Ellie

Professional Crackhead at your service <3. Requests are unfortunately closed.

[ellievickstar]

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Nothing to see here just a stressed 16 year old who is slightly delusional. ִ ࣪𖤐

Masterlist (not available yet)

When do I post? Inconsistently. Very very inconsistently.

P.S. if you wanna be tagged in any series or specific character / fandom, please state it very clearly (what character / series / fandom) in the replies :) I don’t include some old fanfics in my master list

[ellievickstar]

WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME THAT SOLO LEVELING WON ANIME OF THE YEAR AWARDS AGAINST FRICKIN FRIEREN AND APOTHECARY DIARIES

i'm crashing out so hard rn i know i'm months late on this info but wtv.

[ellievickstar]

Just finished apothecary diaries anime. WHOEVER RECOMMENDED IT TO ME NEEDS TO WATCH OUT.

spoiler:

canonical confirmation that EVERYONE WE LIKE IS ALIVE…

BUT NO RUTTING KISS!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? WAHT THE HECK.

[ellievickstar]

When you have writer’s block. Sukuna tries to help.

You were huffing sighs of frustration as you stared at your blank tablet, rewriting and deleting the same ten or twenty words. One would have thought that you’d quit by now, watching you be so miserable as you scrambled to come up with something more comprehensive to organise the thoughts you so desperately wanted to put on paper — or in this case, word document. 

Unfortunately Sukuna shared the same thought process as he watched you intently. Though he had been focused earlier on his own piece of work that you had asked — more like demanded — him to do to accompany you whilst you focused on your own tasks, he was not more drawn to your thinning patience. 

Beautiful. He thought. You looked as if you were ready to throw the device out the window and he loved it. He drank in the sight of your scrunched up nose and furrowed eyebrows, the slight pout on your lips. Savoured it even. However, he also knew that he had to put an end to your torture — even if it was caused by yourself. 

“Woman, staring at the damned thing helplessly won’t allow you to make any progress.”

Your eyes snapped to him with a glare, and he almost flinched at the pure venom that pierced his heart with what could have been fear. And excitement. 

“Sukuna, unless you want to help, keep your comments to yourself.” Perhaps it was harsh. But you were tired, and manners had gone out the window. You wanted to get this done and over with. Even if it meant scribbling a few lines that could make for a comprehensive plot. The problem was, the plot for your ideas was completely flying over your head, almost mocking you in your inability to capture them and word them into coherent sentences. 

“What are you even doing anyways? Is this for an assignment?” 

“No, Sukuna, I’m trying to write.” 

“Then write.” 

You looked up again. Raising your eyebrows at him in disbelief. Sighing, you scraped together the energy to explain, “I’m having writer’s block.” 

“The hell is that?” Sukuna huffed. He pushed his work to the side wanting to bring his feet up to rest on the table, promptly stopping and lowering his legs back down when you shot him an insipid glare. 

“It means I’m having a hard time expressing creativity through writing because of certain factors like stress,” You explained. 

“And…are you stressed?” 

You frowned at the question, “I don’t think so?” Honestly, you weren’t entirely sure. With finals coming up and the need to balance more work on your plate while trying to stay consistent with your many hobbies, you should be stressed. However, you didn’t feel like you were stressing out yet, so you didn’t believe that your stress would cause a creative block. 

“Then you're probably tired.” He shrugged. 

A part of you wanted to scoff. Sukuna was always dismissive about simple problems like these. There were always simple reasons and simple causations for such issues. Even simple solu- 

“Lie down with me.” 

Your fingers hovered over your keyboard, stilling as you whipped your head at the simple request. He shrugged again, patting the empty space beside him on the couch. “You’ve been hunched over that thing for ages, you’ve been working for ages before that. You’re tired. Lie down.” 

Unable to protest, you wordlessly set down your device gently on the coffee table, crossing the small living space to settle down against Sukuna’s side. Then you yelped as he flipped you both to lay on the couch with no warning. 

“Ryomen Sukuna!” You hissed. 

He grinned down you playfully, chuckling — the sound sending deep vibrations through his chest that made you melt into it even more. “I did say that we would be lying down.” 

You rolled his eyes, swatting at his face to try and wipe his smirk away — instead having your wrist gripped and pinned down. 

“Rest, brat.” He grumbled, now closing his eyes, allowing his fatigue to sink in. You let your hands fall to his sides as you lay on him, hugging him like a pillow as you shifted yourself to shove your face into the warmth of his neck. Once he released your wrists one of his hands circled around your waist to rest on the small of the back, his other being tucked behind his head with a soft sigh. 

“Thank you, Kuna.” 

“Rest before I knock you out, Brat.”

Ask to be added to sukuna or JJK taglist. Be specific. Do not make me guess.

[ellievickstar]

Trust for me — Part 2

A/N: Ehhh I…Idk what to think man….I hope you guys like it…idk

Summary: The aftermath or losing the people you thought you could trust is…messy. But sometimes you can still find something new.

Pairing: doomed!Azriel x reader, ehhh spoiler….. Warnings: Not really any…

For a while the both of you stared at each other. Stared without words. Waiting to see who would break first. 

It was Azriel who did. “I-” He swallowed, trying to find the right words to say, “I’m sorry.” 

“Rhysand already said that.” Your tone was flat. You would not give him anything, would not give him an inch of emotion. 

“I know I-” Under different circumstances, you might have marveled at the idea that the shadow singer was at a loss for words. But it didn’t change anything. Again, their regret, their guilt did not change a thing, “I just wanted to say it myself.”  

“Unless Rhysand develops a mighty power of being able to change the past, you know I won’t forgive you. Any of you.” His throat bobbed and you watched as he swallowed, his eyes desperately searching your features, trying to see if he could find a key to the heart that you had placed a lock on that even he could not crack. 

The iciness in your face could very well have earned you a place in Kallias’s court. 

“I can’t continue serving the Night Court after this.” 

He looked away, another swallowed, his voice low and gravelly as he whispered his next words, “I guessed.” 

“I can’t stay in the Night Court after this.” 

Now his gaze snapped back to you, his syphons glowing, wings flaring as he took a step towards you, wanting to reach for you – only for you to take a step back. Away from, away from the hold he once had on you. 

No. You trusted him once, you gave him your heart once. You had not asked for his love or his admiration in return – just his faith. And he had destroyed you. They had destroyed you. There was no world where you could simply forgive their transgressions. Not yet. Not so early. 

“I just, I need time,” You sighed, sagging your shoulders as you allowed their weight – the invisible emotional weight you had  been trying to uplift – to finally show on your posture. Allowing Azriel this last gift of vulnerability as you sunk into yourself, shrinking into the husk that you were building walls around to defend yourself from everyone else, “I need to figure out what I’m supposed to do now, now that I feel like I have no one.” 

“You have me. You’ve always had me.” 

“Did I?” You scoffed, “Or was your hesitation only after you heard me beg for someone to just listen and believe in what I had to say?”

Turning away from him, your wings flared out as you didn’t give him the chance to respond, taking to the skies. 

•—•

There were many things Azriel regretted in his lifetime. Many things he wished he could have said or done earlier, things he wished he could have taken back, orders sometimes he wished he would have questioned and pressed Rhysand for answers before carrying them out. 

Your imprisonment had to be one of them. In fact, it was probably at the very top of the list of wrongdoings that Azriel would carry with him for his whole life.

You were right. In some ways. In the ways that counted. There had not been anyone for you, fighting for you, being there for you. Not when it counted most. Not even the shadow singer who had prided himself on his observational skills, had been able to notice your truths, your needs when it really counted. 

He had lost you long before he had had you. And it still felt like there was a phantom limb that was now missing. 

Gone were the days you would spend quiet evenings pouring over mission reports and strategies together. 

Gone now, were the times of quiet vulnerability and surrender, where had let his guard down and let you take part of the weight of his role. 

For the longest time before you had come into his life, he had carried his job as the spy master, the shadow singer, not allowing anyone to take up his missions. Not even having the subordinates that he could give simple tasks to that wouldn’t require his attention as a member of the inner circle. 

But you had shown him that it was okay to trust. To rely on others when rest was needed. Showed him how he did not need to oversee every small detail, that the weight of ensuring nothing went wrong did not fall solely on him. 

You had shown him how to see himself as someone. Not just for his shadows or his skills, or even his appearance. But someone who could jest, who could rest, who could advocate for his own needs and not apologise for it in the process. And he had greatly taken advantage of you. 

Selfishly. Whether it was the intention or not. He had taken your friendship, your gifts to him, your impact on his life for granted. 

You were right. 

There was no amount of begging or apologising that would be able to change that. Because this mistake — this significant mistake that had cost you a part of yourself, that would weigh your soul down while you spent your years healing, resting, and providing for yourself — was something he would never be able to change. Never be able to fix. Never be able to erase. Not from his past or yours. 

Not even from his memory. 

So as Azriel watched you leave. Turning away from the friendship he had neglected, away from the family that had not called you their own, he swore to the stars that he would never forgive himself even if there came a time you found the strength and kindness to forgive him. 

•—•

You had spent the first week working. Not on missions or paperwork. But, on moving your things, finding another place to stay, outside of Velaris. 

Rhysand had taken your resignation without protest. A small mercy you supposed. You had no family, no where to go, but you had your savings. Another blessing of working in the night court being the hefty salary you once earned — albeit now you were realising those blessings were far and few. 

You did not sleep in your own home. Could not. Not when thoughts constantly flooded your mind of how someone had been in there already. Someone who had not received permission had intruded into your space. 

So you moved. You packed a suitcase with your things for that first night and rented a hotel. 

Even then, you had not slept. And when you did catch rest you had awoken to darkness that had you believing that you had returned to that cold dark cell. Only when you had been able to light a candle, did your racing thoughts finally slow. 

With each day you slowly packed more of your things into suitcases. But there were more things you had left behind than you had kept. Dresses you had worn to the inner circle’s parties, gifts that Azriel had given you. A gift you had prepared for Azriel for the Winter Solstice that would come in the next two months. 

That had been the hardest to leave behind. 

A small pendant in the shape of a shield. Something you had bought shortly after Azriel had shared with you that he had always felt like more of a weapon, and he wanted to use himself to be able to protect those around him. 

You had wanted to remind him that protection could also mean being a shield, not a weapon. It could also mean being someone’s safety, not just the violence that kept danger away. 

At first you had been torn on what you were to do with the pendant. But as you clutched it in your palm, allowing yourself to feel the cold metal that slowly turned warm with the temperature with your body — you came to two very difficult decisions. 

By the next morning you had pawned the pendant. 

It was like relief had hugged you, something that had been weighing you down finally released as you watched the kind shop owner keep away the pendant. And it was that peace that followed you as you made your way to the House of Wind for what you knew would be the last time. 

You had found Rhys, there. Solemn. Knowing. But to your surprise he didn’t fight you. Only said, “There are things I will regret. But…with this incident I have been shown that there are many things I need to change about how I serve my own court as a High Lord. I hope you forgive me in time. I hope I can show you this change in time as well.” 

It had been the sincerity of it. The conviction in his gaze that had made you smile, if only slightly. “In time, Rhysand.” 

No doubt, you were angry. You did not have it in you to forgive. Not yet. But if what happened to you could spark change, if Rhysand was willing to admit his fault and the role he played — you could only hope he made something truly good out of this utterly unfortunate experience. 

When you sought out the general, Cassian had only spoken a few words as well. As someone who had trained with you when they had first taken you in from the war camps. You had seen his sorrow. Had sensed it in his lack of presence, the shame of his actions that he had been unable to face you till now. 

