❤

try to love the life you have.

[ellesison]

I think I'm done being good.

[ellesison]

See, I can be happy again..

I'm hurting inside but I can still pull a smile and laughs here and there.

I'll be alright. I hope you will be too.

It was nice meeting you. Take care of yourself now.

I hope you'll be okay. I hope you heal. I hope you'll be in a better situation. I just wanted to know you'll be okay.

Whatever we had will always have a special place in my heart. Even after finding out what the real truth was.

'Cause that's the only way I'll be in peace going back to strangers again.

I love you. Thank you for everything.

#ND

[ellesison]

sana pag tapos nito, kaya ko pa.

pero pag di ko na kaya, sana masaya parin ako.

kung di ko man gustohin na uli, sana ok parin ako.

sana kahit nasasaktan, hindi ako tumigas.

at sana kahit kaya ko magmatigas, piliin ko paring maging masaya.

ang sakit pero kailangan kong kayanin dahil walang ibang gagawa nun para sakin.

nasasaktan pero kailangan kong lumaban kung gusto ko maging masaya ulit.

kahit maninibago, kahit mahihirapan, kakayanin ko hanggang kaya.

kahit gumapang pa ako, lalaban ako uli para na sa sarili ko.

kailangan kong bumangon.

kailangan ko gumaling dahil utang ko yun sa sarili ko.

matagal kitang pinabayaan. kaya ngayon hayaan mong gamitin ko to para simulan ang pag bawi ko sayo.

mahal kita. mahal na mahal kita. pasensiya ka na at natagalan ako.

mamahalin kita kung di ka nila kayang mahalin.

hinding hindi kita iiwan dahil hindi ka kaiwan iwan. palagi kitang pipiliin. dahil kapili pili ka.

worth it ka, elle. worth it ka.

💗

4/6/22 910pm

[ellesison]

Ang sakit.

[akindplace]

Trust that others often feel just as lonely, lost and shy as you do. More often than not, we are all in need of a friend. Even if your previous relationships with friends and family haven't worked, it doesn't mean you should give up on finding yourself a group of friends, a partner, and building your own family. There are people out there who crave connection and you just have to be willing to take a first step into deepening that connection, even if it seems awkward at first. Reach out to people and let them reach into you.

[1st-1]

[thedinobear-deactivated20220805]

ColorMeHappii

[akindplace]

Titsay

[ellesison]

One day you will BEE happy again. 💗

[ellesison]

4/4/22

Hi, Tumblr.

I'm back. 💗

[ellesison]

349pm 4/4/22

I thought there was gonna be a chance. I didn't wanna believe the saying that maybe God really is gonna let that certain someone mess up so many times to the point where you won't have any choice but to let go or accept that you guys are not meant to be.. I guess I didn't wanna believe that because I don't want you to be part of my past.. and me part of your past.. My heart has been breaking for a million different pieces and ways the past few days we stopped communicating... I guess I was at fault too because I got tired of people leaving or leading me on or just my past traumas that now, maybe even if you deserve me fighting for you, fighting for us, I chose to stand my ground and just let things be.. That one tiny bit feeling of "it's not working out, or it's not gonna work out" won inside my head and my heart.. I could've fought harder.. If you only knew.. But I also needed to see it from you... Maybe that's why I just gave up.. 'Cause I didn't see it from you.. especially for the last time... I felt it was gonna be the last... But, my hopes were still super high for us.. I still wanna believe that even if you are tired too.. You won't just let things end like that... And now it did.. And tomorrow I'll wake up to the reality that we are never gonna see each other again, and I will never be able to speak with you again.. And do the things we used to.. And, maybe... It's for the best... Maybe this is the universe's way of letting your daughter have a complete family in the end... Something that I was battling so bad because I didn't wanna take something from your little girl.. She's still so innocent and she deserves to have her family complete as she grow and get old... Thank you, for all our memories... Thank you for making me feel the things that I felt when I was with you... Thank you for crossing paths with me... Thank you for being an addition to my dose of happiness.... And I am sorry for the times we fought and hurt each other. I am really thankful I met you in this lifetime. Please, take care of yourself... You will always have a special place in my heart, My ______... :') I love you.

all credits to the guy in the video..

