sweetness

Jacob Elordi. 24. Euphoria and The Kissing Booth. Aussie. [Not the real Jacob Elordi]

[elordiiz]

Syd, how have things been lately? I feel like we barely even got to see each other at the Met Gala and then things got kind of crazy when I got back to town. And by crazy I mean Netflix was calling my name and didn’t stop calling it until, well, right now. We really need to get together soon, just chill and eat a bunch of crap food and talk about life. I promise I won’t use Netflix as an excuse not to hang out anymore. We should take the dogs out together sometime too – I know Layla could use a puppy play date.

[ @sydswney​ ]

[elordiiz]

Dude, can I just say I’m so proud of you and Z. Really, truly you guys are amazing and you’re going to be great parents. Maybe this sounds like, weird but I was wondering if you wanted to go out and have like a guy’s night sometime. I feel like I haven’t really gotten a chance to get to know you but all I ever hear are good things. The bar is set pretty high here so don’t disappoint me. The more likely scenario is that I disappoint you with how lame I am. I also didn’t play SpiderMan so you also kind of have a leg up on me anyway. 

[ @tcmhclnd​ ]

[elordiiz]

I know that it’s kind of cheating to ask but I’m assuming you’re having a baby shower and I need to know what to buy. I had some really cool ideas but then Hunter reminded me that newborn babies literally don’t know how to do anything except cry and poop and that the toys I wanted to buy would probably be better enjoyed by you and Tom. Which, let’s be real, you guys are going to need some entertainment to keep yourselves sane but would you really be interested in a volcano making set? Actually, scratch that – who wouldn’t want one of those? I might even buy myself one. 

[ @zndyaclmn​ ]

[elordiiz]

zndyaclmn·:

Of course I do, she had your earwax in her ear. That’s gross. You really should’ve just bought a new pair or something but whatever. Did you manage to get it back? I feel like you did but I’m asking because I can. I mean with Tom as their dad they’re gonna end up being a pretty crazy kid so I’m just preparing for it now and enjoying what little bit of quiet I have left. Yeah, I guess. If you’re gift isn’t good enough this friendship is over. I don’t make the rules, it’s just facts of life. So bring it or don’t show up. Are you getting us a pet Elephant then? Because that’s the only way we’ll be talking about it for years.

It’s pretty gross if you really think about it, but the kid had it coming, she was old enough to know what she was doing. I got it back but... it doesn’t work anymore so I have to get a new pair anyway. Not that I was planning on sticking a spitty earbud in my ear anyway. I heard it’s twins which means double trouble! You might luck out and they’ll get some of your chill genes though – at least they can be a little bit of both of you so you’re not losing it all the time. Oh, okay, pet elephant... I’ll get right on that. I have some connections. I’ll even hire someone to build a place for it to live and everything. See? I’m doing my best here. How are you feeling though, seriously? Having any weird cravings yet? 

[elordiiz]

jnlwrnce·:

It’s like the ice cream knew what was waiting for you at home so it decided to behave. But see, Jacob…if you burned it all to the ground you wouldn’t have had to move anything. You’d just start over fresh with a new house and new things. You could have probably even bribed some people to help you place all the new things in your new house. Oh well, I guess you’ll just have to remember that for next time. Good, good. But also kinda sucks because I was really hoping to sneak in and scare you next time. So here’s hoping you’ll forget again. Oh, what did you go see?

I honestly appreciate my ice cream behaving because I might’ve had a full on breakdown otherwise. I know, I know, but that also requires like, shopping for all the stuff and there’s things I don’t want to lose and... I’m thinking a little too far into it. You’re right – next time something happens that’s inconvenient, I’m just going to set it all on fire. After I get the good stuff out. I’ve got to be honest with you – I said that and already I’ve managed to leave the door open twice this week because I’ve been so tired. You haven’t missed your chance – I don’t think you ever will because I think I’m just like this. I saw the new Batman film – I’m quite a fan of Batman in general and couldn’t pass up the opportunity. It was fantastic, though it still wasn’t the Dark Knight. Nothing will ever beat that. Have you seen it yet? Or I guess a better question is are you into stuff like Batman?

[elordiiz]

hollabackstyles·:

see, nothing bad that doesn’t have anything good come out of it. all that laugh probably let you gain like 10 more years of good life. you got a reward. i tend to try and stay on people’s good sides but remind me to be extra safe and not cross you. i can handle violence, but not pollen. that’s where my limit is. always think of it as you being special. makes life feel so much better. like a seagull crapping on you? think of how lucky you must be that it chose you out of all people on the street. then buy a lottery ticket or something. i heard bird crap means luck.

