This story serves as a follow up to a previous story, ‘The Night Off’. Make sure you check that out before proceeding!
It was a hot August day and I was excited for the coming school year, I smiled as I walked into the entrance to the new apartment that I was sharing with Omar. Going into my Junior year, I was doing it big! I was finally a member of Iota Phi Theta Fraternity, having crossed back in April and things had changed so much!
Everyone on campus was excited for me and I was now the Vice President of my chapter. I had a ton of women approaching me whenever I was out and about – it’s crazy what a couple of letter can do. But that wasn’t my focus. I truly wanted to be a part of this brotherhood, so me and my line brothers Ade and Bruce were ready to do whatever we had to do to.
One thing that had definitely changed was my relationship with my roommate and now boyfriend, Omar. Pledging made me realize who my real friends were Omar was definitely one of them. To understand how things had changed so drastically, we gotta go back to March.
Initially, Omar and I had the typical roommate relationship, but we’d grown closer. Outside of him loaning me money when I was low on cash or grabbing extra food from the campus cafeteria (pledges weren’t allowed to enter the student cafeteria while on line), we’d grown closer due to hooking up during a night off from pledging.
Halfway through my pledge process, my Dean and ADP decided to give the pledges a night off and I spent the evening back in my room resting and hooking up with Omar. In the moment, everything felt so taboo and surreal, as it was my first time hooking up with a man. Prior to that evening, the thought of hooking up with a man hadn’t passed through my mind but seeing Omar walk around our dorm room shirtless with his basketball shorts sagging with his fat ass exposed had done something to me. Some harmless joking led to harmless flirting and eventually, that led to him giving me an amazing blowjob.
Following the blowjob, I truthfully wanted a chance to experience what it would be like to fuck him, but Omar ultimately told me that I had to wait on that. Thinking back to that night
“Hell yeah, I’m gonna make you wait. This is your first time ever messing around with a man, and I typically don’t mess around with niggas who don’t know what they’re into for sure. I made an exception for you because the thought of messing with you has crossed my mind, but I definitely ain’t the type to just give it up. Plus, I’m giving you something to look forward to.” Omar said that night, leaving me a little sad but hopefully.
That night was a wild one, but I didn’t regret it at all. Omar didn’t realize it, but he’d given me something to look forward to – for the rest of my pledge process, I was excited by the thoughts of exploring myself sexually with Omar.
After that night, social probation resumed so I didn’t see much of Omar outside of him randomly sending me money or meeting up in random spots on campus to slide me a “to go” box from the student center cafeteria between classes. I never had a lot of time to spare so we never got to talk, but towards the end of my process, his energy switched. He seemed distant and short in out brief encounters and it made me curious, but I knew better than to press him. If he wanted to tell me what was going on with him, he eventually would.
I couldn’t lie, it upset me that he was growing distant suddenly. Truthfully, I couldn’t explain it, but I felt myself developing real feelings for Omar. Initially, I thought that I was falling for him because of how helpful he’d been to me but truthfully, I liked him. We’d often joke about how I was only excited to cross the burning sands, so we could fuck around with, but I couldn’t help but want for more. I wanted to find a way to talk this out with him, but our schedules typically prevented us from being able to talk.
One day, I managed to sneak back to my dorm room without being seen by anyone. My Sociology class ended early, so I figured I could use the free time to chat with Omar and see what was going on with him.
I swiped my key card and walked into the dorm room, where I saw Omar sitting on the floor in front of a mirror that we kept in the corner, taking a selfie. He was only wearing a pair of white underwear, which were skin-tight and clung to his tiny waist and fat ass…he looked so fucking GOOD. Seeing that ass poking out was doing something to me.
“What’s up, roomie!” I said as I walked in, interrupting his selfie photoshoot.
“Oh shit, what’s going on? Ain’t you still on social probation?” Omar said as he looked over his shoulder and smiled. I walked towards my bed as he stood up, unintentionally showcasing him athletic body. Track and field was keeping him fit!
“I am, but my teacher let us go early.” I said, placing my bookbag on the floor as I slowly sat down on my bed. I winced as my butt made contact with the bed. Me and my line brothers had taken wood last night for fucking up during one of our tasks, so it hurt to sit.
“Oh, that’s what’s up. So…you get some free time and you come to see me instead of hitting up one of your little girlfriends? That’s cute!” Omar said, laughing as he sat across from me on his own bed.
“Actually, yeah. Is that a bad thing?” I asked him.
“No, it’s not a bad thing, it just, I don’t know…it surprises me, that’s all.” Omar said, looking down at his phone.
