averi the fartlord

he/him 23 calarts experimental animation - @lychenthropy on insta & utube i want to use tumble again so revamping this to be my wutever blog!! rn a mix of things, but trying more to let it grow like a mold or a moss. probably in a liek life blog kinda journal diary direction. learning to be casual and overshare on the internet like the rest of you people

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i need to go to an Event so badly before i leave town bur the only one i know of IS THE DAY AND TIMEI FLY OUT OF THE AIRPORT!!!!!! FAWWWWK!!!!!!!!!!!

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ate a vegstable todays and yesteyrdays😁

saw friends

quit my job

saw fun things at antique mall yesterdays

rearranging my room

lovinhg furry commissions<3333

fings arw looking so up <3 <3nevur kill yourself

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mood board of the last week or so

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been on a weird streak of having somewhat nightmares, which isn't out of the ordinary for me, but these have been ones that have pushed into the waking world in new and abnormal ways

a lot of the subject matter has been stuff like drugging and loss of autonomy and a general distorted and subdued state of consciousness. which honestly has been a fitting and fine mindset to like be willing to extend fantasy for and sink into working 8hr retail shifts a day lol.

in addition to that u know the feeling when you eat a sugary thing before bed and u can tell it's the root of your brain going on this overactive and strange spiral? i've been having that sensation drift into wakefulness- sweets have been making my mouth sort of burn wuth it's sugar and especially artificial flavorings, something that occasionally pops up in a handful of candies and other products, but in the way where it feels like especially palpable and extenuated by this psychological circumstance. It means something it's intentional and border on this artificial trigger. I feel myself sort of spamming them at my job to be willed back into dipping my toes into this mindset for whatever which reason of somehow resonating with its themes and coaxing anything to make time glaze faster. some sort of pull at an elusive dark bubbling under the surface speaking to a greater Theme. I have a glimpse of and somewhat can say what it's speaking to, but because of the way it's manifested, it hints to another picture that's hiding itself or being obscured. I think it's something i want to research further and could be interesting ground for a project or like just my own weird spoils from introspection. but it's been lingering after i go home and like pervading the room especially before i do go bed where nothing has been able to fully break me out of feeling this underlying consequence of a heavy coat of being a bit Scared.

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i guess i can also just post pictures of the outfit it was warm as fuck in there

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layers of outfit i wore to historic leather bar’s critter night and first layer of fit for pool party i got snubbed on cuz i didn’t buy ticket on time and then i guess i probably would have recycled for this other event last weekend i had to skip on and another pool party this upcoming weekend i have to skip on because i have work💔and can't afford a ticket tbh so like it's fine..

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What type of guy are you into? You said bear, but that can be a bit of a vague term.

whos asking.....👀

ummm i dunno like i feel aside being very catered towards masculinity i'm fairly open to the world- but i for sure have a soft spot for the sort of same-sex yaoi sexual dimorphism things so guys who are notably bigger than me in any most regards i must say i am a fan of LOL ٩( 'ω' )و bonus points if crossovers into any of subcultures/niche communities i am a part of like especially furry and such so i thinks, like the animal thing in very core to me and my self identity and expression so i would wanna be with somebody who harmonizes with that in some sorta way. like goes a step above just humoring me, like theres someone sort of understanding or openness or relateability there. or humors me WELLLLLL. LOL . but i dunno, i like having a lot in common with somebody so differences feel very novel. like- in a very gimmicky way with the yaoi dimorphism, WHICH is why it only works in homosexual scenarios, its novel you both are the same thing but that same thing can look so different- but when straight ppl do it it's like oh ur different species...wtf do you even have in common with one another this is just purely perverted and gross(though always a few exemptions). Or like on personal grounds differences that are fun to explore. I like having similar ways of approaching the world, similarly shaped magnifying glasses and stethoscopes and enjoying talking about our discoveries and how they may differ and also lalala having being be silly and fun. opposed to like LARGE gaps in personality or world approach or whole life factors overall. like thats a huuuuuuge turn off and why i mainly look in subculture environments when trying to foster new friendships or connections since that base level will be typically hypothetically already a little bit off the ground.

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so excited to go to summer camp and get a variety of very variety and delicious foods cooked to me so i can absorb a vaster variety of vitamins and other stimulating nutrients beyond my rotisserie chicken and pb&j autistic maxxing diet rn

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ok getting excited about this dawg man......:3 excuse the roommates watching obsession in the bg sounds lol

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theres this weird dog in my room lately...

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im going to join kitchen incels soon

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lunch today. plain mircrowave brown rice and rotisserie chicken thats been in my fridge long enough to have a funk around it. feeling despair at the incurable distance between myself and those i want to be acknowledged as and by

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im going to join kitchen incels soon

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getting constantly mistaken for a 17 yr old at work and lesbian in my community spaces is NEW and having large negative consequences on my self image that are expanding and making me feel insecure and self concious in all any environments however i cannot think of necessarily a way to fix this and that makes me feel bad and hopeless and doomed right now currently. Can a 23 year old not be of a small stature and androgynous and excitable and get his fucking derp on. i'm like fine and happy with those things about myself and hypothetically thought they made me like cute and charming Under the social category of just Plain a Man which is what I have been Forever without any caveats tied onto that. however to be assumed to be part of the demographic of my peers is something i value a lot as that seems like the only route to form new legitimate friendships or equal level same page and phase of life social bonds and so horribly and developmentally fitting those are the ones i'm interested in right now.

