Marching to April
Last march, i went to South Korea. I've been eyeing the country for a master's degree but have been 50-50 because i've never been there before. So i took this chance to scout the area, if it's actually livable for me. When i arrived, it wasn't what i expected, in a good way. I was expecting it to be like Kyoto or Osaka. It wasn't. There are aspects that reminds me of home, but aspects that are obviously way better. I was actually anxious the entire trip. Is this a livable place for me, Are the people nice, Will they judge me for looking different? Those were the worries i had in my head. I didn't expect busan to be a youthful place. I thought it'd be a chill place, closer to Ine. But the night life was so alive. I liked it as a tourist. The people were quite nice too, the host of the BNB we rented and the man at the lobby, even the Taxi driver, he recommended food stops before. Too bad i can't speak or understand a lot of what he's saying. He looked pretty nice. Seoul was overwhelming at first, but it's probably because when we arrived we had a difficulty finding a taxi who will carry our luggage. But as i navigated the place, it felt like i can actually disappear there. I mean that in a good way, no one will call me by my job title, no one will expect so much from me and all that. I loved the food, the art is thriving everywhere, the transportation system is so easy, i feel like i could live there. I realized early on that Seoul is possible. The people were actually pretty nice to us. Someone helped us with our luggages being locked with a faulty machine. Maybe these stood out to me because i expected them to be less nice based on stories i've heard. But so far, they were pretty okay. hence i am pushing my application right now. I have been procrastinating because i don't have a big money yet. I locked in, Seoul is the target. At the same time, i was also looking for jobs to apply so i can increase my income. I don't have enough yet for a show money.
By early april i thought i scored a good job, but it wasn't what i had in mind and expected. I...felt scammed, it was redflags for the first 3 days, so i said i won't continue. I applied to other clinics while i was there doing my probationary period, took an interview, and don't know if i even got in. The last couple of weeks after my trip was so chaotic, overwhelming and borderline scary... and i really really wanted to go to and study in Korea, and idk if it's possible with the amount of money that i have. It was like a rollercoaster, the past four weeks or so. But right now, i just feel defeated, overwhelmed and desperate and lost. I am doing it on my own, and i am scare, but i am doing it scared. But idk why i'm in a hurry, i feel like my brain is pushing me on either side. I don't know what to do. I just wanna cry...just give me like 5 mins,
I swear, when i come back here..i'm doing better. PS. I had my first tattoo in South Korea. :) It's constellation of stars on my shoulders.