“We should have listened to you.” 

“You should have.” 

“I don’t regret forcing you to not die.” The words hung in the air between you. You studied the male, carefully. And with a whisper you offered the only advice you could, “You have always loved loudly and fiercely, Cassian. It is not wrong. But there has to be a time where you learn patience, gentleness, compassion — is equally if not more important.” 

 You took in a deep breath, steadying yourself. 

“A part of me is grateful you didn’t let me die,” You admitted, “But another part of me wishes I had.” Cassian let out something between a choked sob and a whimper. You could only offer him a small nod. It was the hard truth. One he would have to swallow. One you would all have to live with.

Azriel had been the last. 

After your conversation between the Sidra and the woods, he had not expected you to come. Did not expect you to knock on his door, even when he could hear your gentle footsteps through the hallway as you talked to Rhysand and Cassian. He did not want to seek you out himself, afraid to touch the fraying pieces of your torn relationship.  

Opening his room for you, your breath hitched as you saw the dark circles under his eyes, saw his sunken in cheek bones and had to keep yourself from breaking all over again under his gaze. 

Once upon a time you would have wanted to hold him close, run your hands through his hair as he sobbed into your shoulder. But you couldn’t. And you no longer wished to have him any closer to the heart he had damaged. 

For a moment when he opened the door, you both said nothing. However, you found the courage to speak first. 

“Why?” 

The question was vague, angry even. Of the three brothers you still felt angry at Azriel, the one you had fallen in love with, the one you thought would have had faith in you, would have believed you — the one you had thought truly understood you as you thought you did him. 

“You…saw me,” He began, taking in a breath, closing his eyes as you waited patiently for his answer, “And slowly I…I think I loved you. I wanted whatever we had that was growing. But I had been so foolish, so afraid to trust it…and in the process I forgot to trust you. And when I realised…it was too late.” 

You blinked back your tears, tripping over your words as you asked, “Did you really love me?” 

“I did.” 

“Then I don’t understand you, Azriel.” You could only scoff, laugh at the absolute insanity of it, “You loved me. But you let me go through what a traitor would go through. You would have left me to rot in that cell only to realise that- what? You might actually care?” You shook your head in disbelief, wanted to laugh, cry…anything. 

A moment of silence passed before you finally spoke again. “I would have fought to keep you out of that cell. You only started fighting when you realised what you had to lose if I didn’t get out of it.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“I know,” You couldn’t help but laugh, “And somehow that makes this hurt so much more.” You sucked in a breath, calming yourself, letting the tears fall freely, allowing the relief of letting go wash over you. 

“I loved you, Az.” You admitted, “Maybe…I always will.” 

“But you can’t forgive me.” 

You nodded, wrapping your arms around yourself as you both let the absolute disaster of emotions sink in. And one final time, you let Azriel’s arms wrap around you, you let yourself sink into his warmth, his comfort. You let yourself imagine it had been another lifetime where his trust, his love had been enough to keep you. 

•—•

It had been a mournful goodbye. In truth, you would have left without it. But it wasn’t for their own benefit, you needed your own closure. Needed to see that it did not just affect you. 

You left the Night Court after. And you had made your way to the Autumn Court. 

With your prior skills it had been easy to slip past the borders into the court unnoticed, just like it had been easy to listen to the whispers of rumours — to sift through the information that ran through the chain of servants, or merchants, or even the common people. 

And that was how you found yourself sitting in the darkness of a small cabin that you had only heard rumours of in the inner circle. 

You were not surprised when the male you were waiting for did not come into the front door. And you did not flinch when he slid behind you in the darkness, holding his palm that was forming a dagger shaped flame right above the pulse of your throat. 

“What do we have here…but a traitorous little spy.” Eris’s breath fanned against the skin of your ear, and you were sure if you even titled your head to the slide you would be able to see his canines as his mouth stretched into a smirk. 

“One would think you would blend into the background, try to live out your days comfortably.”

You scoffed, “And what would that life bring me but an eternity of boredom.” 

“And so the traitorous spy found herself in my den. How curious.” You would feel the heat of the flaming dagger he held, still too close to your throat, too close to spilling your blood if he so wished without a second thought. 

Perhaps even with freedom, you still had a death wish as you hissed, “Do not call me that.” 

There was a deep chuckled that echoed from him, but before you could blink he had moved away from you, dagger still in hand but far enough that you no longer had to worry about bleeding out from one wrong breath. 

“I assume you did not come here for nothing.” 

“You know of my accusations. What do you know of what happened?” Eris raised one eyebrow, a wild grin on his face as he allowed the flames in his palm to disperse, leaning against the wall adjacent to the chair you had chosen to sit in. 

“I know they trapped you in a cell in the Hewn City. I know the spy master,” the title was spat like venom, “was the one to prove your innocence. I know Rhysand acted far too rashly for someone who was apparently working very closely to him for very long. What I do not know…” He gaze fell on you, pausing only slightly to create suspense, “Is why you sit in my chair.”

“I could not stay in the Night Court.” 

“Of course,” He rolled his eyes, “What I mean is why have you come to Autumn. With my father still ruling. Why have you sought for me? You could have gone to any other court after all. Winter to settle, maybe Helion would have accepted you — I know you are well acquainted with him as part of your job, and he would have helped you to heal, to recover from your experience. But instead I find you here. In my home.” 

You could only grit your teeth. A part of you had forgotten that Eris was much more observant, much more sly and clever than the inner circle had given him credit for. All he had said was true. He wanted you to admit your truth. Wanted you to give him a reason to trust you. After all, you had no doubt that even without a knife at your neck, he could still end your life without a second thought if he so wished.

“I don’t want to heal. I don’t want to rest. I want a place of belonging, but I also know that…I have this rage that won’t settle,” You let yourself stare him dead in the eyes as you spoke, “I believe you have that rage too. And I want to use my rage to help serve yours.” 

The young lord frowned and nodded. Taking in your words carefully, allowing his eyes to trace your figure as you sat still beneath his gaze. After what felt like an eternity, he smiled. 

“Very well.”

•—•

It was years later after Eris finally overthrew his father that you saw the Night Court members again. Under your wishes, Eris had respected you and had kept from assigning you from any missions or assignments that had the possibility of making you work with any of them. 

It had taken some time for you to earn Eris’s trust, and for him to earn yours. However, along the way with so much time spent together, your friendship had begun to form. 

A relief. And a blessing. Eris’s steady determination to make his court a better place, and his willingness to fight for his people was something you learnt to greatly admire. 

Eris had shared his regrets with you. And you had shared your tragedies with him. Slowly, you both became the family you both so desperately craved. The family you felt like you never deserved, but Eris showed you that you could have. An almost unbreakable bond, one of deep familial trust, respect, and love — platonically of course. 

The long days of planning, the countless missions. The endless nights of having to keep your guard up wondering if Beron was watching, if he knew took a toll on both of you. But it had been worth it. 

It had been glorious when Eris had walked into the throne room, had faced his father. However you had let him grieve when he finally slaughtered Beron. Giving his father a mercy of a quick death after all his crimes. 

In the end, though Beron had not been a good one — he was still Eris’s father. 

The days after the events of Beron’s death had been frantic, hunting down and imprisoning the nobles loyal to Beron, taking care of his many brothers and figuring out who had truly been made a monster because of Beron’s teachings, and who had placed on a mask like Eris had all along. 

But it had been worth it. 

So when he finally became High Lord he had insisted on offering you a place in his Court, a place for you to continue serving and helping him as you did when Beron had been alive. You had accepted graciously. 

As High Lord, Eris had flourished. Had taken charge and had changed things. Even when his people feared him, you reminded him that he had earned your trust, and he could earn theirs. 

But it could not be kept to just the Autumn Court. As you were his right hand and greatest friend, you soon also had to be involved in diplomacy. Which has been fine up until…

“The Night Court is coming today…and though I know we agreed no interactions with them…as my new right hand you have to be there.” You had suspected Eris was carrying bad news when he had stumbled into your study with pastries. Bribery, to not turn your anger on him. With no shame either, judging by the wicked grin he wore. 

“And you did not tell me this earlier because…” 

“I didn’t want my face clawed off by my devil of a general.” You let out a soft noise of protest and he chuckled, ruffling your hair — but pulling it away when you threatened to cut it off for tampering with the braids you had meticulously styled. 

Thus, that was how you landed yourself outside of the sitting room where the servants had led the representative that had come. Someone of the inner circle no doubt with Rhysand. 

So gripping Eris’s hand and allowing him to give you a gentle squeeze of reassurance before you entered, your world stopped as you saw the blue syphons and hazel eyes. One that you had fallen for back during what felt like was a lifetime ago. 

Without being able to help yourself, your face formed a wicked grin as you greeted him, “Hello shadow singer, it’s been a while.” 

a/n: no part 3 guys. sorry! Lmk if you wanna be added to the azriel tag list.

Azriel taglist: @birdgoddessathenaraven-blog @tele86 @commandertorinshepard

Part 2 taglist: @eurydxceorphxus @tamoiok @mich0731 @buttermilktea11 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @quiettuba @hfeee-42 @procrastinatingsince99 @gluecksbaerchieee @i-am-infinite @sirens-and-moonflowers @mariaf059 @bxm-2121 @cassie-at-college-blog

[ellievickstar]

AHHHHHH that traitor fic was amazing 👏.

I know this probably wont happen and im in no way telling u what to write but deep down I hope she never forgives thoes bitches tbh

They made me grind my teeth

(Again, your writing is amazing bestie)

Awww thank you so much <333 honestly I think that's the general feedback I've been getting that people hate the bat boys in this one and I gets.....no spoileers though idk what happens...little old me? Knowing what happens? No way...I'm as clueless as the rest of you guys.....

[ellievickstar]

Checking when you posted the traitor fix and seeing it was tdy knowing part 2 won’t be out in five secs… 💔💔 I LOVED IT SM THE ANGST HURT SO GOOD I’m gonna be dreaming up so many endings

ANYWAYS LOVE U NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING JS LATE NIGHT THOUGHTS!! 🫶🫶

Awww I’m sorry I wish I could work faster for you guys but I’m only human 🤪 I’m so happy the angst hurt so well for you the goal for me is to send people to therapy and not pay their bills one angst fanfic at a time 🥰 Love you too thank you for showing love to the fic 💛💛

[ellievickstar]

Welcome back! Glad you’re doing better and were able to take time for yourself 💙 i just wanna say you came back with a bang! Loved trust, and if you do a part 2, I hope reader tells the bat boys to fuck off. Can’t imagine she could ever trust them again, and hope they feel her pain the rest of their lives. Maybe she can befriend Helion or something 😆 but anyway, thanks for sharing. Hope you’re having a good weekend!

Thank you so much 😭 This means so so much to me, tbh I am very torn between allowing her to forgive them or getting her to go away to somewhere else but I guess we’ll have to see…who knows what will happen, not me 😍 cough cough totally not me. 🤪

[ellievickstar]

LOOKING FOR A FIC

Okay i need hep I was reading this Kaz fic and my phone glitched out and then now I can’t find it and I’m sad now cause I can’t finish it but i think the premise was basically that the reader had mutual feelings with kaz but kaz and inej had been getting closer cause he’s asking for advise to rizz up the reader or smth so it causes a misunderstanding and i think it was supposed to be a happy ending? beginning of the fic was inej finding the reader on a rooftop and asking what if wrong.

