Nothing but chaos and lies @eleutheromxniac - Tumblr Blog

“It wasn’t the knowing-from-the-start kind of thing. Where eyes dramatically meet across a room full of people. Where you run into someone at a party and days later, you wake up in the middle of the night, their face seared into your mind. It wasn’t catching a glimpse of someone running to get their train at the station, making you painfully aware of the weight of this moment. The kind that gives you butterflies and makes you feel short of breath and it just clicks. It clicks and you just know that this person could change your life if you only were a little braver. If you only let them in and allowed them to show you how they see the world. It’s not always that one big moment, though. Maybe it doesn’t have to be. Maybe it doesn’t click from the start. Maybe it doesn’t even so much as tickle and you continue to go about your day as though nothing has happened. You don’t notice it. The change in you, around you. And maybe the big moment, the one that counts, isn’t love at first night. It’s not instantly feeling a connection. It’s not the first time you meet. Or the second. Or the tenth. It’s in the growth. In getting to know each other and in making memories together. In getting annoyed by their bad habits just to grow fond of them. In eventually falling in love with them in every sense of the word. It doesn’t even have to be in a romantic way. Think about how much someone you are not romantically involved with has changed your life. The way you look at things. The way you see the world, its people. Perhaps even the way you see yourself. It’s not important to hit the bullseye from the start. To fall head over heels. What matters is that you enjoy it while it lasts – as long as it lasts. That’s the beauty of it. Not necessarily the beginning. But all of it.”

— the big moment / n.j.

compulsive

cynsyllables

"I am the type of exhausted that robs one of sleep"

— Cynthia Chapman

recaption

stay-close

I am sorry someone loved you badly, and that they made you feel like you take up more space than you deserve. I am sorry they abandoned you when you need them the most and it has made you believe that love is an awful thing that hurts.

— Nikita Gill

sunflorally

spellboundlove

An update

Currently in lockdown, at first I didn’t mind, I was exercising daily, getting on with things, relatively happy.

But now I just feel scared and anxious constantly. I’m scared of it ending. I think I’m scared of change, of having to see people again and be social.

I have no desire to go outside, I can’t motivate myself to exercise. So I’m putting on so much weight and feeling so much worse about everything, cause now not only am I anxious but I’m fat and anxious 🙃.

Really down atm and I can’t see myself talking my way out of it. Just so fed up.