the lion is concerning himself

20, 3rd year chem major

[ellipicity]

Hello! In an attempt to both romanticize college life and have a record of the many trials and tribulations I face on a daily basis I decided to start a blog. I am currently a junior at a small liberal arts college majoring in chem and minoring in psych!

I will post about studying and exams, chemistry research, food, and whatever my hyperfixation currently is. I have adhd and will also talk about that a lot! Feel free to send asks; I will try to reply!

[reagentry]

Pro tip: if you put googly eyes on your lab equipment your work environment will be more whimsical. However, be warned: you’ll feel a lot more guilty swearing at the HPLC when it’s staring back at you looking all innocent and sweet.

[ellipicity]

I'm not going to lie I never really understood chemical/biologic companies advertising with merchandise...but ambeed is rebranding their mascot to two anime bees(????) AND they're doing BLIND BOXES!!! WITH EVERY ORDER!! IN JANUARY AND FEBRUARY!!

I'm going to double check if we need anything from Ambeed next semester...

[erbiumspectrum]

18 November 2025

This week's catalysis lab was much more enjoyable than the last. Maybe I just really hate working with water baths. Heating mantles for the win! Somebody else was synthesizing a cyclopentadienyl complex though and the whole lab reeked. I'll be happy to see my manual skills improve, but synthesis will never be my favorite thing to do. Aqueous solutions my beloved <333

[arctangram]

I do not "subscribe to journals", I do not "access through my institution". I paste the DOI into Sci-Hub, and if it's not in the database, I KILL MYSELF

[justanamartins]

It flopped on Twitter, but I love her cute face

(Now she has a name, Midnight Sonata! she is Coliflea's OC from twitter too)

[ellipicity]

11/22/25 its so over i'm having dreams about thermodynamic equations of state

I tried. I tried to be one of those people who types only in lowercase. It's so aesthetically pleasing and has unconsciously become a signifier that a post was made by someone who is not pushing 40 (which is not a bad thing obviously, but still). HOWEVER, IT IS NOT WHO I AM AND I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF DO IT!!!!!!! IN FACT, I LOVE TYPING IN ALL CAPS WHENEVER I FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING!!! AND I LOVE USING EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!! I am so sorry for using a Homestuck metaphor but on a spectrum of John to Karkat my thoughts sound closer to Karkat. What a beautiful sentence I just typed and posted to Tumblr.com for the world to see! It's like I'm 15 again...

I also think that this blog seems slightly too serious...so I may start talking about my other interests besides academics. But honestly academics are my main interest and hobby besides reading fanfiction.

This coming week is short because of Thanksgiving, but I still have a lot to do and think about because when is that not the case (yapping under the cut because I LOVE BIG BLOCKS OF TEXT!!!!!!!)

For multi: I am extremely bad at both going to bed and waking up on time, I usually operate on less than 6 hours of sleep a night during the week and catch up on the weekend. Yes this is bad. I am basically unable to function if I get less than 4 hours, but I can make it through the day on stimulants and prayer if needed and then crash the following day. I did that on Thursday, crashed yesterday, and slept through class. We learned Green's theorem and flux integrals, so I need to teach myself that. For the pset due Sunday I need to relearn line integrals and whatever a gradient vector field is lol... can you tell i pass/failed this class

For p-chem there is a quiz right before Thanksgiving (chemical equilibrium) that has been genuinely haunting me for like a week; I don't know why either but I'm taking it as a premonition and preparing accordingly. I also need to read the kinetic theory of gases chapter in my textbook which I am so excited for 😊 (i am lying) and finish up a presentation and record myself giving it by tomorrow for peer review 😢

For anth I need to watch a movie and do a discussion post by next Tuesday, but more importantly I need to finish a first read of the book I picked to write about on my final (which will be 1-2 in person essay questions, open note/laptop). My prof said that she's going to make the final harder than last year, so lucky me. I like that I'll be able to type and look at course material online, but she said not to use AI, and while I absolutely wouldn't and never do, I feel like everyone is just going to chatGPT it? Like is anything preventing that? I don't know what her logic was but I'm happy about it!

