Nina Simone, HARDtalk, 1999
occasionally subtle

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Nina Simone, HARDtalk, 1999
When I first encountered the literary classic Lolita, I was the same age as the infamous female character. I was 15 and had heard about a book in which a grown man carries on a sexual relationship with a much younger girl. Naturally, I quickly sought out the book and devoured the entire contents on my bedroom floor, parsing through Humbert Humbert‘s French and his erotic fascination for his stepdaughter, the light of his life, the fire of his loins — Dolores Haze. I remember being in the ninth grade and turning over the cover that presented a coy pair of saddle shoes as I hurried through the final pages in homeroom.
Although I remember admiring the book for all its literary prowess, what I don’t recall is how much of the truth of that story resonated with me given that I was a kid myself. Because it wasn’t until I reread the book as an adult that I realized Lolita had been raped. She had been raped repeatedly, from the time she was 12 to when she was 15 years old.
As a young woman now, it’s startling to see how that fundamental crux of the novel has been obscured in contemporary culture with even the suggestion of what it means to be “a Lolita” these days. Tossed about now, a “Lolita” archetype has come to suggest a sexually precocious, flirtatious underage girl who invites the attention of older men despite her young age. A Lolita now implies a young girl who is sexy, despite her pigtails and lollipops, and who teases men even though she is supposed to be off-limits.
In describing his now banned perfume ad, Marc Jacobs was very frank about the intentions of his sexy child ad and why he chose young Dakota Fanning to be featured in it. The designer described the actress as a “contemporary Lolita,” adding that she was “seductive, yet sweet.” Propping her up in a child’s dress that was spread about her thighs, and with a flower bottle placed right between her legs, the styling was sufficient to make the 17-year-old look even younger. The text below read “Oh Lola!,” cementing the Lolita reference completely. The teenager looks about 12 years old in the sexualizing advertisement, which is the same age Lolita is when the book begins.
And yet Marc Jacobs’ interpretation of Lolita as “seductive” is completely false, as are all other usages of Lolita to imply a “seductive, yet sweet” little girl who desires sex with older men.
Lolita is narrated by a self-admitted pedophile whose penchant for extremely young girls dates all the way back to his youth. Twelve-year-old Dolores Haze was not the first of Humbert Humbert’s victims; she was just the last. His recounting of events is unreliable given that he is serially attracted to girl children or “nymphets” as he affectionately calls them. And his endless rationalizing of his”love” for Lolita, their “affair,” their “romance” glosses over his consistent sexual attacks on her beginning in the notorious hotel room shortly after her mother dies.
This man who marries Lolita’s mother, in a sole effort to get access to the child, fantasizes about drugging her in the hopes of raping her — a hypothetical scenario which eventually does come to fruition. Later on as he realizes that Lolita is aging out of his preferred age bracket, he entertains the thought of impregnating her with a daughter so that he can in turn rape that child when Lolita gets too old
Lolita does make repeated attempts to get away from her rapist and stepfather by trying to alert others as to how she is being abused. According to Humbert, she invites the company of anyone which annoys him given that the pervert doesn’t want to be discovered. And yet, he manipulates her from truly notifying the authorities by telling her that without him — her only living relative — she’ll become a ward of the state. By spoiling her with dresses and comic books and soda pop, he reminds her that going into the system will deny her such luxuries and so she is better off being raped by him whenever he pleases than living without new presents.
Given that Humbert is a pedophile, his first-person account is far from trustworthy when deciphering what actually happened to Lolita. But, Vladimir Nabokov does give us some clues despite our unreliable narrator. For their entire first year together on the road as they wade from town to town, Humbert recalls her bouts of crying and “moodiness” — perfectly understandable emotions considering that she is being raped day and night. A woman in town even inquires to Humbert what cat has been scratching him given the the marks on his arms — vigilant attempts by Lolita to get away from her attacker and guardian. He controls every aspect of her young life, consumed with the thought that she will leave him with the aid of too much allowance money or perhaps a boyfriend. He interrogates her constantly about her friends and eventually ransacks her bedroom revoking all her money. Lolita is often taunted with things she desires in exchange for sexual favors as Nabokov writes in one scene:
“How sweet it was to bring that coffee to her, and then deny it until she had done her morning duty.”
Lolita eventually does get away from her abusive stepfather by age 15, but the fact that she has been immortalized as this illicit literary vixen is not only deeply troublesome, it’s also a completely inaccurate reading of the book. And Marc Jacobs is not alone in his highly problematic misinterpretation of child rape and abuse as “sexy.” Some publications and publishing houses actually recognize the years of abuse as love.
On the 50th anniversary edition of Lolita, which I purchased for the sake of writing this piece, there sits on the back cover a quote from Vanity Fair which reads:
“The only convincing love story of our century.”
