Electra's Diary

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Entry 9- Idle Teen

I can't help but feel a deep longing, for years ahead or maybe now, when it's all over.

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Entry 8- Idle Teen

I can feel it coming to the end. I don’t remember saying half the things I do, but I’m never surprised when i hear it come back to me. I don’t remember what I learn every day in school.

Everything has become so useless.

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Entry 7- Idle Teen

ive lost my last remaining physical hope. i have so many public and private identities that i cant tell who i am anymore. ive become this mess of personalities that dont fit. ive become a living contradiction.

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Entry 6- Idle Teen

its been a while since ive cared about anything. im addicted to energy drinks and cutting just to make me feel alive. im starting to believe that its not worth it.

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Entry 5- Idle Teen

I wish I was dead, yeah, and I hate my appearance. I just can't help but believe that theres something pretty in this mess. I always think I'm pretty while also believing that I'm the exact opposite. I'm a fucking mess of contradictions, right?

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Entry 4- Idle Teen

It's been almost exactly two months since I've changed my name, appearance, and personality. It's easier to focus on what I want to get lately. The Idle Teen is just full of waiting, waiting for everything. Waiting and wanting for the Beauty Queen to be a reality. In reality, it's going to be years until I die and come alive as another archetype. I just have to wait.

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Entry 3- Idle Teen

Its been two (?) weeks since i started the beginning of the end for me. Frankly, I'm scared. Very scared. I wish I could just grow up already and be that bottle blonde i see in my head. I wish I could already be out of this. But this is a punishment, not a trial run.

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Hi Teen Idle! It's Electra Heart from electraheartlife:) Good luck as Teen Idle this year, I hope you end up coming alive at the end!

Thank you! Yeah, this is going to take a really (really) long time (three/four years!). Good luck as electra heart!!

-idle teen

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Entry 2- Idle Teen

Why can’t i stop looking at myself in the mirror if everything i see is everything i hate?

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Entry 1- Idle Teen

I really wish i didn't go through with this. I wish i would've stayed and had a good childhood. Why did i think it would be fun to ruin myself? I wish i could've been normal and partied and had friends. I never thought that i would be 16 and suicidal.