Illustratio Magnificum

Veni, Vidi, Vici~ I'm a total piece of military trash, joining as soon as I can to serve my country. I am also known as Elx, the mysterious admin of @shaymefulacpuns. I am a multiethnic piece of total trash and my timezone is -800, or Seattle, WA.

[ellestrix]

I need a fic somewhere where the leader of the motorcycle gang is actually a skinny music nerd / deejay who plays piano and guitar and the motorcycle gang meets in the club where the leader (let’s call him Steve) spins his mixes and every once in a while they have full synth nights because it fits the cyberpunk theme

Also every single product he uses for this is from Yamaha. I shit you not, not only does Yamaha make motorcycles and pianos, they made soundboards, guitars, electric violins, effects pedals, BASS guitars, amps, like every wind and brass instrument you’d find in a concert band, and VOCALOID products. They even make marimbas

So, when you ask Steve how a skinny kinda weird music nerd became the leader of a motorcycle gang on top of running a super successful club all he’s gonna say is “brand loyalty”

[ellestrix]

What the constabulary doesn’t know is that I have also procured eight different types/brands of mouthwash and am about to infiltrate the Denver Dentists Symposium better known as the DDS where I will lure eight dentists into a fight to the death bracket to determine the best mouthwash

[us-and-themmm-deactivated201812]

Your phone battery percentage determines what year of the 1900s you'll live in.

How screwed are you?

[ellestrix]

Best Breakfast Cereal

Fistful of sea glass

Dried Grass Clippings

Cardboard

Bowlful of Gardetto’s Rye Crisps with milk

Voting ended onFeb 15, 2023

[ellestrix]

Judge: the defendant has been accused of… *shuffles papers*

Me: you can just say it your honor

Judge: the defendant has been accused of sixteen counts of kidnapping, and of hosting an underground fight to the death tournament, as well as sixteen counts of petty theft from CVS, sixteen counts of battery, and fifteen counts of manslaughter. The defendant has chosen to represent herself. You may have the floor for your opening statements.

Me: your honor, ladies, gents, and enbies of the jury, the reason I kidnapped sixteen dentists and forced them to fight to the death was so I could most effectively determine which was the best toothpaste. In this courtroom I shall

[ellestrix]

I don’t get why people irl keep comparing me to Toph but I’m telling you if I was a bender I’d be a water bender.

[ellestrix]

I just told someone I work with that I liked his shoelaces and instead of telling me that he stole them from the President he just laughed. Pretty good chance he’s not on this hellsite which is too bad because he sounds like he is

[ellestrix]

Of all the things I’ve created in this life, Hotdog With Legs is the most valuable.

[luciacaminoz]

“i can fix him” “i can make him worse” im at the gas station yall want anything

[ellestrix]

Jacob Frye would 100% become obsessed with the Dropkick Murphys but it’d be Evie who tells him they’re not from Ireland, they’re from Massachusetts

[ellestrix]

I truly don’t think anything can compare to the saga of the guy from Tulsa who spent around $17,500 on gourd futures and ended up having to take possession of about six cargo containers worth of gourds who then tried to emigrate to Uruguay to raise bees then fled the country to Seattle to avoid being charged with causing untold ecological damage then he stole a bunch of mochi pancake mix from Trader Joe’s in Seattle and decided he wanted to smuggle ants across state lines into Oklahoma and now he’s homeless in the Netherlands because he ignored all the people on Reddit telling him that there was no way he could realistically start a business selling Turkish ice cream in the Netherlands but he went there anyways

[some-ghoulish-croc-deactivated2]

[m-ushroomtale]

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

rainbow BULLETS…they weren’t even subtle

[ellestrix]

Yeah so I can’t officially say anything because I’m not PAO or anything like that but I think the intent of the rainbow bullets was not to be that symbolic

[ellestrix]

I’ve started frequenting a restaurant owned by a cult and lying about key details about myself so I can be the Mysterious Stranger ™️ at the counter with an unknown past

[ellestrix]

There needs to be a toggle on my keyboard for wRiTiNg LiKe ThIs because if I can put my keyboard in caps lock then I should be able to express myself freely

[ellestrix]

This would look nice in a children’s hospital

[ellestrix]

Another wonderful addition that would really bring out the welcoming energy in a children’s hospital

[ellestrix]

This would look nice in a children’s hospital

[ellestrix]

Guys will get sentimental about a piece of string they’ve had for four years whereas gals will get sentimental about someone’s hair that they’ve kept taped to a business card in their wallets for months and idk which is weirder