eliza fitzgerald

✝ HOUSE FENWICK ✝ my life is constantly just an inner monologue of “why did I do that” — junior — — soft & sensitive — — sweet tooth — — little legacy — — photo hoarder —

[elizald]

nicodigiovanni‌:

“Ok…” He shrugged. Yeah sure there were people that didn’t like to swim after all, not that Nico could understand them though, but whatever. Besides, he was still convinced that Damian was more guilty of her dislike of the pool than she cared to admit, but then again the relationship between the Fitzgeralds wasn’t exactly his problem anyway.

“Yeah exactly, It’d definitely drive me nuts.” He grinned. “So praise to your self control.” His smile softened a little as he gave her a playful look.

“Hey don’t say that like it is a sin.” The seventeen years old gave her a friendly smile as he noticed her frowning. Well of course it was a lie, lack of a competitive spirit was pretty much a sin in Nico’s book, but well, he didn’t feel like sharing that would earn him many points with her.

“Is it though?” He chuckled. “I mean what about people you don’t know?” He teased a little. Yep, after all he was actually there so the plan didn’t look like it was working amazingly. Besides who chooses to go at the pool to just read? Right?  Well she didn’t look like she wanted any company though, then again, whatever, he was there for a swim after all…

Eliza was late in returning a smile to Nico, unsure if it was worth being praised about. If she spent every day of her life being in competition with either of her brothers, she would have been living a worse life than she already was. If her parent's expectations of her wouldn’t flatten her, then surely her need to outshine two people that could not be outshined would. No, it just wasn’t worth it.

She shrugged a little, “Not a sin, but I suppose a key to motivation.” Which she lacked, especially in comparison to Damian but who was paying attention.

“Well,” Eliza hesitated on the question, thinking about it before offering Nico a small, amused smile. “I guess I didn’t much consider them.” Despite her soft and gentle exterior, Eliza didn’t consider a whole lot about anybody really. The further away from people she could get, the better, in her mind. She had too much going on up there anyway, in her head, that was. Too much she still needed to sort through at a later date. “Is it warm?” She asked after a moment passed, “The pool.”

[elizald]

ofkatherinebishop‌:

“Oh yeah,” she agreed without realizing that she sounded a little like a robot, stuck on a repetitive loop. “There’s a lot of really big mosquitos in Minnesota- like a lot of them,” she enthused, “-and it gets really  humid too, so I’m used to it,” Eden Prarie wasn’t quite the same as the depts of the Amazon rainforest and yet Katherine spoke with pride, stating fact rather than boasting her exclusive opinion.

What the fuck. Was what Katherine wanted to say in response to Eliza’s uncomfortably long list of morbid pit stops on the world’s most depressing road trip. Instead, however, Kat simply offered a smile and nodded her head, “Yeah, totally,” she agreed, though she couldn’t help but remain just a little tense as the phrase ‘we’re gone’ buried itself in her mind. Was that something that Eliza thought about often? Yikes. “What about Machu Pichu?” she suggested, it was a little less miserable, actually a lot less miserable than what Eliza had come up with and somewhat subtle way of diverting the conversation, she thought. “I think it’s crazy how all of that stuff just exists,” it didn’t just exist, somebody had designed it and had built it there but that was sort of what Kat meant anyway, “-like I know people build some pretty amazing things now, anyway but like- we have so much technology and everything,” she couldn’t list the technology per se but she was pretty sure she was saying something profound, “Like the pyramids in Egypt, would you want to see those too? I do,” 

Eliza didn’t think, born into humidity or not, that she would ever be used to it. Then again, she didn’t much like going outside either, it was something Damian always had to beg her to do, or trick her, or lure her with sweet incentives that came in double scoops on a cone. But she knew that wasn’t normal so she just smiled, trying to relate to Katherine, or at least appear to, even though she knew there wasn’t really a chance she would.

“Oh sure, Giza sounds incredible. Kind of dusty,” Eliza thought out loud in annoyance, before smiling and crumbling into embarrassed smiles. “But really, really unique, I guess. I think it’s fascinating that they think they were built to chart the stars. I think if that’s true, that would be amazing. Astrology is just...” Eliza tripped up on her words, cheeks puffing, unable to describe just how much she liked the idea of it. “I just really like it.” She settled for bashfully.

