doodles & rants

Drawing without a preconceived idea of an image, a composition or any idea at all, of what the end product might be. The constraints of these doodles is only the pen and paper and their inspiration is the pure complexity of life's events.  

[elmonolav]

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[elmonolav]

.. Headache, go away. Never return for another day.

[elmonolav]

Lost, in the vast universe of my thoughts.

[elmonolav]

My butt is constantly on fire because of people who are paid to do nothing, but press the panic buttons all day long...

[elmonolav]

Everybody is a slave to routine, it is up to you to make your routine worth slogging for. #D161

[elmonolav]

"Tomorrow, you promise yourself, things will be different, yet, tomorrow is too often a repetition of today. And you disappoint yourself again and again."

[elmonolav]

D159. Feli’s little monster says goodbye to 2017. May the baddies be gone and goodies persevere. Hello 2018!!

[elmonolav]

One moment excited, elated. Another moment deflated, dejected. I suck.

[elmonolav]

My words are a menace. I am a menace.

[elmonolav]

"Oh silly," lectures the Beast. "If you see your future as pitch black, how is it possible for you to be in someone else's." Shrinking into the non-judgemental black, the right to fight, conceded.

[elmonolav]

From heaven to hell is a fast, frightful fall. A momentary "Oof" sets one aloof, an elongated "Argh" accompanies the downward journey, a bump and the prickling ache seems to never want to go away. The icy bottom sends chills to the spine. The rough walls rises menacing up to infinity. All is still, but the spasmodical heaving. All is quiet but the repeatitive splashes into the salty pool.

[elmonolav]

Sometimes, Really, I dont know.

I dont know, Is not a mere placatory reply. Sometimes, It is an unsatisfactory conclusion to endless self interrogations,  Questioning, still questioning.

I dont know, Is not only a stubborn refusal to think. Sometimes,  It is the state of being lost in the lybrinth of thoughts,  Unable to take another step forward.

I dont know, Is not a childish defiance. Sometimes,  It is a sign of the white flag, Ready to give up the struggle.

I dont know, Is not just that. Sometimes,  Within the quiet darkness lies a silent cry for help, To switch the light back on.

I dont know, Is just that, Sometimes. When the right feels so wrong at the same instance, And the black and white merge into an indistinguishable, melancholic grey.

I dont know, really. Sometimes.

[elmonolav]

Overwhelming... Feels like 3 years' worth of happenings had decided to squeeze itself into 2016. With grey matter and every emotion stretched to its limit, fast and furious 2016 is screeching to a halt. Forgive if you will... The little struggles, the little upsets and the uninvited intrusions of somewhat negative presence. Always thankful... For the smallest things that binds one to life. Cheers to the hellos and good byes, may we stop ourselves from judging but instead ride the tide of fate and do the best we can with the indefinite time we have. End of 2016... Finds me a little tiredly sore with bruises but surrounded by lingering, comforting warmth. Bye 2016... The new year is already looming like an uphill task. Armed with not much confidence but with a basket-full of foolish faith that there will always be goodness to be found. Hey 2017, pray be kind.

[elmonolav]

Enter cautiously, Into the melancholy grey. The montonous swirls conceal deceptively, the raging red, the brooding blue and the multiple clashing colors. Rummage at your own risk, Through the incomprehensible mess. Stories have volumes misplaced, torn into pieces and some burnt to unrecognisable crisp. Look away, From the absurd composition of despair and resolution. Gore and confetti feature interchangeably. Hold your breath, At the lingering pungent scent. The whiff of desire comes and goes so quickly, you almost miss its fleeting presence. Steel your heart, For it might suffer a little. There can be nothing but destruction in its wake. Forgive, And forget the self centered being. When fate assents, it will be back to blank.

[elmonolav]

A little apple, A random kind gaze, A tiny acknowledging nod, A knowing smile. The flurry exchange of texts, The flash of emoticons, The ear breaking naggings, The little question, "are you alright?" The little things keep me here.

[elmonolav]

Oh shapeshifter, you reveal yourself in the most unexpected fashion.  "You reign in cowardice!", you broke the peace. "You contribute only malice!", i growled. In the fleeting moments of your presence, the war between you and i, rages once again.

In fear of your exploding anger punching the insides raw. In disdain of your arrogance taking a swim in grey matter, dislodging all forms of logic. In dismay of your bitterness sucking the soul dry. In resignation of your hatred carving venom into the heart.

"You can always snuff me out", you snarled. "And you can always just take over", i sighed. But you know you will self-destruct when you rule and i know i am nothing but an emotionless shell without you. You and i, makes me.

In the little time that you hold me hostage, I pray that you treat the ones we love in kindness.

[elmonolav]

I need a break, From the restless sparkles of synapse connections, lighting up in flickering brightness. The sleeping beast groaning awake, squinting.

I need a break, From the thoughts reverberating in high pitch screeches. It wanders out from its secluded darkness, eyeing the surroundings in disdain.

I need a break, From the weight of expectations, forcing cracks out of the deepest places. The walls crumble into rubble, releasing the prisoner, rising in a roar of defiance.

Before it takes over, Before you say good riddance, I need a break.

From me.