It's been over-ish a month since my last post. Let's start with the good stuff;
Surgery recovery is going really well. I have no pain. I am back to doing most things--waiting on clearance to return to lifting weights but that's about the only thing I haven't been able to do yet.
I changed my hair (hadn't dyed it since November) yesterday because I was finally able to lean back in a sink again. Decided it was time to give up the half and half (Gemini) hair color-style. I had been maintaining 2 hair colors for the last 5 years -- first with half blonde and half red (3 years), then with changing the blonde to various pastels, and for the 8 months, half red or burgundy with half black.
My hair has always been a statement for other parts of my life. I won't go into what each color or style meant but I decided to dye all of my actual hair this dark, almost black color. I had tape in extensions put back into my hair and they are dyed pink and purple and create a middle layer of my hair -- my length is my own. I have decided that going forward, I will keep my hair this dark color and change the colors of the extensions seasonally. It's hard to see the colors in these pics but they are very prominent from behind and when I pull my hair up. We are going to add one more layer with blue sometime next week. My inspiration photos for this palette included dark skies and sunsets. I'm very happy with the results.
Last month, a few friends and I decided we would start a weekly movie tradition. We have gone to the theater every week for the last 3 weeks and we have the next few weeks organized as well. This has been a nice way to add a little routine joy to the middle of my work week. Movie theaters used to be one of my favorite places to go when I was younger and it was such a highlight before smart phones took over and life became so chaotic.
I did a few more tests and screenings. My recent brain scan (CT) results were uploaded by the radiologist. According to their report, there are *no* high risk aneurysms. I am hesitant to allow myself to feel relieved until this week's follow up with my actual neurosurgeon. He had told me that the initial aneurysms flagged by the first radiologist were not cause for concern and would simply be monitored through an annual MRI to see if they change / grow at all, but that he thought he saw another one that wasn't flagged by the radiologist in the initial report-- so he sent me for this CT scan to get clearer imaging. Hopefully, he agrees with the new report and I can cross out one health concern that's been stressing me out.
I did a mammogram and a breast ultrasound this past week. This is neutral news leaning good-- they did not find anything concerning. However, they said my breast tissue is very dense and they want me to do an MRI to be certain that there isn't anything going on. I scheduled a consult with a breast specialist for the first week of May.
I restarted my Vyvanse last week. I have been terrified of going back on it after all the heart issues last year & life without it has been really challenging. My focus and my energy just werent the same. I initially thought it was just the stress of all the heart issues last summer but it really was my ADHD being too difficult without medication. I had done a sleep apnea test before my surgery and it came back as 0 episodes of apnea. The pulmnologist told me that I might be having issues sleeping / waking up tired because I wasn't on my ADHD medication-- he pointed out that my sleep struggles started around the time I stopped taking it. I had just blamed the heart issues and the heart medication at the time. So between that theory and my need to be productive again (the way I once was) getting stronger, I decided to finally try taking it again.
I had been cleared by my cardiologist back in October to resume it but I was just too afraid. Than when my neck issues started up, I decided it was best not to add any other variables into how I felt day to day. This past week has been night and day though. I feel so much better. So much more energized again and so much clearer. I did have one day that wasn't great-- higher resting heart rate, elevated blood pressure-- but it was also the first day of my period. Since than and before than, I've been doing much better.
I have a follow up with my cardiologist this week -- I'm going to ask that she assign a heart monitor to me for 2 weeks next month- the week before my period and the week of it. I want to get to the bottom of why (or what) I sometimes experience a low heart rate with chest pain (this has happened on and off since October) and track what happens to my heart around my period--which is the only time it seems to spike again. It's never like last summer or the episodes I used to have. My heart rate comes back down and it doesn't exceed 160, but I just need to know that they're not seeing any new rhythm disorders.
Despite the fact that I felt off that day (Friday), I took my boyfriend to see Yoko Kanno as a belated birthday gift. He had said seeing her perform was on his bucket list because cowboy bebop is one of his favorite animes. I had bought him 3rd row tickets and the show was in a beautiful venue in Brooklyn. The night before is when I had high blood pressure and that morning, I felt pretty crappy. He had taken care of me for 3 weeks after my surgery and his birthday was the day before my surgery, so I wanted to do something really nice for him. I pushed myself to go-- I drove us to Brooklyn and he had a great time. I honestly didn't know her music at all, I've never seen that anime but it was worth it to see him enjoy himself. I felt much better by the next afternoon so all was good.