[heavenlycherries]

[elizald]

ofkatherinebishop‌:

“Oh, yeah,” Katherine agreed with Eliza enthusiastically, sitting up in her seat. Admittedly, she wasn’t responding to exactly what the other girl had said, more accurately she had made up most of the dialogue in her head and had turned it into a forum for her travel plans post-high school, “I’m going to do a lot of traveling after I graduate,” with imaginary money, of course, she hadn’t even come close to actually planning or considering the logistics of her grand ideas, “I would love to go to the Amazon, see it for real. Maybe like, a trek or something,” she’d spent enough time on fishing boats not to be bothered by being wet and gross but mammoth-sized insects might be slightly more antagonizing than she had evidently considered. “You can stay in these eco-lodges, made out of sustainable materials and everything and some of them are even way up in the trees, like- imagine a hotel in the canopies of big, huge rainforest trees, it would be amazing,” she gushed enthusiastically, she’d Googled it once or twice, “-and you can go down on the river on boats. I don’t know if you can fish in the river though- piranhas live in the Amazon, so,” she mused thoughtfully, though she wasn’t one hundred percent certain of that, just confident enough to sell it as if she was.

“Where would you rather go?” she asked curiously, recalling the hesitance in Eliza’s voice, though she supposed there was almost always some element of that when the younger Fitzgerald spoke. “Somewhere you don’t feel just guilty about?” she encouraged with a light chuckle.

Eliza did her best not to look too enthralled by Katherine’s first claim, simply because she desperately wanted to do the same, though she did have some very personal details to her travel plans that she didn’t intend to share with anybody, ever. Or, well... perhaps Damian. One day. When she was older and he had maybe forgiven her for things she had yet to do. Still, it would never be as easy for Eliza as Katherine made it sound for her. 

“Too many insects for me,” Eliza claimed, looking back at the TV but appreciating the other juniors plans all the same. She didn’t know if Katherine’s family was like her own, but if she had the budget and support of her parents, then the world was her oyster and it was worth seeing, Eliza believed that. “That would be incredible, actually.” She blinked, surprised by the mention of tree-house hotels. Looking back at the blond, Eliza smiled warmly. “Yeah, a lot of dangerous things live there. I think that’s why it’s not exactly on my list. I’m more of a Budapest or Vatican City kind of girl, I think. I like the architecture. And art. And devastating history,” She tacked on before squinting and making a face. “I just mean... I have this really weird thing about desperately wanting to visit the Anne Frank house and the holocaust memorial. Or the Sea of Trees, even. My mother thinks it’s all completely inappropriate.” Eliza laughed nervously before clearing her throat. “I just... think it’s important. To remember, you know? Before it’s gone. Or we’re gone.”

[elizald]

damianfitz‌:

Damian would know that voice anywhere. He lifts his gaze from the ground and turns his head just as Eliza sits beside him, his features softening at the sight of her even if there’s a hint of sadness to it. He misses her. No matter what’s happened between them, Eliza is his little sister and life is just better when they’re on each other’s side. And no wonder life has been so painful lately because they haven’t been. And he knows he should talk to her, but he still stands by what he said and that she needed to hear it. Though maybe… Maybe his feelings about it have changed just a little. And maybe he needs to tell her that. Maybe it’s his turn to just try something different for once, be a bit more understanding considering his own experiences.

“Just the other day. Mom asked me what color tie I wanted to wear for that evening. I was a little confused but then she clarified and I figured you just hadn’t passed the information on because we haven’t been– talking…” He squares his jaw a little, willing himself to shoulder through these uncomfortable feelings. “And I want to talk to you about that.” Talk about how they haven’t been talking. How he doesn’t like it one bit. How he understands that maybe neither of them went about things the best way. But he’s had time to think about it, really considering both sides and… he wants to tell her what conclusion he’s come to.

Damian turns his body away from the pigeons and angles himself toward Eliza. “I want to talk about our fight.” He won’t sugarcoat it. He’s not going to do what his parents do and downplay it. They’ve both had enough of what their parents do to them. Maybe they just need to be how they are with each other. “And… everything we said and–” He doesn’t like to think about it. How maybe he was too hard. And how Eliza walked away, leaving him with the reality of his situation with Faith like a final blow. It hurt, all of it. Eliza walking away, realizing he’ll never get Faith back… If anything, it just made it more clear than ever in Damian’s head that he needs to take better care of things – people, his relationships. Maybe it’s not about what he thinks is best all of the time. Maybe he should just… give way? Within reason. Obviously, within reason. He’s not going to tell Eliza it’s okay to swing from the rafters and run around without pants. (Not that he thinks that’s something she’d ever be interested in doing.)