[ellievickstar]

Trust for me

A/N: Well...I would say I'm sorry. But. I'm not. This is my debut back! I hope you all like it, don't come after me for Cassian and Rhys's behviour. I missed all of you but I needed to take a long break from writing fanfics to figure out school and other personal issues.

Summary: Labelled a traitor, and left in a cell to rot. You face the reality that your trust in the shadowsinger was destroyed forever.

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Warning: Angst. Betrayal-ish. Shitty behaviour from our bat boys. Not proof read.

You always thought that Azriel trusted you, just as you did him. 

As your superior, Azriel often delegates tasks to you, having known each other for the better part of more than two centuries, you were one of the first spies to come under his command when Rhysand took over as High Lord. In your mind, you believed that Azriel was the closest thing you had to a best friend, often working long nights together on missions that required more than one person, which often led to deep conversations and a bond that you felt was irreplaceable. 

Perhaps that’s why eventually, you dedicated your life to your work. Never did you enjoy being around most people anyways, and the inner circle were friends who understood the burden of living as long as you did. You trusted them more than you did many in your own immortal life, and you had fallen into the thought that they trusted you just the same. 

So when you had gotten the call to get to the dungeons of the Hewn City you hadn’t suspected anything. Maybe you had been too distracted to hear the hard edge to Rhysand’s voice when he called on you, or too busy to notice that Azriel had not stopped by as usual to check on you for morning training each time you missed them. 

It was that trust that got you locked up and chained to the wall, begging what you had done wrong while Cassian just looked at you in distaste and Rhysand just looked…disappointed. 

Azriel had been the worse of all, anger and pain swirling in those hazel eyes as he pinned you with a hard stare that poured out his rage unto you, the weight almost too much for you to bear as you pleaded for him to hear you, to tell you what you could do to fix this. But they all had said nothing, all had chosen to do nothing as they left you hanging in that cell, tears raining onto the stone floor as you sobbed and cried after them. After the people you had thought were your family. 

When you awoke you blinked past the blur of your vision, confused at first when you only saw darkness around you, your eyes adjusting as you blinked away your exhaustion. That’s when the events of the previous day dawned on you. Oh. 

Looking around you saw that someone had left food on the floor near you, close enough you could reach out and grab the plate to bring it closer so you could eat it, but as you tested your own magic, trying to flex your fingers and make your own syphons glow, you winced as the chains burned into you and you realised what exactly they had contained you with: Iron. 

Cursing, you curled yourself against the floor, grateful that you could at least sit, though you suspected that gratitude would not last for long if you were going to be close to the floor, never being able stretch your wings or you legs ever again, not even being able to move your arms as far as you used to. 

This couldn’t have happened. You didn’t want to believe it. After your last mission in the Autumn court you had come home, had rested, and everything had seemed normal until now. Had something gone wrong? What did you do that was so terrible, they locked you up here without explanation? 

Taking a breath in, and out, you calmed yourself down, reminding yourself of your illyrian training that panicking in such a situation would do nothing. You would need to navigate this and figure this out if you wanted to get out alive, and if there was any luck, maybe you could prove your own innocence if you could come to find out what the three brothers thought you did. 

Trying to recall as much as you could in vivid detail, you only remembered trying to collect information from the meetings that Baron had, as Eris stated in his own letters, and had returned swiftly before you could get caught. After reporting your findings you had waited to hear back about what the next move would be for the night court, when this happened. 

Maybe something had been wrong with the information? But that wouldn’t warrant putting you in a cell. Maybe being lectured about checking your findings, but not this — an interrogation. You knew very well what occurred in these cells, had been here to talk to a few people and ‘coax’ information out of them. It never did take long for them to sing and you could slit their throats as you pleased. Only because you usually dealt with the worst of the prisoners. Azriel knew you would not be able to inflict pain on someone who may not have done much wrong other than knowing the wrong people. 

It was then that your train of thought was cut short and the cell door was pulled open, the metal bars screeching as they scratched against the stone floors, and you beheld Azriel as he stepped into the cell, no one following behind him. 

Eyeing the food you had not touched, he clicked his tongue, but did not say anything, choosing instead to slowly stride over to you, whipping out truth teller as he used the blade to lift your chin up to face him, the metal cool against you skin as fear started to bleed into your mind, panic starting anew. 

This was not the Azriel you had come to know — and to love — but the spymaster and torturer of the night court. This was the Azriel that played with pain better than any professional musician could play their instrument, allowing his victims to sing till their throats bled from pain and terror. 

“You’re going to tell me the exact extent of your betrayal,” The words were hard, commanding, no room for argument. Sweat beaded down your forehead as you began to realise that you would not be able to reason with the spymaster as you yourself had no idea what he was talking about. 

“Azriel, please, you know me,” You begged. 

“I thought I did,” The spymaster frowned. Shadows surged forward and gripped you, holding you tighter to the stone wall than any chains would be able to, “Guess not.” 

“Please, I have no idea what you’re talking about!” You cried, even as he dragged  truth teller down your body, the blade digging harder and harder into your skin the further it went. 

Squeezing your eyes shut, you braced yourself for the pain, but nothing. And as you opened your eyes you were met with Azriel’s hollow stare. Releasing you, you sagged to the ground as Azriel stepped back, his shadows with him, the male was shaking his head, “I can’t.” 

“Please, believe me,” You tried again, but he just shook his head again. 

“I can’t,” He repeated. But this time it meant something different, and it caused your heart to shatter as he began to walk out of the room. 

“I’ll send someone else to oversee this. If you talk, Rhysand might consider a light sentence. And please, eat,” He murmured. His voice barely heard over the roaring in your ears as you watched the male you had grown to trust, who you had hoped trusted you, walk out, not even bothering to hear anything you had to say, lest it be a confession for something you had no idea of. 

The next two days were much worse. Though Azriel usually was the one to torture traitors — usually questioning them as he made them suffer for bringing even the possibility of harm to his family — he had not come. They had left you alone. Not a soul in or out except the sentient shadows that brought food and water, and had fled back into the darkness each time you refused. Let them believe you were a traitor. You would sooner die of starvation and dehydration than live out the rest of your life possibly in a cell — or at least until they decided they were done waiting for a confession and put you in the dirt. 

Maybe it was because they knew you would drive yourself insane better than any other living soul could. Because hearing nothing but the sound of water dripping distantly and your own hard breathing was beginning to make you lose your mind. 

Why had they not trusted you? Why had it been so easy to dismiss your loyalty? Your history? Why had it been so easy to blame you? 

A small part of you still didn’t believe it. Wanted more than anything to wake up from this like a horrible dream that you could seek out Azriel to comfort and calm you from after. 

“I promise,” you sobbed, “I promise I didn’t do anything.” There was nothing you could do, not even being able to move your arms far enough, move your body enough to wrap your arms around yourself, to comfort yourself in your loneliness. The darkness around you could have very well swallowed you whole. 

On the third day, Cassian marched into your cell, and a bowl of chilled icy water in his hands as he grabbed you by your hair and forced your face into it. You choked, screaming gurgled by the liquid as you could do nothing but open your mouth and try to struggle, to breathe to- 

He released you. 

“You drink, and you eat,” he hissed, “Don’t take the coward’s way out.” 

You could only respond with a sob as you nodded, shrinking back, flinching as he raised the bowl again to hold it closer to himself before leaving. Letting out another choked sob, shivering as the water dripped down your neck, your ruined clothes, you prayed to the Mother that when they killed you it would be quick. 

•—•

“She doesn’t seem guilty.” 

“You trained her yourself Az, you know that our spies are trained to lie, to put on mask after mask, we can’t trust anything,” Cassian grumbled, wiping his hands clean of the dirt and oils of her unwashed hair, before collapsing on a nearby wooden chair. Azriel frowned, turning to his High lord and brother to prompt him to speak of his own thoughts on the matter. 

Rhysand cast him a glance and sighed before his eyes fell back on the orb where a spell allowed them to see into the cell where they kept the ‘traitor’. 

“Maybe we’re missing something, Eris said that someone in our court tried to sell him information, and that information was only privy to her because of her most recent mission so the timing made it seem look she was the best suspect but-” Azriel tried, but was interrupted as Rhysand cleared his throat. 

“There is no one else.” 

Azriel deflated, wings sagging slightly as Rhysand’s tone was final. No room for arguments. In his mind, he still doubted, and he knew Rhys and Cassian did too. From the way his High Lord’s hair was disheveled with the bags under his eyes more prominent than ever, and with Cassian being more aggressive and hostile in the sparring rings, Azriel knew he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t believe that she of all people had tried to betray them. 

It was why Rhys hadn’t given the order for someone else to take over the task of torture that Azriel could not bring himself to do. 

And it was why Cassian had forced water down her throat — more forcefully than he should have — to keep her alive. 

They were all waiting. For a sign that they had been wrong, for even a trace of incoherency in the facts that they had collected so far. But nothing. And Azriel was growing tired of waiting for his spies to collect more information. 

Not being able to stomach the scene of her sobbing and crying, crying out to them — to him — he exited the room. He would fly down to every single informant, dig up every piece of information, and every home to find even a single piece of information that would even imply that she was guilty. 

But what if it was too late? The thought made Azriel pause at the open balcony before he could spread his wings to take flight. She could very well hate him, spit on his name and curse them all out for not believing in her, for trapping her in that wretched cell and allowing her to sit in her own fear despite being innocent. He wanted her to be, desperately wanted her to be innocent — for he could not forgive himself for falling in love with a woman who would betray his court. 

It was not too late. He could prove her innocence. He could get her out, and prove Rhysand and Cassian wrong. Eris may not have known who had sent him that letter with the offer, but he knew where to start. 

•—•

You knew time was passing. But now you had given up counting. Keeping track. Had it been a week? A month? You stopped registering the number of times you ate. Learning that if you drank and consumed the necessities given to you that you would be left well alone. You stopped counting the number of times you had been taken out of your cell to go to the bathroom, iron chains still hanging heavy on your body, your wings. 

Your wings, so sensitive, that were being dragged across the floor every time they moved you, having no strength to stand upright, and not being able to. You knew the cuts and scrapes on them were superficial, but it still pained you to not fly, to not have felt the wind against your face as you shot into the sky above the canopies, drinking in the sun as it set and rose. 

How long has it been? You did not know. 

Again, all you did was pray for freedom, in whatever form you would be offered it. 

And then you heard it. 

“Let me go! That bitch deserved it, I hope she was terrified when you killed her.” A maniacal laugh was let out. The worm who had framed her, was being dragged by Azriel across the floor, the shadow singer not particularly caring when the traitorous spy screamed each time his back scraped across the floor he was being dragged across. 

With Rhysand and Cassian in tow, the three males entered your cell, the culprit who had framed you being tossed on the floor before you, before your High Lord and the general. 

“Tell them,” his voice was low, holding back a growl as the male laughed again — laughed like he had no other care in this world. 

“She was a bitch. A female who was getting too haughty for her own good- getting to go on more missions or the ones she asks- she deserved to die, and I hope she-” 

You drowned out the sound of his rant. He didn’t see you yet, hadn’t seemed to pay attention to the space surrounding him, how shadows seemed to surge from the darkness, how Cassian and Rhys began to grow still. It was you, however, who finally interrupted him. “Who..are you?” Your voice was weak, raspy and foreign from lack of use. 

The male ripped his head around so quickly, you would have thought that his neck had broken. And as if he hadn’t been able to control himself, he snarled at you, barring his teeth only for a second before his head was slammed down by none other than Azriel. You strained your ears to be able to hear what Azriel whispered into his ear, being close enough that in a different context, their proximity could have been one of lovers. 