Even though I have a few more health things to sort through-- continued PT, vocal cord testing, thyroid procedure, ovarian cancer screening, breast MRI, follows up with my neurosurgeon, colonoscopy and results from a biopsy-- I am finally feeling like I am ready to try to live my life again. I am trying to get everything done by July- because even if anything comes back less than ideal, I am determined to enjoy the second half of this year as much as possible.
I booked another Europe trip with 3 friends for mid/late July.
I have a roadtrip planned in August with one of my best friends and her daughters, as well as a long weekend trip with my boyfriend and brother to Chicago.
I am in the early stages of planning a 2 week trip to Orlando for the last week of September and first week of October for Halloween horror nights. This will be my final Orlando trip for HHN for a long time -- I promised I would do one more trip with some other friends next year in Feb/March, but I am going to make Orlando a once every 3-4 years thing after that.
The rest of this year will be a focus on saving money, getting back to the fitness and weight I had achieved before my health took a dive last summer, and just working on creating more balance in my life.
Next year's 3 priorities:
1. Visit Japan for a 10 day trip (either in the spring or in Oct/Nov)
2. Move into my next home (by December at latest--after returning from Japan). I would love to buy something but this market is trash. Wherever I move next is where I plan on staying for at least 3 years, or until I find a house I am confident in buying.
3. Be back at my goal weight and maintain it-- stay active-- keep my health as good as possible.
Now onto the less ideal things.
I am waiting to hear back on the results of a biopsy that was done for a "suspicious mole." I have never had a suspicious mole before but I agreed that the one they removed had changed over the years. Hoping it's fine.
I am still struggling to be the hyper productive person I was. The Vyvanse is helping but something is just different. The work addiction is gone. I miss it, it was a lot easier to get everything done when I found it thrilling. Hopefully it comes back-- but also, I'm just hopeful that by this summer, I'll have regained my routine. I've had so many doctor appointments and so much health stuff going on for the last 8-9 months, that it's been distracting and it took over. I think I just need some time to get things back on track.
As mentioned, I'm still dealing with some abnormal heart experiences. They are nowhere near as scary, and a lot less frequent but they aren't something I can ignore either.
Sebastian is moving back to his parents house in a few weeks. My mom's house does not have central AC and our room is in the attic -- he works overnights and sleeps during the day (when the attic is the hottest), so this decision makes the most sense. He wants me to move there with him but respects my decision to stay up here. I have PT twice a week (Wednesdays, Fridays), I have to go onsite twice a week for work (Mondays, Tuesdays), I go to the salon twice a week (Tuesdays, Saturdays), I have my weekly movie night (Wednesdays or Thursdays) and all my doctors are up here.
Starting in June, I have off of work on Fridays (summer Fridays) and I'm moving my 2nd salon appt to Friday afternoons. I think my boss will let me switch back to only being on campus once a week as well - sometimes, not at all - and I'm going to only go up on Tuesdays. I'm going to drop down to PT once a week (Wednesdays only), and I'm going to drive down to him Friday after the salon and stay with him every weekend-- until Sunday late afternoons when he goes to sleep before his shift. Most Sundays are going to become my "me" night where I go to the gym, get myself something nice (healthy) for dinner, and then spend the night reading and relaxing. I will stay over until Monday night, once or twice a month as well. I just need to work out of his house those Mondays so it will have to be when I have less going on at work.
The rest of the week, we will be apart. It's not ideal but our current schedules are opposite and even though we're living together, we only have 6:30pm-8pm together on Thursdays currently. I'm onsite Monday & Tuesday until 8pm, I have my movie night on Wednesday. He sleeps until 3pm, I work until 6:30pm, and he goes in at 8pm. Im very proud of him for getting into this training program and pushing himself to advance his career but this schedule has sucked. It's the one schedule I cannot get my jobs to match either-- overnights. I could turn my shift hours into most options between 5am-10pm, but not that unfortunately.
We're doing great otherwise and hopefully this just gives us both more time to focus on our own goals. He gets to spend more time with his family, I get to spend the early hours working out or on my hobbies without feeling guilty. I usually wake up at 6:30am but because that's when he gets home, I've been staying in bed cuddle/have some time with him until 8:30am. I'll try to use those 2 hours on either work or fitness while we're apart.
I think that covers everything. I'm probably forgetting something. Hopefully this is a week of easy work and good news at my follow up appts. Either way, I'm looking forward to movie night on Thursday and date night on Friday ✨
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