“I understand I was quite… stern with you,” he begins. “At that point, I do believe that’s what you really needed to hear.” Sometimes he likes the reminder himself, maybe it was more for his benefit than hers – who knows. “I understand you might want things… and maybe it was unfair of me to tell you that you downright couldn’t have them. Because I’ve had my things. I learned for myself. And maybe that’s something you need to do too.” His hand flexes on his knee. He wants to reach out to her, hold her hand because he knows it’ll make it easier to get through this, but he restrains himself. He’ll respect Eliza’s boundaries. “I just– a lot of it was because I was scared. And because I was scared, I got angry. And I’m sorry that I did. I just don’t like the idea of things spiraling out of control, for you or me. I don’t like the idea that you could get hurt trying things and figuring them out. You’re my sister and I’ll always want to protect you.” And that makes things difficult, because he won’t always be able to. Especially next year.

“If you want to…” Oh, he’s going to regret this. He hopes Eliza doesn’t make him regret this. “Go to parties and try different things, live outside of the lines just a bit then… it’s okay.” Something in him crumbles just a little then. But part of making sure he’s okay with the fact that he’s not here next year and Eliza is okay with the fact that he’s not here next year is trust. And he doesn’t trust anyone more than he trusts her. He knows that. So he’s putting his faith in this. “I just… maybe you can do that while I’m here. I won’t hover over you, but just– let me be here, and tell me things. So when I’m not here, maybe you can navigate yourself a little better and neither of us have to worry so much.” He breaks his own rule and puts his hand over hers then. “Because I worry about you, Eliza.” He seeks her gaze. “A lot. If anything were to ever happen to you, I would never forgive myself and so– I want to give you space to grow and figure things out for yourself. But I also want to be there, however close or far you want me to be, in case anything bad happens to you.”

When he first brought up the fact they hadn’t been talking, Eliza’s mouth parted slightly, wanting to argue that it wasn’t like that, but she didn’t quite have the courage. It wasn’t as if she had refused to be around him since, or that they’d been openly fighting, or that’s how she felt, anyway. But there definitely had been some unspoken feelings, but like most instances in the family home they grew up in, they needn’t be spoken about. Just understood, so that everybody involved could move on quietly and efficiently. That’s what Eliza had thought they had been doing, but suddenly, Damian wanted to talk about it and she felt her gut twist and churn uncomfortably. Pulling her sleeves down over the heels of her palms, she pulled on the material childishly as something to ease her nerves. It didn’t work though. She knew as well as anybody that when Damian had a bee in his bonnet about something, there was no slowing him down.

So when he turned towards her, Eliza’s eyes dropped to the ground. It was all she could do not to turn away like a scolded child, ready for round 2 of a beating she didn’t deserve. As he spoke, her gaze went from bird to bird to stone to another bird, occasionally to her fingers which she wished she’d worn her rings today for something to fidget with, but they were bare and skinny. It was... insufferable, listening to Damian attempt to iron out the kinks in their argument and be better than what their parents were. She knew that he was trying to do the right thing by explaining himself, but unlike him, Eliza enjoyed the ambiguity of silent suffering. She just felt bad and guilty and awkward, being told that Damian had had his time to learn things that he obviously didn’t think she knew. Maybe he was right, maybe she was naive and needed to learn things the hard way. Or maybe he was right in pulling in the reigns, deciding what was good and bad for her, at this point, Eliza didn’t know. She didn’t know anything anymore, not with her friends splitting up and her family sweeping things under the rug and this school being run under some form of organized chaos. Was an early graduation too much to ask for at this point?

Finally though, when he mentioned wanting to protect her, Eliza was able to look at him with soft eyes and an understanding smile. She felt bad that it wasn’t entirely real, but it was the best thing she could muster at the moment, feeling the way that she did. Besides, pretending that everything was okay was something she was good at, it got people to stop worrying about her and making her relive this painful symptom of being alive for every second of the day when she felt like closing her eyes for good. It felt like the world was sitting on her chest, the pressure sometimes easing and other times getting worse, depending on what was happening. Right now, it was felt impossible to breathe. Like an asthmatic in a dust storm, she was heaving.