Something good always seems to come out of bad situations, at least most of the time. I think it’s kind of like karma or something – life puts you through the bad stuff and if you handle it the right way, you get some extra years or something. Don’t worry, I’m actually just a big teddy bear that would never hurt a fly or actually wish pollen storms on you. I know I just gave myself away but I can’t even pretend to be mean. Where did you hear that? I mean, honestly it doesn’t sound wrong but I don’t want a bird to shit on me either way. Happened to my aunt once, right in her cleavage. She definitely should’ve bought a lottery ticket after that...

[elordiiz]

zndyaclmn·:

I am….I don’t even know but I want to puke at the thought of a kid just throwing your airpod into her mouth. I’m really sorry that happened to her more so than I am that it happened to you, you know? I’ll probably raise my kid to be some kind of chaotic child though, maybe not airpod in the mouth crazy, but they’ll do something annoying to you every time you’re around. So don’t worry, no need to judge me. Thanks bud! And welcome to town! Excited to slowly be getting our whole cast here to cause all kinds of chaos in the future. I guess you can come to the baby shower. Just make sure your gift is the best one.

You feel sorry for the kid? Okay, I guess it is kind of gross with all the... waxy bits stuck in the ear holes. That’s nasty now that I really think about it. I should’ve just let her have them. I don’t expect anything less honestly – if that kid isn’t balls to the wall crazy, what the fuck are you and Tom even doing, Z? Like I could ever judge you anyway. Thank you – I’m glad to be here with all you crazy kids doing this thing. You guess? I thought we were friends! My feelings are really hurt right now. I’ll just have to make sure my present is going to be the one you tell everyone about for like, years and years. Like something you’ll keep around and tell your kid one day what an awesome friend I am. 

[elordiiz]

sydswney·:

So they’ll let anyone into town, hm? Were you that excited to leave home that bam, you wanted some fun visitors? This place seems safe, other than as you said pollen. Sneezing makes my life miserable. I didn’t do that much, took tank on a walk and did some decorating. Did you miss all of us ?

Ouch! You’re breaking my heart here, Syd. Maybe I was hoping I’d coming back to a bunch of people having a surprise welcome party for me but did that happen? No. Lookin’ at you, girl. Sneezing is probably one of the worst things ever. Ever since I learned your heart like, stops when you sneeze, it freaks me out. Tank! We should get Tank and Layla together sometime soon. Of course I did! Why else would I be here? Between you, Hunty and Z, I knew it was a good choice. That or I’m just a stalker. 

[elordiiz]

jnlwrnce·:

I was so excited for this story and for your day and now I’m just sad for you. Are you able to find remove the pollen from everything or are you going to burn it to the ground and start fresh? If you ask me, burning it to the ground and starting fresh might be the only solution. It’s what I would do if it had happened to me. Hopefully you’ve learned to check that all doors are closed before going out and exploring. Did you at least enjoy the ice cream and the sites before you came home to this horrible mess?

Ah, I mean, even though that happened with all the pollen, I guess I still had a good day in the end. I didn’t even drop my ice cream! I thought about the whole burning it to the ground thing, had the lighter out and everything, but then I thought about having to move all these boxes again and decided to just accept defeat. Trust me, lesson learned – you won’t catch me leaving a door open ever again. I did – I got to see the cinema which was great. I love watching movies in the theater – nothing beats that experience. 

[elordiiz]

jxdethir·:

Huh. That’s interesting-could it maybe be like a different kind of pollen or something? Or maybe it’s just because there’s so many trees and flowers around here? It would make it easier to steal things! Okay, I’ll stop, I’ll stop. Oh damn, I’m sure that she would have protected her territory. Well, keep talking-what’s her name? What kind of breed is she? I love dogs. I want to adopt a pup when I’m done with tour. Oh! The new Batman movie with Robert Pattinson? Cool! How was it? It really does take a lot out of you which is why self care is so important to me. Honestly, it makes me fall asleep. The commentator’s voices lull me to sleep and I don’t really listen to what they’re saying after a certain point if I’m super tired.

I think so – it’s like how I never got seasonal allergies in Australia but as soon as I came to the US, it was a different story. Trees and flowers are different everywhere so it can spike if you move around. Her name is Layla and she’s a golden retriever. Very much protective of her dad and her home, so no stealing. Getting a dog was one of the best things I’ve ever done – you should do it. Yeah, that’s the one – it was really good. I was a big fan of the Dark Knight and Heath Ledger’s Joker, so it was different than what I was expecting, but it still had that very noir feel that I love about Batman. Well, that’s good then! Hopefully you’re not subliminally soaking up everything. You’re either going to have a lot of therapy bills in the future or you’ll be the greatest serial killer of all time.