“You will be chained to the wall just like she, and cauldron help me,” Your chains, those wretched chains that had been clinging heavy to your body fell, allowing you to collapse fully to the ground, being caught by Cassian, “You will suffer. I will personally make you bleed for every minute, every hour she spent in this cell because of what you made us believe.” The male only trembled slightly, but his face remained pulled into a snarl.

Fool. 

With that, Azriel threw the male at the wall you had previously been strapped to, shadows scattering and enveloping him, and when they cleared the chains that previously gripped onto your body now had a new prisoner. 

You could still feel the cold phantom metal on your skin, the rust of the chains, the heaviness on your body. Against your better judgement, you let Cassian guide you out of the cell, the Hewn City, and let Rhysand bring you to Madja with his magic. Even as it took all of your remaining strength to not flinch when they each approached you. 

Though they hadn’t touched you in the days you had been in the cell, you still felt  fear. And you hated the weakness it showed you had. 

Later, it was revealed what Azriel had discovered. The male had snuck into your office, your home when you had been away for the autumn mission. Had gone through your personal archives to steal information that was known to only be privy to yourself. How he had gotten past your wards, how he had broken in, been in your personal space – your safe space.  You supposed it was just another thing that would make you sick for the next few months. Another thing you would be wary of as you recovered in your home. If you could even call it such. 

The male had taken the information, and had sent the letter that damned you to Eris Vanserra. How Azriel found out, you did not know. You did not wish to know. Why he had even bothered to  investigate further when to anyone else it seemed like a straight forward case – you did not wish to know either. 

It would have been foolish to hold out hope that Azriel had held any faith in you at all. The events that had just occurred proved that any supposed trust was just an illusion you had given yourself. 

That was what you told yourself as you dragged yourself from Madja’s beds. She had frowned at you, wanting to insist you stay to watch over your sanity, but without the physical injuries to keep you, she had no way of forcing you back into the beds where you had spent your first three hours out of the cell.

But you didn’t go home. Couldn’t- not yet.

Madja’s magic and tonics had regifted you the strength that had been drained from you in the past few days. 

So, you dragged yourself to a bank of the Sidra, to the forest at the edge of Velaris, and began allowing your rage to boil over. 

•—•

The wood trunks had splintered and bent beneath your fists. You kicked, punched, screamed. With time that passed, your strikes began to grow sloppy – a far cry from your training. But you did not care. You did not pay attention. You did not stop. 

You hadn’t even heard the beat of wings that came close. Hadn’t heard the footsteps that had come up behind you. Hadn’t even felt the darkness that curled to hug your arms, your fists, your body, as you just kept going. “The tree didn’t do anything wrong, you know?” It was one of the last voices you wanted to hear. You let out a choked sob as you gritted your teeth and slammed an open palm into the wood. 

“I’m sure you know plenty about hurting an innocent life, Rhysand.” 

“Ouch,” Your high lord only smiled softly, masking where the hurt had hit him, “But I suppose deserved.” 

You paused to pant, to rest, as you turned to your High Lord, eyes alight with fury.

“I didn’t do anything.” 

“I know.” 

“I was innocent.” 

“I know.” A nod of understanding. But he couldn’t, he did not understand what it was to be trapped in the dark for something he had not done, for something he had not chosen but- “I’m sorry.” 

The words broke you. The words you had been looking for but had been so afraid to ask for. So afraid to ask for a hint of guilt despite the fact that your fate had probably meant nothing to him but a simple duty he had to fulfil, a duty they had all fulfilled when they labelled you a traitor. 

“I’m sorry,” He repeated. But it wasn’t enough. It didn’t fix the broken trust, didn’t change the past, didn’t keep you out of that cell. 

You were still angry, still so angry, and every part of you wanted to scream at the injustice, wanted to go up to your High Lord and scream at him for it. However, when you drank in his regret, saw the guilt that stained his usually cocky expression, you paused. “I’m sorry, for my misjudgement, for my lack of trust in you. For your pain, I am sorry.” 

His voice was steady, as if grounding you to the earth, reminding you that you were still here. You had gone in expecting, praying for death – and you had made it out alive 

Looking away, you scoffed, not wanting to show your High Lord where his words had embedded into your soul, where it swept over the cracks that had webbed through your heart. They had not hurt you, but what would stop them next time? They had not touched you, but they had still treated you like a criminal, trapped you in chains and in a cell where you saw almost no light. 

But when you looked back at Rhysand, it was not violet eyes you had expected to meet, but soft, pleading hazel eyes. 

PART 2 IS OUT

A/N: Please let me know if you wanna be added in the Azriel taglist or the taglist for part 2. Love y'all <3

[ellievickstar]

I had the thought that I would have loved to see a straight villain arc from Rumi…like straight up taking over the demon world and fully embracing her demonic powers….anyone want to see that?

[writingsbychlo]

MY EVERY VALENTINE | MATTHEO RIDDLE

SUMMARY: you and mattheo reflect on your lives together and your previous valentine's days. WORD COUNT: 3423 NOTES: this was so cute to write, honestly it just flowed so easily. I just started typing and couldn't stop, I hope you all love it.

The door to the bedroom clicked open with a quiet snick, dragging across the plush carpet. Glancing up from your book, Mattheo smiled at you tiredly, and you tucked your latest up against your face, peering at him over the rim and biting your lip where he couldn't see. 

You’d told him many a time before, and you’d gotten used to this view, seeing it every day for over the last decade, but that would never stop you from admiring your husband. He’d always had muscle, always been tall and well-built and handsome, but the years had only added to it all, fatherhood and marriage had only enhanced it. 

His once sharp, clean jawline was now constantly stubbled simply from lack of time in the mornings for regular shaving, and his curls were grown out, unruly as they created a thick head of untamed hair on his head now. The first of the silver streaks were beginning to shine through, like pretty highlights through the darkness, silver linings on storm clouds, but no matter how many poetic comparisons you made, he still hated them. 

The Quidditch-toned muscles of his body had padded out with the muscles of toting around all of your children and their baggage and games and toys over the years, swinging around your sons as they laughed, carrying your baby girl everywhere on his back and in his arms. A smattering of dark hair ran down his chest now, and a familiar, untamed trail below his navel dipped into his worn in plaid-pyjamas bottoms as he stretched. 

Whiskey eyes caught your own, sleep ebbing out of them as he smirked instead, sliding off his slippers and padding over to the bed. Crawling up along the covers, he plucked the book from your hands, folding it closed and placing it on your bedside table, before leaning in. Hot breath brushed over your lips, the smell of his cologne washing over you as your face tipped up to face him, blinking innocently as your lips skimmed his. 

“Easy bedtime, today?”

“Everyone went out like a light.” He murmured, dipping his head a little more, to steal a proper kiss from your lips, and you sank a little further into the pillows. He followed, supporting his weight over you, caging you in with his arms and legs as he held himself up, “Now, it’s our time.”

“Mmh,” You whispered, lifting a hand to brush through his hair, pushing it back from his forehead. “I’ve been looking forward to it all day.”

He laughed gently at that, before finally closing the distance, and you sighed happily into his mouth as it sealed over yours. After all these years, the passion never went aware, the fire never dulled, only changed from a roaring inferno to a simmering blaze. No longer did you have the frantic rush of youths, the eager race to undress one another and fit in as much as you could into stolen moments. Instead, you had the rest of your lives, to take your time, to savour each and every moment you could steal away together. 

As his tongue swept across your lower lip, pushing between them and into your mouth to taste you, his hand shifted. One lifted, one staying to hold him up, and he skated a large palm along your body, tracing your curves in that familiar way that made what spark along your nerves. Finding the hem of your t-shirt, he tucked it underneath, tracing his knuckles along the skin of your lower stomach, light enough to make you gasp, make you shiver, the muscles twitching involuntarily at his teasing touch. 

“Careful, Matty,” You grinned, reluctantly parting your mouth from his, and trailing kisses along his stumbled jaw instead as he panted above you. “It’s those same moves that got you in trouble last time.”

His rumbling laughter was felt in his chest, and sounded breathily next to your ear as he dipped his head to nip at your neck in ways he’d long since memorised to drive you wild. “Trouble, huh?”

“Well, that’s one to describe the gift you left growing inside me, hm?”

He retreated from your neck, a wicked grin on his lips. He didn’t have a response, you both knew you were right, and so he conceded with a far hotter kiss to quiet you and empty your mind of thoughts. Arching up into him, he pulled a moan from you as his hand slipped further up, higher under your shirt, dragging the material with him across your ribs until the tips of his fingers were brushing the undersides of your breast. 

“Matty…”

“I know, baby.” His voice had dropped an octave, gone hoarse in that way that made your head spin, promises of things to come that would leave you sleepy and dazed and utterly spent, and you were once again biting your lip in anticipation. He dropped back to his knees, mouthing down across your chest, skipping over the bunched-up material at your collar and dropping his mouth to your stomach. He kissed over stretch marks and scars, your eyes fluttering shut and your head pressing into the pillow as he licked and kissed at every insecurity, showing you just how beautiful you were, and always had been, in his eyes. 

Just as his breath ghosted over one pebbled nipple, his dark gaze meeting yours as you lifted your head, his expression reading as nothing short of ravenous, there was a quiet knock at the door. You both paused, took a breath, and watched as the lustful fire stuttered out in his eyes and worry replaced it. 

Clearing his throat, you sat up in bed, tugging your shirt back down into place as the knock sounded again. 

“Come in,” He called, rolling off of you and onto his side of the bed, just as the door opened. Standing in her little pink nightgown, Emmeline Riddle looked heartbreakingly adorable with her teary eyes and wobbly lip. Clutched under one arm on her hip was the huge stuffed bear Uncle Theo had given her for her birthday, and she pushed the door open a little wider with the other. “Oh, Emmy. I thought you’d gone to sleep.”

“I tried, Daddy.” She whispered, padding silently across the carpet to his side of the bed, and letting him hook under her armpits to tug her up into his lap. She sniffled, eyes going glassy again as he used one big hand to smooth down the side of the rumpled curls she’d been lying on. “Something moved. I heard it move. There’s something under my bed.”

“Something under your bed?”

“A monster. Atti told me so, he told me that that used to be his room, and he had to move out because the monster scratched him and that’s why there’s a scar on his leg!” With that, she burst into tears, rubbing at her eyes as you huffed out a breath through your nose. Tucking her head under his chin, Mattheo shushed her calmly while sharing a look with you. 

Despite how protective her brothers could be, your second-born had taken a particular liking to winding up his sister as she grew old enough to understand and hold onto fears. He’d already managed to scare her away from feeding the ducks by talking about lake creatures that dragged little girls to the bottom and scared her half to death by talking about the giant spiders in the forest at Hogwarts after she’d found one in the shed the other day. Now, another one. 

Kissing the top of her head, Mattheo wrapped his arms tighter around her, snuggling her in close to his body, and the sight warmed you. 

“Do you want me to come and check? I promise you, Emmy, there are no monsters. Atticus is just trying to scare you.”

“But I heard something move, I saw the shadows!”

“It was probably just one of the cats, sweetheart.” Mattheo pulled back, tucking her hair out of her face and delicately wiping her cheeks. “You trust me, don’t you? You know I’d never lie to my baby girl.”

“I trust you.” She wobbled out, but you knew it was true. From the moment she’d come into this world, Emmeline had been a daddy’s girl. It was Mattheo whose chest she’d slept on, Mattheo who was the only one who could soothe her when she got colic, and Mattheo who she sought out after nightmares. He was her everything. “You’ll check?”

