things you might already know...

Came up with the name when I was 11 and wanted to name my book heroine Elixera

[zicadbagui]

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

Couldn't believe This empty entity Could still have a tiny Glimmering spark left. — Mahrukhhamid

[quotemadness]

April 27. Incapable of living with people, of speaking. Complete immersion in myself, thinking of myself. Apathetic, witless, fearful. I have nothing to say to anyone - never.

Franz Kafka (via quotemadness)

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

I want to peel back my skin

See what's within me

What the fuck is happening underneath

My insides exploding, then imploding

Outside, I don't even speak.

— Mahrukhhamid

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

I feel like someone keeps erasing my outlines, making me shrink in size. It's horrifying because I am physically unable to put up a fight. I am trapped inside, this page filled with sophisticated words (like sophisticated) and I'm the only drawing. That freehand doodle, that's dangling on the edge with mismatched eyes. Soon enough, my colors start to fade making my sketchy nucleus turn gray, leaving me to be nothing more than an unintelligible trace. — Mahrukhhamid

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

Cigarette burn on left wrist, Lifts her drink and sips. Cheers to those who're still Looking for a hint Or a sign from the universe that The One exists. — Mahrukhhamid

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

You've been acting awfully tough lately, smoking a lot of cigarettes lately.

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

Maybe they'll take me with them someday.

[sickpage]

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

I bet my blue Repulsed you That's why you left And took away my only bright hue.

— Mahrukhhamid

[kinbotes]

favourite literary quotes // wuthering heights (1847) 

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

Your silence meant so much more to me than your words ever did, I stood there crumbling, and you chose not to speak. — Mahrukhhamid

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

Is it true?

Why are you so certain that nobody cares about you? Even though you try to convince yourself otherwise and act all cool Does this question remind you of when you were thirteen and she left you? Or how you only got attention when you started acting out? And then you thought that you had her back, she didn't hate you You finally thought that someone like you deserves love too And bam, she sends you to boarding school I will never forget the conviction in your eyes, When you told me, "don't lie, You don't care about me Don't act like you do."

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

I tried

[heavensghost]

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

I never realized how hard it would be; To face you, being this empty Chin up, dried cheeks Masking every sign of misery And contempt for my bloody heart As it keeps hammering And reminding me of how utterly weak You have made me. — Mahrukhhamid

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

Every day, I float

Every day, I float As though I am afraid of sinking But too tired to swim I watch the sun blinking Forcing me to keep my eyes open This weightlessness is disturbing Since all I can hear is my own heart And my mind keeps buzzing 'Your time's running out'. Every day, I float With my head above the water Yet I keep remembering How hard my breath was to hold Stuck in this nominal limbo I keep going with the flow And I am fighting Gravity, as it tries it's best Not to let go. — Mahrukhhamid

[elixirbellatrix-blog]

He said, I scare him. I scare me too, sometimes. I shut up and then expect them to hear me. I'd rather talk to the stars, for I feel they're the only ones near me. I wear my scars and a pathetic snarl so they can fear me. Why, he asks. Don't you see? All they do is give you empty words and serve you with pity. And that's repulsive to me. — Mahrukhhamid