The edition, which was published by Vintage International, recounts the story as “Vladimir Nabokov’s most famous and controversial novel” but also as having something to say about love. The back cover concludes in its summary:
“Most of all, it is a meditation on love — love as outrage and hallucinations, madness and transformation.”
“Love” holds no space in this novel, which details the repeated sexual violation of a child. Although Humbert desperately tries to convince the reader that he is in love with his stepdaughter, the scratches on his arms imply something else entirely. Because the lecherous Humbert has couched his pedophilia in romantic language, the young girl he repeatedly violated seems to have passed through into pop culture as a tween temptress rather than a rape victim.
Conflating love or sexiness with the rape of literature’s most misunderstood child is dangerous in that it perpetuates the mythology that young girls are some how participating in their own violation. That they are instigating these attacks by encouraging and inciting the lust of men with their flirty demeanor and child-like innocence.
Let it be known that even Lolita, pop culture’s first “sexy little girl” was not looking to seduce her stepfather. Lolita, like a lot of young girls, was raped.
Source: http://www.mommyish.com/2011/11/16/lolita-novel-sex-rape-pedophilia-541/2/#ixzz3N4PFEyex
I was going through this at age 11 when i got my hands on the book, and i never read it as sexual. I cried and related to her on such a deep level. Anyone who thinks lolita is a love story is gross.
Too real. Lolita means so much to me, because I was raped by an older adult man when I was 15 and years later when I came forward about it people said it was my fault because I flirted with him. A friend of his even teased me with the comment “weren’t you his little Lolita?” Lolita. Is Not. A love story. The continuous sexual abuse of a teenage girl is not love.
What chaps my ass is that NABOKOV didn’t see it as a love story. He found Humbert repugnant and went out of his way to make him so.
He hated that people saw it as romantic when he’d meant to write a fucking horror novel.
Nabokov literally wrote Lolita to show how disgusting these abusive situations are but nOOOOoooooo pop culture decides to immortalize the scared little girl as a SEX ICON and call this messed up “relationship” LOVE.
“There won’t ever be anyone else, will there?” she said. “No. Not for me.” Stefan was so tired that his control was slipping and Bonnie could see behind the mask. And again she saw that pain and need, so great that she had to look away from him. Stefan, she realized, the chill deepening, was different. No matter how much time passed, no matter what he did, he would never truly heal. Without Elena he would always be half himself, only half alive.
HIMYM writers : we’ve wrote the worst final series EVER !
Julie Plec :
Alright so I haven't seen the finale..& I'm not planning to- but I was reading spoilers and wow what a shitty finale. I'm so freaking surprised that the show lasted this long.
lmao look, all I have to say is,
What did you think of the finale? How shitty would you rate it?
HAHAHAHA.
Nonnie. I don’t even know where to begin.
First, it was the perfect ending for a shit show.
Delena is a joke. It shouldn’t have been the endgame, it basically says that everything wrong in a relationship is okay.
Stefan is dead, and I know that he shouldn’t have. It’s unfair as shit. Even if I don’t ship Steroline, Stefan was married the fucking night before all goes to shit. This is fucking UNFAIR.
AND WHY STEFAN basically proved to Elena how much he loved her. LIKE. WUT?
This character wanted redemption, this character was made for Elena, not Damon. Damon should have been the fucking one to sacrifice himself. WTF?
THEY SHOULD HAVE DIED TOGETHER. THE TWO BROTHERS SHOULD HAVE DIED TOGETHER.
And Bonnie…. A brochure saying Africa ? Don’t people see how problematic this show is?
Bonnie will spend her life tangled with a fucking ghost and saved everyone BY HERSELF WITH THE GHOSTS OF HER FAMILY SACRIFICED AGAIN AND AGAIN FOR THE GREATER GOOD.
No Bamon interaction. In the fucking finale. You gotta have to be kidding me.
Fuck TVD. I spend years to watch this show, hoping they would turn the tide, to actually end on a decent message. Like “ love is sharing. Love is communication. Love is LETTING GO.” But here’s the thing, stefna shouldn’t have to be the one to let go. Fuck Damon. Fuck Delena. Fuck Julie Plec/.
I’m a fucking writer and I’ll do better, I PROMISE ON THIS SHOW ASHES THAT I WILL DO BETTER.
WATCH THIS! No matter what you ship! No matter if you like Bonnie Bennett or not! Regardless if you watch TVD or not! WATCH THIS. And if you’re enlightened or inspired to do so, share it on fb, share it on twitter, reblog it on tumblr! This is very important to me! We MUST educate ourselves, as television viewers AND as human beings more importantly!