I'm posting it because it was the first one that came when I opened TikTok and it's like the universe knew exactly how I was feeling.. It made it more painful but.. Thank you because I had such a great time with you.. And you know that..

[ellesison]

apr 3 2022 927am

i don't care how capable you are or how resourceful you can be in life, if you can make someone feel even in the tiniest way possible that they're little for being incapable of doing the things that you can and know, then I'm sorry but no matter how much hardship you're going through in life and pain, I won't even see that, that wouldn't matter to me, just because you lack the understanding needed for other people not to feel small with themselves because they haven't been through what you've gone through, they didn't learn the ways you did, and they didn't know how to do it the way you have and would have done things.. you can pray all you want to God, and ask for things to get better... you can do random act of kindness to so much, but as long as you are hurting someone, as long as you are making someone feel hurt, as long as you are belittling someone because you know better, consciously and unconsciously.. you will keep hurting the way you do or at least in the way you deserve. Why? because we shouldn't be what hurt us in life... No matter how long it took you to feel better, even all by yourself, you shouldn't be returning those hurts to other people in little different way possible cause that only shows how in the end, you did deserve the pain you've been through... because you also end up hurting other people even in ways you thought was irrelevant. be humble. no matter how capable you are. no matter how smart you think you are in life. that doesn't matter in the end. if you can also hurt other people.

[ellesison]

132am apr 3 2022

is this how it really is? it still hurts even if I'm already slowly trying to accept the reality? maybe it hurts because him not trying to communicate with me, me still not knowing who I am to him, and the emotions I feel for him makes everything go crazy... I just wish that if we ever think of ending it, it won't hurt as much anymore.. I hope that instead of adding to the hurt, it'll actually make it feel a lil better.. for the both of us.. I really am thankful despite of how it's gonna end... I am glad and I am happy we met. everything about us. Thank you, My ______...

[ellesison]

I wasn't just being petty.. It really did hurt me..

march 28, 2022. 12:45pm.

I couldn't function. I've got a lot of things to do but I can't move farther than just arranging my laundry in sets and thinking of the other things I need and want to do and can actually do the rest of the hours left before I go to sleep. I know I'll be stuck the whole day and not get anything done. this is why I don't like to be entertaining anyone because once I catch feelings that's the end of it for me. I know I'm much stronger than I was before but that doesn't mean I won't be feeling the need to take a break or wanting to shut myself out from everything and everyone for a little while again because I'm hurting. I know this will all pass and I will feel better again but this is something that I didn't want to go through and feel again just yet. but, here I am. I'm tired. I feel like I'm left behind with everything and here I am, I let myself be even more late because I let myself caught feelings for someone that I should know wouldn't work from the start. I don't know why I keep taking this risk for people. I don't know why I still try no matter how much I break my own heart for others. Is that just how big my heart is? I know for the most part that's a blessing because no amount of heartbreak can change the way I see and accept people and just how much love I'm always willing to give. But, I get tired too. I don't wanna end up being heartless because I got too tired. I don't wanna end up like the other girls they literally call bitches because they learned the art of not caring for the other person's feelings but themselves the most horrific way. I know I'm not built that way. But, I'm so tired. I'm tired of hurting over and over again. I'm tired of people not being able or actually not wanting to choose me when I can choose them anytime of the day. I'm tired. I'm tired being put on hold. I'm tired being left on pause. I'm tired being lead on. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of not being important. I'm tired of people not acknowledging my value. I MATTER. I'M IMPORTANT. I DESERVE ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD. I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE NOT CHOOSING ME. I'M TIRED OF GETTING HURT BECAUSE OF OTHER PEOPLE WHEN ALL MY INTENTIONS IS TO JUST LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN. I'm just so tired. I don't want to feel hurt anymore. :(

[ellesison]

this has been sitting on my notes and I guess I'll just put this out here... 4/4/22