 “Damian—” She said finally, after his mass speech and sweet intent. If she could pull a gun on the moment and shoot it dead, she would, but all Eliza had was words. “I don’t want to go to any more parties.” She started off with that in a matter to soothe him, or hopes that it would because that barn party was what had started all this and Eliza wasn’t about to go making that mistake again. It was like that place changed people, and even she was naive as to know by just how much. “I don’t want you to worry. It was a stupid idea and I won’t do it again, I didn’t even have a good time.” She assured him. Surely he had to believe her. “If this is just about me... turning into some reckless party girl, then maybe you need to go to the nurse because you know that that’s not me. I’m not... like those girls,” Indirectly, and without even realizing the irony of it all, the rambunctious juniors in her dorms were those girls that came to mind. Girls like Katherine Bishop and Ella Dawson and Andrea Pearson who were pretty and fearless and loud and unapologetically incredible. Eliza didn’t feel she had anything in common with them when it came to the social status quo of the academy and if Damian was worried about that, then she needed him to know it was for a lost cause. “I won’t ever be like that. I have Maggie,” She paused, knowing in her heart that what Maggie felt for her was an incredibly intensified and sometimes, completely suffocating version of whatever fondness Eliza had for her in return, but if it sold the story then Eliza was going to use it. “I’ve got almost a perfect GPA. Nothing bad is going to happen.” She assured him blindly.

[elizald]

ofkatherinebishop‌:

“I’m actually very worried about this,” Katherine announced as if it meant something profound as she sat there, pointing her spoon at the television in the common room. Since she had tyrannically monopolized the space that afternoon, she’d decided to put a video about the fire in the Amazon on the screen to educate herself and her peers.

 “Whoops,” she uttered a moment later as a blob of chia pudding dripped onto the floor beneath her, her eyes fixed to the screen rather on what she was doing, waving the utensil about. She stuck the spoon in her mouth and licked it clean soon after, to make sure it didn’t happen again any time soon but she wasn’t done speaking just yet, “The Amazonian gives us twenty-percent of our oxygen in the world, did you know that?” she’d learned that from Instagram earlier, in fact. “We don’t need to pray for the rainforest we need to pray for everybody, you can see the smoke from space,” she added, looking into her pudding cup now. It tasted like shit, admittedly but she’d paid $7 to buy it from the fresh food market in Nighmore that had boasted local, organic ingredients and that proceeds went back into sustainable beekeeping, another one of Kat’s favorite trendy causes that week.

The good thing about the phrase; when it rains, it pours! was that at least, when it did pour, Eliza felt more pulled down by work than ever, which left little time to worry about other trivial things like... How did one mourn the loss of a good friend? How did one forgive a family member for doing the wrong thing? At what point would she stop feeling like the weight of the world was crushing her ribcage and making her wonder what flatlining felt like? All depressing thoughts aside, she hadn’t exactly been wondering those things lately with all of her assignments stacking up, especially now that her dorm life was so peaceful. She didn’t know what Sofie did when she wasn’t in her room, but when she was, Eliza had found that she didn’t hate it. She was quiet, respectful, and Eliza liked Louisa whenever the other senior did pop by. It was kind of like... a small girls club, where everybody was just nice to each other and sometimes the older girls shared notes if they knew it could help.

But today, the distraction was kind of welcomed when she moved through the common area and got promptly distracted by the news on the TV. Slowing to a stop, Eliza watched on with books in arms before she realized she’d been standing there for a good few minutes and Katherine was jabbering away at some student beside her. She didn’t mean to seem rude about the observation, but the other student also was rolling their eyes, so Eliza assumed that wasn’t the look of somebody interested in the conversation which was a shame. Eliza thought it was worth talking about.

So, when the student got off the couch and left, Eliza hesitated, turning towards it then away from, then back towards it again before deciding she’d take the empty seat. Placing her things on the coffee table, she leaned back and looked at Katherine, impressed she was keeping up with the event and not just flicking past it on her socials for another Kardashian post like most people probably were. “It’s pretty sad, isn’t it?” She made conversation. “I don’t think I would ever want to go visit there but now that it might not be there for much longer... it guilts me a little into wanting to. Do you get that?”