For dance we have a reflection paper due at the end of the semester which I am ignoring. With the dance paper that was just due I procrastinated it so hard I had to get an extension, and then I procrastinated the extension and handed it in 30 seconds after the deadline. That is not happening again!

For research I need to run like 6 reactions because I have been a HUGE BUM this week and want to have stuff to analyze for both my research check-in early next week and Thanksgiving break. That is a lot, but since I'm doing a bunch of very similar screenings at the same temperature it should be pretty straightforward...I'm still not looking forward to it. The thiol starting material haunts me....

In other important news I have realized I have more work than I thought. I usually do these posts because I genuinely do not conceptualize how busy I am until I write it down...

Side p-chem note I'm also going to try to supplement the mandatory textbook reading with some Simon and McQuarrie! My prof assigned a chapter last week and while I knew that people loved that textbook, I didn't realize how good it was. I do actually own a copy but it's at home, so I borrowed it from the science library. I'll need to make sure to do my mandatory reading first though because (say it with me) "academic side quests are still side quests and must be destroyed on sight if interfering with real assignments." There is no love and joy in Ba Sing Se.

[ellipicity]

Hey, don't know if it's any help but single crystal structure probably means X-ray diffraction. If you've done powder diffraction it's a similar technique. Basically it bounces X-rays off the electron clouds and records the reflections. Intensity correlates to num electrons and position corresponds to a,b,c axis. Then you get a computer to solve the structure for you. Sorry if I'm just telling you stuff you already know

Wait, this makes so much sense!! I learned about x-ray crystallography in both e&m and biochem, but because we only talked about it in the context of protein crystals it never occurred to me that you could use x-ray diffraction on....other stuff. Thank you lol 😂😂

I love it when I realize that something I learned about in class can actually be applied to my research!! I haven't done powder diffraction or anything, but I'll probably explore more kinds of characterization techniques next semester. The HPLC still scares me though....

[saggyhorse]

[stupid-twink-girl]

all my homies hate oganessum

[deityoftheuniverse]

what am i even doing with my life

[ellipicity]

11/17 what i have to do this week

isn't it crazy that it's almost thanksgiving? the worst part about the fall semester is knowing that after spending a wonderful time with my loved ones, i won't be at peace for a single moment of the following month...

For research lab:

analyze the NMRs that I've had open on my computer unsaved for three days because i don't want to think that hard

reinterpret the NMR for my reference material because i can't meet with my PI again for the third time in a row and disappoint her with my subpar observations lol. i can tell i'm not critically thinking enough about my data and i need to genuinely get better at that

run at least one new reaction. i need to push my existing reaction to completion by either running it for longer or adding more of our exchanging nucleophile (the dreaded p-thiocresol)

my PI also mentioned using a single crystal structure to characterize my product, but i don't know what the fuck that means so i need to learn before she brings it up again

For classes:

i have a dance paper due tomorrow (random as hell) but it'll take me 2 hrs max

finish my physical chemistry homework; we're doing mixtures of ideal gases and since I missed one of my lectures last week I'm a little lost. i have a conceptual handle on what's going on, but my weak point is the computational problems, so I'm going to try to work out some of the algebra on a hw problem before going to office hours tomorrow. we have a quiz on this material next tuesday, so i need to get my act together before i get fried.

multivariable pset is due next sunday but I'm trying to finish it by friday every week

i have to make meaningful progress on The Mushroom at the End of the World by Anna Tsing for my anth class. I'm really enjoying it but I absolutely will leave it until the last minute if i don't force myself to start it now lol

in other news, i didn't do as badly on my p-chem lab exam as i thought i did! i got the average, which is worse performance than last lab exam but definitely the grade i deserved. i think that my math midterm went pretty shit, but i'll find out for certain this week.

i have other errand type stuff to do for work and for some clubs i run, but that's really boring and i don't want to think about it so i won't. i love having free will

[erbiumspectrum]

This was revealed to me last night as I was falling asleep and I decided I needed to inflict this on you guys as well

[ellipicity]

11/12/25 actual academic updates 💉🧪💉🧪

as i alluded to in my intro, i work in an organic synthesis lab!