“I’ll come with you, and show you. Then I’ll tuck you in again, okay?” She wrapped her arms around his neck, a clear sign she’d be willing to return to her room, but only if she carried him. 

You’d have to work on the carrying thing soon, she was coming up five and she couldn't keep demanding he carry her everywhere, but for now, it was worth it. You were still only just reinforcing the sleep-in-your-own-bed rule, after all. He indulged her far too much. 

He stood with her in his hold, her legs dangling over his arms and swinging in the air as she sought security in his embrace, and he glanced back at you. “I’ll be back soon. And tomorrow, I’ll talk to Atticus. Again.”

“Maybe we should call Uncle Tom.” You smirked, and Emmeline raised her head. “That’ll get through to him, won’t it, Emmy?”

“Uncle Tommy will make sure Atti doesn’t scare me anymore?” She whispered, nodding as she thought about it. “I think you should call Uncle Tommy, daddy.”

“Well, if both my girls think so.” He teased, pinching her nose, and she giggled, scrunching her face up and snatching at his fist for her nose back as they walked out. You listened to them go, his deep voice fading alongside her giggles as they disappeared through the house. 

In the aftermath of your almost moment, your heated skin cooled, leaving behind a chill in its wake, and you rose from the bed to tug on a hoodie, that you’d long since forgotten whether it was yours or Mattheo’s. It smelled like you both, and fit comfortably enough, and was cosy. It was more than enough for you. Marking your book page properly with its bookmark, your eyes lingered on the clock beside your bed, showcasing just how much had changed over the years. 

Barely nine PM, and here you were, ready for bed. Ten years ago, you’d been spending this night in a tiny dress and tall heels, body pressed up to Mattheo in a sweaty club with music pounding through the floor as you danced your way through Valentine’s evening drunk and carefree. 

Not that this life wasn’t perfect too, just different. But just what you’d always wanted. 

That being said, it wasn’t late, and you weren’t beyond fun yet. Pulling on your slippers and making your way downstairs, you had chosen a bottle of wine from the rarely touched rack and grabbed two glasses when Mattheo came padding down the stairs. Poking his head into the living room, he smiled when he found you, and came over to join you on the couch.

He didn’t need much in the way of invitation, he took the bottle from your hands and uncorked it with a pop, before pouring you both an excessively generous glass. Settling back into the plush cushions, his arm stretched out behind you, offering you a place to curl into his body, and you took it. Tucking your feet underneath you and bringing the glass too, you settled into his side as his arm wrapped around you. 

“I love you so much. You know that, right?” 

He peered down at you curiously, a fond expression on his face. “Of course I do. You know I love you just as much, don’t you.”

“Of course I do,” You murmured, “I just couldn't remember the last time I said it out loud.”

“You don’t need to say it out loud for me to know it’s true, baby. I know you love me, I’ve loved you long enough now that I’d be able to tell if something changed between us.”

“Nothing is ever going to change between us, Matty.” Your vow made his expression soften further, his face melting into open adoration at your seriousness, “Nothing.”

He dropped his forehead to rest on yours, his throat bobbing as he considered what to say. “I know that, too. I have loved you since I was fifteen, and I’ll love you until my soul ceases to exist. Cosmic forces can't drag me from you and our family, my love.” 

With a content sigh, you nestled into his side, letting the peaceful calm of the day wash over you. His fingers traced up and down your arm, the comfortable bliss of just spending some quiet time with your husband on Valentine’s Day was truly the best gift you could’ve asked for. You had no idea how long had passed, long enough to almost finish off your wine between sips, when you finally lifted your head again. 

Mattheo’s glass was empty, an endearing pink flush on his cheeks from the wine, and you leant forward to place your glass beside his on the coffee table, topping them both up. 

“Did you see what Emmy did to the flowers you got me?” Tipping your head towards the counter in the corner, his gaze tracked to them, and a bark of laughter escaped him. At night, she may be fearful and shy, but in the day, she was a force to be reckoned with. A force that had recently discovered the joys of scissors and cutting things, and was somehow getting her hands on them everywhere, no matter how much you hid them. “Her art project, she called it.”

Your beautifully arranged roses had been chopped to pieces, and only one remained standing intact, although half of the petals were hardly hanging on. The others had all been snipped, snapped, and rearranged to her liking; her liking being chaos, of course. 

“Shame, they were pretty. I did say thank you for getting them for me, right?”

Two fingers pinched your chin, and he tipped your head back to place a kiss on your lips. “Yes, you did. But I figured she’d do that to them.”

With a sigh, he stood, taking the vase from the table and laughing all the way to the kitchen as he disposed of the ruined flowers into the trash. Moments later, just as you were picking up the TV remote, he reappeared, holding the pink vase you favoured more than any others in both hands. 

“That’s why I got you these too and kept them hidden.”

Tears prickled along your eyes as you took in the new, colourful bouquet. Filled with more than just roses, these were bigger and better and even more stunning, and they filled the room with a floral smell you loved as he walked closer. “Oh, Mattheo…”

Your voice cracked, and he smiled bashfully as he handed them to you. He sat back down beside you as you admired them, placing them down on the coffee table to look at all evening, before turning back to him. 

“You wonderful man.” They were the only words you could think of, reaching for him and pulling him into a kiss you hoped conveyed everything you felt. It seemed to do the trick, because beneath the scratching hairs of his stubble and the hands you had on his face, you could feel the way he smiled into the kiss. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you love me.” He pleaded, words brushed onto your lips as he bumped your noses together. “Tell me I’m the best man in the world and you’re lucky to have me.”

You scoffed out a laugh, but kissed him again soundly. “Mattheo, my handsome husband, I love you. You’re the best man in the world. And I am beyond lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one.” He said, sincerely this time, and the devotion written on his face confirmed his feelings. They weren’t just empty words, but the true songs of his heart, and that made it all the more special. “Do you remember our previous Valentines’. I was thinking about them before.”

“Oh, yeah?” He asked, slipping the remote from your hand and beginning to scroll through the movies available. “Which one?”

“The last one before we found out we were expecting for the first time. When we went dancing, all night long.” Casting your mind back, you did the maths you’d never done, laughing in his arms as Mattheo’s grip tightened around your body. Squeezing the forearm settling over your shoulders as you rested with your back to his chest, he moved on from the car racing movie he’d not so subtly slowed down on. “You know, thinking of it now, that might’ve been the night that conceived Lucas.”

Mattheo’s hips shifted underneath you and he grunted, dropping a hinting kiss below your ear, but not bothering to make any further kind of move. He flicked to the Rom-Com category, and you smiled to yourself. “Is that your favourite?”

“No.” You lay your head back against his shoulder, reaching for your wine and his. Pressing it into his hand, he took an immediate swig, before resting the glass against your skin as he held you once again. “My favourite was when we went on that ski trip the year after we graduated.”

“Oh… yeah. That was a good one.” 

Poking him in the arm, you tipped your head as much as you could to look up at him. “Which one was your favourite?” 

He glanced down, a nostalgic and faraway look on his face. “Our first one.”

“Our first one?” You sputtered, “Really? It was a disaster!”

That first date had been one mess after the next. It had rained on you both on your walk to Hogsmeade, his reservation had accidentally been double booked and the other couple had arrived first, and he’d forgotten the flowers he’d bought for you in his dorm, wilted next to the fireplace by the time you’d returned. 

Mattheo only shrugged, smiling privately as he remembered it differently from you. 

“Maybe, but it was the Valentine’s Day that made me realise I wanted to spend all my Valentines’ with you. Up until then, we’d only dated a couple of months, I wasn’t sure if you really liked me yet, and I was scared to ask. But then you told me despite it all, it was perfect as long as we were together, and you sat on the stoop of Flourish and Blotts eating pizza with me, and then you kissed me stupid when we got back until we’d been caught by a prefect and got detention. It was a terrible Valentine’s, but you said it was perfect because we were together, and the day didn’t matter, just that it was us. That’s when I knew you really liked me.”

“That’s when you knew?” You smiled as he kissed your forehead. “You should’ve just asked. All year that year I’d been writing ‘Mrs Riddle’ inside hearts in my notebooks like a silly little girl.”

“Your card the next year didn’t have an envelope, you remember? Because I addressed it to ‘The Future Mrs Riddle’ and then panicked just before picking you up and burned the envelope.” His confession made your heart burst, feeling like you were falling in love with him all over again. It never failed to surprise you that even after all these years, you still had things to learn about the man you loved, and things to teach him about yourself. 

“I guess we got what we were hoping for.”

“Oh, baby, I couldn't have wished for a life this good in a thousand years. You gave me more than just what I hoped for, you gave me what I never even knew I could dream of.”

He settled on a movie for you to watch somewhere between kisses and mumbled exchanges of love and sips of wine. Reciting the vows you’d made, pledges of devotion, and cuddling filled your evening, until you’d almost dozed off in the arms of the man you love, on the couch of a home you’d chosen together, to raise your children in. 

With the memories of your previous Valentine’s echoing around in your mind, you added another one to the list, with the man who would be your every Valentine’s date until you had no more.

[ellievickstar]

This is so cute 😭😭

[ellievickstar]

send this to all your favourite moots and pass the pumpkin round! KEEP THE PUMPKIN TRAIN GOING 🎃🖤🎃🖤🎃

🫡MISSION RECEIVED AND CARRIED OUT MA’AM

[ellievickstar]

✨💖✨ If you receive this, you make somebody happy! Go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get one back, even better ✨🌻✨

Awwww thanks anon! I’ll be sure to pass it on 💛

[myvoiddreams]

Fragments of Starlight

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: With the impending war, Y/N is captured by Hybern's general. As they struggle to protect those they care about, they reflect on their unrequited feelings for Azriel and their insecurities within the Night Court.

Word Count: 4,585

Warnings: ANGST, violence, torture, dark themes

A/N: This is my first time ever writing anything like this. I am a true sucker for angst. This is meant to go along with some of the events of ACOWAR, but of course, it’s different. Please don’t come at me for not following it’s exact story line. ALSO, I know that Azriel or Feyre would NEVER, but it’s just for the heartache okay!!

------

Now

All of it, it was all going to shit. I don’t know how my ears weren’t bleeding at the sheer amount of noise coming from the chaos around me. So much screaming, but was it Hybern’s forces, or our own? Everything was ringing, my head throbbing along with it. It was almost as if my breaths were not reaching my lungs. I was on the ground, all fours underneath me as I tried and tried to get myself to my feet. Everything was sore, it was like my muscles were not working. I stretched for the source of the aching on my temple and what I found was the warm, wet consistency of fresh blood.

My family, where is my family? Panic drenched me like a bucket of ice water.

With a groan, I grabbed my sword that lay beside me and turned to face the sky, now sitting at least. The sky, it was so blue. It almost felt like a disgusting joke to see something so beautiful, as dead bodies lay at my feet. Hybern’s forces were surrounding me, there was no escaping this.

I grit my teeth as I stand, my blade in hand. Dizziness rolls off me in waves, so much so that nausea is found coursing through my veins. I don’t get very far up before I’m slammed back down to the earth. My face hits the dirt as all the air leaves my lungs, leaving nothing but the taste of the earth and blood in my mouth. There is someone standing on my back, applying enough pressure I’m sure I’ll have a broken rib or two.

“Don’t go too far, sweetheart. We are just getting started with you.” A cry of pain leaves my lips as one of Hybern’s generals continues to crush my ribcage. The nausea and ringing in my head is too much. Then, with another blow to my head, everything is dark.

