the city girl

i promise to not break your heart that bad LA raver

[electrobabe]

it’s 2022 and i find myself on tumblr, reminiscing how artsy or poetic i used to be (could be).

i think i’m coming back now, so pls say hi if you’re still here w us :’)

[saedii]

October be good to me

[electrobabe]

tell me something about yourself

[100-percent-nat]

I’m in love with you

[electrobabe]

and i love you

[electrobabe]

2018

Hi, 

It’s 2018 and I am an alcoholic. Not because I want to be an alcoholic, but that’s the best way to cope in such a difficult time. This is a year of transition where I let go of people, not necessarily in a gruesome manner. It’s because I finally care about myself. Two years ago I was so heartbroken about my isolation, but for the first time ever I feel a weight off my shoulders. 

I want to talk, thrive and become who I am supposed to be. I don’t want to be held down by expectations of who I used to be. I am me, and please accept that I am not the person who I used to be. I appreciate deep talks, intellectual conversations and most importantly, updates about who we are becoming. I don’t like framing or looking back into my past life. New Joselin wants to thrive and be the best version of myself. Accept that I am more than Joselin, I am everything I want to be and what I have become. 

I am lucky to have found a person who supports me despite the changes in my life. An alcoholic for two more months, a scholar forever, and a loving person for those who wish to be around me. I accept and care about everyone, but I can only reach out so far. It’s a text, a call or a meeting away. I appreciate every moment of it. Thanks for being here for me. 

Best, 

Joselin 

[electrobabe]

almost one year later

you know what? if i learned anything about my tumblr, it’s that life always sucks. 2017 is by far the worst year of my life and now i have to get my shit together after dying for the past couple of months.

i’m sick of toxic relationships, and i mean with everyone and not my asshole of an ex who left me in the dust. EVERYONE, like man seriously treat me right and i’ll treat you right. 

there’s no need to be fake about anything, just see right through me as i see right through every one of you. 

if i learned anything from 2017, its that i really dont care anymore

i feel happy, and i mean these past couple of days and it’s great recovering from depression, anxiety and being suicidal 

i just hope this is a more stable path to happiness and a clearer conscience because everyone and everything fucking sucks lol

very few people in my life have space on my pedestal bc actions speak louder than words, everything is being divided exactly by that

tell me one good thing i should care about? bc i don’t know yet, i’m just kinda blank and unwritten bc i’m slowly tearing down the pages of my past to make space for god knows what... and that’s the sad part lol

once again tumblr, fuck everything remember this when you reread this months later, at least you’ll know that you’ll never feel as bad as i’ve felt now... damn right you know this is the deepest rock bottom is gonna get 

sunday november 12, 2017

[electrobabe]

hello tumblr, 

it’s been seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months since i have posted about my life frustrations. it’s not that my life has miracley repaired itself, i was too invested in fixing my shit and did not have a single word to express myself. that’s why i died really hard, REALLY. 

i am revived, recharged, worked, and absolutely not ready for the hardest semester of my life, so far. my recent engagements led me to: yell at my old job, find a new job, keep two jobs, trust a full panel of upper division courses, entrust in a boyfriend, and above all, wish to disappear for month during the summer. oh, and don’t forget all the debt and bills I am trying to pay off, with hope of substantial change for my trips this summer.  

it fucking sucks bc i am stressed out before this all coincides starting next week. i don’t have a single day off from school and/or work for the next month. i will never have enough money, therefore I want to get a THIRD job. 

i constantly drown in my anxiety and insecurities... thanks everyone who fucked me over. i could honestly just cry my entire way through this semester, ignore everyone who matters to me, let work slowly kill my body and motivation, and even more, fucking die. 

i cant die just yet, but i really don’t wanna talk to anyone, or trust anyone, worry anymore, or stress about the small stuff (even the big stuff). 

i cant and i wont. i don’t want to compromise with my feelings and by tired body. 

please tell me that everything will be okay. thanks. 

[justthedesign]

[adoir]

enter my faves here x

[fhury-deactivated20171204]

want a promo? send me “:)” for more info

[r2--d2]

master suite bathroom views

[festivalfanatics]

[czechs-and-holdings-deactivated]

Can we PLEASE remove the stigma for blue collar work in America?

“You don’t wanna be a garbage collector when you grow up, do you?”

$34,000 a year, no college needed?

God forbid you take an honest job $7,000 above Michigan’s average cost of living line.

“You don’t wanna be a ditch digger.”

Bitch, I was making $15 an hour, post tax, doing exactly that, the fuck is wrong with it? (Other than it was physically exhausting.)

We need to help America, as a whole, understand that college is not, and should not be he only option, and that there is NO SHAME in trade school or even getting a career right out of high school.

I, personally, know plumbers making $80,000+ a year. Better than most 4 year degree workers.

We need plumbers, janitors, truck-drivers, garbage collectors, machinists, to keep this nation running smoothly. And they deserve respect for what they do.

Miss me with your classist bullshit.

[moan-s]

[linxspiration]

[blazeberg]

[leonseff]

[moan-s]

[noperfectdayforbananafish]

[electrobabe]

winter 2016:

if i could recall the past four winter breaks, this one would be quite as similar to 2014, or maybe even 2013. except that i’m not stuck in my room finding my silver lining through music and candles, or lesbian french movies. its time to isolate myself from every fucking misery since summer. i don’t want to care both day and night, both friend and foe, grades and money. i really have little tolerance for everyone’s bad habits, excuses, laughter, problems, and crazy eye’d approach to my lifestyle. 

indeed my lifestyle will change, not particularly for the better but i gotta hustle, go, hustle because i have future plans for myself. i will be dangerous, walk in dark, city streets alone, eat eighty dollar filet mignon, use a little elbow for a lil somethin somethin. 

if anything, i want to feel torn apart. i want my identity stolen. i want to feel alone and cold. i don’t want my family to worry about me when i’m gone for hours or days at a time... but they will, everyone will. 

i feel my self-worth go down everyday, little by little. i know i matter and that i am important. i have so much potential, but i’m fed up with everything. i think this is called becoming cold... 

it is winter, right?