[elordiiz]

hollabackstyles·:

wow i’m sorry but that’s absolutely hilarious. and i say that as someone that’s allergic like hell so please don’t threaten me with trying to get it to happen to me, please. but yeah, have fun cleaning that up mate. what a welcome to town though ey? can’t say anyone else had that happen to them as they moved in so you know it makes you special.

It is pretty hilarious and I have to say, I laughed about it for like 20 minutes last night as I was wiping all that crap up. No, I’d never do that – unless you cross me, then I might wish a pollen storm on you next spring. You’ll forget I even mentioned it. I guess I prefer something going a little bit wrong than everything going right and then being bored. Cleaning it up gave me something to do at least. Does it make me special? I guess so. The pollen gods blessed me. 

[elordiiz]

nicgonez·:

Pollen is an absolute nasty when your allergic to it. I suffer with that myself so I feel your pain, bro. To get you away from pollen gate do you want come round for lunch or something? The kids will here but they adore meeting new people. Dang it, there I go again and not introducing myself! I’m Nicholas or Nick, it’s a pleasure to meet you, dude.

That it is. It sucks because this time of year is so nice but then the pollen comes and ruins the whole thing. I’m not big on kids, man, but if you ever get some time away, shoot me a message and we’ll grab something to eat sometime. Nice to meet you, Nick. I’m Jacob. 

[elordiiz]

ajdarkfae·:

Oh dear, that sounds like an absolute nightmare. Tell you what I’ll pop over and remove all traces of pollen for you as thankfully it don’t effect me. If you like I’ll bring my dogs so they can have a puppy play date? Do you need me to grab you some antihistamines as well? A couple of my kids suffer terribly with hayever so I know how miserable it can make you.

You don’t have to worry about that – I took care of it later. I wasn’t going to try and live overnight with all that yellow stuff in my house. Thank you for trying to help though, much appreciated. I didn’t always have an issue with the pollen until I moved to LA. Something different about the trees here in America, I think. 

[elordiiz]

anadxarmasxo·:

Crap, that does not sound good at all, but hey, look at the bright side you had an amazing day and nothing can take it away but in all seriousness, do you need me to go and help you out? I have pizza and beers.

That is a good way to look at it. It was a very good day. Help me out with what? I’ve already cleaned up the pollen, I couldn’t live another second like that, but thank you for the offer.

[elordiiz]

jxdethir·:

I didn’t say no! Tell me all of the things. I-oh no! I love spring and am personally not allergic to it but I know literally so many people who are! I mean, at least it was only pollen and nobody else came in through the back door? What movie did you see? I’ve been wanting to see Uncharted for so long. Your description of the town does make me excited to officially move my ass there! I have literally only seen the inside of my apartment before I left for tour. What did I do today? Well, performed and now I am doing a face mask and watching a true crime documentary on Discovery. I know, my life is super exciting.

I think I had gotten used to all the pollen in LA because it never bothered me but the trees must be different here or something. I’ve been sneezing and have watery eyes – it’s awful. I’m very glad no one came in and even if they did, all they would have seen is a bunch of unlabeled boxes and probably given up. My dog would have had a lot to say about a stranger being in her house too. They were actually showing the new Batman film and I’m a huge fan, so of course I had to go for that. I’m a little bit of a film buff. Ah, that really sucks but good luck on your tour! I would say that’s a very exciting day – I’m sure performing on stage like that takes a lot out of a person. Nothing like a little true crime to lull you into a deep slumber. I hope you aren’t prone to nightmares.

[elordiiz]

I have to tell you what happened to me on my flight here. I was sitting next to this woman and her kid because my idiot self didn’t think to fly first class for such a short flight. I had my AirPods in the cupholder and this kid takes them and before I can stop her, she sticks one in her mouth and sucks on it like its a piece of candy. And I’m telling you all this to say that if you don’t raise your kid to do stuff like that to total strangers, I’ll be judging you. And that’s your friend Jacob’s lesson on parenting. On a very serious note, congratulations to you and Tom. I love that this is happening for you guys. All I’m asking is that I at least get invited to the baby shower. 

[ @zndyaclmn​ ]

[elordiiz]

Want to hear what your boy did today? I’m going to tell you anyway even if you say no. I thought it might be a good idea to go get some ice cream and check out the town to take a break from the whole unpacking business. I found the mall and the cinema which was great and I actually watched a movie because why not? It all sounds amazing, right? And it was until I came home and realized I left the back door wide open. Now there’s a thin dusting of pollen all over my everything and I’m not very happy about it. I haven’t stopped sneezing since I walked in the door. I can write my name in this stuff. At least it looks like my dog isn’t affected by it and that’s really all I can ask for. I hope you’re all having a better Tuesday than me. What did you all get up to today? 

[ @mountmeadow​ ]