---

Before

“Oh, come on now sweet cheeks! You can do better than that. Az and I trained you myself!” Cassian’s voice was oh so annoying as he pinned me to my back. Sweat was gleaming across both of us as we spent the morning training. I was panting as my mind continued to reel.

Life had gotten tense with the Inner Circle recently. Not only was Prythian on the cusp of war with Hybern, but now we had to juggle the two newly made Fae that were the Archeron sisters.

I honestly felt bad for them. They did not ask for this life. I can only image what it would be like to go through life having your humanity ripped from you. Now knowing that you are going to be around for centuries instead of decades. And I felt bad for Feyre, who never wanted to see her sister’s dragged into this.

Usually, Azriel would be here with Cassian and me. Usually. It seemed as though Azriel had been getting far in over his head with the middle Archeron sister as of late. I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. But, I would never admit that fact out loud. Elain was half here and half not. Whenever she did speak, she’d just spew some crap that didn’t make any sense. But, that didn’t stop Azriel from spending any time he was not preparing for the war, with her.

Azriel. My heart seized at just the mention of his name. I had known the Shadowsinger for centuries. I stood by his side as he faced his own inner turmoil about Rhys being taken from us right under our feet. I stood by him even before that as I watched Windhaven and Devlon try to take was little he had away from him. Really, I had stood by everyone in this Inner Circle. But Azriel, Az was different. This too I would never admit out loud.

It took me holding him one night, after he had dreamt of his hands being lit aflame again, that it snapped. In all his vulnerability, it just, snapped. Az and I had shared a connection, a friendship, and I had loved him far long before the mating bond clicked in place. It only felt right that it was him. But, it hasn’t snapped for him.

It hurt, every single day, it hurt. And to watch him try so hard to make whatever it was happen with Elain, who was mated to someone else, made me feel worthless. This too, was not his fault. How was he supposed to know when I refused to breathe a word of it. Honestly, it might be a good thing, the distance. It hurts, but Azriel deserves happiness. I don’t know if I’m the one who can give him that.

“Damnit Cass!” I grunted as I fought back from his restraint.

“You are letting yourself get sloppy, Y/N. No room for that on the battlefield.” His face was smug. I felt some embarrassment creep up my neck and find its way on my cheeks.

“I know, I know.” I huffed. “Just let me up already.” I gave up on fighting back. Recently I found myself lacking the energy I used to have. I used to be full, driven, but I have found myself distant lately.

“Look, are you sure you’re okay, Y/N? You have not had your head in the game recently.” He stood and held a hand out to me. Cassian only wanted to check on me, it was nice really. I just wasn’t used to it. I had been the one the members of this court had always leaned their heads on. There just seemed to be no room for the others to do the same for me. So, I never asked them to. I wasn’t going to start now.

“I’m fine Cass, just tired.” I retorted.

“Aren’t we all sweet cheeks.” He said as he patted my back.

---

Now

Fire is crackling somewhere near me, but I can’t feel its warmth. I feel myself chained up. My arms were far above my head, hanging me from a support post. My feet had been stripped of their shoes, and now chains wrapped around my ankles. My body hurt, breathing hurt, and my head hurt. I was sure that this hellhole was only going to make it worse.

“Ah, there she is. Glad to see you actual awoke, we were starting to get worried.” Spoke the same general who broke my ribs.

I kept my mouth shut, only glaring at the direction of the voice. My vision was still blurry, and where I hope there was only one of him, I saw three.

The entrance flap of the tent open and closed to reveal another male. This one, I recognized. The King of Hybern himself.

“If it isn’t Y/N of the Night Court. I have to say, my men did a fine job bringing you in here for me. Wouldn’t you say so?” His voice was gruff. “Now that you’re here, we some questions we need answered, and I suggest you do answer them, dear. I’m sure you don’t want to find out what will happen if you don’t cooperate.”

I lazily lifted my head toward the King and sneered. “Try me.” I bit back, my voice laced with venom.

“Oh, I was afraid you’d say something of those sorts.” The king waved in another male, he was in head to toe in black. Something similar to what I’d see our very own Shadowsinger wear. Only this male was no where near the build of Az, but damn, did he look pissed.

The male pulled out a small dagger that was sheathed on their waist and made his way closer to me. I couldn’t help but let a little laugh escape my lips, “Size does matter you know,” I quipped. I know this man was here to interrogate me, but I could not let these people know how truly vulnerable I felt.

“Oh? I beg to differ.” The male stated as he plunged the dagger into the flesh of my calf.

---

Before 

Rhys wanted to have a family dinner tonight. It would be the first one in quite a long time. With everything going on, who was to blame anyone? I couldn’t say I was looking forward to it though. I used to love the time I could spend with my family, but now, it wasn’t the same. Not when my family was no longer the same. 

Rhys had Feyre, who don’t get me wrong, I love, and I love to see Rhys have the mate he has always deserved. But, with the additions of the Acheron sisters came with something strained. Cass hasn’t said anything, but I see the way he looks at Nesta. Nesta, who wants absolutely nothing to do with him, or any of us for that matter. Mor and Amren hadn’t been around as of late. Both were too busy preparing for this inevitable war. Mor with being an emissary and Amren with working out some logistics of the Cauldron. 

And Az. Azriel was no longer seeking me out. No longer spending time in the training ring or the library with me. Instead, he was with Elain. 

And then, there was me. Before this family all I was, was alone. Finding this family had saved me in more aspects than one, but I can feel it shifting under my feet, about to give way and take me with the edge of it. 

This though, is something I would never speak about. There is enough going on as it is. No one needs to be burdened about me, my unreciprocated feelings for the Shadowsinger, or my silly feelings of insecurity. I’m a friend to the court, a warrior, sometimes an advisor, but, I am nothing compared to the rest of them. I simply do not hold enough importance, and that is something I must live with. Something I am terrified they will realize as well. 

I was the last to make it to the table. Cauldron, even Elain is here. And next to Elain was Az. Hazel eyed, messy haired, Az. We caught each other’s eyes. I couldn’t help but let a smile creep up onto my face in greeting, and he smiled back.

I took my seat next to Cass and Amren and looked at the table around me. Even though war was around the corner, it felt good to gather as if nothing was wrong. Conservation started buzzing, everyone started eating, and I drifted off to a place that wouldn’t hurt me.

—- 

Now

Sweat is dripping off me in beads. My body is littered with cuts and bruises. But, I didn’t say a word. Not a single word about the size of our armies, not a word about what Rhys and the others had planned, not a word about our allies. Not a word. And I was paying for it.

Gods. They had left me here, giving me a break from the beatings and the torture. Whatever the used must have been laced with faebane because I have never felt this weak. This out of control of myself. I wasn’t healing, and I was still losing blood. At this rate, it wasn’t looking good. I was still hanging from my arms, I’m sure at this point I had a shoulder out of it’s socket. A rustling began again at the entrance of the tent.

“Back for more?” I croaked. My throat was completely dry from the screaming. But, when I got my eyes open enough to see what the cause of the noise was, my heart stopped dead in it’s tracks.

Elain.

---

Before

I retreated from dinner early. As pitiful as it sounds, I couldn’t be around it. I couldn’t stand to see Azriel with her any longer. Not when I knew he was the one who was slowly healing her and ruining me.

Knocking at my bedroom door pulled me from my thoughts and I was looking into a book, not really reading it. “Come in,” I shouted.

The site of Azriel caught me off guard. Once upon a time, it was normal for him to seek me out from my room. Now, it simply wasn’t. I couldn’t help but tense.

“Oh! Az!” I put my book down and stood. “How are you doing?” I smiled up at him.

“You would know if you hadn’t left dinner so early.” He looked down at me, frowning and crossing his arms. It was rare that Az was upset with me.

“Look, I’m sorry, I’m tired after training today.” I gave him a sad smile, not wanting him to push the issue further. “But please, tell me what I missed.”

This somehow made his shadows start to swirl around him and he huffed. “I was telling everyone how much progress Elain had made. She’s having actual conversations now.” He smiled at it, proud.

I tried not to show any hurt on my face. I have no right for this to hurt me. He was helping someone, and I had to be pitiful enough that I was jealous.

“That’s amazing Az, you’ve helped her a lot.” I let another smile grace my face. Before I knew what I was saying it was falling out of my lips, “But, you do realize that she is mated, right?”

Azriel’s demeanor shifted. His shadows became agitated, “Elain is a friend. She is going through a lot, and she needs support.” He sighed, “Plus, I think that cauldron could be wrong.” That sentence alone was enough to rip whatever was left in me to shreds. Why couldn’t he see me?

I had to take a deep breath to keep the silver lining in my eyes in place. “Az, when in your life have you ever seen the cauldron be wrong? Why would it start being wrong now?”

“Look, maybe you’ll understand one day, but it’s wrong about her and Lucien.” He crossed his arms now.

“It sounds like you want to it be wrong. Whether it is, or not.”

Azriel was growing frustrated. His eyebrow ticked and he huffed, “Can you blame me for wanting something more?”

“She is mated Azriel. Off limits.” I tried to stress him. “I don’t want to see you hurt if it doesn’t turn out the way you want.” I sighed. “I wouldn’t want my mate ripped away from me, I’m sure Lucien doesn’t either.” He doesn’t even realize that I’m talking about him. Not a single clue.

“Ripped away? Look Y/N, just because you’re alone, does not mean I have to be. Why are you making this about you?” He nearly snarled at me. Snarled. “I have finally found another purpose other than this war. I have found something, someone, to spend my time with and enjoy.”

His words hit me like an arrow to the chest. Alone. Maybe they all did see me, and they just didn’t care. Why couldn’t I be enough for him? Why hadn’t in all the time and cherished memories we have together be enough. We had held each other in hardship. We had trained together. We had grown together. We had spent countless Starfalls together. We had shared so many laughs and touches. Why wasn’t what we had enough for him?

The weight of Azriel’s words hung in the air, heavy silence settling between us. My heart ached with the sting of his remark, and I fought to keep any of my remaining composure.

I deflated, “Az,” I tried to sigh as he cut me off again.

“Well, maybe if you weren’t so insecure, you’d see that I’m just trying to help someone who’s been through a lot. You’re jealous and it’s clouding your judgment.” He stared at me, and I had to look away. I didn’t realize it but I began to shake. I couldn’t tell if it was from rage, or from the way my heart cracked as he spoke.

“I think you should go Az.” My voice began to break, and I could tell that my walls were going to come down. Not once had I ever asked him to leave.

His own eyes softened, and he reached for me, “Wait.”

He tried to continue but I cut him off, “Leave, Azriel.” I turned to face away from him. I gathered my arms together. I couldn’t let him see the tears that were rolling down my face, I wouldn’t.

He pulled his arm back to himself and hesitated, seeing the pain he was causing me. Without another word, he turned and left, the door closing behind with a heavy finality.

---

Now

Elain. What the fuck was she doing here?

Seeing her tore me from my stupor. She acted as if she was in a trance, half there. I was really panicking now. I could take this torture and pain, Elain, I don’t think she would last. I could hardly pull at my restraints at this point.

“Elain! Elain!” I screamed at her, trying to get her attention. One of the males that was hauling her in, left her side and strolled to mine. Next thing I knew I was tasting my own blood in my mouth as his fist met with my face. As the blood welled up in my mouth, I felt rage hit me. I spat at him. His face now coated with the bloody saliva that he caused me.

He wiped his hand over his face, ridding it of its bloody covering. I snarled at him as he drew a blade. Good. This way the focus would stay on me and not Elain. He brought the blade to my face, slicing a thin mark down my cheek. “If you wanted more, you could’ve just asked.” He trailed the blade down my neck, and now to my collar bone, all the while slicing lightly as he went. He brought his lips to my ear and his hand grabbed my face, “I have so much more than just blades and fists in store for you, girl.”