You speak so much truth @bb8fan. You are beautiful inside and out. Tho I cannot say I understand by experience the things Americans of color have experienced by seeing movies and tv shows without true representation (because lets face it entertainment liberal “open minded” industry is mostly white) I totally agree with you. Writers of this show could have done and should have done right by KG’s Bonnie. Casting Bonnie as a beautiful black woman was not enough. You get a half of Kudo for that writers if you don’t explore her character with the same amount of depth and screen time that you do the white leads. I empathize with TVD fans who looked to Bonnie with more inspirational role modeling to see someone who looked like them be treated with relevance. Because I am as white as my hair towel that is wrapped around my head right now… And even I am feeling awful about Bonnie’s treatment on the show so how much more so do those young ladies out there who look to KG’s as inspirational and see how her character is treated. And I have not wanted to say or assume there were racist tendencies with the writers in the show because who wants to believe that? But time and again it seems like they keep stepping in it. And even if it is some personal beef that the producers or writers had with KG herself…. even assuming or saying race had nothing to do with Bonnie’s lack of explored storylines or screentime or how she was treated….even if race was not considered…the way the writers kept back burning her character as irrelevant or filler…The writers should’ve been introspective enough to see how it would be perceived to the viewing audience. Lot of things about this season have disappointed me and concerned me. Missed opportunities for all characters. And I can appreciate beautiful filming and acting that has taken place this season but the storylines…the backburner treatment of Bonnie that has continued in season 8 is dreadful.
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Laverne Cox on CBS This Morning
Denzel Washington accepts the NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Actor in a Motion Picture for “Fences”
This is So Beautiful. Black Love.
What a gorgeous couple! 😍😍😍😍
Actress, Miriam Margolyes: When you know your worth, you know your worth.
She is beautiful and I love her.
wow so powerful. what film is this?
Lajja. This film is called Lajja. Lajja, in a general translation from Hindi, means Shame.
It talks about different women in different situations overcoming the shame instilled by the society to keep them under the control of men.
8.11 | You still with me, Bon?
They were it!
Dear The Vampire Diaries,
This could have been the epic love story! A story of love built on the foundation of history, hurt, survival, forgiveness, absence, friendship and love. In essence, a love as complicated as life itself.
You almost got it right once…
But, I guess this will forever be the road not taken.
Yours Truly,
Never the canon OTP shipper.
6 Startling Things About Sex Farms During Slavery That You May Not Know
The fertility of enslaved women was examined by owners to make sure they were able to birth as many children as possible. Secretly, slave owners would impregnate enslaved women and when the child was born and grew to an age where he could work on the fields, they would take the “very same children (of their) own blood and make slaves out of them,” as pointed out in the National Humanities Center Resource Toolbox on Slaveholders’ Sexual Abuse of Slaves.
It was common for the slave to be subordinated sexually to the master–even men with enslaved males. It was part of the enslaved man’s function as an “animated tool,” an instrument of pleasure.
When enslaved males turned 15 years old–and younger in some cases–they had their first inspection. Boys who were under-developed, had their testicles castrated and sent to the market or used on the farm. Each enslaved male was expected to get 12 females pregnant a year. The men were used for breeding for five years. One enslaved man name Burt produced more than 200 offspring, according to the Slave Narratives.
To combat the high rate of death among the enslaved, plantation owners demanded females start having children at 13. By 20, the enslaved women would be expected to have four or five children. As an inducement, plantation owners promised freedom for enslaved female once she bore 15 children, according to Slavery in the United States by John Simkin.
If the enslaved woman was considered “pretty,” she would be bought by plantation owner and given special treatment in the house, but often subjected to horrifying cruelty by the master’s wife, including the beheading of a child because he was the product of a enslaved-master affair.
Often, the plantation owner would entertain his friends by forcing the enslaved Blacks to have orgies–multiple pairings having sex in front of them. And the white men often would participate in the debauchery.
SOURCE
People often forget to examine and discuss the sexual exploitative nature of slavery and how it was “necessary” to ensure the survival of the slave system. It’s sooooo sick! My soul is disturbed. We are a resilient people but damnit if our history isn’t one of terror and unimaginable evil. God bless and comfort my ancestors! Smh. #Hate it!
If the enslaved woman was considered “pretty,” she would be bought by plantation owner and given special treatment in the house, but often subjected to horrifying cruelty by the master’s wife, including the beheading of a child because he was the product of a enslaved-master affair.
Just wanted to highlight this part too for people trying to excuse white women’s part in the abuse of slaves back then and their children.
Reading this took everything out of me, broke me down.
This is the reason why your slavery narratives in your fiction and your fetishization of Black bodies are abhorrent. This is why I will always shit directly on anyone who tries to sell the slavery as a ‘romantic meet-cute’ in any form of media.