[elizald]

damianfitz‌:

Life has been rather turbulent for one Damian Fitzgerald lately. He feels as though whenever he makes a smidgen of effort in the right direction, something happens to come knocking down his already short tower of blocks. Faith, Eliza, Kat, Gwen, swimming… It’s been a while since he’s simply felt… at ease. Peaceful? So he decides to do something about that on Friday afternoon. Instead of tending to his homework once classes are over, he heads into the small kitchenette of the boys dorm and starts tearing up a slice of bread, letting it all build into a small mound in the center of his cotton kerchief. When there’s nothing but crumbs left, he claps his hands over the cloth and ties it all up, pocketing it in his blazer before he heads out into the courtyard.

It’s not the most traditional activity. Perhaps it’s even meant for someone much older than Damian, but he’s finds some peace in it. It’s not too lazy. Sure, he’s only sitting, but at least he’s doing his part to feed the friends of mother nature. The kerchief of crumbs sits carefully on the hand that rests above his thigh. Minutes come and go and he just… feeds the slow-growing flock in front of him. It’s not particularly exciting but Damian is a bit tired of things happening. They’re always just happening and happening and happening. He just wants nothing to happen for a while. For the next hour, all he can stomach is another pigeon joining the few in front of him. Just the sounds of pigeons cooing, the sprinkle of crumbs to the ground, and Damian being completely and totally unbothered.

Things were strange, stranger than they ever had been before and that fact alone made Eliza all kinds of nervous in the pit of her stomach. All she was trying to do right now was hold her own, if Faith wasn’t going to ever forgive Damian for whatever it is he had really done to her, and he wasn’t going to try and truly change her mind about it, then Eliza supposed she would have to come to the realization soon enough that nothing between their families would ever quite be the same again. Which was, frankly, just perfect when she’d gotten a call from their parents earlier that week to be home promptly that weekend for a dinner at the McKays on Saturday eve. Although Eliza had stammered out a late acknowledgment ( and had gotten chided for it ) she couldn’t help but just feel sick about the whole thing. Worse was that she didn’t even know how Damian felt about it, or if he knew. Normally, they shared everything, but lately, he’d been particularly quiet and last time she’d checked, she’d thought that was supposed to be her job. Strange indeed.

Seeing the familiar figure of her older brother by a flock of pigeons outside, Eliza sucked in bated breath, really not feeling like being out in the pollen surrounded by flying rats but all the same, she knew in her gut it was something she had to do. Approaching him, she did pause though to pull out her camera, lifting the viewfinder to her eye and snapping two slightly different angles of the birds and Damian in his element, even if he looked kind of like a rain cloud. Lowering her camera, she held onto it for a long moment, her bag for the weekend already packed and ready for the car in her dorm.

Stepping closer, Eliza cleared her throat.

“Hi,” It was a simple enough greeting, something soft and genuine before she came to sit next to Damian, a weird kind of quiet settling between them. Eliza looked at the birds for a little while, watched Damian pinch crumbs and toss them. Finally, though, her gaze lifted. “Did mom tell you about tomorrow night?” She asked, figuring it was best to just get to the point, assuming maybe that’s what had him down in the dumps right now, not privy to anything else that might have been toying with his mind, especially not girl troubles. “I’m sorry.” She said, even though she didn’t really have anything to be sorry for, it wasn’t her fault any of it had happened, nor that they had to go to their childhood friend’s home like any other normal weekend. “I know it’s probably the last thing you feel like doing right now.” Given the last time she’d said anything about Faith to Damian, but Eliza did still feel guilty about that. Everybody made mistakes, she knew that, but under duress, she’d felt the need to defend her actions. Now, she just felt terrible about it.

[jennifersbod]

Kathryn Newton as Abigail Carlson in Big Little Lies (2017-)

[elizald]

nicodigiovanni‌:

Zoo visit during the heatwave? Yeah smartest idea ever. Besides Zoo? It was not like they were still in fifth grade. Nah Nico wasn’t coming, even if it meant a boring weekend back at Broadripple. Besides they had the pool for themselves, there was no chance that Nico would miss it. Girls would be in swimsuits, hopefully bikinis, even if he wasn’t sure that they were actually allowed in the super catholic church, but well, a boy could dream. 

And besides, well the seventeen years old was aware of how he looked in swim trunks himself and definitely he didn’t mind girls ogling him, it was a nice ego boost. One that he really needed given the total failure at the party and his generally dire mood. Now there was the risk of meeting Ella or something, maybe it would have been a good thing? A chance to talk perhaps, try to figure out what the hell was going on between them. 

No luck for now it seemed, still, there was a familiar face there, she wasn’t swimming though, her head buried in books, which was… weird? Not that him and Damian’s sisters were friend or anything, in fact the most time they have been together in recent history was when exchanging some drunken rambling at the party, but still.

