I feel like im in some sick cycle where i go to college in the fall and feel fine! Everything is new and there aren't as many pressures and I'm busy with activities and friends. But somewhere along the way i stop taking my meds. I stop hanging out with my friends. I keep smoking more and more and it does help but it makes people think of me differently.
I got told normally i smell like 🍃and while i am a smoker, it kinda hurt my feelings. I try really hard not to smell bad and to know its all wasted and that's how people see me, as a mentally ill useless piece of garbage who is wasting their money and time at college because im a smoker.
And now that im on break and out of 🍃 i cant deal. I havent been taking my meds because they make me throw up because i haven't been taking them and it just hurts to know this happens every year. I can make as many promises and action plans as i want, it never works.
God i just want it to work.