It was almost too hard to stomach. I didn’t want to know what he was alluding to. Elain, do this for Elain. I told myself. I kept silent and he pushed me away, returning to the other male who was already putting Elain into restraints.

Why is she here? Why is she not fighting back?

As they finished with her restraints, Hybern himself walked back into the tent.

“Cauldron be damned, if it’s not also Feyre’s cauldron made sister.” Hybern chuffed, “We are truly going to have such a fun time together.” He chuckled as he looked between Elain and I.

He nodded at his men and they both reach for their knives. One for me. One for Elain.

“Wait!” I blurted as I saw the man move toward Elaine, “Please, leave her unharmed.”

“Hmm,” hummed Hybern, “Now, tell me pretty thing, why would I do that?”

“She’s a Seer. Please, you must leave her unharmed or she will be no use to anyone. She will not come out of any trance if she is harmed.” I didn’t know if what I was blabbing was true. I only knew that I needed to protect Elain, for she could not protect herself.

Hybern nodded again at the male who was at Elain’s side. The male sheathed his blade and I let out a silent sigh.

“You on the other hand,” Hybern turned his attention back on me, “I have some questions about pretty Elain.” A wicked smile reached the lips of the male in front of me, as he lifted his blade threatening. “You, dear Y/N, best answer them.”

The male reached for my shirt and tore it in half. Now leaving my chest and abdomen exposed to the air, only a warrior’s wrap covering my breasts. I gasped at the bite of the air reaching my skin. My abdomen was littered with black and blue bruising from the beatings. The faebane in my system slowing any kind of healing.

I turned my face to a stone grimace. I could do this. I told myself. If nobody comes for you, then surely someone will come for Elain.

That truth hurt almost as much as the torture that I was being put through.

---

Before

It had been about a week since I’d seen Azriel. The bond that used to hum in my chest felt vacant. Rhysand had sent me and Cassian to one of the Illyrian war bands that were positioned in case of an attack.

It was a single flaming arrow that was sent into a tent that set everything into utter chaos. Cassian was in the middle of a meeting with some of the other commanders, and I was in the training ring.

Hybern’s forces hit us as if we were nothing but an anthill in their way.

I don’t know where Cassian was as I fought and fought, until I was brought down.

---

Now

I was hardly holding on. I had no energy to cry out anymore. No energy to even lift my own head up. My abdomen and back was near ribbons after that male drove his blade into me again and again.

Elain had seemed to snap in and out of it. When she was somewhat coherent, she would only cry. I felt bad for her, but I had done what I could do protect her. There wasn’t a single scratch on her.

At thinking of Elain my mind drifted to Azriel. I wonder if he’s looking for me, if not, her.

The inner circle had to know that something was wrong at this point. I only hope that Cassian was also okay after we were ambushed. I’m sure if he wasn’t, he’d be right next to me also receiving the beatings I was.

Blood dripped down my back, creating a small pool under me. I truly didn’t know how much longer I would last. I had never felt weaker in my life.

I should’ve told him that night. Anguish was suffocating me. I found myself retracing everything I did as of late. The way I stole myself away from my family because I was being nothing but pitiful. The way they started to treat me differently. The way one no one would come to me anymore, and I would not go to them. No wonder they have left you here. You are nothing to them. My mind bit at me.

What truly bothered me was the downfall of mine as Azriel’s friendship. He was the one person I could always truly count on. If I had fallen in training, if I had drank too much, if some stupid male had broke my heart, it was always Azriel that had caught me, and me him. It’s why I fell in love with him long before the bond snapped its place into my heart. And now I was going to die without him ever knowing. I was simply going to fade away as my blood pooled underneath me.

It's better this way. I told myself. Elain is unharmed, and I will fade before anyone knows of this bond. The war will be won and Az will be able to move on with someone he finds joy in.

I couldn’t help but let tears run down my face. I wanted to scream, to find some way out, but with the faebane running through me, I was simply too weak.

---

I woke to the sound of rustling at the entrance of the tent. The rustling led to Elain, and I could hear her restraints being messed with. I nearly couldn’t pry my eyes open at the sound. Maybe they would finally take me from my misery. I silently hoped. That’s when I heard a quiet gasp. I looked up to see.. Feyre? And behind her, the one messing with Elain’s chains, Azriel.

My heart lurched to a stop. They had come to help, we were going to get out.

“Azriel..” Feyre quietly said as he brought Elain into his arms.

“What.” He nearly hissed at her. That’s when he looked up and truly saw me.

“Az.. Feyre..” I choked on my words. Help was here. I was going to get out of here. To make it. Finally something positive bloomed in my chest in place of where that hole had found itself.

Azriel set Elain back down and rushed to my side. He put a hand to my cheek, “Y/N, we couldn’t find you anywhere. Cass, he said you were missing after the battle.” His touch sent shivers down my beaten spine.

My restraints still bore heavily into my wrists where I was strung up. Then, there was rustling and yelling coming from outside of the tent.

“Help me down, please.” My voice was raw and pleading.

The yelling was getting closer and closer.

“Az, we have to leave, now.” Feyre said, trying to scoop Elain into her arms.

Azriel’s hand left my cheek, and panic flared into his eyes as he took in my state.

Hybern’s soldiers were coming, realizing something was wrong. Azriel looked between Elain and I, backing up from where I was strung up. He was backing away from me. Why was he backing away from me?

My own panic started to settle deep inside of me, long squashing any hope that had found it’s place.

“Azriel… please,” I coughed quietly. Dread was setting deeply inside of me. They didn’t plan on saving two. They came here for Elain, not me.

A sob found it’s way onto my lips as he picked Elain from Feyre’s arms. Feyre herself looking torn, her eyes expressing so much anguish.

“We will come back Y/N. I promise.” Azriel’s words were yet another punch to the gut.

I couldn’t help but let the sobs I had been holding onto for so long bubble out of me.

“Please don’t leave me here.” I cried, no longer caring for the quietness. They both stiffened at the sound of my voice. “Please,” I was gasping for air as this point, “If you’re not going to take me, then at least put me down.”

Their eyes widened at my statement, but I couldn’t hold for much longer. I needed this pain to end. This suffering to be over with.

“We will be back. I will come straight back.” Azriel hushly stated. His eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes were boring into me. They were trying to convince me he was telling the truth, but I knew better. I knew that they were only getting into the camp once successfully.

They chose Elain. They were going to leave me behind.

“Just kill me, please kill me…” I sobbed, “Please if you are going to leave me behind, then just kill me.”

Feyre was crying now, and Azriel. I knew, that even though he was choosing Elain, Elain to save, and Elain to love, he still wouldn’t harm me.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” Feyre bubbled out of her crying lips as she quickly left the tent under her cloak.

Azriel and I made eye contact again through my sobbing, through the tears that were leaving my eyes in force. “I will be right back. I will come back for you.” And then, he was gone. With Elain in his arms.

I broke, truly broke. No weapon could hurt me as much as the sight of who I loved most, my mate, leaving me here, strung up and bleeding out.

[ellievickstar]

This made me feel so many things. No pressure for part 2 but if you wrote one i would love it to pieces.

[ellievickstar]

Sorry but i'd rather be called idiot (affectionately) than anything else.

Because realistically any other nickname would make me internally cringe.

That being said if a fictional character calls the reader 'sweetheart' or 'princessa' I fold like a lawnchair

[ellievickstar]

Lover’s Lullaby

A/N: Here’s part 3 of Bloodied Bonds, Part 2 is here, I hope you guys love this as much as I did, I put so much effort into this and I do genuinely apologise for the length of time it took for me to get this out. Thank you so much for waiting I love you all and I hope you guys enjoy!! <3

Summary: Decisions have been made, hearts have been shattered, but can Azriel finally save his beloved?

Pairing: Azriel x Reader, Rhysand x Sister!Reader

Warnings: Elain slander, dying, self-sacrificing thoughts

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

“You have considered what I said,” She smiled at Azriel, but what once looked sweet and soft now seemed calculated and manipulative.

Azriel went nauseous at the thought of what Elain may have done if the bond had not countered the more extreme effects of the aphrodisiac. Thanking the Mother that all he had done with Elain was hold her hand and even hen he wanted to burn his hands all over again at the very thought.

He really was a dirty low born Illyrian.

And he had not deserved you.

“What do you want from us Elain?” Rhysand snarled, violet eyes brimming with anger.

“Get your fangs away from me Rhysand, do not think for a second that you are in a position to demand for anything,” Elain grinned, “After all, I know how to counter your daemati powers, Azriel himself taught me the basics.”

Casting a glance at Azriel, Rhysand noticed how he had paled significantly, gawking at Elain to remember when he had taught her anything of the sort. Cassian looked all but ready to leap at Elain and tear her to shreds. Rhysand was inclined to do the same.

“Just tell us what you want, Elain,” Cassian ground out. He was tired, sick and tired of being played in this game the middle Archeron sister was playing. He wanted out, desperately.

And he was not even the damned male she wanted.

In all honesty, if this situation had not been as dire as it was, Cassian would have been teasing Azriel for finally being able to attract the females around him.

“I want protection. A guarantee that I will continue to live here, protected by Azriel no matter what,” She smiled sinisterly, “I want a bargain saying that if I tell you how to save your mate you will guard me with your life.”

“But that would mean-“ “Exactly.” Elain smiled again, her amusement dancing in her eyes, malice growing on her face even with the grin plastered on.

Realisation dawned on the three males all at once.

No matter what, Elain would always torment their lives, this bargain only made it that much harder to get rid of her. But it would save his mate…and break her heart at the same time.

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

Azriel spent half a day agonising over the decision. Rhysand had opted to isolating himself in his study once more and Cassian took his frustration out on a training dummy.

Why?

Why did it have to come to this.

When did it all go wrong?

Cassian wanted to blame himself, in fact a part of him did feel guilty. While helping the Archeron sisters to integrate into their world they had shut her out, and despite her best attempts to assist in any way, Y/N had always been unable to fit in. Like a flip had been switched, he finally recalled every moment where he saw her expressions change, where she masked her pain, her hurt, just to accommodate to them.

After all this time, eventually she had protected them and they had to pay for it. For not noticing.

Wanting to punch himself was an understatement.

Cassian gave his all to the training dummy, recalling how Elain acted, how when Y/N was near Elain would always be cold, how Y/N always dismissed it as just Elain being hostile to her environment, how when Y/N lashed out because she was tired of being treated like shit by Elain, Cassian, Rhysand and Azriel had all stood by Elain and called Y/N unreasonable at first.

Unreasonable.

And now she was dying.

Falling to his knees, Cassian buried his face in his hands, his hair falling over his face as his hair and snapped, and thunder roared above him.

And just like that, he let his tears pour free for his friend, his only sister, he let his sorrow come loose and he cried.

The general of the Night Court, cried.

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

Rhysand had was familiar with pain.

He had felt pain when his mother was murdered, he had felt pain when Amarantha had tried to torture him during the first war. He had felt pain in war camps and felt pain every single time Cassian punched his face for being stupid or just because of a stupid fight.

Rhysand was familiar with pain.

However, as he sat in the corner of his study, as he curled up against the wall, his head bent over, leaning against the brick, his heart ached. Ached in a way he was more than familiar with but was devastingly painful anyways.

Rhysand had always felt pain.

But as he thought of his sister, at everything she meant to him, at every single time she had called him stupid, told him he was a jerk, every time they cried together, every time they fought with each other, every time they fought for each other.