“Hey wanna take a dip?” He asked playfully, now as far as he knew the girl was as well behaved as her brother, but from what he had seen at the party she was perhaps way more capable to have fun than him if she wanted to. 

“You don’t?” He raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Don’t like swimming?” He continued. “God I think I’d hate it myself if my brother was Damian Fitzgerald.” He teased, yep he could imagine that having such a spotlight stealing older brother must not be exactly fun. He wondered how Gabriele, his little bro, felt about him, but well, the two were too far in age for having any real rivalry. 

“Not interested in going to the zoo too? I mean they should have organized a visit to a beach or something… ” Well the coast was what, two hours away? Not exactly close, nor really unreachable though. 

Eliza opened her mouth to retort that no, she didn’t not like swimming, that might imply that she had actual forgiveness for water that she just didn’t possess since the time she’d almost swallowed an entire lake when she was twelve — but the overload of personal information seemed irrelevant. Nico di Giovanni, friend to absolute time waster Dylan Thompson and hellhound companion Chris St Gerard... no, in her right and sober mind now, Eliza knew now that she didn’t need to embarrass herself in informing Nico about her sheer hatred for swimming. Or why. Seventeen years old and unable to swim, she might as well be socially handicapped.

“Oh... uh...” She frowned, caught off guard by his next comment. She had no clue that Nico was on the swim team, given that Eliza showed up to cheer on Damian whenever she could at big games or competitions, but otherwise, she kept her nose out of his team. Besides, the last thing she’d heard was about one assaulting him at a party and another causing some mighty upheaval with Gwen Prescott, so it seemed wise to keep away from that niche of people. “It’s not really anything to do with Damian, actually, I just... don’t like it.” She pressed her fingertips into her book and pulled her lips together, as if accepting that that was a lame answer. A beat passed though and she looked shocked at herself, before gesturing out to Nico. “I mean, of course, unless you like to swim. In which case, yes, the competition would maybe make me a little cuckoo. But not really. I’m not very competitive actually...” She trailed off with a frown as if just realizing this for the first time.

Sighing, Eliza scooted back a little, a hand pressing into the middle of her book to keep the page. “Not when it’s 110 degrees outside, no. I barely like outside either, it drives my brother crazy.” She explained, “I would have sat in the dining hall but I kind of wanted to be lowkey so I figured fewer people who knew me would think to find me here. So far, it’s working.”

[elizald]

mcggiemon‌:

being local to the area and having gone to broadripple for almost two full years now, maggie had visited lupa zoo before. and safe to say, she wasn’t keen for another visit. part of it was that she’d lived on a farm her whole life, she didn’t need to go to a zoo to spend a day with animals. mostly she hadn’t liked it. those animals had been sad, not like the farm animals she was used to. and she’d cut her hand on a bit of wire there and had to get a shot for it. all not great things. so here she was, chatting off dear eliza’s ear while she tried to read. 

“ i don’t either, not really. ” she admitted, taking the seat beside the brunette without invitation. despite the fact that she was wearing swimsuit under her shorts and tank top, she hadn’t really intended on going in the pool. she just thought everyone else was going to. “ you know i didn’t know how to until like middle school? – yeah, there was this like, swimming program and everyone else kind of already knew how and i was to scared to even put my head under water. ” she chuckled at the memory. by the end of the program she could do the basics, but she never really practised afterwards. she looked to eliza again, letting a split moment of silence sit before she asked “ what’cha reading? ” she asked, small smile sitting on her lips while she waited for response. she was getting better at that. waiting for answers to her questions instead of just launching into her next thought.

Eliza never, in her teen years, intended to be rude to anybody, not even if she thought deep down that they deserved it a little bit, but good gosh, did she wish she was invisible at moments like this, she thought, as Maggie sat herself down and made herself at home. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Maggie, she did actually, the girl was sweet and filled a lot of silence that Eliza left that usually made normal people feel uncomfortable. But with Damian and Faith still not speaking, Izzy awkwardly hovering somewhere in between, it had left for a lot of awkward lunches together in the dining and study hall where Maggie and Eliza had all of a sudden had to do most of the talking. Hell may as well have frozen over when Maggie and Eliza became the talkative ones out of the group, but she supposed there was no point sitting in silence, staring at each other and Eliza knew Damian could only extend polite conversation for so long before even he would make up an excuse to leave.

