Mouse song! Mouse song!! Mouse song!!!
[Sorry I loved your meta about other mouse songs and must have moar]
I'm glad you like my ramblings, and thank you for engaging in my nonsense (realistically, I wouldn't have elaborated if someone didn't ask me, I would have just blasted the song on repeat while I cleaned the apartment, which I will still do later), it means I get to make everyone sad. Somewhat incoherently.
The song is Delirium by Elizabeth Gerardi, and when I say just dropped I mean... last night. I turned it on while I was getting ready this morning and immediately added it to my Mouse playlist because whoa.
I listened to it on repeat for like two hours while I was driving to and from my appointment this morning but I'm still not entirely coherent about it. The vibes are... before he's cut off by his parents, when he still has access to that money and power, but close enough to the end that he's acutely aware that he won't have those opportunities forever. He's not out yet, so he's very much so still a part of the family and the image they put out to the public, but he knows that he's not living up to his mother's dreams for him and the worst case scenarios are spinning through his head.
The first verse really captures that exact emotion, actually:
looking pretty in the corner
fragile like glass
if they ask me to dance
I fear I'd do what they ask
they're serving tea cakes at their pretty parties
they're coming up fast on me I say 'sorry'
I'm not meant to last
Just that sense of this thing being temporary, even if that might be a silly thing to think from the outside. One day, the people around him will change their minds, and push him out, and he'll just be someone they whisper and gossip about at parties and book club. And then the... finality? almost? of knowing that things will never be the same again - whether it's because of society pushing him away or he's just so changed from his time in the army - and that he'll never be the perfect face of the family he was when he was a teenager.
am I so hard to love?
am I debt that you owe?
the room is on fire
that much I know
my heart left my chest
my fingers are numb
I can't stay here
and I can't go back where I'm from
and, yeah, that hit the vibes pretty well, but that wasn't the moment I added the song to his playlist. I added it to his playlist because of the bridge - scientifically the best part of any song, it holds the most dopamine, trust me, I'm an English student. If you've seen my metas before, you know I hold two headcanons very dearly to my heart - Mouse is gay and he's a slut about it who has never heard the word "commitment" in his life. And canon gave us a tired drug addict, so the bridge of this song...
I'm unnaturally laughing
with men that I hate
as they lean in for a kiss I exclaim
that I
can't
stay
floating around in my pool of pity
wondering how many good years I have left
that I'll stay pretty
pocket full of dreams but they don't pay the bills
now I know why the starlets turn to the pills
tears come fast when no one can see 'em
in delirium
And then I feel things about my blorbo