i always feel like i'm doing a lot and doing absolutely nothing at the same time, which makes me get extremely paranoid that i am not performing as well as my peers. but i have learned through the ether that this is just the default psychological state research puts everyone in. somehow that does not make me feel better!

earlier in the week i didn't get much done, but i ran two reactions recently! one of my reactions turned piss yellow (terrible omen) and of course that was the one that didn't work, but the other one showed really promising results! i also had to do something quick in gaussian to confirm that i indeed cannot run any spacial 2D NMR to fix one of the characterization problems we're running into :(

also i hate thiols

the thiophenol looking at me as i grab the bleach spray bottle for the sixth time today because one singular crumb of it escaped while i was trying to weigh some out and now the entire lab smells like burning tires

Also sorry for being a bit MIA! I have so much to say about school but I get so busy I genuinely forget to post....and tumblr posts take SO long to make!

[ellipicity]

Next semester schedules came out and this is pretty bad!

I still have to add one more random course (I'm doing a B.A. in chem with a psych minor so I only need to take 4 classes/semester to graduate). But even though I don't have any labs (besides 6-10 hrs a week of research) this is like my exact nightmare schedule!

I am genuinely incapable of getting up at 8:30 because I have a hard time both going to sleep AND getting up, and three hour classes once a week were designed in a lab to make me go crazy. If I can I design my schedule to work the best with my (lowkey fucked) natural sleep schedule and focus tolerance I do a lot better in my classes, but I guess we will adapt and overcome!??! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[ellipicity]

IT LITERALLY GOT 1000x WORSE 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

so now that i'm a junior i can actually start taking whatever i want in whatever order i want to finish my chem degree, but there are like no upper level chem classes being offered because there are like no chem majors lol

so the biophysics seminar i wanted to take, which WAS on thursday, was literally moved because it conflicted with like. the other upper level chem course. so now i have an 8:30 and TWO THREE HOUR SEMINARS! ON THE SAME DAY! AND THE REST OF MY WEEK IS EMPTY?

i know you're probably like "what is bro yapping about it's not that bad" I'M NEVER GOING TO GET ANYTHING DONE EVER AGAIN!!! i am a procrastinator by nature and need motivation to actually do stuff like reading...that motivation is usually having to show up to class because otherwise in my mind i will be publicly shamed by my professor and classmates (this is very effective)

BUT this does not work when you have all of your classes on the same day AND they are seminars because i cannot read more than three papers a day without my brain turning into the pink slime they put into hot dogs

omg develop time management skills challenge🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥!!! i am so excited!!!

[ellipicity]

Next semester schedules came out and this is pretty bad!

I still have to add one more random course (I'm doing a B.A. in chem with a psych minor so I only need to take 4 classes/semester to graduate). But even though I don't have any labs (besides 6-10 hrs a week of research) this is like my exact nightmare schedule!

I am genuinely incapable of getting up at 8:30 because I have a hard time both going to sleep AND getting up, and three hour classes once a week were designed in a lab to make me go crazy. If I can I design my schedule to work the best with my (lowkey fucked) natural sleep schedule and focus tolerance I do a lot better in my classes, but I guess we will adapt and overcome!??! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[ellipicity]

Before college, hyperfixations got me through everything. The sheer amount of dopamine that comes from having an active one was be enough to get me up in the morning, and it gave me something to always look forward to. (Of course until it would disappear overnight and leave me with the hollow feeling that people with ADHD know way too well).

As soon as I started my freshman year, I realized that I didn't have enough time in the day to even have hyperfixations, let alone engage with them. I have to avoid getting too invested into any media that I like just to give myself a fighting chance at actually doing work. I can't have social media on my phone either (at least not for an extended period of time), which was the main way I found new hyperfixations or saw people talking about them.

For me, life without a hyperfixation feels a bit empty. I rely on completing tasks to get little hits of dopamine, which leads to this drive to be extremely productive just to feel something. But it really isn't the same. In the last two weeks I've been working nonstop, but it feels like I'm microdosing the joy and pleasure I had before I came to college through that work. And the real thing will always be just out of reach.

I hope that in the next few weeks I can try to find a little more of a balance between abstaining from my interests and making my whole existence about them. I know that an in-between exists, but it's (historically) been hard for me to find.