Untitled @elfs-notendbutand - Tumblr Blog

enamored lately with an asmr channel i stumbled upon on youtube that’s literally just a sweet korean lady pretending to give her enormous ragdoll cat (who she pretends is a famous and wealthy cat actress) extravagant spa treatments that are wildly, wildly overpriced (because the cat is rich)

tahthetrickster

it’s fine she’s good for it

yrsonpurpose

RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE (2023) ± pet names for each other

ebookporn

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

- Jill Thomas Doyle

neil-gaiman

A zeugma walked into a bar, my life and trouble.

whichcouldmeanothing

i love her, your honor

fcntasmas

if you were going to tell me i would be in tears at the end of an eight-episode mockumentary on fucking freevee because not only did they manage to find one of the most genuine men on the planet earth to be part of their entirely-staged story, but because every single actor who got to know him longer than we did at the end said full-stop they’d fallen in love with him and were so happy to be his friend and had so much fun with him and because everyone acknowledged that he just went above and beyond time and time again every time he was faced with a moral or ethical dilemma and proved people ARE inherently good actually!!!

i wouldn’t believe you and yet. here we are

suiheisen

“these are chair pants, or chants…” WHOLESOME ;______; (everyone in this show is an actor except for ronald, the guy in blue, who thinks he’s in a documentary about jury duty)

also this interview with the director:

assiraphales

jury duty is such an insane concept for a show bc the creators really said “it’s a week (plus) long improvisation project filmed like a documentary based around a fake court room. james marsden is there & his role is to be as douchey as possible. the twist????? one single man is completely unaware that it’s a fake trial. truman show with a sprinkle of psychological warfare”

savagegood

“We put you in an adjoining hotel room with Todd, whose odd demeanor and obsession with body parts were specifically intended to frighten you. But you didn’t shut him out. You welcomed him into your room, and into your non-optimally designed heart.”

jury duty, the show where everyone except one person - noted sweetheart ronald gladden - is really an actor (full clip of the chair pants/chants episode here)