“Well, surprise!” I said, laughing. Omar continued to look down at his phone, so I continued speaking.
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you. You seem like you’ve been really distant whenever I see you, so I wanted to make sure you were okay…?” I said, unsure of how he would respond. Omar placed his phone down and looked over to the window.
“Actually, I’m good. I’ve just been busy with the season and then I’m dealing with a guy…” Omar said as I fought the urge to react to him mentioning a guy.
“You’re dealing with a guy?” I asked him, trying to not sound jealous.
“Yeah, the same one I told you about the night we messed around. The down-low football player?” Omar said, looking back down at his phone.
“Oh, I didn’t know he was still in the picture.” I said, shocked.
“What makes you say that?” Omar said, raising an eyebrow.
“Shit, I don’t know, remember what you said when we messed around?” I said, reminding of him saying that we’d hook-up when I crossed.
“Kavon, I remember saying that, but I don’t remember telling you that I wasn’t going to have sex with other men. In case you’ve forgotten, you’re straight and you aren’t my man. I’m single so I can do what I want. It’s that simple.” Omar said, shrugging his shoulders. I couldn’t help but feel annoyed.
“What does that nigga have that I don’t?” I said angrily.
“Wait, Kavon are you being serious right now? For one, he’s Gay, something you aren’t…” Omar said, but I interrupted him.
“Okay, but I don’t know if I’m straight. You’ve been on my mind daily since what happened between us.” I admitted.
“On your mind how exactly?” Omar asked, narrowing his eyes.
“You know what I mean.” I said.
Omar took a second to think as we sat there in silence. Then he began to speak. “Kavon, I like you too. I think that is obvious, I’ve been helping you out in ways most best friends wouldn’t. If I’m being honest, I think about what happened between us a lot and honestly, I regret it.” When Omar said that, I couldn’t help but feel offended.
“Why do you regret it?” I asked him.
“I regret it because it’s not like anything more is going to come from it…at least now in the way I’d like things to go. Ideally, I’d like to be in a real relationship. I’d like to be in a committed situation with a man. I’ve fantasied about you being that guy before we even hooked up…since then, all I’ve been able to think of is how you couldn’t ever be that. You see what we did as apart of some experimentation and once we eventually fuck for real, I’m sure you’d go back to being straight. I’m not trying to put myself through that.” Omar said, unloading all of his feelings. I sat there, stunned. Omar continued speaking.
“The guy I’m seeing isn’t out, but at least I know for sure that he has feelings for me.” When Omar said, I got upset.
“Okay, but I DO LIKE YOU so what am I supposed to do with these feelings?” I said, standing up. Omar’s jaw dropped, he clearly didn’t expect that.
“What do you mean?” Omar said, with his voice barely above a whisper.
“I don’t know how to deal with all of these feelings man. I admit, I was looking forward to us doing something, but I don’t know, I think I actually like you and now you’re telling me that you’ve moved on and you’re seeing someone.” I said, reaching down to the floor to grab my bookbag. I instantly felt a sharp pain shooting down my back, reminded of the pain from taking wood.
“Well Kavon, I don’t know what to tell you. I was already dealing with the guy before we messed around. I didn’t give you the impression that we’d be in a relationship and you didn’t indicate that to me either. Hell, I didn’t know that you were into me. I can’t do anything about that.” Omar said, placing his phone down on his bed.
I looked at my phone, realizing that my next class was starting soon, and I couldn’t afford to be late since my Dean of Pledges was in this same class and would surely notice if I wasn’t on time.
“Fine, whatever man. I’m out.” I said as I walked towards the door and opened it.
“Kavon, wait!” Omar said as he stood up.
“Nah, I have to go to class. From now on…I’ll just leave you alone. I didn’t know you were seeing someone, so I don’t want your help anymore. I’ll see you at my probate.” I said, shutting the door before Omar could say anything. I knew it was unfair for me to be upset with him, but I couldn’t help but feel incredibly jealous.
I went through the last three weeks of my process with no contact with Omar. He’d texted me to make sure I was alive and well and he’d wave whenever we passed each other on campus but I couldn’t help but feel slighted. I told him that I was focusing all of my energy into finishing this pledge process and that we’d talk when I was able to.
Towards the end of April, Ade, Bruce and I were officially initiated into the fraternity and a week later, we held our Probate, which essentially served as our introduction to the campus community as Iota men. Our probate was PACKED! I was surprised and excited to see Omar standing in the friends and family section of the Carter Gymnasium with a Gold gift mag with brown tissue paper pouring out of it. I knew he’d brought a gift. I smiled at the sight of him because we hadn’t talked in five weeks. Our last conversation had been pretty heated so the fact that he was here to show me support was huge.
