of dolls and all of the idol posters that the engineer plastered up everywhere. 

"Ah? Hotaru, stop crying, you are going t--" Too late, Mochi was babbling up a storm, probably scolding her brother for his fussing and crying. This was going to be a task, Eiri couldn't feed the both of them simultaneously. Stepping passed the curtains Eiri looked at the two babies: Mochi was babbling up a storm to one of her stuffed animals, which promptly got chucked as Eiri came into view, babbling turning into excited shrieking. Hotaru was holding the side of his crib, face already red from his absolutely frustrating life. His pacifier was still in his mouth, but did nothing to actually stop the fussing.

Setting one of the bottles down, Eiri moved to pluck the frustrated Hotaru up, taking the pacifier from his mouth and putting it on the table nearby. And with that the bottle was offered over, to which the little gannit started gulping hungrily. Eiri was careful about letting him chug it down, something Raul had instilled was very important. Of course, the peanut gallery of one still sitting in her crib began yelling as she clamoured up to her feet while holding the railing.

Babbles and yelling ensued from Mochi, scolding Eiri for not having more than two hands to feed her too. She didn't like waiting, she didn't like that Hotaru was being held and she wasn't. Jealous little princess that she was-- can't imagine where that type of attitude came from!

"You will have your turn, you just need to be patient. Hotaru was awake first." Eiri explained to Mochi, giving her a stern expression. Which she did her best to mimic, though shortly after burst into a fit of giggles and foot stomping that made her fall back into her butt. “That is what you get for misbehaving and being impatient.” She just babbled back returning to her little jealous fittery. It wasn’t long before Eiri was finishing up with Hotaru and moving to place him into his crib. Retrieving Mochi and starting to feed her...and boy did she try to take the bottle in one gulp.

“Ah! Mochi, no...don’t eat so fast.” Eiri scolded, but all they got in return was a little scrunched up angry face of a belligerent infant who just wanted to eat the rest of her food. A soft sigh as they shook their head carefully feeding her slowly so she didn’t get a stomach ache. With the bottle done they placed it down and returned Mochi to her crib, placing her down and offering one of the many, many, toys that were in the nursery for the two children.

Mochi didn’t like that, she never did, the little girl always wanted to be up and running around and getting into things...Hotaru fussed because Mochi fussed but he wasn’t crying, just making frustrated noises-- probably his turn to yell at her to be quiet. “You two, it is bed time, Raulin and Sakura will be home soon, you can tell them all about it tomorrow.” That didn’t stop the babbling or fussing, not at all, and Eiri didn’t expect it to. Instead they let the two make fussing noises and babbling like they were trying to barter their way out of their cribs or maybe just telling Eiri their grievances. 

Dango was outside barking, he was always barking at something...usually people passing or anything that even seemed to resemble movement. Big dumb dog...but that was Raulin’s best friend, and Eiri wouldn’t deny him that much.  That didn't stop the annoyance that came with the massive animals deep, rumbling barks. And just as Eiri had the mind to go outside to scold Dango...the pugnax went silent. It wasn't normal for Dango to just stop his antics, he barked until whatever had his attention was a malm off. Now there was silence outside and that was probably the most alarming thing to the Doman.

A quick glance towards Mochi and Hotaru before they turned and hurried towards the sliding door that led to the stairs. There was an uneasy feeling that the Doman didn't like: paranoia. It was just paranoia, right? Pulling the sliding door open they paused at the first set of steps, hand hovering just before touching the wall. Sakura and Raulin weren't expected home for some time, but they heard the hard click of the door lock being undone. Still....they waited to hear the announcement that they'd arrived home, or the smug call of arrival from Aiouxdaux. 

Neither of those things happened. Instead they felt the hairs on the back of their neck rise as multiple people entered their home... Unannounced... uninvited. The air around the Doman grew colder and they let out a sharp and threatening hiss as they heard the door at the top of the stairs slide open. All eight of their eyes watched to see who had the audacity to enter their parlor.

[rokachan]

Roka-chan, you should come by sometime, ne? I have two someone's that you may want to meet! -Eiri

Fingertips ran over the parchment, finding the dips and swells of writing on the envelope. Mapping the textures of the paper. Carried to better eyes than hers and a murmured request that it be read to her, the small creature waited patiently as her ward fumbled through the words.

By the time the paper was handed back, Roka was eagerly bouncing on the balls of her feet, tail high and whisking about wildly as the carte pranced in excited circles, chirping and warbling her joy. “Oh! Oh Khu quickly. Grab paper, yes, andandand something to- Mnn! Yes a pen!” Her jubilation couldn’t be paused as she danced circles around the youth who tried to take notes. “Tell Eiri that I would love very very much to come for a visit! I still have my pearls about, I can be contacted anytime!”

The missive was scribbled and tucked into an envelope, snatched away from Khu so that Roka could race her way off to have it delivered promptly.

Hopefully Eiri could make sense of Khu’s less that elegant writing. It was still better than Roka’s though.