Rhysand could not stop the pain.

Not as his eyes hurt from crying so much, not even as he tried to curl further into the corner, trying to imagine her warm hug when he was first used by Amarantha. For the first time in centuries Rhysand realised how easily he could lose his sister. Even as he gagged from not easting, even as his legs went numb from sitting in the same position, even when the sky went dark, Rhysand sat there.

“Come home, little star,” He whispered into the darkness, “We can go to your favourite bookstore, I’ll let you put me in a dress again, I’ll even let you put make up and jewellery on me,” He let out another choked sob.

“Just come home.”

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

When the decision was made, Azriel slowly went to Elain’s room in the dead of the night. Elain stirred softly before she came aware of his presence.

“I will make the bargain with you, but only with one condition,” Azriel spoke softly.

“And that is?” Elain purred.

“The bargain will only be effective if she lives. Because if she does not survive this, I think I would die anyways,” He replied softly. At least this way, his starlight would be safe. His mate would have to live.

“Fine,” Elain shrugged.

And just like that, a tattoo burned onto Azriel’s ankle, and as he glanced down, he saw the outline of a bloodied rose, thorns and all.

The irony wasn’t lost on him.

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

“What in the world,” Cassian breathed.

Azriel had done it, he had made the bargain and now knew how to save Y/N. However, as Azriel explained how it should be done to both him and Rhys, the plan seemed a little…..volatile.

“So we’re supposed to use Rhysand’s daemati powers to enter her subconsciousness, and travel into her mind where it’s probably sitting there thinking she’s asleep, manipulate her subconsciousness to make introduce her to a dreamscape, and from there materialise a dream version in her head of ourselves in order to explain to her this entire mess and convince her that Azriel still loves her?” Cassian repeated.

The long winded explanation was….long, but it did summaries what they were going to attempt. Rhysand tapped his fingers on the desk impatiently as he weighed his options, the plan did seem viable, not something that he had done before, but viable.

The only problem now was….

“Who’s going in to talk to her?” Rhys asked.

How would someone go in and convince his dying sister that her mate, who she thinks cheated on her, still loves her? Who would be the best choice in this?

Pacing from one side of the room to another, he ran his hand through his hair.

“Azriel should,” Cassian piped up, but Rhysand shook his head.

“No he could trigger her and send her in the other direction, he could make her die faster,” Rhysand said.

“Or he could show her that he still loves her, give him a chance to explain and ask for forgiveness, do you think she’ll magically believe what we say? Azriel himself will be his proof that she does not need to die.” Cassian countered.

“No I won’t,” Rhysand shook his head, “I won’t let him hurt my sister again.”

Azriel visibly flinched at that.

Growling at his high lord, Cassian stormed up to Rhysand, snarling in his face.

“Azriel might be the only chance your sister has to survive this! And you are willing to throw that away because you don’t trust him anymore?” Rhysand snapped back, “I am not putting my sister’s life in his hands, not again!”

“She’s my sister too!” Cassian screamed.

Rhysand faltered at Cassian’s words.

“You weren’t there the first time this happened, you weren’t there when I found her, bloodied in the snow, when they tried to kill her when she was 15 because she was causing too much trouble in illyrian camps,” Cassian sobbed, “You may have been her real brother but when you were trying to be High Lord, she was trying to survive without a family! I was her family!” Cassian begun pacing himself now.

“You weren’t there when she got her first crush, when I taught her how to throw a real punch, when I taught her how to fly when she was 10 because her father deemed her unworthy to learn and her mother could not teach her!” Cassian looked Rhysand dead in the eyes.

“She was my sister too, and with all my heart I believe that Azriel is her best shot.”

Hesitating, Rhysand looked between Cassian and Azriel, before nodding slowly.

“Fine.”

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

Sitting beside her bed, Azriel grasped his mates hand for what seemed to be the last time. No. Not the last. He would not allow it to be. Regardless of the cost, Azriel would bring her home.

Hundreds of possibilities ran through his head as he gazed at her sleeping face. She looked like she was sleeping, but it was…wrong. Her head was not in an awkward position for him to adjust, she did not stir ever so slightly in his presence to greet him with a soft whimper that he was breathing too loud. She looked like she was sleeping, but in his bones he knew she was not.

Squeezing her hand one more time, he turned as the door open, allowing Rhysand, Madja and Cassian to walk in.

“Nesta will handle all the training today, Feyre promised to continue overseeing all diplomatic and court duties, we’re all set.” Rhysand explained.

Nodding his head, Azriel set his eyes on the wooden floors as he took a deep breathe, closing his eyes as he let the familiar tendrils of magic curl around his mind. He would bring you home.

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

He felt as if he had been walking for hours, his soul on the brink of collapse. The heavy weight on his ever preset body, as he kept going forward into the darkness.

There was no light in this place.

Even as he fell to his knees, he crawled, only one person on his mind. But where was she? Where was he?

He could only keep crawling, moving, doing anything but stopping. And even as the ground seemed to swallow him whole, he did nothing.

Maybe he deserved this.

Maybe he needed this.

Pain screamed at him from ever direction, the darkness raging.

Yes.

He deserves this.

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

Waking up with a start, Azriel sat up as he looked around him, his memory hazy as he tried to recall the last thing.

Right in from of him was the Sidra, its water currents moving as he stared at the river, looking around for signs of anything else. However, the atmosphere was eerily quiet. Velrais, was empty.

Standing to his feet, he let out a shaky swear before taking a moment to stretch all his limbs. This was….Y/N’s dreamscape, her subconsciousness.

But where was she?

Wading through the streets of Velaris, he silently took note of how everything was the same, except there were no people. He could hear the sounds of a bustling city, but it was as if they were whispers of wind, taunting him of a world that was currently not real.

“Y/N?” He called out. If this was her dreamscape, surely she could hear him. That’s when an idea struck him. Grappling for the tendril in his soul, he almost shook with relief when a gold thread appeared in front of him, and he looked to where it led, his heart almost dropping.

Her favourite bakery.

Of course.

Entering the small shop, he saw his starlight in the corner of the bakery, curled up against the plush bright seats, a croissant in one hand and a book in the other.

“My love,” He whispered.

Looking up, your eyes widened as you dropped the book, your mouth agape as you took in the male before you.

“What are you doing here?” You demanded. Your heart palpitated in your chest as you stared at him. He was not supposed to be here. You were supposed to be either waiting for your impending death so your soul could travel to the next life, or wait for Madja to save you.

He just stared at you.

Stared at you, speechless, as he looked over you as if he could not believe you were in front of him.

“I won’t repeat myself!” You yelled.

“Sweetheart, I-“ He started but you flinched away when we tried to walk towards you.

Feeling his heart shattering, he just looked at you helplessly, he wanted to tell you that it was alright, that it was safe, but how could he when he has been the cause of your pains?

“I just came to explain, we found a way to enter your subconsciousness and I came, I needed to explain, I need you to understand-“ “Understand what?” You scoffed, “That my mate, cheated on me?” He shook his head stepping towards you, even as you tried to claw at him to escape, to leave, to do anything but look at him.

You struggled as he grasped your wrists, tried to kick at him, but he would let you hurt him if you just listened.

Even as you calmed, giving in to the fact that he was physically stronger that you, you spoke, “Loyalty, equality, eternal and forever,” You recalled the promises he had made you, “Who would have known the spymaster’s ‘forever’ really meant ‘until there is better’?” You wanted to laugh, laugh at yourself for how foolish you were, cry at how much it hurt to think of how he had broken our trust, scream at how you had hidden your pain to save HIM and now you were the one suffering.

“You are a joke, Azriel, a liar and a joke.”

“Please listen to me,” He breathed, “Please just let me explain.”

“Explain what!? Was she better, prettier, more compliant? Is that it? You couldn’t take the heat of someone so strong headed anymore, right? Too many opinions, too much energy, just too much right? Do you think I haven’t suffered enough? Why are you still here to torment me? Do you think I did not spend enough time agonising over how you loved her more than me!?”

“I was drugged!” He exclaimed.

Silence.

As the words sank in, as your eyes widened and you finally, finally looked him in the eyes.

“I was drugged,” He repeated, “Elain had started sneaking in aphrodisiacs into my tea when I first started accompanying her to help her adjust. I never noticed, I only realised there were blocks of time I could not recall here and there, that everything seemed hazy, but I couldn’t stop it. It was sheer luck that Cassian noticed when Elain was trying to give me the daily dose of it.”

You wanted it to be true. More than anything you wanted what he said to be true. Because that would mean he never stopped loving you, that all the times of thinking you were less than, it meant that you had been wrong.

But you could not.

You refused to give your trust away to him again, because more than anything you knew he held your heart in his hands even now. Instead of delighting in that fact like you used to when you were happy, now you were terrified.

Your life hung in the balance.

And you had to choose yourself.

“Go back, Azriel,” You sighed, “Tell Madja to just kill me, because I am…so tired,” You breathed.

“No, no, no!” Denying your request, he knelt before you, hands on your waist as he buried his face into your abdomen, as his eyes flooded with tears and he shook.

“Please,” He begged, “Please, come home, let me fix this. Please, let me love you, let me show you that there was never a doubt in my own sane mind that I love you. Please.”

The spymaster, on his knees before you. Begging.

“I can’t, Az, can’t you see?” You lifted his chin to look at you, your own tears beginning to well up and trickle down your face, “I’m dying, I’m dying and if you don’t leave this place then you’ll die to. We both know there isn’t enough time.”

“Then I’ll go with you,” Azriel murmured, “I’ll go with you and I will follow you, all the way till the end. I told you I will love you, until we are nothing but the stars travelling across the sky of Velaris, I will follow you, and I will love you.” He pulled you down, embracing you, “So don’t make me go, Starlight.”

As you breathed, in and out, in and out, as you let out a choked sob as you finally, finally let yourself embrace your mate, you let out a soft, mumbled, “Okay.”

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

A/N: I know it’s not done but I have one LAST part after this I just wanted to really really really not rush this I tried fitting it all into one last part but sadly I could not next part will be happy I promise.

The people who are crossed out are the ones I could not tag please please please tell me in the replies if you want to be tagged, series taglist will NOT be repeated across parts.

Azriel’s taglist: @kemillyfreitas @going-through-shit @chessebookgirl

Series taglist: @its-sam-allgood @skylarkalchemist @doodlebugwatkins @buttermilktea11 @lilah-asteria @loverofclones @evergreenlark @tele86 @kingdomofstarrynights @peachyxlynch @annamariereads16 @unlikely-lovers-together @div94 @saltedcoffeescotch @ccacotartoglover @crazylokonugget @tanyaherondale @gabbiskylar01 @mariahoedt @that-one-little-soybean @cat-or-kitten @hauntedstudentobservationus @thefandomplace @minaaminaa8 @amysangel @mich0731 @petersunderoos96 @sidthedollface2 @wallacewillow0773638 @annaaaaa88 @azzydaddy @the-sweet-psycho @alaia-aya @laurzwrites @michellexgriffey @st4r-girl-official @krowiathemythologynerd @anuttellaa @i-am-infinite @iwishiwasaprincess @sad-anxious-muffin @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @circe143 @deeshag @acourtofbatboydreams @randombibitch @romantasyreader28 @jojo2343-blog1 @lady-targaryens-world @nayaniasworld @chicaconfundidaycuriosa @mochibabycakes @bookisposts @moonlwghts @rcarbo1 @sunnyspycat @tee-hee135 @winnerwinnerchickendinner22