Ade, Bruce and I went through out entire show and the audience was LIVE! We put on an amazing show and before I knew it, it was over! Afterwards, I was crowded by the various friends and family members that had come out to show their support. This kept me from being able to speak to Omar. Omar simply came and dapped me up and he said, “I’ll give you your gift whenever you get back to the dorm room.”
I thanked him as I continued to have people come up to me and congratulate me, but I couldn’t help but notice how brief out interaction was. It made me think back to how last conversation had gone down. I couldn’t be mad at him because it’s not like we were dating but we still had a few weeks to live together so we had to figure out to coexist and not make things awkward. Unfortunately, it would have to wait until tomorrow morning since the chapter was throwing an after-party in honor of us new members.
When I woke up in the next morning on the couch in my line brother’s apartment, the first thing I did was check the time on my phone – it was 10:30AM. I had a slight headache, which I knew was from drinking and partying the night before…as the room was littered with open alcohol bottles and beer cans. I looked around the room and I saw that my line brothers were passed out on the floor alongside some other fraternity brothers from other school. They were only in town for our probate.
I stood up, adjusting my wrinkled clothes and I looked for my car keys. It was a Friday, so I knew that Omar would be in our dorm room until 11:30AM and I wanted to get back to campus in-time, so I could see why he’d been acting so weird lately. I located my car keys on the coffee table and I tip-toed across the room (not wanting to step on anyone) until I reached the exit. I quietly opened the door (not wanting to interrupt their rest) and I quietly closed it behind me. I walked up to my car, hopped in and in no time, I was pulling up to the residence hall.
I tried to be lowkey as I walked through the residence hall, but a few friends saw me and stopped me to congratulate me again. I thank them quickly, not wanting to be seen since I was still in my probate outfit and I just wanted to get a quick shower in and talk to Omar.
I took the elevator up to the fourth floor and I walked down the hall towards my dorm room. As I approached our room (Room 411), I could hear Omar engaged in an intense conversation.
“I won’t hold my breath if you ask me to, Jordan. I’d be dead if I wait for you to be ready to commit to me. You can’t just try to lock me away, so other men won’t see my worth…” Omar yelled into his phone. I stood outside of the door, not wanting to interrupt this moment.
A few seconds passed until Omar began to yell again. “Jordan, do you think I care that you have an image to keep up with? You’re the one that’s fucked up in this situation! You’re out here asking me to not have sex with anyone because what we have is supposedly a ‘real connection’, but then you go and get someone pregnant? I don’t care about your image or anything, I didn’t ask to be a part of this charade.” He said.
I stood outside the door, trying to think of who he was talking about. Omar typically told me about his conquests, but I couldn’t recall a ‘Jordan’. The last time we’d talked about his sex life, he mentioned the football player…that’s when a lightbulb in my head went off. I pulled out my iPhone and quickly googled “Wilton State Football Roster’ and surely enough, the first name that was on the roster was Jordan Abraham.
My jaw hung open as I realized that Omar was arguing with the Jordan Abraham, star football player and potential first round draft pick for the 2018-19 NFL Draft. I couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of jealously hit me as I realized that this Jordan guy was who Omar was seeing. I pressed my ear up to the door and I continued to eavesdrop.
“What’s really fucked up is that I stopped entertaining the idea of anyone else and you couldn’t do the same! I had someone that REALLY liked me and instead, I was trying to give us a chance. I liked him too, but I was trying to give us a chance! Well, that’s over. Lose my number, nigga.” Omar said. I couldn’t help but feel bad for Omar, he seemed genuinely hurt by whatever Jordan did. I couldn’t help but feel warm on the inside at hearing him admit that he liked me too. I figured at that point, he’d ended the call. I waited a few seconds before swiping my key card and opening the door.
“Kavon!” Omar said, turning towards the door. I looked at his eyes, which were red. He’d clearly been crying. He reached for the floor and picked up the gift bag that he’d brought to the probate last night.
I don’t know what compelled me to do it, but I wanted to give him a hug. I knew he was going through something heavy.
“Omar, you’ve been crying…what happened?” I asked as I walked up to him and brought him in for a hug. He clearly wasn’t expecting this, as I could feel him squirm in my arms.
“Nothing happened! I’m just tired. Now let me go!” Omar said as I continued to hold him close.