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pet peeve. does it piss anyone else off that ALLLLL of the time the ONLY way i see top surgery scars being drawn these days is as these crazy spikey dangonrompa eyelashes. like we all have scar variation sure, but me and the majority of other people i know and have seen, its like. LITERALLY a fucking line dude. like obviously obviously variation and if anything maybe danoneompa eyelash style is referencing like stretched scars but it's more so this weird echo chamber of online artists started doing it because maybe someone was originally referencing stretched scars or thought the stitches would leave visual impact when they really don't and then it became i swear to god the ONLY way on how to do it. if those lines aren't enourmous and spikey---- how will we know youre trans???!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!????!!!??? if its not HUUUUUUGE and OBVIOUS and SPELLING IT OUT WITH MASSIVE FLASHY MULTIPLE INCH LONG SPIKES in MY FACE!!!!!!!! i swear to god like it makes me feel like people have never looked up a photo of people with top surgury. i guess it's like a flagging signal at this point but i find it frustrating it's so detached from reality and it also doesn't allow for the real subtlety of kind of ambiguity of sometimes like blending in with cisgender populations as a LOT of scars fade or get kind of obscured by hair or whatever. theres a lot of people i know i've to stare REEEEEEEEALLY hard at IN DECENT LIGHTING to notice their scars. like that FAR outweighs the population ive seen irl who have very visible scaring. and i be in a lot of transgender situations.

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figuring out new plain generic-core truesona teype fursona shieeeet.... very very light blonde red fox ^__^ maybe a splash of coyote hybrid in there still

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i feel like i radiate fag in my day to day life and have passed as a dude for forever now cis to the eyes of large handfuls of people just look like i have androgynous style inclinations thusly i MUST ASSUME casting me to be a Clear Faghot. to THE MAJORITY of the world. even if i feel living in california and relaxing to Maximum Faghotude has made me more clocky-- imo in the transmasc way. but more often it's more like i think people are trying to be polite and leave room for me maybe being cissexual non-binary . when i am in normal cisworld spaces like the classic oh pronouns haha i ask everybody oh he/him phew ok lolllll yea this woke shit is crazyyyyyy i just use the girl ones.

however when im in alternative or queer spaces SOMETHING additional must be up because i am so heavily out scaled in SO predominantly women are the only ones who show any interest or incentive to flirt with me. like the being raised by lesbians instilled some like lesbian casting aura around me somehow and itz turned into some sort of curse as i am in a phase in my life where i am ex-bisexual and am A Man for forever now and like that clicks most of everywhere else pretty much And Currently im really only intrested in Men but the Men will not talk to Me. Like am i being read as like a trans some sort of lesbian here because my androgynous swag is too plentiful and whaetever.???? and then i've had my handful of non-binary leaning trans mascs thay have only switched to shown interest in me once in some way or another when i also out myself as being trans when THEY presumed me to be cis and did not gaf when i was just some cis andryogine faggot. Which T4T is safer and very beautiful and ethereal yea yea opens people up more and most the women here have also been trans and blah blah blah increases attraction and understanding and ive been there vedy much before in my own regard, to extents where it's just like. im curious of what it feels to take a break from that for something new. maybe the break would just get me to go back to T4T with even more dedicated zeal and like Damn this is really the only truth and gospel. it is just funny also in itself that i need to read as some sort of trans or bian in these spaces to get any attention and i love to befriend these people and enjoy conversation very very much like i click so much easier with them beyond anyone else and i value that social ease of connection in anyone i would be intrested in BUT it just makes me feel very flopcore and hopeless that the demographic im interested in like NEVER is interested in me. like that never happens. even conversationally speaking im like invisible it borderline feels

like what about me is like lady magnet......theres also the occasional person who thinks i am a cis straight man whos just artsy LIKE HUH?????????? HMMM????. so. like.............how does one fix this?.....?! i guess the girls and the transy faghots love a pathetic sort of alternative androgynous twink and are more open to that phenotype maybe or whatever.........?????? from reading their yaois and their mangas and going kyaaa and loving it. and the gay men i would be interested in are usually like bara for bara?????? bear for bear?????? or something or maybe??????? i suppose???????? like is nobody open for the yaoi sexual dimorphism anymore these days????????? and i like my self presentation and identity so im like not going to change myself to have better "chances" with somebody else it's just funny this odd corner ive unexpectedly found it situating myself in.

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shieeeet u know it's getting funky when i go back to tumblr blog posting lol all considering though i feel as though navigating my emotions in something deeply tied to the way i approach art so a window to that is a window to relevant processes of how i navigate this thing that is my life's mission of living. and maybe has the potential resonate with someone else maybe sometime but is still effective in serving personal function of if it remains a call to the void. nevertheless i laaaaoive hearing sharing processes and giving behind da scenes in terms of execution and fabrication is a ton of fun but psychologically i think is the most relevant in making an artwork that has the potential to effect people. and das my favorite kind of thing