Elizabeth

Boone, NC

[elizabethepage]

Heat lightening doesn't mean a thing when the heat has been pushing you down for days,

and the people no longer look like flowers as someone I used to know would say,

and dark nights feel so much better when you're not cold or alone.

As much as I love it here, I don't think I could call this place home.

[elizabethepage]

I made a post of my main tumblr account but now I am starting to feel uncertain of it. Originally, this page was made for the sole purpose of being an expressive place for my writing that I feel I cannot share with people I know. Very cowardly, to be honest, but there's something comforting in being anonymous. I haven't posted here in awhile and I don't know if anyone is still listening. I may stick to my personal acocunt as this is a personal matter. You can follow it @jonono98 if you so choose. I am here to leave it all on the table regardless.

[elizabethepage]

There’s something about a Sunday night that makes me believe you won’t miss me until a Friday afternoon

If I left tomorrow

Or the day after

Or on Tuesday morning

Would you miss the person who held you two weeks ago

The person you knew two days ago

who will be wiped clean, two months time

[elizabethepage]

Even during the day

followed day and night //

it only makes you colder //

to someone you never saw as a threat //

subtle signs that meant nothing at the time //

looking back to june //

one whole year of my life //

and you have to wonder //

how could I do this to myself.

[elizabethepage]

Not your Friend

clear language //

no structure //

only thing I could ask for //

here we are though //

mostly alone //

everything in codes I've never understood //

neither of us at fault

[elizabethepage]

Last Year

don't tell my ex //

how I handle our present situation //

or how I've done so far //

or how you will think //

I'll do tomorrow

[elizabethepage]

I have been angry for a long time

fucked up years //

fucked up situations //

i'm so fucking tired //

that i need profanities to speak my mind //

something i didn't need before //

i guess there are a lot of things i didn't need before //

that i need more than ever now //

i am upset //

i am alone //

but i was never been upset that i was alone //

until i was actually //

completely //

alone

[elizabethepage]

It wasn’t long

It didn't fit //

Something more and you lacked the understanding //

Even though I never listened //

I'm not sayng it was you //

But more than me

[elizabethepage]

How do we do this

your initial //

louder than words //

perceived as direct //

quick and safe //

not only to obtain //

but to keep //

it's part of the plan

[elizabethepage]

He made them before me

"And I realize how late my love is tonight" //

reading this hit harder //

because I've come to the realization //

that my father has had for years //

living in his mistakes //

making them myself //

I feel that pain //

I know it all too well

[elizabethepage]

ask me how

ask me how we met //

i'll lie to you //

it is not as easy for us //

to be happy //

to be in love //

with another or even yourself //

who are you to judge //

if it took us all so long to get here

[elizabethepage]

Look at the Ceiling

It's the sex //

intimacy keeps me going //

but not the sex //

not before, surely now //

he found me //

but settled with her

[elizabethepage]

I made a mistake

I wish you could tell me //

all of the things I am doing, //

why I am wrong in my actions //

and even worse off in my words. //

I took it apart and scattered the pieces. //

100 parts in 100 places. //

In offering myself up, //

I lost all the rest.

[elizabethepage]

Puzzle Piece

I am the curve //

to a straight edge piece //

once fitting ever so slightly //

having since been lost //

a longing for that familiar feeling //

that all the others cannot fill //

or that I do not fill //

having shaped this piece into something new