So, sighing, Eliza had come to accept that this was her life now. A lack of Faith, an awkward rift between her brother and herself, and a lot of one-sided conversations with Maggie to be had. But hey, that wasn’t so bad, was it? There were worse things in life, probably.

“That’s okay.” She said after a moment, before looking at Maggie and clearing her throat to speak up. “I mean... it’s okay you didn’t know how. I... actually don’t know how, either.” Eliza admitted, much to the difference of Damian, the actual tadpole. “I don’t really want to either. Bad, um... experiences.” She clarified awkwardly before looking at the book in her lap and clutching it into her core a little more. “Oh, er... Saving Francesca,” She told Maggie, “I actually tried to read it last year, but I don’t know, I put it down and just decided today that I’d try it again. I don’t know,” She repeated herself. “Maybe it’s a bit... too close to home, or something, I don’t know. Or was.” She bit her tongue, forcing her to keep the third I don’t know inside her mouth this time. “Passed on the zoo adventure too? This heat is really something, huh.”

[erika-writes]

maia mitchell by eric white

[jcmieschung-blog]

Why are you letting me go on about my stupid problems?

[kendalsroy]

[elizald]

emmahayashi‌:

So… the school’s joking if they think they’re going to get Emma out in the sun and gawking at animals. Not going to happen. In fact, never going to happen. It’s hot enough as is, and she isn’t going to make it worse for herself by being at zoo where there’s no air-conditioning and the smell of animal is prevalent in the air. For the first time, she’ll stick to Broadripple’s ancient walls and cobblestone floors, thank you very much. Besides, it’s not like she’s made an appearance SWAT’s other organized activities. She opted out of their last excursion too.

There’s more than one plus-side to hanging around campus this weekend however; it’s not just having an escape from the heat and less of the student population being around. Generously, this bullshit school decided to hand out chilled water and popsicles, an upside Emma is more than happy to take advantage of because she can’t remember that last time she had a popsicle and she’s desperate to cool down from the heat without having to make the journey to Nighmore and hide out at The Scoop.

Cool treat in hand, Emma decides to enjoy her frozen sweet on a stick while strolling about the campus, languidly making her way about as she makes the most a quiet school and its mostly empty halls. She finds herself wandering towards the athletic facilities, hardly ever being in this location since most of her interests either keep her in the dark room or at the Yearbook office. It’s barely interesting here but she finds it’s worth the visit just to get the steps in since she flat-out refused to go outside this morning and run for exercise as per usual.

Upon passing the school’s indoor pool, Emma finds herself backtracking, brows furrowed as she casts a second glance into the space. Of all the people making use of this area today, she finds it strange to see a fellow Yearbook member here. She walks over, popsicle about a quarter of a way eaten through, before stopping just a few steps short from Eliza. “Strange choice for a reading spot,” is her greeting, but judging from Eliza’s response, Emma assumes the girl didn’t hear her correctly. She rolls her eyes a little – no actual annoyance in the action – before taking the seat beside her.

“I have no interest in going into the pool,” she lets the girl know, just to clear things up for the younger Fitzgerald since she clearly misheard her. “Surprised to find you here, Flourish,” Emma comments, settling into the very uncomfortable flat surface they try to pass for seating in the space. “Your SWAT people not going to burn you alive for not joining the field trip?” She asks, genuinely curious for the answer. She assumes Faith McKay would not take one of her little minions skipping out lightly.

When their responses didn’t exactly match up, Eliza finally put down her book and twisted more to look at who she was actually talking to. Oh! It was Emma. Good, she probably just embarrassed herself for the hundredth time in front of the other junior and by this point, there was no saving grace, so she just gave a tight smile in apology for whatever weird thing she’d responded without actually listening to what Emma had initially had to say. 

At least they could both relate to that, she thought, finding humor in the irony of two girls clearly allergic to swimming, sat by the pool together. The serendipity was comforting, actually, until Emma used a poor choice of words back at her and made Eliza feel like she wanted to melt into the floor. Eyes falling to the open book in her lap, fingers pressed into its center, she took a moment to hate herself.

