lets play pretend.

Ellye, 19 and socially awkward, from England, UK.

[saying]

[bled]

[syflove]

[blvssvm27]

[ellye01]

"Have you seen the news?"

Two weeks ago I woke up to a string of words that you don’t want to hear in a sentence too often; “Have you seen the news? He’s dead”. He was 21, he was our friend. So yesterday I attended the first funereal that I’ve been to in my 20’s for a man the same age as me who should have not died so soon. It really put life into perspective, seeing everyone come together and put their differences aside for the evening to celebrate his life. It’s true, you should make the most of the now because you really never know what is around the corner. I hope you have the best kind of next life Ste.

[angelbesa]

[sunlightcore]

Reflection II

[cwote]

[flordecalifa]

[gorgously]

[thoughts-memories]

[sootkin]

[streetkillaz]

Via: streetkillaz

[strawberrylemonadexo]

[recovering-meg]

Everyone always said it’s going to get better.

And you know what?

They were right.

[ellye01]

Dear My Beautiful Little Human

I know it's been a while since you have seen Daddy, I am beyond sorry for this. The trouble is that things are really difficult right now. Your mum and I don't get along very well at the moment and that is making it impossible to see you. I would give anything to see you for a minute, I would give anything to know that you're doing okay. I dread to think what thoughts are going around your little head at the moment. We've surely passed the amount of days you would imagine daddy could be at work for; how important could my new job be for me to never come home. I think about you every day, there's not a second that passes that you are not in my thoughts - you have to brave and strong, just like I taught you. Nothing in my life has ever felt this difficult; the pain is indescribable. Breakups are difficult yes but having a stepchild torn away from you is a pain like no other. Grieving someone who is still alive. Bursting out into tears in the middle of the day because I've thought about something funny you once said or crying myself to sleep because it's another night that's passed where I can't tell you I love you and wish you sweet dreams. The pain makes me physically sick and I can only imagine that it's the same for you; not knowing what's going on. At first I may not have been the perfect parental figure, I was 19 years old and I didn't have a clue but this little human was so young and soon enough everything started to come a bit more naturally to me. Your needs and wants came first. You were adorable and so clever. I invested almost 2 years as the second parent in your life and it was a blessing; helping you grow and learn and become the wonderful little human being you are now. All I wish is that I could continue to have this impact for the rest of your life but that's not looking like a very likely scenario. I knew the relationship was over, there was no coming back from it this time - a child shouldn't have to see their parents fight, I knew the best thing I could do to shield you from that was to leave but in the process of leaving I have also lost you. You are so intelligent, I believe somewhere deep down that you understand why I'm not around anymore; you are the smartest 3 year old I know. I cut contact with your mum so the pair of you could get back on your feet, so you could become a strong duo and maybe then I'd be allowed back into your life. There's not a day that goes past where I don't think about you; think about how I've let you down, worry about you or wish you were old enough to understand. All I ever wanted was to have a positive impact on your life. I need you to know that you have not been abandoned, none of this is your fault - you are just stuck in the middle of something that is out of both of our control. I will always be waiting for the day that we can be reunited; I will never give up hope. You will forever be my daughter.

[motivationsforlife]

by Maya Sophie Segerlund