12/23/21

he made me smile

in the most unexpected times

he wasn't my ideal guy

I mean, maybe he kind of was

he plays drums and the guitar

even sings pretty well

and I thought that was just some type I had when I was younger

but there he is

bringing that part of me back

he does weird unexplainable gestures

but at the same time I can't help but,

adore him

you are so strange

yet so charming

and I can't even explain why I see you the way I do

all I know is that,

I adore you

so much

and I can't help myself but

miss you everytime we have to part ways

I miss the way you roll your eyes

and still look so damn attractive

I miss the way you shake your head and laugh when you hear something unusual from me

I miss the way you argue with every little damn small thing you don't agree with

you always have so much to say

and yet you hold so much inside

I miss your kisses

and your warmth

your smell

the way your voice sound

and just everything about you...

I hope you know just how much I adore you

and how much I wanna take care of you

and love you

and protect you

and help you heal

with all the hurt life gave you

If you only knew just how much

I'm so willing to grow with you

side by side

even in every single pain life has

for you

for me

for us

I always wanted to be there for you

even in times you think all I do is annoy the shit out of you

if pain never existed..

you would see I never mean any harm

I hope that in time....

we both heal

even separately

and pray that the universe

helps us find each other

and give us 2nd chance

if not..

know that I was always thankful

I was given the chance to look you in the eyes

hear your voice

talk to you

kiss you

hug you

make you feel that you're not alone

at least sometimes..

I was lucky I got to hold your hand

walk with you

around somewhere

and feel as if it was just you and me

even when there was a lot of people around

watch shamu swim by in front of us

me feeling how amused you were

everytime they kept swimming by infront of us

and right in that moment

it was something simple for other people

but it was something I will always remember

always

it's one of the moments I will treasure

and I'm always thankful

I was there with you

standing beside you

I was holding your hand

I was physically present beside you

sharing those times with you

and all I hope is that one day

even if it's not gonna be me

and somebody else will be given

the opportunity to adore you

for lifetime

as long as you are well taken care of and loved

I will smile and thank God

because he heard me

not to let you down

and for him to heal you

and have someone see you

take care of you

and love you with all of their being.

:)

[ellesison]

# 10 You weren't just the typical stranger.

I didn't just met you at a bar from a common friend. I didn't even know you at all in the first place. We talked and got into a relationship but I don't know you at all. Not until after we've broken up and beaten to the ground because of our differences. But does that mean you never mattered? 'cause honestly you mattered to me more than anything. Especially the relationship we had. I got so mad at you after finding out all my suspicions were spot on. Who wouldn't? To find that one person you loved with everything you've got chose to hurt you. Hindi man ako kasing ganda kagaya ng inaasahan mo nung nagkita na tayo ng personal.. Sana alam mo sa sarili mo na mahal naman kita ng buong buo at sobra sobra.. Pero siguro hindi yun una sa listahan ng hinahanap mo sa isang babae. Kung sa itsura pa lang siguro oo sabihin na nating mas pasok sa mga tipo mo yung babaeng kelan mo lang nakilala kaya siya yung mas pinili mo. Bukod sa magkalayo din kasi tayo. Ang daming taon at buwan na lumilipas di parin nauubos yung paninisi ko saiyo. Kaya imbis na matahimik ako lalo lang ako napapako sa nakaraan nating di naging maganda.

-- this was on my drafts and I don't know why I didn't get to finish and publish it.

4/4/22 I sounded so disappointed and upset going back to this post.. But now, no matter what it was I wanted to keep writing on this... I was thankful for what I had to go through because it was such a big help in knowing what I want from people and what my heart deserves. I learned what I didn't want and are not okay with when it comes to other people.. Especially the ones I'll be letting in in the future. I am thankful for all the hurt. It was what I needed to get to where I am now. All the lessons it gave me. I needed it all. Thank you and good bye to you. :)

[ellesison]

Ang sakit sakit ng puso ko.

Pero yung sakit niya parang andun lang. Di na gaya ng dati na nanunuot. Hindi yung sobrang dama mo. Pero masakit siya. Dito ba nagsisimula ang pagiging manhid? O sadyang parte lang to ng healing?

....

[movemequotes]

More quotes about moving on here.