“Omar, something clearly happened.” I said, loosening my grip on him. Omar stepped back from me, took a deep breath as he handed me the gift bag and walked to his bed.
“Nothing happened. I need to begin getting ready for my first class.” Omar said as he picked up his phone. I knew it was a risk, but I decided to let him know that I’d heard his conversation.
“So what happened between you and Jordan for you to tell him to lose your number?” I said as I walked over to my own bed and placed the gift bag down. Omar instantly looked up in shock.
“How much of that did you overhear?” Omar said, as his jaw remained wide open in shock.
“I heard enough to know that y’all were messing around and that you’re done with him.” I said, trying to not reveal that I’d heard everything. Omar sat there in silence for a second before speaking.
“You can’t out him.” He said, turning his back to me.
“I’m not going to! What happened? I clearly heard the conversation.” I said, pressing the issue. Omar began to speak.
“Listen. We were supposed to be exclusively talking, like you already knew. We were hanging last night when he told me how he’d gotten one of those white sorority girls pregnant and I lost it! He tried to calm me down and told me that it would be good for his image since he’s going into the NFL and I couldn’t help but feel upset because I don’t want to be in the shadows as anyone’s side piece while a woman is photographed at his side. I don’t know what I was expecting, I couldn’t have messed with an athlete anyways.” Omar said, burying his face into his hands.
I stood up and walked over to his bed, taking a seat next to him.
“I’m sorry that happened. It’s really fucked up that he did that, I can only imagine how much you’re hurting right now.” I said, pulling him into me. He didn’t resist, opting to rest his head in my lap. I placed my hand on his head as he continued to speak.
“You know what really makes me mad, Kavon? I shouldn’t have picked him over you.” Omar said, opening up to me, which made me smile.
“It’s okay, Omar.” I said, not wanting to center myself at the focus of the conversation when he was clearly hurting.
“No, it’s not okay. Hell, when you told me that you like me, I was shocked. I’ve liked you since we met but you were always off limits…and the moment you make yourself available, I throw it away to continue dealing with a closet case? That was clearly a mistake.” Omar said.
“Well, I can’t judge. Cause I don’t know, I guess you could call me a closet case myself since no one outside of this dorm room knows that I have these feelings for you.” I said, trying to make him laugh.
“Yeah, that’s true.” Omar said, laughing as he raised his head from my lap and sat back up.
“So, what’s next for you?” I asked him, which resulted in Omar staring at me with a look of confusion.
“What do you mean?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Are you going to sit and pine over Jordan, or are you going to take a chance on me and allow me to properly get to know you?” I said, smirking.
“Kavon, you can’t be serious…you’re straight, we’ve been through this.” Omar said.
“I am serious! I don’t think I’m straight. I don’t know what I am, but I know that I like you, and not just because I want to mess around with you. You’ve shown me that you care for me in a way that no one else has ever done and you stay on my mind Omar. I can’t promise you that I have my feelings figured out, but I’d love to explore the idea of us really getting to know each other and working towards being in a relationship.” I said, putting myself completely out there.
Omar simply smiled and said “Kavon, I don’t know how serious you are but let’s find out. Let’s just start from square one and see where things so.”
Hearing him say that made me smile hard as fuck. I couldn’t help but pull him in for a hug and plant a kiss on his lips! Omar was surprised as I slipped him a bit of my tongue as we made out.
“Woah!” Omar said, pulling back from our kiss.
“I’m sorry about that, I just got so excited. Thanks for taking this chance on me, you won’t regret it.” I said, pulling him in for another hug.
That was a few months ago. Fast forward to August and Omar and I are doing pretty good. We’d just made our relationship official a week ago and we were moving off campus into an apartment.
Like I said earlier, things had definitely changed in the past five months. Me and Omar decided to take things slow and get to know each other and after four months of building as friends, I took the plunge and asked him to be my boyfriend! I was scared that he’d decline but he was excited to make things official. The timing couldn’t have been any more perfect as we were going to be spending our first year as upperclassmen off campus.
As I moved throughout the apartment placing boxes in various rooms, I couldn’t help but think about how different this coming school year would be.
This next year of college will come with its challenges – one of them being me taking the eventual steps to publicly acknowledge that I’m now dating a man. Part of me was nervous, but I was more focused on being excited for myself and Omar. Ultimately, we’d gotten what we both wanted – I liked him and wanted to pursue these feelings and he’d found someone that wanted to be in a committed, monogamous relationship.
I knew that I’d eventually have to tell my line brothers and the chapter, but I decided that for now, it wasn’t a big deal. What mattered was that we were finally together.
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