“Oh... I mean, I don’t think so. Actually, I don’t know, if I’m being honest, everything is a little all over the place at the moment.” She told Emma, wondering if that was enough to encapsulate the entirety of the truth. Given that she and Damian were the closest to not exactly speaking right now without actually not speaking, and Faith and she were also on awkward flooring, and she didn’t exactly have any friends outside of that little group, things were particularly uncomfortable at the moment. “With the heat though, I just thought it wasn’t really a good idea to go to the zoo.” It was definitely smarter to stay at school if she wasn’t going to go home for the weekend, and she was, after recent events, trying to be smarter.

[elizald]

faithfullymckay‌:

Faith had been avoiding the pool. She would of course deny such accusations at every turn, but there really was no other reason that she would suddenly become so adverse to an area she had proudly sat cheering in the stands for most of her time at Broadripple than she was actively avoiding something…or somebody. Long gone were the days when she would sit with one leg crossed over the other as she watched the boy’s team do what they did best, chatting to Coach Cobb who was likely happy to have a break from the rather insistent blonde. But still, she had spent almost as much time here as her former best friend - perhaps a tad of an over-exaggeration given that she had once joked that Damian Fitzgerald was part fish from the amount of time he spent surrounded by water, but it was a long time nonetheless - and she would admit that she missed it. There was a comfort in the cold tiles that echoed the sound of splashing water around the room. The smell of chlorine made her calm and clear headed. Perhaps that was what drew her in, despite the somewhat small fear that she would come face to face with the thing - person - she had been so desperate to avoid.

Except, it wasn’t the Fitzgerald that she expected to run into that sat by the pool. If Damian was amphibian like, his little sister was anything but, and as her blue eyes scanned over the younger girl’s figure she couldn’t help but question just what could bring her here. “Eliza?” She asked out loud, still sounding a little disbelieving that her eyes weren’t just tricking her. Surely if she needed to speak to her brother she didn’t have to go to such lengths - she had never had to go out of her way to find Trinity before after all.

It was her fault in all honesty that she’d been careless enough to look, but not exactly observe who had been standing over her. Perhaps, she was just used to being approached by now in conjunction with something to do with her brother. Used to answering where Damian was, where they could find him, or what they might need to have access to him. Eliza was used to being that bridge, the stepping stone that got giggly sophomores a chance to talk to him or other house captains that had a bone to pick. So her response had been habitual in every sense of the word until Faith’s voice has rung back at her and made Eliza’s motions slow to a stop.

The last time she had talked to Faith in any detail or length, they hadn’t exactly had a good moment. It was nothing like a fight, of course, nor would Eliza let it get in the way of their forever friendship but she was still left thinking about it. She’d even somewhat told Damian about it, about how mistakes really did ruin things if you weren’t careful because Eliza had been trying for months to fix his and it just wasn’t going anywhere. Still, Eliza took a breath before turning to look back up at Faith, forcing a smile to reach her lips.

“Hi Faith,” She chirped, hoping that it sounded casual and sweet, just like usual. “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was you. How... how are you?”

[elizald]

If anybody knew the story of why Eliza was so averse to dipping even a toe into a body of water, then it would have been a likely question as to why she was even sitting by the pool, to begin with. The truth was that if Damian had decided to stay at school this weekend and wasn’t going on the Zoo trip, then there may have been a likely chance for her to run into him here. Which might have sounded strange for a sibling that was otherwise usually attached to his side, but right now, since their last encounter, they hadn’t exactly been speaking very much and Eliza felt guilty about it. She might not have been brave enough to seek him out by herself, but she knew that if she was sitting here by herself, there was at least a chance he would come to talk to her and perhaps then, she could muster an apology she felt like she owed. She’d been working on what to say in her mind since breakfast, assuming the plan was a good one, even if it had yet to actually work.

Until then though, she sat a good distance away from the water’s edge, her camp of books and lunch around her while her back could press to the glass wall overlooking the grounds. It was loud in here with people utilizing the free pool for recreational use for perhaps the first time ever, but she at least felt safe with Coach Cobb sitting nearby. Maybe it was because she’d been wrapped up in a re-read of one of her favorite books, or the background noise that distorted whatever the person standing over her had said, but Eliza had honestly thought they’d been talking to her and mentioned something about the pool. “Oh... No, I don’t erm... swim,” Contrary to popular believe, probably, given that her older brother was a literal torpedo who broke school records. “So no thank you, I’m fine where I am. You enjoy it though, I won’t stop anyone.” Albeit suffocating from the hot chlorine smell, but nothing was perfect, now was it?

[editsdemierda]

• ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴏʀ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴀᴠᴇ/ᴜꜱᴇ.